Captions made possible by HOME BOX OFFICE, INC.
I DID.
NO.
I SWEAR, I WAS LIKE MAJORLY,
INTENSELY... WORKED UP, LIKE NEVER BEFORE.
TRUST ME, THAT'S SO NOT IT.
QUIT LOOKING AT ME LIKE I'M THE NEW ZOO BABY.
I DID COME.
HONEY, THERE'S NO WAY.
I WAS THERE, REMEMBER ?
WAS NO FUNNY FACE, NO FUNNY NOISES,
YOU DIDN'T MELT INTO A SMOKING LITTLE PUDDLE OF CLAIRE...
YET.
THIS SUCKS.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ?
NOTHING.
WE'RE JUST GETTING STARTED.
YOU WAIT AND SEE, I'LL MAKE YOU SCREAM.
I HOPE SO.
GEORGE, COME TO CHURCH WITH ME.
AGNOSTICS DON'T USUALLY GO TO CHURCH, RUTH.
THAT'S PART OF THE APPEAL.
IT WOULD MAKE ME SO HAPPY TO BE THERE WITH YOU.
SWEETHEART, THIS IS MY DAY TO CATCH UP,
I GOT A MILLION THINGS TO DO.
IT'S ONLY AN HOUR.
THEN YOU WON'T MISS ME FOR LONG.
MORNING, ALL.
HEY.
CAN I GET YOU ANYTHING ?
HOW ARE YOU ?
UH, ORANGE JUICE.
I'M GREAT.
WELL, MY STOMACH IS BURNING...
A LITTLE.
MAYBE TOO MUCH COFFEE.
OH, FOR GOODNESS SAKE, YOU NEED WATER.
JUICE WOULD PRODUCE MORE ACID.
NO BODIES IN THE PREP ROOM.
YOU THINK DEATH SPARED LOS ANGELES LAST NIGHT ?
HIGHLY DOUBTFUL.
THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?
I DON'T KNOW, I SHOULD BE HERE IN CASE WE GET A WALK-IN.
UH, WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU TODAY ?
I HAVE TO WORK
AND YOUR MOTHER'S GOT THE SPIRIT.
TO COME TO CHURCH WITH ME ?
YES, I'D LIKE THAT...
VERY MUCH.
I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
HERE, DRINK YOUR WATER.
LAST CHANCE.
PRAY FOR ME.
MMM.
HELLO.
RICO...
YOU WERE SUCH A LOVER LAST NIGHT.
SO GOOD, MMM.
NO, IT WAS YOU.
MMM, MMM, MMM.
WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?
IT'S LATE, YOU GOTTA GO HOME.
COñO, MAN, IT'S ALMOST 11.
JUST TELL YOUR WIFE YOU FELL ASLEEP IN THE CAR.
SHE THREW ME OUT.
SHUT UP.
FOR REAL ?
YEAH, FOR REAL.
HMM.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHO ELSE SHE THINKS IS OUT THERE.
GIVE UP A MAN LIKE YOU ?
SHE'S FUCKED UP.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HER.
HEY, I COULD STAY HERE FOR A WHILE, RIGHT ?
OH, I'M SORRY, BABY.
IT'S JUST THAT THIS APARTMENT IS SO SMALL
AND MY COUSINS, THEY VISIT ALL THE TIME,
THEY HAVE TO SLEEP OVER.
OH.
NO PROBLEM.
( clearing throat )
LOVE YOUR ENEMY.
TURN THE OTHER CHEEK.
WHAT COULD BE MORE SIMPLE OR MORE DIFFICULT ?
BUT THESE ARE THE TEACHINGS AT THE LIVING HEART
OF CHRIST'S MESSAGE TO THE WORLD.
WHEN PETER ASKED JESUS, "LORD,
"HOW OFT SHALL I FORGIVE MY BROTHER ?
SEVEN TIMES ?"
SEEMS LIKE A LOT, DOESN'T IT, SEVEN TIMES.
BUT JESUS SAID TO PETER, "NOT SEVEN TIMES,
BUT 70 TIMES SEVEN !"
WHOA.
DO THE MATH.
( laughing )
YOU STUPID HYPOCRITE !
NO !
HOW DOES IT FEEL ?
( gunshot )
SO IT IS OUR DAILY MISSION TO FIND THE CHRIST IN OURSELVES,
AND FORGIVE OUR ENEMIES...
HEARTBURN.
IT IS FORGIVENESS THAT EASES OUR SUFFERING.
( panting )
NICE RIDE.
GODDAMT.
( playing horn )
WHAT ?
LET'S GO AWAY FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO ?
NORTH ?
WE COULD LEAVE TOMORROW AND--
CAN'T.
I'M SCORING THE NEW JET LI MOVIE TOMORROW.
IT'S THE NEXT COUPLE DAYS ACTUALLY,
SO YOU'RE HARDLY GONNA SEE ME.
OH, WELL.
SORRY.
BUT AFTERWARDS, MAYBE.
CAMBRIA, CARMEL, MONTERREY...
WELL, THAT'D WORK.
IF YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN THE PAST,
AND YOU DON'T READ HISTORY,
HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY COMPREHEND THE PRESENT ?
GEORGE, HISTORY IS NOT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED,
HISTORY IS SOME STUPID WARMONGERING PATRIARCHAL IDEA
OF WHAT HAPPENED, WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THAT.
I HOPE I'M NOT INTERRUPTING.
ANITA HERE THINKS THE STUDY OF FOSSILS IS FUTILE.
IN MY HUMBLE OPINION.
DAVE, WE'RE GETTING A BODY.
WHO, HOW, WHAT ?
I THINK YOU'VE FORGOTTEN PART OF YOUR OUTFIT, ANITA.
I WAS GONNA WEAR A T-SHIRT OVER,
THEN I WAS LIKE, AH, FUCK IT.
HE WAS SITTING IN THE DRIVEWAY IN THIS MINT '60s LINCOLN
WITH A PRE-NEED FORM FROM DAD
SITTING RIGHT ON TOP OF THE DASH.
WHERE IS HE NOW ?
HE'S AT THE CORONER'S, BUT HE'S GONNA BE BACK SOON.
I THOUGHT YOUR DAY WAS GOING TO BE FILLED
WITH IMPORTANT ACTIVITIES.
THERE'S ALWAYS TIME FOR HEALTHY DEBATE.
WHAT DEBATE ?
I'M RIGHT, YOU'RE WRONG, GAME OVER.
( laughing )
RICO'S GONNA WORK ON HIM I'M GONNA BE THERE,
SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO--
I WANT TO.
I NEED TO DO SOMETHING.
HEY, MOM, CAN YOU LOOK AFTER MAYA FOR A LITTLE WHILE ?
THERE YOU GO.
THANKS, MOM.
BUT EVERYTHING WE ARE IS BUILT ON WHAT WENT BEFORE,
OUR FOUNDATION IS THE EARTH--
CALIFORNIA'S MADE OF DUST, IT'S FALLING INTO THE OCEAN,
YOU CALL THAT A FOUNDATION ?
OH, LOOK WHO'S HERE, GERTRUDE AND ALICE.
OH, WELL, LOOK AT HER,
WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DRESS '80s AND NOBODY CALLED ?
TAKE A BREAK, LADIES.
CLAIRE, THE COACH HOUSE WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE
FOR YOUR GIRLFRIENDS TO GATHER.
DON'T WORRY, MOM, WE'RE LEAVING.
C'MON, ANITA.
KEEP UP, EDIE, THE '80s ARE BACK.
PRETTY FUNNY.
HILARIOUS.
THIS IS A $1,000 SUIT.
YOU THINK YOU'VE SEEN IT ALL.
SOMEBODY COULD HAVE SET HIM UP IN THE CAR AND RUN AWAY.
OR MAYBE HE DIED IN A COMPROMISING POSITION.
LIKE, YOU KNOW...
HE'S 80.
IT HAPPENS.
RICO, I'M TELLING YOU,
THIS GUY DROVE HIMSELF TO HIS OWN FUNERAL.
HI, IT'S ME.
HEY, YOU, WHAT'S UP ?
Oh, nothing, missed you.
WE HAVEN'T TALKED SINCE YESTERDAY.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WE TALKED THIS MORNING.
WE DID ?
Yeah, I called you before I left the hotel.
OH, YEAH, RIGHT, I SPACED, SORRY.
YOU DON'T SOUND LIKE YOURSELF.
NO, I'M FINE, IT'S JUST--
BODIES ARE COMING IN LEFT AND RIGHT TODAY.
NATE, RICO, I'LL BE THERE IN A SECOND.
David, tell me the truth.
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THESE LONG-DISTANCE THINGS WORK.
NO, I GOTTA GO.
I'LL CALL YOU LATER,
or you call me.
I'M FINE, BE CAREFUL, BYE.
HE'S NOT FINE.
YOU THINK ?
RUSSELL'S SUPPOSED BE HERE.
IS HE BAILING ON THIS ?
HE'S ASLEEP.
I FUCKED HIM INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS.
YOU KNOW, IT REALLY COSTS A LOT OF MONEY
TO RENT CHAINSAWS.
AND IF WE ACCIDENTALLY, YOU KNOW, LIKE CHOP SOMEBODY UP,
THEY'LL TOTALLY SUE OUR ASS.
I'M NOT SAYING TO DO THAT EXACT THING--
WE'RE JUST TRYING TO BRAINSTORM A DARK, EDGY--
LIKE CONFRONTATIONAL CONCEPT, WHERE'S YOURS ?
I'M SORRY, ATTACKING WITH CHAINSAWS IS A TOTAL CLICHé.
MACHETES.
OKAY, CLAIRE, WE STAND AT THE ENTRANCE
WITH MASKS AND MACHETES, LIKE AN IMAGE OF MENACE.
MACHETES HAVE NO RESONANCE--
FOR OUR CULTURE.
WHAT ARE YOU, CONJOINED TWINS ?
JESUS.
YOU SENT THE KIDS TO THE PARK WITH CASSIDY ?
VANESSA, I HAVE A RIGHT TO SEE THEM.
WELL, THEY DON'T NEED TO BE EXPOSED TO YOU,
WITH YOUR HOOCHIE MAMA, WHO KNOWS WHERE SHE'S BEEN.
IT WAS NEVER LIKE THAT,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST LISTEN TO ME ?
I'LL SLEEP ON THE COUCH.
COME ON, WE CAN TALK TONIGHT, NOT FIGHT, TALK.
NO !
HOW COULD YOU ?
ALL THAT TIME, COME HOME TO US AFTER SCREWING HER.
I NEVER SCREWED HER !
NEVER UNTIL LAST NIGHT !
UGH !
I MEAN--
YOUR MARRIAGE IS ON THE ROCKS AND THAT'S WHAT YOU DO ?!
YOU KICKED ME OUT INTO THE STREET !
YES, I WENT TO HER, YES, I HAD SEX WITH HER !
IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT !
OH MY GOD--
WAIT, WAIT, I DIDN'T MEAN--
YOU BREAK YOUR VOWS, YOU FUCK THAT WHORE
AND YOU BLAME ME ?
YOU COWARD, YOU BASTARD, YOU SONOFABITCH.
YOU MAKE ME SICK.
PAPA ALWAYS SAID
WHEN THE TIME CAME, HE'D PUT ON HIS BEST SUIT
AND TAKE HIMSELF TO THE FUNERAL HOME.
THAT'S WHAT HE DID.
UNBELIEVABLE.
NOT IF YOU KNEW HIM.
HE WAS A CIVIL ENGINEER.
METICULOUS.
AND HE NEVER WANTED TO BURDEN US WITH ANYTHING.
HE ALWAYS DID WHAT HE SAID HE WOULD DO.
YOU COULD ALWAYS TRUST HIS WORD.
THE WHOLE COMMUNITY LOOKED UP TO HIM.
HE WAS THE BEST FATHER...
A WONDERFUL HUSBAND.
SOUNDS LIKE HE WAS A VERY FINE MAN.
HE WAS, HE WAS.
I'M SO, SO SORRY.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SYMPATHY, MR. DIAZ.
I'M REALLY SORRY, TOO.
SO WE'LL SEE YOU TUESDAY FOR THE SERVICE.
HE PLANNED ALL THAT, AS WELL.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE THAT WE CAN DO...
KEYS TO THE CAR ?
OH, YEAH.
YOU LOOK BUSY.
I AM.
I'M CONTEMPLATING.
YOUR BUSY IS SO DIFFERENT FROM MY BUSY.
SO, WHAT'S NEXT ON YOUR PACKED AGENDA ?
PAPERS TO GRADE,
YARD WORK,
I SHOULD REALLY FINISH THAT ARTICLE.
THAT WAS NICE OF YOU TO TALK WITH
CLAIRE'S FRIEND THIS MORNING.
I GUESS THAT GOES ON IN YOUR CLASSROOM ALL THE TIME.
WHAT ?
INTELLECTUAL DISCUSSIONS WITH YOUNG WOMEN IN SKIMPY FASHIONS.
WELL, THEY DO LOVE TO CHALLENGE A FATHER FIGURE.
BUT IF YOU THINK THAT'S SKIMPY,
YOU SHOULD SEE THEM SUMMER QUARTER.
( music )
MY MAN.
DAWG, WE'RE STILL ON THE JOB.
YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.
WHAT ARE YOU, MY WIFE ?
KISS MY ASS.
WHIP IT OUT.
HEY, THIS BOYFRIEND,
YOU LOVE HIM ?
THAT'S RIGHT.
IS HE SEXY ?
MMM-HMM.
YOU SEE THIS FAT GUY RIGHT HERE ?
DOES HE LOOK CRAZY TO YOU ?
THAT'S THE DJ, THEY ALWAYS LOOK CRAZY.
BIG DICK ?
EXCUSE ME ?
YOUR BOYFRIEND.
DOES HE HAVE A BIG DICK ?
IS THAT WHAT YOU LIKE ? JESUS CHRIST.
ME, I GOT A BIG DICK.
SOMETHING DON'T HAPPEN TONIGHT,
IT'S GONNA BREAK RIGHT OFF.
YOU KNOW YOU COULD REALLY HELP ME OUT HERE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING ?
YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
I'M NOT HELPING YOU OUT.
IT'S NOT COOL.
YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT ?
JAVIER, I DON'T TREAT MY MAN THE WAY YOU TREAT YOUR WOMAN.
ALRIGHT ?
YOU'RE LOADED.
YOU SHOULD GO BACK TO YOUR ROOM.
YOU DON'T THINK I'M SEXY ?
YOU SHOULD GO.
YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT MY DICK BEFORE YOU SAY NO, MAN.
GO, PLEASE.
MMM-HMM.
( phone ringing )
YEP. PHONE.
NATE FISHER.
( Brenda ) It's me.
I THOUGHT LAST TIME WAS OUR LAST LAST TIME.
YEAH, AS FAR AS SEX GOES.
SO HEY, I TOLD JOE.
ABOUT ME ?
WELL, I DIDN'T NAME NAMES.
BUT, YEAH.
I WAS REALLY SCARED, IT WAS REALLY HARD, BUT--
Yeah, we're okay.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS, I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU.
So listen, come see our new house.
Brenda, what--
I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID.
BUT I CAN'T JUST SURGICALLY REMOVE YOU FROM MY LIFE,
IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
Come on.
WELL, I'M SORRY, I'VE GOT OTHER PLANS.
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.
NO, IT'S TRUE.
WE'RE GOING TO TRAVEL TOWN LATER.
AREN'T WE, MISS PUNKIN ?
WITH THE TRAINS ?
OH, I LOVE THEM, THEY'RE SO LITTLE !
CAN I COME WITH YOU ?
I DON'T KNOW...
NO ULTERIOR MOTIVES, I JUST WANT TO RIDE THE RAILS.
BRENDA, WE ALWAYS HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES.
No, we don't.
We don't.
Come on, please ?
LIAR, LIAR, LIAR.
WHAT KIND OF MAN SPENDS THIS MUCH MONEY ON SOME CHICK
WITHOUT GETTING LAID ?
( phone ringing )
HELLO ?
Hey, what are you doing ?
I'M TRYING NOT TO EAT THE KRISPY KREMES.
Come over as soon as you can.
SOMETHING'S DIFFERENT, YOU SOUND BETTER.
Yeah.
I'M DONE CRYING.
YOU READY, WHAT DO YOU SAY, MAYA, HUH ?
CABOOSE ?
WANT TO GET IN THE CABOOSE ?
AH-HA !
WE GOT THE CABOOSE !
ISN'T THIS EXCITING ?
( bell )
( male ) ALL ABOARD !
DESTINATION, LAS VEGAS !
LAS VEGAS ?
WHOO !
BYE !
( soft music )
MY GOODNESS, WHAT'S ALL THIS ?
NOTHING.
IT'S JUST SOME FLOWERS.
WHAT'S UP ?
THAT GIRL, ANITA...
I THINK SHE SHOULD BE CONTRIBUTING FINANCIALLY.
WHY ?
SHE'S HARDLY EVER HERE,
SHE BASICALLY LIVES AT RUSSELL'S.
YOUR RUSSELL ?
THAT'S TERRIBLE.
I DON'T CARE.
STILL, I THINK SHE SHOULD GIVE US A CHECK.
WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST ANITA ?
I SIMPLY THINK IF SHE'S GOING
TO PRANCE AROUND THE HOUSE IN HER UNDERWEAR,
SHE SHOULD PAY FOR THE PRIVILEGE.
MOM, I GUARANTEE YOU.
NONE OF MY FRIENDS PRANCE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
WELL, DON'T BOOK A FIVE A.M. RADIO THING
AND THREE STUPID TV TALK SHOWS BACK TO BACK...
REMEMBER, I SIGN YOUR FUCKING CHECKS !
I'LL BE IN FRONT.
NO !
OH, YOU THINK YOU HAVE JOB SECURITY ?
I FIRED MY OWN GODDAMN PARENTS !
UH, ASSHOLES !
GREEDY, BLOODSUCKING ASSHOLES.
GIMME THAT.
I THINK THERE MAY BE BETTER WAYS TO HANDLE YOUR ANGER.
YEAH, WELL, WHEN I CARE WHAT YOU THINK, I'LL LET YOU KNOW.
FINE.
GOD.
OH MY GOD !
OH, THAT'S YOUR PICTURE.
I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING TWO-DOLLAR HOOKER !
I WAS SUPPOSED TO SIGN OFF ON THESE !
FUCKING STUPID ASSHOLES !
EVERY FUCKING TIME !
COME ON, NOW, LISTEN TO ME.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, ALRIGHT ?
COME ON, NOW.
BESIDES, AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE A HOOKER ?
I'M STARVING.
OH, KEITH.
OH MY GOD.
OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
OH, MMM, MMM.
WOULD YOU STOP PLAYING GANG GIRL ?
WE'RE ONLY HERE TO TALK.
YOU DON'T KNOW HER,
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE'S GONNA DO.
SHE COULD SCRATCH THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR FACE,
AND THEN WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THE P.T.A. ?
PLEASE, I WANT TO SEE WHAT SHE'S LIKE.
WHATEVER.
I'M TAKIN' OUT MY EARRINGS AND I'M PUTTIN' AWAY MY GOLD.
THAT'S HER.
WHO ARE YOU ?
I'M VANESSA, I'M RICO'S WIFE.
OKAY, THIS IS NOT MY PROBLEM.
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE HERE.
IF YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH RICO,
I THINK IT IS YOUR PROBLEM--
NO, UH-UH.
IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRESS,
AND YOU CAN'T KEEP A MAN.
WHAT ?!
I'M NOT FINISHED TALKING TO YOU--
UH !
WHAT THE FUCK !
YOU STUPID BITCH, YOU TRY TO STEAL MY HUSBAND !
FUCKIN' HOMEWRECKER, DIRTY WHORE !
COME ONE, I'LL KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS !
AND YOUR FAKE FUCKING TITS !
YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF MY TITS !
OH, BITCH PLEASE !
YOUR MAN PAID FOR THESE, GORDITA !
OH, HELL NO, BITCH, WHO THE FUCK YOU CALLING GORDITA ?
GET OFF MY SISTER !
GET THE HELL OFF OF MY SISTER !
YOU SLEAZY PIG !
DON'T FUCK WITH MY HUSBAND, DO NOT FUCK WITH MY KIDS !
I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU !
FUCK YOU, I DIDN'T MAKE HIM DO NOTHING !
I GOT A KID, TOO !
GET OUTTA HERE, I CALL THE COPS !
9-1-1 !
HE DOESN'T WANT YOU ANYMORE.
OH, SHIT.
WHOO.
WE GOTTA GO PICK UP THE BOYS FROM SCHOOL.
OKAY.
YOU CAN HELP ME PICK UP, IF YOU WANT.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ?
I CUT BACK THE CRAPE MYRTLE.
THIS IS NOT A CRAPE MYRTLE.
IT'S THE TREE NATHANIEL PLANTED FOR CLAIRE
ON HER 10th BIRTHDAY.
CAN'T YOU TELL A CRAPE MYRTLE FROM A BRADFORD FLOWERING PEAR ?
WELL, WHATEVER IT IS, IT LOOKED DISEASED.
I'VE READ ABOUT POWDERY MILDEW AND IT'S NO JOKE.
THAT TREE IS NOT, NOR HAS IT EVER BEEN DISEASED.
IT NEVER GETS POWDERY MILDEW,
BECAUSE I ALWAYS KEEP THE SOIL DRY AND AERATED.
MY GOD, YOU'VE KILLED IT.
I HAVE NOT.
ASK ANYONE, YOU HAVE TO TRIM VEGETATION
IN ORDER TO STIMULATE NEW GROWTH.
YOU'RE A GEOLOGIST, YOU KNOW ROCKS.
THIS IS A LIVING THING.
YOU CHOP OFF THE BRANCHES AND YOU MAKE WOUNDS.
RUTH, PLEASE, DON'T ANTHROPOMORPHIZE TREES.
WOUNDS, GEORGE, THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE CALLED,
AND THESE WOUNDS WILL NOT HEAL.
THEY'LL BE INVADED BY ROT AND IT WILL MOVE INTO THE CORE WOOD.
YOU'VE BUTCHERED THE MOST BEAUTIFUL TREE IN MY YARD.
I THINK IT'LL COME BACK
BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVER.
AND IF IT DOESN'T,
WE CAN ALWAYS GET ANOTHER ONE.
YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME WHAT YOU WERE GOING TO DO.
( tv playing )
( switching channels )
( phone ringing )
HELLO ?
( male ) Who's this ?
YOU CALLED ME.
WHO'S THIS ?
Sa
SARGE, DUDE, YOU GOTTA KNOW ME OR HOW CAN I CALL YOU ?
SARGE, FROM PAINTBALL ?
OH, MY GOD, THIS IS DAVID FISHER,
DAVID AND KEITH,
You made us breakfast.
HEY, DAVID, YEAH, I REMEMBER.
HOW YOU DOIN' ?
I'M FINE, HOW ARE YOU ?
Excellent.
SEE, I FOUND THIS NUMBER IN MY WALLET AND I WAS LIKE,
WHOA, WHO THE FUCK IS THIS, IT'S YOU.
YEAH, IT'S ME.
I came in from La Habra to play a tournament,
KINDA HANGING OUT NOW, DRINKIN' SOME BEERS.
YEAH ?
Not much happenin' here...
COME OVER.
HI.
HEY.
YOU'RE SO DAMN CUTE.
IT'S TOO MUCH FRAGRANCE ?
YEAH, MAYBE A LITTLE.
FUCK !
I BOUGHT THESE VOTIVES,
THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE UNSCENTED,
INSTEAD THEY'RE LIKE SANDALWOOD LAVENDER VANILLA MUSK.
COME HERE, STOP IT.
( soft music )
I DON'T KNOW WHY, I MEAN, WE ALREADY KINDA HAD SEX,
BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M AT A MIDDLE SCHOOL COTILLION.
WELL, YOU'RE NOT.
YOU'RE ALL GROWN UP AND BEAUTIFUL.
DON'T LAUGH AT ME.
I'M NOT.
NOT AT ALL.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO MAKE THIS GO RIGHT TONIGHT.
IT'S ALREADY GOING RIGHT.
EXCEPT YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THIS VAGINA MUSIC LIKE IMMEDIATELY.
OKAY.
YEAH, I DEFINITELY REMEMBER YOU.
AND UH, KEITH'S OUT OF TOWN ?
HE'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CONTINENT.
SO THIS TIME I GET YOU ALL TO MYSELF.
YES, YOU DO.
I DIG IT.
SO DO I.
WEED ?
OH GOD, YES.
DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WAY THE FUCK OVER THERE ?
I DON'T KNOW.
COME HERE.
( heavy breathing )
WHAT ?
ARE YOU FEELING ANYTHING
RESEMBLING EXCITEMENT RIGHT NOW ?
OF COURSE !
I LOVE KISSING YOU.
YOUR FACE HAS THESE SUBTLE CURVES AND ANGLES.
AM I DOING SOMETHING WRONG ?
NO...
THERE'S JUST SO MUCH MORE WE COULD BE DOING.
I'M SORRY, I'M RRY.
LET'S MAKE IT LIKE A DANCE.
WHERE I TOUCH YOU...
WHICH IS NICE, RIGHT ?
YEAH.
AND THEN YOU TOUCH ME...
( moaning )
OKAY, THIS IS NOT HAPPENING.
SORRY, IT'S NOT.
I TOOK ONE OF DAVID'S ATIVAN, I THOUGHT IT WOULD HELP.
CLAIRE.
YOU REALLY WANT TO GET OFF, HUH ?
YEAH, KINDA.
I MEAN, IT'D BE NICE.
WELL, GO AHEAD.
CLAIRE FISHER.
I WANT TO WATCH.
ALRIGHT, YEAH.
WATCH ME.
I'LL COME FOR YOU.
( moaning )
OH, HEY.
OH, I WAS WAITING UP FOR YOU.
HEY.
MMM, GOOD MUSIC ?
YEAH.
YEAH, YOU KNOW, OOMPAH, OOMPAH,
LOVE, DANGER.
WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY ?
I WENT TO TRAVEL TOWN.
NO.
YES.
NATE TOOK HIS DAUGHTER AND I TAGGED ALONG.
DID YOU RIDE THE TRAIN ?
FOUR TIMES.
OH.
I KNOW GRIFFITH GULCH LIKE THE BACK OF MY HAND.
THAT'S A LONG TRIP.
YOU MUST BE ALL TUCKERED OUT.
YOU'D THINK SO,
BUT NOT SO TUCKERED.
DUDE, YEAH !
YEAH, HA HA HA !
AH, AH, AH !
( phone ringing )
HELLO.
YOU BETTER LOCK UP YOUR GODDAMN VANESSA OR I WILL !
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
She and some other puta tried to beat my ass
AND WHEN THEY COULDN'T, THEY BEAT MY FUCKING CAR !
IT'S YOUR FAULT !
You better buy me a new one !
IT IS NOT MY FAULT !
YOU STARTED THIS, I'VE GIVEN YOU ENOUGH !
MY LIFE IS RUINED BECAUSE OF YOU !
FUCK YOUR CAR, INFINITY, I'M DONE !
FINE, 'CAUSE I DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE, DUM-DUM.
I GOT TWO GUYS BETTER THAN YOU,
AND THEY'RE NOT STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL THEIR BITCH-ASS WIVES !
BITCH !
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE WE ARE.
OH, TAMPA.
YEAH, BECAUSE WHEN I GOT ON STAGE, I SAID,
"HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE ME, TAMPA !"
I'D BETTER LET YOU GET SOME SLEEP.
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU'RE REALLY TIRED, BUT...
YOU CAN'T STOP YOUR MIND ?
IT JUST GOES AROUND AND AROUND.
YEAH.
HEY, HOW'S YOUR BOYFRIEND ?
NOT SO GOOD.
TELL ME.
HE GOT CARJACKED A WHILE AGO,
IT WAS BAD.
YEAH.
I'M AFRAID OF THOSE THINGS, TOO,
SOME FREAK OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A GUN,
THOSE AUTOGRAPH HOUNDS.
JUST NEVER KNOW.
YOU SING.
IT'S MY JOB TO WORRY.
STAY WITH ME.
JUST TILL I FALL ASLEEP.
CELESTE...
SHUT UP.
YOU TRYING TO GET ME ARRESTED ?
YOU'RE BARELY 18.
PUBLICITY.
LAST MARCH, I TURNED 21.
YOU EVER BEEN WITH WOMEN ?
OF COURSE.
I DON'T GET FUCKED IN THE ASS.
WELL, THAT MAKES ONE OF US.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
GOTTA BUNK WITH A GUY FROM MY TEAM.
MORE TOURNEY THIS WEEK AND I DON'T WANNA GET
MY ASS LIT UP AT THE TOP OF THE ACTION.
GOTTA FOCUS,
STAY TIGHT,
STAY ALIVE.
GAME ON !
WELL, STAY HERE.
YOU CAN'T GO ALREADY, I WANT YOU TO STAY.
YEAH, I GET THAT, BUT--
LIKE, NO, SORRY.
I'LL MAKE YOU BREAKFAST.
I'LL GO TO YOUR TOURNAMENT WITH YOU.
COME BACK TO BED.
OR WE COULD WATCH TV.
DO YOU HAVE A DEAFNESS PROBLEM ?
LOOK, TUNE IN,
I GOTTA BE SOME PLACE ELSE.
I'LL LEAVE YOU A JOINT,
YOU COULD USE IT.
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO ?!
WHAT ?
TO DO TO GET SOMEBODY TO STAY WITH ME !
AW, FUCK THIS SHIT, MAN.
DON'T YOU GO !
WHOA, WHOA !
DAVID, DO I CALL A HOSPITAL ?
NO.
GET SOME HELP, WILL YA ?
YOU'RE LOSING IT.
( door opening and closing )
GOOD LORD !
FEDERICO ?
HI, MRS. F.
WHAT IS THIS ?
I, UH...
WELL, WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS AT HOME,
AND UM, I DIDN'T HAVE ANYWHERE ELSE TO GO.
OH, WHAT A SHAME, I'M SORRY.
BUT YOU CAN'T SLEEP HERE.
OH, OH, OKAY.
I'LL GO.
NO, NO, DEAR, COME UPSTAIRS.
YOU CAN TAKE CLAIRE'S OLD ROOM.
WE'LL PUT THESE IN THE WASHER.
THANK YOU.
DON'T CRY.
YOUR MARRIAGE HAS ALWAYS BEEN SO STRONG.
YOU'LL BE HOME SOON.
NO, I CHEATED ON VANESSA AND SHE'LL NEVER FORGIVE ME.
FEDERICO !
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU MEN ?
ALWAYS TURNING YOUR BACK ON WHAT YOU HAVE,
ALWAYS SNIFFING AROUND FOR SOMETHING NEW...
ME ?
YOU'VE HAD THREE BOYFRIENDS SINCE MR. F.,
AND THAT'S NOT INCLUDING THE AFFAIR WITH THE HAIRDRESSER.
YOU KNOW ABOUT HIRAM ?
I PRACTICALLY LIVE HERE.
I MADE A MISTAKE.
I JUST WANT TO TAKE IT ALL BACK.
I KNOW, DEAR, I KNOW.
( phone ringing )
YO.
Hey.
JUST THE MAN I WANT TO TALK TO.
WHAT'S UP, KEITH ?
WHAT'S UP, DAWG.
YOU HAVE TO COME HOME.
I am, the tour's back on the west coast
in a couple of weeks.
LISTEN, I GOT TO CHECK IN WITH--
YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME, I NEED YOU NOW !
David, the timing's not good.
FUCK TIMING, FUCK YOU !
WHOA, WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU ?
DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT I'M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND ?
CAN'T YOU TELL ?
GOD, WHERE IS EVERYBODY ?!
Okay, okay, I hear you.
DON'T STAY ALONE, GO TO YOUR FAMILY,
I'll be there as soon as I can.
* JESUS TAUGHT ME HOW TO WATCH *
* HE WASHED MY SINS AWAY *
* OH, HAPPY DAY
* IT WAS A HAPPY DAY
* HE TAUGHT ME HOW, HOW TO WATCH *
* FIGHT AND PRAY, OH YES *
* FIGHT AND PRAY, OH
* OH, AND THEN REJOICE
* EVERYDAY, EVERYDAY
* OH YEAH
* OH, HAPPY DAY, OH, HAPPY DAY... *
I THINK I'VE FIGURED US OUT.
ME, TOO.
YOU FIRST.
I THINK YOU ARE THE...
COOLEST AND MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON
I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE
AND I ADMIRE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH.
WELL, OF COURSE.
AND YOU ARE TOTALLY HOT.
I MEAN, I FEEL THAT, I REALLY DO,
AND I'M LIKE SO PULLED TO YOU.
BUT WHEN I LOOK AT THIS WHOLE THING OBJECTIVELY ?
THE ATTRACTION IS AESTHETIC.
WELL, YEAH !
IT'S CREATIVE AND ARTISTIC--
AND INTELLECTUAL AND PHYSICAL--
YES !
BUT NOT NECESSARILY SEXUAL.
YOU'RE NOT INTO FUCKING WOMEN.
I THOUGHT I WAS.
SHIT.
BUT AFTER SEEING YOUR ORGASM ?
I REALLY, REALLY WANT ONE.
FUCK !
CHOO, CHOO.
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL PLACE, BREN.
IT'S PEACEFUL.
YOU AND JOE DID GOOD.
COULD'VE BEEN US.
YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT US.
AND IT'S TIME FOR MAYA'S NAP.
RIGHT, TIME FOR A NAP.
WE'VE GOT TO SAY GOOD-BYE.
LET HER SLEEP ON THE BED.
COME ON, WE CAN TALK ABOUT SAFE THINGS.
CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUGGA...
( Maya laughing )
I'M GOING OUT FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS.
OKAY, BYE.
ALL YOU DO IS COME AND GO !
RUTH.
MARRIAGE IS NOT A GAS STATION, GEORGE.
YOU CAN'T JUST PULL IN AND FILL UP
WHENEVER YOU REMEMBER YOU HAVE A WIFE.
THAT IS COMPLETELY UNFAIR AND INACCURATE.
I HAVE ALWAYS TREATED YOU AS A PARTNER AND A FRIEND,
AND IF THAT'S NOT MARRIAGE, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS.
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU DON'T !
WELL, WHAT ABOUT YOUR OWN LIFE ?
WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE CENTER OF EVERYTHING FOR YOU ?
AND WHY DO YOU HAVE TO HOUND ME ABOUT EVERY PERSONAL DETAIL
DOWN TO THE FUCKING SUBATOMIC LEVEL ?
BECAUSE WHEN I DON'T, THERE'S SHIT ON MY DOORSTEP,
OR ANOTHER CHILD APPEARS, OR ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND,
OR YOU MURDER MY FAVORITE TREE !
SARAH WAS WRONG.
YOU'RE NOT LIKE NATHANIEL, YOU'RE WORSE !
YOU ARE SMOTHERING ME.
BULLSHIT !
YOU ALWAYS DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED OR GROWN ONE IOTA SINCE WE MET.
WELL, DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.
WARN ME ?
ARE YOU THREATENING DIVORCE ?
THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT.
I'M YOUR SEVENTH SPOUSE, GEORGE.
HOW MUCH WARNING DO YOU THINK I NEED !
( door closing )
YOU JUMPED ON HIM ?
I COULDN'T STOP MYSELF.
WHAT DID HE DO ?
PUT ME DOWN AND SAT ON ME.
I WAS LIKE A MOSQUITO TO HIM.
IT WAS HUMILIATING.
I HAVE TO GET CONTROL OF MYSELF.
NO, DAVID, IF YOU WERE ANYMORE CONTROLLED,
YOU'D BE A SCULPTURE.
YOU KNOW WHAT ?
LAST NIGHT,
I HAD A HUMILIATING HOMOSEXUAL EXPERIENCE OF MY OWN.
SERIOUSLY, WHAT HAPPENED ?
NOT MUCH.
I NEVER EVEN WENT DOWN ON HER.
YOU CAN STOP THERE.
I JUST COULDN'T GO THROUGH WITH IT.
IT PISSES ME OFF.
IT WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER TO BE GAY.
OH, NO.
YEAH, I'D HAVE A REALLY DEFINED SUBCULTURE.
OVERRATED.
WE'RE BOTH WOMEN,
I'D HAVE SOME IDEA OF WHAT SHE WAS THINKING AND FEELING.
NOT NECESSARILY.
WELL, I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH UNFAMILIAR SEX ORGANS.
OH, THEY'RE ALL UNFAMILIAR, UNLESS THEY'RE YOURS.
( door opening )
HEY.
HOW YOU DOING ?
I GOTTA LEAVE THE TOUR, DUANE.
YEAH, I HEARD.
THERE'LL STILL BE WORK IN L.A. ?
DEFINITELY, YEAH.
WE KNOW IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ?
YEAH, I'LL GO TELL CELESTE.
WHOA.
SHE'S THE ONE THAT TOLD .
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
CELESTE FIRED YOUR ASS THIS MORNING.
( moaning )
JOE--
OH GOD, FUCK.
WAIT, WAIT, MAYA'S--
NATE'S DAUGHTER'S IN THE NEXT ROOM.
LOOK, I DESERVE WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ME,
BUT I DON'T WANT HER SCARED, SO...
CAN YOU GIVE ME THAT ?
GET OUT.
OH GOD.
OH.
I GOT YOUR BEAR.
IT'S HIM.
YOUR PREVIOUS INDISCRETION, HIM ?
YES.
THAT DEPRESSING CRIPPLE ?
I MEAN, YOU'RE BOTH CRIPPLES, OBVIOUSLY.
I'M SO STUPID.
YEAH, I WAS ACTUALLY CONSIDERING HAVING CHILDREN WITH YOU.
BUT THAT TRULY FRIGHTENS ME !
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
I KNOW IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
I'VE OBVIOUSLY BEEN IN COMPLETE DENIAL
THAT I'M IN RECOVERY.
OH, SHUT THE FUCK UP !
YOU NEUROTIC, TEDIOUS, SELF-ABSORBED BITCH.
YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME.
YOU NEVER DID.
IT'S NOT TRUE.
I LOVE YOU, JOE.
I DO !
I WAS HONEST WITH YOU IN THE BEGINNING.
I HAVE AN ISSUE--
OH, BLAH-BLAH FUCKIN' PSYCHO-BULLSHIT !
IT'S NOT SEX, IT'S BETRAYAL,
THAT'S YOUR FUCKING ADDICTION !
OKAY, I'LL GET HELP.
NO, NO, HERE'S A QUESTION FOR YOU.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A PERSON WITHOUT CHARACTER,
WITHOUT INTEGRITY, WITHOUT LOYALTY,
WITHOUT RESPECT ?
I CALL THAT PERSON A FUCKIN' WASTE OF MY TIME.
THAT'S NOT WHO I AM.
YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME, BUT YOU DON'T.
YOU'D THINK SOMEONE IN THIS FAMILY
WOULD NOTICE WHEN THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE.
THIS IS BULLSHIT.
YOU GO TO BED WITH A WOMAN WHILE YOUR BOYFRIEND'S RECOVERING ?
I CAN'T TRUST A MAN LIKE THAT.
CELESTE...
LOOK, IF YOU STAYED WITH THE TOUR YOU'D DISTRACT ME.
THAT CAN'T HAPPEN.
PLUS IT'S VERY UNPROFESSIONAL TO FUCK THE BOSS.
NOT COOL, DAWG.
WELL, JUST SO YOU KNOW,
I WAS LEAVING BEFORE YOU FIRED ME.
HMM, SYNCHRONICITY.
CIAO, BABY !
"Dear neighbor...
( laughing )
"You are my brother...
"I love you...
"and yet I feel a great sadness in my bosom...
WHERE'S MOM ?
"GOING AWAY.
"DON'T CONTACT THE AUTHORITIES.
"I'LL BE IN TOUCH WHEN I'M READY.
DINNER IS IN THE OVEN."
APPARENTLY SHE'S GONE WALK-ABOUT.
( laughing )
( Marge Simpson ) I wish this family was as close as the Flanders.
( Homer Simpson ) Okay, okay, alright, she's right.
Let's do something together.
What does eryone say to some miniature golf,
followed by a round of frosty chocolate milkshakes ?
( Bart Simpson ) Alright !
( Marge Simpson ) I was going to wash my hair.
* OH HAPPY DAY, OH HAPPY DAY *
* WHEN JESUS WASHED, WHEN HE WASHED *
* HE WASHED MY SINS AWAY *
* OH HAPPY DAY, OH IT'S HAPPY DAY *
* HE TAUGHT ME HOW
* HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO WATCH *
* HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO WATCH AND FIGHT AND PRAY *
* OH HAPPY DAY, OH HAPPY DAY, OH LORD *
* OH HAPPY DAY, OH YEAH *
* OH HAPPY DAY
Captions Copyright 2004 HOME BOX OFFICE, INC.
Captioned by HBO COMMUNICATIONS CENTER
AVID, WOULD YOU LIKE ge.