- Oh, hi. - Hey.
- So, uh.
What's the big news you had us rush all the way over here for?
Okay, our news.
My company has asked me to head up our office in Tulsa.
So, as of Monday, I'm being officially relocated.
- What? - Oh, my God.
Monday?
Well, how long do you have to go for?
Well, they said it could be up to a year.
- 'A year?' - 'Oh, my God.'
What? Do you have to go?
Well, I k-kind of have to, don't I?
'Cause of this stupid thing.
There's nothing like the support of your loving wife, huh?
Wait-wait a minute, wait, wait.. You can't go to Tulsa.
Maybe you forgot, but we have tickets
to the Jets game next week.
Well, I'm-I'm sorry, buddy, but I don't think
I will be able to make it.
But we do.. We were gonna go see the Jets.
Yeah, you-you-you can't go.
I mean, you're the glue that holds this group together.
- Really? - Not you.
Man, I can't believe you guys are moving.
I call their apartment!
- Oh, no! - No! No!
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you ♪
♪ Life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week ♪
♪ Your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
Here you go, Rach.
Oh, thank you, Joey. Oh, you know what?
I'm not even sure I can have caffeine.
I went through this with Ben and Carol.
One cup of coffee won't affect your milk.
Well, yeah, just to be sure, I'm going to call Dr. Wiener.
[chuckles]
- Every time? - Mm-hmm.
Rach, you-you don't have to call him
whenever you have a little question, okay?
Trust me. I know this.
Alright, I trust you.
Rachel, I can see you dialing. I don't understand why--
Shh, I'm on the phone. Dr. Wiener?
[chuckles]
It's so weird seeing Ross and Rachel with a baby.
It's just so grown up.
I know, yeah. I feel like we're all...growing up.
Person named Wiener. God that kills me.
Look at you all grown up.
Yeah, well, actually, actually, you know what?
I am, you know..
Yeah, well, that whole thing with Rachel
made me realize that maybe I'm ready
for a more serious relationship, you know?
Like, I'd like to meet a nice, mature, commitment-minded lady.
And looks aren't important as..
- Nah, she's gotta be hot. - Mm-hmm.
Well, you know, I might know somebody.
Hey, how about you set me up with someone and we double-date?
I can do that. Yeah, how's, uh, how's Friday?
- Done. - Alright.
- Oh, good, really? - Yeah.
Okay, let's see.
[chuckles]
Alright.
Um, ooh, you know who's great? Sandy Poopack.
[laughs] Poopack.
Yeah, alright, well, that rules out Lana Titwiller.
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
- Hi. - Hey.
I've got good news.
You got out of the whole
Tulsa thing?
Okay, I have news.
You don't have to move to Tulsa.
You can stay here and keep your job.
That's great. How?
Well, my boss and I worked out a deal
where I only have to be in Tulsa four days a week.
So, the other three, I can be here with you.
So, you're gonna be gone four days a week?
No.
I'm sorry, are you just...used to saying that?
No. I can't be away from you for that long.
- Really? - 'Yeah, you're my husband.'
I'm not going to live in a different state than you
for 208 days out of the year.
That's fast math.
We could use you in Tulsa.
Honey, thanks for trying to figure out a way
but if you're going to Tulsa, I wanna go with you.
Hey, you said that without gagging.
I know.
[instrumental music]
Wha.. E-excuse me? Oh, yeah?
Well, up yours, too.
Who the hell was that?
[sighs] Dr. Wiener.
Rach, you can't call people at 3:00 in the morning.
Oh, you know what? You sound just like his wife.
Was there anything even wrong with Emma?
Yes, of course there is. Okay, I'm not insane.
Well, what was it?
Hiccups.
Rach, I told you, you can't call him
every time any little thing comes up.
Yeah, well, not anymore I can't.
He fired us.
What are we going to do? We have to find a pediatrician.
[sighs] Wait, oh, wait, wait, wait.
Monica said that when you guys were growing up
you really liked your doctor. What was his name?
Dr. Gettleman?
Uh, yeah, no, I don't-I don't think that's a good idea.
In fact, I think he's-I think he's dead.
Argh, why does everything happen to me?
Look, Rach, I promise, first thing tomorrow
we'll find another doctor, but I gotta get up early
and I'm not feeling all that well.
What? Wh-Wh-What you're not feeling well?
What do you have? Is it rubella?
Because don't go near Emma
she has not had that shot.
You know, come to think of it, it-it does feel rubella-like.
[beeping]
Wie-e-ene-e-e-r.
Wiener, Wiener, Wiener--
Rachel!
Great. Now, he's gonna know it was me.
[instrumental music]
- Hey. - Hey.
So, how is this for a big
double-date tonight?
Oh, my God.
Ooh, great. Just the reaction I was hoping for.
Uh-huh, yeah, so, you, uh, you found someone for me?
- You didn't forget? - Of course not.
And you are gonna love Mary Ellen.
She's really smart and cute and funny and..
I can't tell you how I know this
but she is not opposed to threesomes.
- Alright. - Yeah.
So, tell me something about my guy.
No.
Come on, give me something. What's his name?
Mike.
- Mike? - Yeah.
Okay. What's his last name?
Damn it, is there no mystery
left in romance anymore?
Alright, we'll see you and Mike
at the restaurant in couple of hours.
- Alright, great. - Alright, bye.
- See ya, buh-bye. - Yeah.
Why did I have to say Mike? I don't know a Mike.
Why couldn't I have said..
There's no guys in there.
[instrumental music]
Oh, it's impossible to find a good doctor.
I mean, how do you know the good ones from the ones
who are going to push their penis against your knee?
Excuse me?
I know what she's talking about.
Um, yeah, well, we've-we've gotta find a new pediatrician.
Ross was getting sick last night
and I think Emma may have caught it.
Why don't you go see Dr. Gettleman?
Ross said he died.
He didn't die.
No, I just saw his daughter last week. Said he was fine.
Her, on the other hand, much Botox.
Well, great. Well, then I'm going to take Emma to see him.
I wonder why Ross said that he died?
Oh, maybe he was getting him confused
with his childhood therapist.
- He saw a therapist? - 'Mm-hmm.'
Yeah, he used to have this recurring nightmare
that just really freaked him out.
Why? What was it?
That I was going to eat him.
[instrumental music]
Mike.
Yeah?
Okay.
[instrumental music]
I gotta tell you, I can't believe I'm doing this with you.
Although, yeah, I did just get out of a nine-year relationship.
So, I guess I should be open to taking some risks.
Everything's going to be fine. Just follow my lead, okay?
All you have to do, is pretend to be Mike.
I am Mike.
Atta boy.
Here they come.
- Hi, I'm Phoebe. - Hi.
- Hey, Phoebe, Mike. - Nice to meet you.
(Phoebe) 'Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins.'
So, Mike, how do you and Joey know each other anyway?
[laughs] How do I and Joey know each other? Wow.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody's asked me that.
From-from school.
Yeah, we met in college.
I mean high school.
Wow, you guys go way back, then.
So, what are you.. What are you up to these days?
Uh, well, I'm a lawyer.
Mike, Attorney-at-Law.
Actually, I just gave up my practice.
What? Th-that's the kind of thing you usually run by me.
Well, I always wanted to play piano professionally
and I figured, if I don't do this now.
- I never will. - Wow, that's great.
I like that better than the lawyer thing, so..
Which is why I waited until now to introduce you to Mike.
I thought you thought he was still a lawyer?
No, no, no. That's not what I meant.
Let's-let's get you a cocktail.
[snapping fingers]
[instrumental music]
- Hey. - Hey.
Hey, what are you doing?
Looking for restaurant jobs
for you in Tulsa.
Aw, that's so sweet.
Did you find anything?
Slim Pickins'.
Oh, nothing, huh?
No. Slim Pickins'. It's a barbecue joint.
They're looking for a cook.
Actually cook may be a bit of a stretch.
They're looking for somebody to shovel mesquite.
Slim Pickins'. That is so cheesy.
Well, So Cheesy also has an opening.
Honey, that's okay. I actually know this woman
Nancy, who's a.. She's a restaurant biz headhunter.
Maybe she'll know something.
Can I just say how much I appreciate you coming with me.
When we get to Tulsa, I am taking you
for a great dinner at Slim Pickins'.
So Cheesy?
Whole Hog?
It's gonna be tough to keep kosher in Tulsa?
Hi, Nancy?
Hi, it's Monica Geller. I'm good.
Listen, I'm-I'm looking for a job in Tulsa.
Yeah, well, my husband's been relocated.
Because I love him.
No, no, I-I don't.. I don't want a job in New York.
Javu's looking? Oh, my God.
He asked for me personally? Oh, my God!
Oh, wow, this is really really flattering.
But, um, I'm-I'm moving to Tulsa.
Yeah, just so, just if you would tell Javu, um
I'll take it.
Hi, um, my name's Rachel Green.
I have an appointment for Emma.
Uh, Dr. Gettleman is finishing up
with a patient, he should be out shortly.
- Okay, thank you. - I think you just have a cold.
It's definitely not strep.
Thanks, doctor.
Would you like a lollipop?
Do you even have to ask?
He is alive.
[instrumental music]
You know, it's so surprising that you and Joey
have known each other for so long
and I've never heard about you.
Yeah, oh, that's, uh, that's because
we had a...bit of a falling out.
Mike hit my mom with a car.
No, I didn't.
No, it's okay, Mike. I have forgiven you.
And now, we're friends again, and everything's great.
Well, wait. Is your mom okay?
Please, we're trying to have a conversation. Whoo.
Wow, you're a lot nicer on "Days of Our Lives."
"Days of Our Lives."
That's why you look so familiar.
- What? - What?
What?
Do you not know each other?
[laughs] Of course we do.
Mike is playing a game
that we used to play in high school.
Yeah, where we pretend we don't know each other.
We played all kinds of games.
Hey, you remember that one where I punch you in the face
for not being cool?
Mike, let me ask you something.
How many sisters does Joey have?
- Six. - What are you doing?
I said seven!
Oh!
Joey, why did you set me up with a stranger?
Because I.. I forgot about our date.
- I'm so sorry. - Yeah, I'm sorry, too.
And just to be clear I didn't hit his mother with a car.
You are unbelievable.
I spent so much time finding
the perfect girl for you, you know?
Mary Ellen is really smart and cute and loose.
Hey.
Oh, who are you kidding?
You just...find some guy off the street for me?
God, this is humiliating.
Look, Phoebe, I'm so sorry, you know, but-but-but
hey, look, if you don't like this guy
I can find you a better one. Mike? Mike?
Oh.
I'm out of here.
It was nice meeting you.
What? You're leaving too?
I'll stay if you can tell me my name.
- Have a good night. - Mm-hmm.
[instrumental music]
Honey, we're leaving tomorrow and you've still got
a lot of packing to do.
You're right.
Maybe I shouldn't go.
- What? - Uh, um.
So, Nancy told me about this-this job
at this great restaurant, Javu.
But it's just a-a little outside of Tulsa.
Well, how far outside?
Manhattan.
And, uh, you're thinking of taking it?
So, before you said that being with me
was more important than any job
but I guess, now, it's, uh
old job, me, new job.
I'm going to miss this hand.
Okay, I know this is a lot to ask, but, oh, my God, Chandler
this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
What happened to you-can't-live without-me-four-days-a-week?
Well, if you really think about it
I mean, four days is just not that long.
I mean, I see you Monday before you go to work
and then I see you Thursday when you get back
and I always work late on Tuesdays
so, really if you think about it, I mean
...it's really just one day.
And, um, well, if we can't make it one day
we got real problems, my friend.
Alright, I think you should take the job.
- Really? - Yeah.
I know it must be important to you
when you start chattering like a monkey.
That's the nicest thing anybody's ever said to me.
- Hey. - Hi.
How was the pediatrician?
Oh, I really liked him.
Yeah, yeah, it was really, really, really good.
You promised you wouldn't say anything.
I know.
Ross still sees his pediatrician.
I don't care.
Are you serious? You still see Dr. Gettleman?
He is a brilliant diagnostician.
Diagnostician or...boo-boo fixer?
Mmm.
Ross, seriously, you've got to go to an appropriate doctor.
Why? Why? I'm-I'm-I mean, I know it's a little weird.
But, hey, he is a great doctor, okay?
He knows my medical history
and every time I go in there he-he makes a big deal.
You know, "Oh, look, it's-it's my favorite patient."
Does he say that before he sticks
his thermometer in your tushie?
Hey, I seem to remember someone
bringing his security blanket to college.
That was not a security blanket. That was a wall hanging.
It didn't spend much time on the wall!
[instrumental music]
Oh, oh, eh, excuse me, uh.
Hi. I was hoping to run into you.
Uh, can we talk?
Sure.
I'm sorry. Really, I'm so embarrassed.
That our..
I...really, I'm a-I'm a pretty nice guy.
Just ask my parole officer.
Appa-apparently, I'm not a funny guy.
Well.. Why did you go along with it?
Because I was told that I'd get a free dinner.
Which I didn't.
And that I'd meet a pretty girl.
Which I did.
That's true.
Well...is any.. Is anything you
told me about yourself true?
My name is Mike. And I do play piano.
Oh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Prove it.
There isn't a piano here.
That wouldn't stand in the way of a true pianist.
Okay.
You are really good.
I'm, um, I-I play a little guitar myself.
- Really? - Uh-huh.
- That's great. - Yeah.
What kind of music do you play?
Well, um.. Like acoustic folksy stuff, you know.
But I'm.. Right now, I'm working on a couple Iron Maiden covers.
Do you think that maybe..
...sometime, I could, uh..
It's okay. Go ahead, ask me out.
Okay. You think maybe sometime I could take you out?
Oh, you just caught me off guard. Um.
Yes. That would be nice, yeah.
Look at this, my two best friends.
[instrumental music]
Excuse me, uh, I don't mean to be a jerk
but the baby with the rash came in after me.
The doctor will be right with you, sir.
Mommy, I can't find Waldo.
What, the circus? He's behind the elephant.
Wow, so, your child's a big fan
of the "Waldo" books too?
Yeah, that's-that's how I know.
I'm Ross by the way.
- Hi. I'm Sally. - 'Hi.'
So, no ring. Can I assume you're also a single parent?
I am a single parent.
It's hard, isn't it?
Th-th-there's almost no time for a social life.
I mean, where are you going to meet someone?
Well, um...let's say, I don't know
you-you met someone in the..
...pediatrician's office, uh.
Rossie, we're ready for you.
Um, yeah.
Come on, Ross Jr. It's time to go in.
Mommy.
Mommy, what's wrong with that man?
Hey, I helped you find Waldo!
[instrumental music]
Oh, good, you haven't left yet.
Where have you been?
I got held up at Dr. Gettleman's office.
Uh, there-there was some guy that, uh..
...freaked everybody out.
Well, you got here just in time. I really have to go, buddy.
Oh, man.
Honey, promise to call me when you land?
Of course, I will call you. I love you.
I love you too.
Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, watch the tongue, people.
We got a baby over here.
- Bye, Chandler. - Oh, bye.
- Bye, honey. - Bye.
What's the matter, Joe?
I'm mad at you for leaving.
You know, you're nothing but a big leaver.
Big leaver with a stupid suitcase.
Any chance you're trying to pick a fight
to make all of this easier?
Oh, dude, you see right through me.
Okay, well, bye, Mon.
'Bye, Ross, Rachel.'
- Bye, Emma. - Okay, buh-bye.
Have a good trip. Okay.
Oh, my God.
Chandler, wait.
It goes, old job..
...new job..
...and you.
This is just something I have to do.
I know.
I love you so much.
I know that too.
[instrumental music]
Don't worry. I'll be back before you know it.
Yes, it will be the same.
Because I know, that's how.
I promise.
You double promise?
Call me when you land.
Can I talk now?
- Okay, bye. - Joey?
He had to board.
[theme music]