Okay, hold on, hold on.
Nice.
Rasmussen!
- Hey, Tom. - Hi.
- Just put it there. - Okay.
So it's election eve,
and guess what Father Sexmas has brought you?
Why, hot fresh polling.
Yeah. Jimenez up by four.
Jesus. How are you gonna play?
I guess, I don't know.
Amplify to gin up our maniacs or deny, shit on and bury, I guess.
- Matsson. - What does he want?
He thinks the Living Plus stock bump is fading
and he wants to know what my brothers have cooking.
- Is he coming? - To the party? No.
No, he doesn't want to swim around
my dad's "bullshit pre-election brain dead AOL-era legacy media"
"putrid stuffed-mushroom fuck fest".
I thought it was gonna be fun.
So this is just a little party prezzie for being such a hot piece of ass.
- Thank you. - Such a foxy little minx.
And just to say that I'm really glad that we're hosting this party together.
And we can say to people that we had a little break
and then we're back.
Yeah, I like that.
- What? - Yeah.
A scorpion.
- Because? - Because it's funny.
Because why?
Because it's like, it's a joke.
Who's the scorpion?
You, I guess.
But it's just silly, honey. It's like, you know, I love you,
but you kill me and I kill you.
Okay, yeah, right. Yeah, I get it.
- I like it. - Good.
Well, you gotta get to work.
You gotta go contribute to the great toxification.
Gotta do my part.
- Hey. - Hey.
Are you okay? How's everyone?
No, I'm fine. We're all fine.
And you know, this is fine, but if it's legal stuff,
I really need to keep my head out of that right now.
No, I will just keep this brief.
Sophie doesn't wanna go to school.
She is freaked out about the election.
What do you mean? What, is she okay?
She's okay.
All right, so this weekend,
someone kind of felt pushed by her a little on the street.
But there was a comment that she felt came from the...
The guy had on a Ravenhead shirt.
There was a quote on the shirt
and she felt it was racially tinged and she's been upset.
- What did they say? - I don't know.
And now at school, some kids have started this whole anti-ATN thing,
which is actually very supportive.
But it's complex for her.
Who was with her? Why was she out on the street?
Did you just ask me why she was on the street?
You're telling me someone pushed our daughter or whatever ?
Pushed by her, she was with her friends.
- Where was I? - Yeah.
- Are you fucking serious? - I'm not blaming you.
I'm trying to get all the information before I make a decision
on our course of action.
You need to make a decision if you're gonna call your daughter?
I was raising our daughter
while you were fucking running a racist news organization.
- Great, fuck you. Come on! - Fuck me?
How fucking dare you interrogate me?
Obviously I feel bad.
Obviously I will do anything to protect her. Anything.
Okay, I'm gonna just... We'll cope.
And I don't know, just maybe call your fucking daughter.
Well, obviously. Jesus, Rava, Jesus!
What kind of parent do you think I am?
You know, you have no idea the things I'm doing, the things I'm working on.
Six continents, okay?
I'm breaking my back, and it's all for them.
To make the world safe.
Yeah, great, dig on that, dig to heck on that. Dig, dig!
Yeah, no, we love the deal.
We just have to make sure we know everything on Matsson and GoJo.
I mean, there's due diligence, but this is undue diligence,
extra diligence, okay?
Okay, great, and get that dirt on Matsson.
Anything could be useful.
Apparently, insignificant details could be very useful to me, to us.
What?
No, you're a fucking deputy rat fucker.
Don't object to being a rat fucker, Tomas, it's unbecoming.
Hey, honey. Bise?
- Good to see you. - Good to see you.
- Hi. - Hey, how you doing?
Good.
I just came from seeing Pop.
- Again? - Yeah.
Any change?
Looking good. Woke up on the right side of the coffin today, boy.
What? I like to go. You should go.
And do what, sit there like I'm feeding the ducks?
Thank you for ignoring me.
The weird thing, honestly, is how much he's not there.
I find that consoling.
Well, here he is. Kendall Plus.
- Morning, sorry I'm late. - Hey.
The man who's gonna lead us to eternal life, Waystar Jesus.
You seen the polling today?
That's why you're all perky. Very exciting.
I'm sure your Red Guards are all ready to come round up
the thought criminals and turn police stations into cuddle puddles.
The exciting part is in the top line. In Alaska, I'm exploding.
Four, five, six percent.
Guys, can we do this? I have a lot going on today.
- Sure. - Very well.
I hereby convene this funeral management committee.
I've sent the materials and I assume you've familiarized yourselves.
Because I'm concerned.
We're saying yes to all Marcia's wishes, then all your ideas,
Pop's requirements.
Danger the funeral could turn into a three day grief-a-thon.
- Just fuck Marcia. - Seconded.
Great. Carried.
Nevertheless, we really want a tight 90.
And the central question is, who's gonna speak?
What, in front of the most powerful political and cultural
business interests in the world?
I'm easy. Right, I can speak about dad.
What, your usual malign influence material?
I could do it.
I think if any one of us actually wants to do it,
do the big number, then we should just say,
because probably no one minds, right? No? Yeah.
Okay. Will you have a think?
I'm jumping on the digital battle bus.
Tailgate party, we nail it down, yeah? Okay, sure, bye-bye.
- All right, good luck. - Bye.
Right.
So Shiv, one thing from us on the tailgate.
We were actually wondering about us, politically inviting Nate.
Nate? Sofrelli?
Okay.
Tom and I kind of had hoped that... Why?
Because it went so well in LA, you know?
Hats off to the greatest showman here.
Apologies on the old wibble wobble and all due congratulations, but...
So you wanna make sure we have a plan B
in case we can't chase Matsson out of town on price.
Exactly, and we think that's regulatory.
We go hard, regulatory, DOJ, FTC, FCC, EU.
No?
I think they might just stop it.
But even just the threat creates a ton more risk for Matsson,
kicks the deal down the line, right?
And Nate... He's across competition
and he's tight with the Jimenez folks on that.
Can we get him down?
So we can sell it on a real level without lobbyists and all the...
Due process?
- That stuff. - Yeah.
- Yeah, sure, fine. - Good.
- All right, see you tonight. - See you tonight.
- Good, yeah? - Yeah, good, I think so. What else?
How you feeling about the blowback from the firings, the bloodlust?
- You want to throw Hugo at that? - Fuck it, let's own it.
Hey.
Hey, Lukas. Yeah, listen, so they're gonna go regulatory.
Yeah, so you need to be there tonight.
Well, no, it'll be easy, just my dad invited you.
Yes, there's gonna be what, 40 thought leaders,
pols, officials who will actually decide this
and half of them are gonna be there. Okay?
So I am telling you that you need to be there too, to counter.
Sorry if I broke your dick last night.
Nope, still rock hard.
So, there's no easy way of doing this.
I've done this a couple of times this week and sometimes honestly,
it just makes me cry.
But I wanted to offer my heartfelt appreciation to you all.
And now I'm gonna hand over to my colleague, Gregory Hirsch,
who has more information.
Thank you, sir. Good morning.
I'm here to inform you that Waystar Royco
has been looking at a range of different options
in order to drastically reduce costs and a very difficult decision
to restructure the ATN operation internationally
has been taken in order to protect the future of the business.
This action was only taken after seriously considering
all available options.
But if you're on this call, this is confirmation
that you are part of the unlucky group
who are having their contract terminated with immediate effect
on the grounds of staffing redundancy
and today is your final day of employment.
Final day of employment...
Going forward, we intend to operate
Waystar Royco international newsgathering operations utilizing
third party contract based arrangements.
I'm seeing some confusion in the chat.
But yes, if I have been too wordy, yes,
we are letting all of you go.
Obviously, I can't take questions on this call,
but this is a very sad day.
And I thank you for your time today and your service to Waystar Royco.
Goodbye.
Nice, done.
So this German one with this label, let's push this, okay?
Say it's a light, fruity red. Don't say it's biodynamic.
Don't say it's German. Just say it's a light, fruity red.
And yes, a little bit of fizz is normal and sophisticated, okay?
Hey.
It's okay, what's going on? Wakey wakey.
I'm just, I'm fine. I'm tired.
Election eve, it's a lot.
- Yeah. - It turns out, I'm pre-tired.
I'm tired about thinking how tired I'm gonna be.
Because someone isn't letting someone get a lot of sleep.
Well, forgive me.
So we got a couple of extra names for the guest list.
Matsson is in fact coming now.
Because?
Because Dumb and Dumber are trying to spook the deal
and want to try doing regulatory shit angle
and he's gonna come and head that off.
That's good for me, right?
I have my chance to dance, I can secure my spot.
Post Roypocalypse. Right?
Also, to push that agenda, they wanted to invite Nate.
And I feel like I had a tactical way to say no, they want to invite Nate.
He's key on tech and trade for Gil and Jimenez.
I'm sorry, it's not...
And I am genuinely sorry, really.
Sure, Nate.
It'll be good to see Nate. What do I care?
- It's okay. - Thanks, honey.
Okay, you guys ready to spread some regulatory anxieties?
Yeah, sure, spread those surveillance capitalism heebie-jeebies.
Just don't let me get stuck with the Journal op-ed ogres.
They're not all crypto-fascist and right-wing nut jobs.
We also have some venture capital dems
and centrist ghouls, dad's ideological range was wide.
- Should we hit it? - Yeah, let's hit it.
All right.
Hey, what's up? Not your guys' poll numbers.
- Are you tired? - No.
Maybe a little.
Maybe drink a coffee.
If I drink a coffee, then I won't be able to sleep later.
Think, Greg!
So, anyway, listen, Matsson is coming.
So, that is gonna be my focus.
And you, unless you are truly aligning yourself to the Dumpster brothers,
you might want to sweeten that beat too.
Yeah, I'd love to feather that bed.
But Matsson hates me, so I think I'm team Ken-Ro.
Up to you, Greg. Okay, I'm gonna mingle.
Yeah, mingle up.
Okay, okay.
Looks like Shiv's hitting Valerie. Have you seen Nate?
No, but Mencken's team called.
Okay, because the polling?
Yeah, well, their internals are even worse.
And they want what, ATN to go full,
"we're coming to give your guns hormone therapy,"
"all your guns are gonna be ladies"?
Three or four states where Connor's 1% are throwing things
could be pivotal.
If he were to drop out, most of the support would go to them,
but his team is not, they're just refusing contact, apparently.
So they've asked if I can convince him to drop out.
I mean, I don't know.
- Fuck that guy, right? - Mencken?
Yeah. Victory vans, those O'Malley fucks.
I think fuck him.
It's not bad for us to be tight with him in case things swing his way, right?
Yeah, fine, I see you.
All right, I'll hit the libtards, you go help the Nazis.
The Nazis, you got it.
Wait, excuse me.
- Hey. - Hey, Tom.
Hello, Nathaniel!
Appreciate the invite.
Well, I've missed you.
Won't be long, a lot going on, obviously.
Won't drink too much of your wine.
Don't you worry, you gobble my gravlax, pal,
plenty of where that came from.
It's light and fruity,
and it's the kind of wine that separates the connoisseurs
from the weekend Malbec morons.
Keep away from this man, tonight.
- Keep away from you. - Back, back, foul news demon.
Nice to see you, Len. Good one!
Fucking asshole.
Sorry to interrupt, can I grab him for a second?
- Yeah. - What's up?
Just, you know, kind of a biggie actually.
And a bit last minute.
Mencken's team called. They wanted to know if you might be willing
to drop out.
- Of the election? - Yes, of the election.
You are aware that the polls open in ten hours?
Yes, and it might be too late to physically remove your name
from the ballots, but if you were to release a statement,
divert the Conhead stream to the Mencken river.
And after all the blood and treasure I've expended,
why on earth would I want to do that?
They said for the good of the republic.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Yeah, so, no?
No.
Well, then, I have been authorized to make a follow-up offer,
which is, how familiar are you with Mogadishu?
Mogadishu? In Somalia?
Because they are very impressed with your talents,
and they think that you'd be a good fit for an ambassadorial appointment.
A little bit car-bomby.
Hey, tell them UN. That's more my vibration, yeah?
- Yeah? - All right. I'll report back.
Thank you.
Hey. How you doing? Good to see you.
Hey. So, she showed. That's good.
Guess you smoothed it over, right, General Franco?
No. She's incredibly angry.
Okay, everybody. Everybody, welcome, one and all.
- Ken, take it away. - Thanks, Tom.
Thank you, thank you. Okay, okay, welcome, everybody.
Welcome, welcome.
Who we got here?
Carly Flight?
Shit! The pod goddess. Everybody watch out for her.
- Careful what you say. - That's right.
Larry, Mary, lovely to see you guys.
Who else is here? Who's here?
Len. Len giveth and Len taketh away.
Watch out for Len.
My guy Nate Sofrelli saw the polls this morning
and moonwalked here. Our best to Gil and Jimenez.
Everybody's here. It's great to see you all.
It's our first tailgate party without the big guy.
Yeah, but we're still going to live it up.
As always, kettle corn over there will be shipped
to whoever is closest to tomorrow's electoral count.
And, yeah, this is a tough one.
But we're all going to stay sane and we're all going to stay friends.
Yeah? Thanks to my sis for hosting.
Thank you, sis.
But, yeah, we didn't know what to do this year.
You know, we watch history.
We make history.
And then one day we become it.
So I'd like to ask you all for a moment of silence
if we could, in memory.
Thank you.
- Sorry. - That's okay.
Hey, man. So VIP in the house.
Mr. Matsson, how are you? Welcome!
Thank you. Thank you, everyone.
You don't get my sister's triplex in the deal, don't get greedy.
Well, you know, we haven't closed yet, so we'll see what happens.
Anyway, welcome.
You know, my dad loved you all. We love you all.
So let's have some fun. Let the games begin.
Salud. Cheers.
Okay. What the fuck is he doing here?
Yeah, I don't know. Seriously. It's like, what the fuck?
So apparently, Dad invited him, actually,
and he emailed a yes, like, four minutes before walking in.
Four? Do we just throw him out, then?
I would love that, no, but I don't think we can afford to be seen
treating him as the enemy.
I think we hang tough, yeah?
Just stick to the plan, regulatory.
These assholes in here, our assholes.
Yeah, but what's this fucking game?
Like, is he going for freakout, or is he flicking the same beans as us?
Well, how do you want to play?
Honestly, there's too much peanut butter between us.
Can you stick close?
Yeah, sure.
I think just guide him away from the high-value targets,
refill his glass, run him in circles,
tell people he's Looney Tunes behind his back,
keep him from the big wigs.
So, Operation, just, like, Nuke the Luke?
- Yeah. - All right. I can do that.
- Let's do it. - Let's smash that Swede.
I'm tired. It's a lot, pre-election crap.
- Yeah, I bet, I bet. - Yeah, it's a lot.
So are you in the company, are you hands-on
or more of an overview guy?
Interesting. I guess, let me ask you this.
What would you value more highly?
- Really? - No.
Because I like to think that I could do both,
you know, I'd get my hands dirty and clean noggin.
- You know, multi tasker. - Okay. You're kissing my ass.
No, I'm not kissing your ass, Lukas.
You're too smart. You'd spot it a mile off.
- Hey. - Hey.
I'm about to take a shit in your husband's mouth
and I'm pretty sure he's going to tell me it tastes like coconut.
No, no, I'm not.
No, but seriously, it's a really, really nice place.
- Thank you. - Thanks.
Who'll get to keep it in the divorce?
Okay, should we hit up some people?
- Good to see you. - Talk to you later.
- It's good to see you. - Yeah, yeah. You too, Gary.
You need to hit Nate, Carly, Valerie first,
but I need to keep an eye out for my brothers.
You just need... You've done this before,
so just don't...
Don't what?
Don't scream "people are data" and stick my dick in the guac?
- Yeah, sure. - Don't do that.
Yeah, you're about to purchase one of the most prized cultural assets
and political communication channels in America
and you need to prepare the ground
because otherwise your many fucking enemies will portray you
as some jerk-off coder from Gothenburg. Okay ?
I am a jerkoff coder from Gothenburg.
Right, Ebba? You remember Ebba?
Hi, yeah, good to see you again. How are you?
I'm, you know, who cares?
Who cares? Yeah. Charming.
Well, not that you need to do anything about this now,
but you should fire your lobbyists, just so you know.
You need rainmakers and not weather forecasters.
Sure, it's just not really my arena. I'm sorry. It's more Andreas.
You don't have to apologize, Ebba.
It's just information we're sharing.
It's social anxiety. She's the only PR person in the world
who hates talking to people.
Yeah. I don't love parties, but I'm good.
Whereas I love them. I do.
Skal!
So I have a number two who's moon-beamed on edibles
and a communication officer who's terrified of communicating.
Brilliant.
So, Mogadishu's a no-go. It's a death sentence.
Frankly, we're insulted.
But I would like to roll through all the options.
So, as a brother, what's the top option?
Okay, let me have a little look.
I would love to get to Europe.
Can I creep up through the underbelly?
Come up through the Balkans?
A couple of senior departures? Berlin by Christmas?
They may be willing to talk Slovenia or Slovakia.
Yeah, I think I'm a no on the Slos.
What about South Korea?
South Korea? Top ten GDP,
major geopolitical player? I feel like that would be tough.
- North Korea. - Easy, my liege.
You don't know. Nobody knows. That's the point.
I could open it up like Nixon did China.
Con, they're not going to put you anywhere with nukes.
I don't think I want to go anywhere that doesn't have nukes.
Well, how do you like Oman?
- Oman? - Yeah.
Poor man's Saudi Arabia or rich man's Yemen ?
I'll have to check. See what my wo-man thinks about Oman.
- Nice. Yep, good. - All right, good.
Well, I guess essentially I'm a self-made guy
who came up with a really cool product that people love.
I send you my 9.99 a month. I'm no hater.
Appreciate it.
You Daniel is troubled by out of control algos.
He is worried that you guys are going to data-mine us all to death.
I totally get that. And in terms of all this,
someone's going to pick up the assets, right?
So who's that going to be?
Is it going to be, no offense, Shiv,
but the failsons? Really? Is that a good option?
They will do what he did,
but they will do it stupider and uglier and less amenable.
And surprisingly, Lukas is actually pretty amenable.
- Amenable? - Yes.
What about leadership at ATN?
Well, I would definitely make some major leadership changes at the top.
- Really? - Yes.
Tom...
I can't wiggle my way in there.
He's just busy slobbering up Nate with Shiv.
They're just talking, Greg.
Can you push a few more of these?
Actually put them away, so we create a kind of scarcity thing.
- Hey, man. - Hey, man.
Brother. Been a minute.
Listen, I know you haven't had a chance to talk. I'm sorry, man.
- Yeah. - He was...
What can I say? Jesus, I can't imagine.
Yeah, it's tough, but, you know, life keeps it rolling, right?
But you, man, you throwing off some Kingmaker vibes.
Fuck yeah. How's Daniel?
Can I shoot your names?
You can make a decent cabinet for my fucking poker night.
Sure, yeah, yeah. The activists would love that.
Look, dude, I'm just gonna give you my rap straight, okay?
Is that okay?
I think we could be really good for you guys.
Like, I'm talking major reset of the dialogue,
which I am personally invested in.
But that only happens if this deal goes away.
Yeah, you know, board-wise, shareholder-wise,
we can't come out publicly,
but you should know the deal is headed to the woodshed.
GoJo has had incredible growth.
He's a charismatic figure, but he's gonna get wrung out.
And, you know, there is really legitimate concern here.
DOJ or FTC balking at the sports overlap,
the FCC over foreign ownership of broadcast.
- He's pitching me. - I'm telling you.
I think maybe CFIUS might have a word to say
about Matsson's extreme political positions and fucking Holocaust jokes.
Sure, so what?
So, you guys come out for regulation pretty soon,
and we give you a better ride in the first hundred days.
Man, I forgot how eager you were to get laid at a party.
Let me check in.
Cool. All right, love it. Would love to get laid.
Could we have the room?
So, you're doing great. Yeah, eminently plausible. Nice wordings.
- Really? - Yeah, yeah, you're doing good.
Nate, I think, really liked talking to you,
and Carly loved you, so yeah.
Cool, cool. I wasn't sure, because I don't always read people great.
It's good. You're good.
Yeah, you've hit the A-team,
and so now I think we should build your profile
with the op-ed narcissists and the beltway psychos.
I like this,
I thought these people would be very complicated,
but they're not. It's basically just like money and gossip.
That's all it is. Just money and gossip. That's everything.
All right. Take me down to the Paradise City.
Great. Well, at this point, I think I would like to ask the question,
not that I don't love heaving you around like a great lump of pine
and making you shine, but what have you done for me lately?
Okay, well, what do you want?
I really like talking to you. You can have whatever you want.
Okay, so this situation is not without risk for me,
so if I was to move to actively engage in assisting you
with the acquisition, then I would need to know
that it leads to a very, very, very significant role.
Three verys. Wow.
Okay. Carry on.
So, I know the company. I know everything.
I know my way around. I'm collaborative.
I have the name.
I'm hot shit and I'm ready to go. Okay?
Okay.
- Can I think? - No.
All right. Okay.
I would hate to lose you. Why don't we circle back in a bit? Okay?
Yeah, sure. Of course.
You are doing good out there, you know.
You're like a self-teaching AI.
I'm just going to take five
and then I'll be back with the dipshits and limp dicks.
Yeah, sure.
Hey, hey, hey. Boney Moroney. Can you lend a hand?
Matsson? Can you like look after him?
I guess he occasionally has expressed a distaste in the past
for my particular flavor of me.
Just find him a blunt. Something stronger.
Point his dick in the direction of some fissile material.
- Yeah? - Yeah. Okay.
I can try.
So, Tom, are you going to imperil democracy tomorrow?
Yeah, you against the wall, you against the wall, you're a nice guy,
you can live. That's what I'll do.
Come on, please. I can assure you,
Mr. Mild here is a one pepper menu item.
Thank you, dear.
And plans after the deal goes through? I hear you may be headed elsewhere.
I've always got options. Why, what did you hear?
Well, maybe I heard wrong.
Okay. Okay.
Sorry, excuse me, Scott.
That is some top shelf rat fuck in there. Yeah, bye bye.
The deep dive on Matsson, it's pretty juicy.
Apparently he's been creepin' on Ebba,
his comms, sending her some weird shit.
Blood, bits of hair, perhaps some other things.
Nate! You're gonna want in on this.
Nate, you wanna hear something nasty about someone terrible?
- Matsson. - Sure. I gotta go.
- You're going? - Yeah.
Okay, but we're good on the situation?
Daniel's people aren't too comfortable with me rubbing shoulders with you,
and Coop likes to yap.
Looks a little cozy, so... Apologies.
But I think there is something here. These are legitimate concerns.
Just tell Daniel, I mean, we can make primetime safe for you.
I'm gonna be straight with you.
I don't feel comfortable with the tenor of this conversation.
You don't feel comfortable with the tenor of this conversation?
Don't play hall monitor with me, bro.
Right? I know you. I know who you are, my friend.
I don't know what you think this is. I'm not Gil.
You're not Logan. That's a good thing.
I'll see you.
And so where would we live exactly in Oman?
In Muscat, I should think. In a compound.
Okay, but would it be above ground?
Of course, above ground, Willa. Pearl of Arabia.
Okay. The Sultan's word has the force of the law. Great.
At the airport, we walk right through.
And this is for Mencken?
You know, all my family and friends hate Mencken.
Diplomatic plates. You can park anywhere.
You can drive on the sidewalk. Your police can't touch you.
Running people over is not a selling point.
- Fucking Greg! - Hey, my Swedish friends.
Nice to see you.
Fucking hanger-on. Fucking dingleberry.
Dude, I'm on a charm offensive here. Can you be kind?
- Would you like to join us? - Would you like to fuck off?
Oh my God.
Serious, Oskar. I'm going to fire you.
Okay, Ebba. Can you fire him, please?
Can you? I'm sorry. Is this boring you?
I've seen him cut your balls a hundred times.
Yeah, it's a little bit boring.
Look at him. Sadistic face. He loves it. He loves being fired.
I would like to fire Ebba, though.
Yeah. But I can't because she's created and fostered
this situation in which I find it very difficult to do what I want.
I'm not saying you've done it on purpose, but it is quite interesting
that you have sort of tenure. Because we mingled.
- Lukas. - Ebba.
I'm not sure if you're kidding, but I could help.
I'd fire her if you want.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
I'd fire her right now. I've got some recent experience in this arena.
Would you do that for me?
Instantly, sure.
It's on. Guys, gather around.
This guy is about to fire my senior comms.
No hard feelings.
The jokes are funny. The jokes are very funny.
Ebba! Come on.
You know what, Lukas? I wish you would fire me.
Ebba!
It's not the attitude of the employee that we want at our company.
You okay?
Hi.
We just wanted to check in and make sure you're okay
on a human level. We saw... Are you good?
I'm totally fine. Don't worry about it.
All right. Well, good. That's good to hear.
Yeah, yeah. Totally.
He seems kind of awful.
We built his whole rep.
He's not even a real coder.
Someone gave him like a box of tech and he took it to market.
- Bravo. - Yeah, bravo.
We just wanted to say we sympathize with all this shit.
Well, I'll be out in February anyways.
Really? That's a shame.
And is that because of the sending you of whatnots?
What? No.
I mean, that's pretty much the least of his worries right now.
Okay. All right. Because?
- India. - India. Right.
And I feel like I know this, but what are the details here with that?
The details? I'm going to give you all the details. Sure.
Can I bum a smoke?
Yeah. Sure.
So ATN is saying "Dems positive polls a radical misinformation plot".
- Ballsy. - Like to keep things peppery.
I mean, did we mention he's tired? Yeah.
I guess he can't be across everything, can you, tired boy?
But you should call Pam on that
because everyone here is needling me.
Then you should tell them to stop wetting their pants.
Well, I get that Tom, but also you heard about the Phoenix thing?
The O'Malley's firebombed a fucking campaign office.
A firecracker. A pair of firecrackers taped together.
Sorry. May we borrow the lady for a second?
- Sure. - Guess what?
What? The Phoenix thing? It's pretty wild.
Nope. Matsson's numbers are funky.
Sorry. What the fuck are you talking about?
Ebba spilled. Screwy metrics in India.
Matsson has been peddling bundles of South Asian packing peanuts.
What? You mean like... Significant numbers?
Yeah. We think so. Big, big.
I fucking knew he was a bullshitter. I'm telling you, new money.
You gotta hold those fresh bills to the light.
Okay. Fuck.
You said a hundred scalps in three days ?
A hundred.
Mr. Nephew, that's quite a number. I thought you were backwash
at the bottom of the gene pool, but this is something else.
Yes, you underestimated me
and that's exactly how I wanted it to look.
Well, how did you do it?
I don't know. I just do it. Just jackknife right in there
and slit their throat.
It must feel afterwards a little bit shitty, right?
Honestly, not really. HR says I'm the right guy for the job
because it looks like I care, but I don't.
Not a good person.
No, I am. It's just you gotta do what you gotta do. Right?
Do you though?
Hey! There she is. Welcome to the kids' table.
Can I talk to you for a second?
Yeah. It's time to up periscopes?
Yeah. Sorry to break up the brains trust.
Sit.
A butcher with a smile.
Why are we running? Is there a fire or what?
Yeah. There might be.
So what's happening with your numbers?
- What numbers? - What numbers?
Lukas.
- In India? - Yeah.
Is this Ebba or Oskar?
Okay.
Well, there's a little issue that we're looking into
with subscriber numbers being bullshit.
Not bullshit, but a little bit bullshit.
What does a little bit bullshit mean?
Well, maybe we discovered a metrics error that has overstated our subs
in India. If there were two Indias, it would make sense.
You maybe discovered?
Yeah, but there isn't two Indias. There's only one India.
It's a long story,
but it's an emerging market.
It's all wet cement.
So, stock and cash deal.
The board would be well within their rights to pull out.
You know that, obviously.
So, when are you addressing? Like, how are you handling?
I'm not gonna, I don't want some forum monkeys
just shorting me. I don't like when people get into me.
It's gonna get out eventually.
Or we buy Waystar and it gets lost in the deal dazzle.
SEC, DOJ... Is this even legal?
We close quickly
and then shit will get crazy good.
By next quarter the numbers will be real, probably.
Come on, it's kind of funny though, isn't it?
I know it's pretty bad.
- Yeah. - You can fix it though, right?
Yeah, sure. I'll just build another fucking India.
Love that. Build another India.
Yeah, that's my girl.
Fuck me!
Hey, Gerri. Let me guess. "I'll have a Martini."
Can we chat about stuff? I might need your advice.
No.
No? Just no? Gerri!
What?
The thing, the firing you thing? That wasn't real.
- No? - No.
It was like in the heat of the, you know?
No.
Okay. Well, come on, let's have a fucking chat, okay?
I'll stand in a cupboard and jerk off while you explain to me
what the SEC is, okay?
Really? No? Too soon?
What do you want? You want, like, a sorry?
I got a whole purse full of sorrys. I'm sorry.
I'm out. I'm done.
Bullshit. Dad fired people all the time.
I was just feeling kind of fire-ish.
I have some requirements you should know about.
Several of which have been officially communicated
and some that I thought I should, you know, say in person.
Okay. Robo-Gerri.
First of all, I want money.
Eye-watering sums. Hundreds of millions of dollars.
No. Pass.
So I have retained personal reputation management.
They will be on the line
when Karolina does her background briefings
off a set of my bullet points.
I will set off your bullet points.
And if I ever get a whiff of anything undermining my narrative any time
in the next five years, I will sue
and I will go public with those many pictures of your genitalia
that I have in my possession. Have I made myself clear?
Yes, absolutely. It's been a pleasure working with you, Gerri. Thanks.
I could have got you there.
But nope. Nope.
Nope. See ya.
Hey. Con, can we settle this now?
Everyone is quite freaked out about this political firebombing in Arizona.
The pop-ups in Phoenix, the waste paper basket on fire.
I think a filing cabinet was in the ICU. Can we draft?
Well, actually there's been a slight change of heart.
Get the fuck out of here. You got it.
You got your bobble. It's great. Let's write up a fucking statement.
Wind up the old fax machine and fart it out to your oddball army.
We wonder, Roman, if he might have invested too much
in this campaign to just drop out now.
That's so cool. You tried,
you failed, you move on. Find something new.
He's fought hard and we want to find out what might happen.
He might write a book about this or a speaker circuit or...
Hey, nothing is going to happen, okay?
Anything might happen tomorrow, actually.
Really? Anything?
Because that's the beauty of this little system
that we have called democracy.
Come. Bam. Eat the fucking carrot, okay?
Everyone in this room thinks you're a fucking joke.
So tell your wife to shut the fuck up,
cover her shoulders and pack a fucking bag for Oman, okay?
- I'm talking here. It's okay. - Easy.
There's one person here who doesn't think I'm a joke.
So that's who I'm going to listen to, okay?
That's smart. Yeah, listen to her.
Willa, honey. Bye. Nice to meet you.
Pleasure, sir. You got my vote. 100 percent.
I am trying to help you.
Really nice party. Cool, cool family.
Thanks, man. Tweet about it.
So who's going out tonight in this shitty fucking town?
Anyone? I got to say, it's pretty depressing from up here.
You can really see how second world it is.
I don't know. Pretty happening town, famously.
Really? Is it, though?
Compared to Singapore, Seoul? It's like Legoland.
You know we still run shit.
- Like, as in, only in New York. - Yeah.
Right. Okay. Well, nothing happens in New York
that doesn't happen everywhere.
You should get that written on a cup.
Shouldn't he get that written on a cup?
That would look so cool.
You could sell that in a head shop in Rotterdam.
Could be a good business for you.
Because I hear you might need some new revenue streams.
Really, really good presentation, by the way. Loved it.
Can't wait to get into the predictions, man. Those media predictions.
- It's gonna be fun. - I'm excited about that.
Estimates, you know, estimates.
But you, man, your numbers exploding.
Like, literally unbelievable.
Well, thank you. And congrats to you, as well.
Because I hear your numbers are gay.
- My numbers are what? - Gay.
- My numbers are gay? - Yeah.
You had this cute little valuation,
and your numbers just came out as gay.
It's kind of homophobic, man.
Dude, just let the wave hit you. Float out.
I think I am the wave, though, actually.
You think you are the wave? Because you love the deal?
Are you kidding? Biggest overpay in history. Love that shit.
Love it. Love the deal.
- Love the deal. - Love the deal.
Come on. Come on, brother.
Love the deal.
Yes.
- Love the deal. - Love the deal.
- The fuck? Bit of a show. - Hugging it out.
- I'm gonna... - What?
I'm going to bed. I'm bushwhacked. My eyes are sandpaper.
Well, you can stay up for just a little longer
and say goodnight to people together.
Do you know what my day looks like tomorrow?
Tom, you're not doing anything.
You're just looking for shiny foreheads. It's fine.
Stay for 45 minutes more.
I'm just a little tired because all the fun gossip
that I've been hearing from everywhere at this party
in my house is that I'm gonna be shit-canned.
- I got faith in you, man. - Always been a loyal servant.
Sorry.
Not helpful.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
I just really do need to get some sleep. I'm sorry.
- Can we just leave it there, please? - You're tired. I get it.
You keep on fucking saying, so yeah. You're tired.
Okay. I'm tired. Let's leave it there.
- Keep fucking telling everyone. - Okay. Okay. I'll stop.
You're tired. I get it. I'm sorry.
I am just worried about
maybe I've nailed myself to the Matsson Cross
and he might turn out to be bullshit.
You know, he's erratic and, you know, maybe he isn't real.
Shiv, he's real. He's the future.
No, Tom.
There is a time bomb in his numbers and I might get blown up.
You'll be fine. You'll always be fine.
No. I am fucking my family for this.
Can I just say something?
At this party here,
there are maybe 40 of the most important people in America
and you have just walked all around all evening
telling them all that I'm going to get fired.
No. It was implied, likely, as a little part of a tactical kind of joke.
Will you explain to me the joke?
Because I don't get the fucking joke. I don't get the joke.
It was something that he said that isn't true that we needed to say.
But you stood by his side and he said it
and you were like, "Okay, well, that sounds good to me."
I'm not doing this right now. No.
I am in serious trouble. That was a play.
You will be okay because you are a tough fucking bitch
who will always survive because you do what you need.
You will do whatever you need.
Yeah? Really? Sure you're not projecting
because that is actually you.
Should we have a real conversation?
- With a scorpion? No. - That was a friendly thing.
Real friendly.
I'm a scorpion. You're a hyena. You're a street rat.
Actually, no, you're a fucking snake.
Here's a dead snake to wear as a necktie, Tom.
Why aren't you laughing?
I wonder if we shouldn't clear the air.
Yeah? Sure.
I think that you can be a very selfish person,
and I think you find it very hard to think about me.
And I think you shouldn't have even married me, actually.
What the fuck? What the actual fuck?
You proposed to me on my lowest fucking ebb.
My dad was dying. What was I supposed to say?
- Perhaps no. - I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
Thanks. Thanks for that.
You really kept me safe while you ran off to fuck the phone book.
Fuck off. You're a hick. A conservative hick.
And then you hid it because you were so scared
of how fucking awful you are.
You were only with me to get to power.
Well, you got it now, Tom. You've got it.
I'm with you because I love you.
Bullshit. You're fucking me for my DNA.
You're fucking me for a fucking ladder
because your whole family is striving and parochial.
That's not a fair characterization.
No? Well, your mom loves me more than she loves you
because she's cracked.
You want to actually clear the air? Fine. You betrayed me.
You were going to see me get sent to fucking prison, Shiv.
And then you fobbed me off with that fucking undrinkable wine
and you won't have my baby because you never even thought honestly
you'd be with me more than like four fucking years.
You offered to go to jail, Tom.
You offered because you're servile. You're servile.
You are incapable of thinking about anybody other than yourself
because your sense of who you are, Shiv, is that fucking big.
You read that in a book, Tom?
You're too fucking transparent to find in a book.
You're pathetic.
You're a masochist and you can't even take it.
I think you are incapable of love.
And I think you are maybe not a good person to have children.
That's not very nice to say, is it?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. But you have hurt me more than you can possibly imagine.
And you took away the last six months I could have had with my dad.
- No. - Yes.
You sucked up to him and you cut me out.
It's not my fault that you didn't get his approval.
I have given you endless approval
and it doesn't fill you up because you're broken.
I don't like you.
I don't even care about you.
I don't care.
Have we cleared the air? Feel good now?
Yep. Fucking great. Tip top.
You don't deserve me. And you never did.
And everything came out of that...
So fucking flat.
You find ways to have fun out there?
More or less. Red wine smells like wet dog.
Listen, I just wanted to do five. Just me and you.
Just Frankie and Kenny. Not CEO and chair.
Hell.
I don't think the GoJo deal is in the best interests
of the shareholders.
- And I would like to explore ways... - I don't want to hear it, Ken.
What if I told you his subs in India are significantly inflated?
I'm just going to hit you with this. What if we run it all the way back?
Do I even want to know what that means?
We go reverse Viking. We pillage their village.
Waystar acquires GoJo.
There would have to be major issues.
There are. What if we could slow this down?
And we eat Matsson's lunch.
Bigger than Dad ever was.
Roman and Shiv?
I don't know. Part of my plans.
I love them, but not in love with them. You know?
One head, one crown.
But I'll need ballast. Are you with me?
Hi everyone. Hi. Bedtime for Bonzo.
Sorry, but please get the fuck out of my house now.
No, no. Please. Party's over because I've got to sleep.
It's been a terrific night. Thank you so much.
No, I'm serious. Off you go. Go to bed. Enjoy your bed.
Just go home. Cry. I'm done.
I can barely stand, but I've had enough. Good night.
- Good night, Tom. - Don't forget your coats!
- Fuck Tom. - Yeah, fuck Tom.
Fuck Tom. So, guys, funeral.
If nobody wants to grab it, I'm happy to take the big energy spot.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, it seemed like nobody wanted it, so I got it.
Yeah?
Sure. It's fine. Knock yourself out.
Just paint it red.
- Yeah? Happy? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Happy? - Happy.
Happy, happy. Headbangers.
Here we are. Okay.
- Good night. - Good night.