Hey, I'm all packed and ready to go.
Well, that's right, daddy and Uncle Joey
are going on a trip today.
We're going to a conference in Barbados.
Right? Can you say Barbados?
Barbados.
Okay. I-I got to say uh..
It means so much to me that you guys
are coming all the way over there
to hear me give my speech.
Ooh! And I have a surprise.
Uh, I had to pull some strings
but I was able to get everyone
passes to the entire conference. That's right!
These babies will get you into all
the paleontology lectures and seminars.
Do you have anything
that will get us out of them?
Yeah, Ross, I mean, we're excited to hear the speech
but the rest of the time, we're gonna wanna do
you know, island stuff.
I think David will probably
wanna hear a few lectures.
Oh, right, because he's a scientist.
No, no, well, because, you know he's been in Minsk
for eight years and if he gets
too much direct sunlight, he'll die.
- Okay, we better go. - Yeah.
Um, so we'll see you guys tomorrow.
Alright, let's do it.
Five-hour flight with Charlie
have a couple drinks, get under that blanket
and do what comes natural.
It's a blanket, Joe, not a cloak of invisibility.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week your month ♪
♪ Or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Wow! This place is beautiful.
Look at all these paleontologists!
I know, there are gonna be some pasty folks
by the pool tomorrow.
Oh, my God! I can't believe you're here.
I think I've been recognized. This happens all the time.
Dr. Geller, I am such a huge fan.
That never happens.
I've been following your career for years.
Uh, I can't wait for your keynote speech.
Wow. This is very flattering. Uh..
I would love your autograph.
Look, uh, sure.
Um...dear..
- Sarah. - Sarah.
I...dig you.
Uh?
- Dr. Ross Geller. - Oh, thank you so much.
Sure. Oh, and, Sarah?
I like to introduce you to my colleague
uh, Professor Wheeler.
And, uh, and this is Joey Tribbiani.
Are you a paleontologist?
No, God! No, no.
No, no, uh, I'm an actor.
You probably recognize me from a little show called
"The Days Of Our Lives."
Dude, it's, it's just "Days Of Our Lives."
There's no "The."
[chuckling] Okay, Ross. Boy, this guy...yeah.
No-no, I, uh, play Dr. Drake Ramoray.
I'm sorry, I don't own a TV.
You don't own a TV?
What's all your furniture pointed at?
David, can you help me?
I'm trying to explain to Chandler
how a plane stays in the air.
Oh, certainly, that's a combination
of Bernoulli's Principle
and, uh, Newton's Third Law Of Motion.
See?
Yeah, that's the same as "It has
something to do with wind."
Alright, I'm gonna go pick up a few things for the trip.
Oh, I should go too. Oh, now.
Tomorrow, do you guys wanna share a cab to the airport
or should Mike and I just meet you there?
Mike? Who's Mike?
Uh, Mike's your-your ex, uh, uh, boyfriend.
That's right! Oh, yeah.
Wow. I had totally forgotten about him.
That's a, that's a, that's a blast from the past.
Oh. It's okay, it's okay. Honest mistake.
It really doesn't mean anything.
I mean, you know..
Monica refers to Chandler as Richard all the time.
- She does? - Mmm. Let's get you outta here.
Well, at, uh, at least, you took me down with you.
Oh. I'm so sorry.
I just, I keep thinking about Mike.
I'm crazy about David, and we're having
so much fun together.
Why? Why do I miss Mike?
That's just, that's-that's gonna go away, right?
- I guess, in time. - Yeah.
I mean, my-my feelings for Richard are certainly gone.
You just did it again.
Chandler, your feelings for Chandler
are certainly gone.
Boy, Phoebe's still pretty hung up on that Mike, huh?
I wouldn't read too much into it.
Still, you know, a-a girl calls you
by her ex-boyfriend's name, that-that
that's not a good thing, right?
David, lemme, lemme stop you there
'cause I think I see where this is going.
I'm not very good at giving advice.
See, if you want advice, go to Ross, Monica
or Joey if the thing you want advice about
is pizza toppings or a burning sensation when you pee.
Sorry, I just, wish there was something I could do, you know?
Well, well, you know Phoebe--
Seriously, we're gonna do this?
I'm sorry, I-I just wish I could make her forget
about Mike already, you know?
W-w-why did Phoebe and Mike break up?
Uh, because his penis was too big.
[chuckles] I'm sorry.
That's the kind of thing I do.
Yeah, they, they broke up because
Mike didn't wanna get married.
Hey, w-what if you just let Phoebe know
you'd be open to marriage?
That's great. That's, that's great.
I'll-I'll propose to her.
What?
Well, I-I was probably going to do it at some point.
Uh, I-I didn't mean now.
Well, why not? It's brilliant. Goodbye, Mike.
We'll-we'll see you at the wedding, fella.
Well, we-we probably won't invite you to the wedding, but..
Well, and thank you, Chandler. Uh, sincerely, thank you.
Well, you're, you're welcome.
Glad I could help.
How do you think I should propose?
David, I'm pretending to read here.
I'm sorry.
Yeah. How you doing? Uh-huh.
Hey, Hey, hey.
You said you were gonna wear a thong.
Where's the thong?
[chuckles]
I didn't mean a thong.
I meant thongs.
You-you really should have been
more clear about that.
[knock on door]
Hey. You're never gonna guess who I just saw downstairs.
Oh, uh-uh, Britney Spears.
Yeah, she never misses these conferences.
No, I just saw Dr. Kenneth Schwartz!
- Oh, my God! - I know.
- Did you talk to him? - Uh, yeah.
Um, what am I gonna say to Kenneth Schwartz?
You could say, "Hey, Kenny
how come you're not Britney Spears?"
- You ready to go? - You-you gonna go now?
- I thought we could hang out. - Oh, I can't.
I have seminars all day, and I promised Ross.
- I'd look at his speech. - Yeah.
But, um, maybe we could have dinner later.
Out on the balcony?
It would be romantic.
Will you wear a thong?
I will if you will.
Mm. You got yourself a very weird deal.
[chuckling]
I'm good. I-I have dinner plans, so..
- So, you gonna be okay? - Yeah, yeah.
I got, I got tons of stuff I could do.
I'm gonna hit the beach, go swimmin'.
Uh, Joe, have you looked outside?
No. Why?
Oh, man!
There's an indoor pool. You-you could swim there.
- Yeah. - I wasn't gonna swim.
I was gonna dig a hole.
Wow, that "Mike" thing was interesting.
I don't-I don't know what's gonna happen
with Phoebe and David.
I do.
Want a hint, huh?
I do.
Okay, I'm sensing this is some kind of wordplay
because you are pink with barely controlled glee.
David's gonna propose to Phoebe.
What? Why?
Because, we were talking about ways
that he could beat Mike and I told him
that Phoebe wanted to get married.
Chandler, we have talked about this.
You are not supposed to give people advice.
Now, could-couldn't you have made some sort of
inappropriate joke?
I did! A penis one.
Well, just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said?
They've only been going out for a few weeks.
Phoebe is, uh, completely hung up on Mike.
She'll say no. David's heart will be broken.
It'll be too hard for them to recover from
and then Phoebe will end up alone again.
Man, that's some bad advice.
[instrumental music]
Oh, hey. Thank God you guys are here.
Hey. What's-what's goin' on?
Uh. Everything is upside down here.
It rains all day long, and nobody watches TV
and Ross is famous.
Alright, I don't wanna alarm anybody
but Monica's hair is twice as big as it was when we landed.
Okay, when I go places with high humidity
it gets a little extra body, okay?
That's why our honeymoon photos look like me and Diana Ross.
Come on, I'll show you guys where to check in.
Oh, honey. Can you make sure we get a king-size bed?
Oh, David, get one for us too.
Oh, and-and see if they have a heart-shaped one.
And with the mirrors on the ceiling.
And-and make sure our room isn't next to theirs.
Oh, you guys are so lucky you're here with people.
You know, it's just such a romantic place.
That's all I just wish I could..
...share it with a guy.
Not Joey.
N-not Joey, no.
I-I was-I was just lusting after Chandler.
Yeah, right.
So, um, I'm, uh, proposing to Phoebe tonight.
Tonight?
Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond?
Oh, there it is.
Yes, well, um, being a failed scientist
doesn't pay quite as well as you might think.
That's um, that's 1/70th of a karat.
And-and the clarity is, uh...is quite poor.
Nice.
Monica, can I talk to you for a second?
Okay.
David's gonna propose to Phoebe tonight.
See what happens when you give people advice?
- I hope you told him not to. - That would be advice!
Okay, fine. I'll handle this.
- Phoebe. - Yes?
I need to talk to you.
Are you leaving the Supremes?
Okay, my husband just gave your boyfriend
some very bad advice.
David's gonna propose to you tonight.
Wow. Really?
That's fantastic.
- Wow. - What? Are you serious?
Well-well, you wanna marry him? What about-what about Mike?
Oh, okay, you want me to marry Mike?
Alright, well, let's just gag him and handcuff him
and force him down the aisle, okay?
I mean, I can-I can just see it.
"Mike, do you take Phoebe?"
[muffled screaming]
You know, it's, it's every girl's dream.
Do you really think that marrying
someone else is the right answer?
Sure.
Look, okay, bottom line
I love Mike, David!
Uh, David.
I love David.
Don't look at me that way, Roseanne Roseannadanna.
"By using CT scans and computer imaging
"we can, in a very real way, bring the Mesozoic Era
into the 21st century."
It's great.
You're gonna be the hit of the conference.
Oh, and-and you know what?
It'll be even better tomorrow
because I won't be constantly interrupted by Joey
checkin' to see if, uh, they put chocolates on my pillow yet.
[knock on door]
- Hey, guys. - Chocolates aren't here yet.
Damn it!
Ross just read me his speech. It's fantastic.
Oh, is it on the computer?
'Cause I'd love to give it a read.
If you wanna check your e-mail, just ask.
What? May I?
What's with the rain, Geller?
I mean, when I signed up for dino week..
nobody said anything
about it being monsoon season.
Actually, the wet season is June to December.
It's not the time, Charlie.
Oh, no. No, no! Dear God, no!
Oh, what, did someone outbid you for the teapot?
Secret teapot?
Your computer, I don't know what. Everything's gone.
- What? What do you mean? - It must be a virus.
I think it erased your hard drive.
What? Oh, my God. What, what did you do?
Someone, I don't know, sent me an e-mail and I opened it.
Why? Why would you open it?
Well, it didn't say "This is a virus."
- What did it say? - "Nude..
Pictures of Anna Kournikova."
- I'm so sorry. - What am I, what?
What am I gonna do? My speech is gone, Chandler.
It's not gone. I mean, I'm sure you printed out a copy.
- You have a hard copy, right? - No, I don't!
Well, you must be pretty mad at yourself right now.
[instrumental music]
- It's really gone? - Yep.
I'd like to thank you guys for coming down here
to complain about the rain and ruin my career.
- I just feel awful. - Yeah, you should.
Nude pictures of Anna Kournikova?
I mean, she's, she's never even won a major tournament.
Well, I tried Billie Jean King, but..
You know, you and Monica have the same
"I'm gonna kill you" look.
I can usually make it go away by kissing her.
Get out.
You know, this happens all the time
to my computer at work.
Well, what do you do?
Well, I usually go..
...play Tetris on somebody else's computer.
I can't believe this. I can't believe this is happening.
I have to give the keynote speech tomorrow, okay?
I-I have to stand up in front of
all these people. What am I gonna say?
I could teach you a speech that I memorized for auditions.
I don't think your monologue from "Star Wars"
is gonna help me right now, Joe.
Ross, Ross, we can solve this. I just heard your speech.
We can recreate it. We've got all night.
Well, you-you really think we can do that?
Oh, wait.
Joey and I are supposed to have dinner.
Hey, don't worry about that.
I mean, Ross needs you, you know?
And Rachel and I will stay and help any way we can.
[groans]
Alright. Okay, let's do it.
Um, I-I know we start by discussing
the shortcomings of carbon dating.
Um, and then, then I move on to what is clearly
the defining moment of the Mesozoic Era
the breakup of Pangaea, hello.
Um, and then there's the overview of the Triassic.
Ooh, ooh, any chance any of this happened
in a galaxy far, far away?
[sputtering]
[phone rings]
- Hello? - Okay, Mike, enough is enough.
Now, you love Phoebe and she loves you so you need to
get over your whole "I never wanna get married"
thing and step up!
Who is this?
(Monica) 'This is Monica. I'm Phoebe's friend.'
Listen, Phoebe is back with David
and he's gonna propose to her and she's gonna say yes
but I know she really wants to be with you.
He's, he's gonna propose?
I'm sorry. Did you say something?
I-I can't hear through
all this damned hair!
Look, if Phoebe wants to marry David, she should.
I'm not gonna stand in the way of that.
- Neither should you. - You don't tell me what to do.
I tell you what to do.
Just call her. She's at the Paradise Hotel in Barbados.
And while I've got you, you've got curly hair.
What do you do in the humidity?
Damn it!
Well, I hope you're happy.
Aw, I hope you're happy too, honey.
Phoebe's going to say yes to David.
See? That's what happens when you meddle in people's lives.
Phoebe's gonna say yes? That's, that's great.
No, it's not! Because she's still in love with Mike!
And there's no chance that will work?
No, I called him. It's not gonna happen.
[gasps] Meddler! Meddler!
Well, if you hadn't meddled to start with
then I wouldn't have had to go in there
and meddle myself!
Now no matter how much we meddle
we'll never be able to unmeddle the thing
that you meddled up in the first place!
This vacation sucks!
- I'm so bored. - Mm.
Stupid rain. We-we, we can't do anything.
Well, I brought some books. We could read.
Hey, it hasn't come to that yet, okay?
Hey, hey, hey, don't mind if I do.
I'm sorry, sir. These are for the pharmaceutical convention.
Hey, Rach, you, uh, feel like goin' to a convention?
We can't. We're not pharmacists.
Not no, I know we're not, but, uh..
"Frank Madeo and..
"...Ava Churara..
...Wumba...Wum."
- "Kate Miller." - Kate Miller it is.
Okay.
Uh, okay.
And that's the most sex
I'm gonna have this weekend.
Well, in that case
should I make sure it's on real good?
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Uh, and then, and then you said that thing about
about bringin' the Mesozoic Era into the 21st century.
Well, yeah. That-that's it?
- Yeah. - 'Oh, my God!'
We-we did it!
Actually, I did it, Ross.
You remembered shockingly little of your own speech.
[chuckles] Yes, but I-I did make a pyramid
out of the bath products.
This-this is, ah, this is amazing.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
That, that's a pretty necklace.
Thank you.
Hey, um, what do you say we celebrate?
- Champagne? - Oh, yeah!
Hey, save the cork, and that way
we can fill the bottle with water and put it back
so they don't charge you.
Oh, my God, I love you.
Oh, this is such a cute picture of Emma.
And is this your son or just some kid
whose picture you bring on vacation?
That's Ben, my son from my first marriage.
- Your first marriage? - 'Yeah.'
You've been married more than once?
No.
Hmm.
So, uh, why'd you break up?
Oh, it was..
It's complicated, you know?
She, uh, she was, uh..
...gay.
- Oh, my God! - Uh.
This is so cool!
Okay, odd thing to get excited about, uh.
No, it's just that I was engaged to a guy
who turned out to be gay.
Hey! High five!
Didn't you feel so stupid that you didn't see the signs?
My fiance was always going away on these long weekends
with his tennis partner.
My wife had a, had a workout friend
she went to the gym with every day for a year.
She didn't get any fitter.
Right, and everybody finds out, and they're like..
"Oh, I knew all along."
I know, I'm sorry, if you knew
why didn't you tell me, you know?
I mean, call, leave a note.
"Hi, uh, just dropped by to say your wife's gay."
I know!
And then, and then you try to make
the best of a bad situation
so you, you float the idea of a threesome.
I didn't do that.
Me, neither.
Well, who knew? Pharmacists are fun.
I know, that old lady at the end
was ready to take you home.
Not enough pills in the world, Rach.
But what about you, huh? You're the single one.
See anybody in there you like?
Well, let's see.
There was that really big guy that I was talking to
with the really nice breasts.
But, uh, what about back home?
Anything goin' on there?
Anybody you like?
No. No.
There is. You're blushing.
No, I'm not blushing. I'm sunburned.
- From, you know, the rain. - You like someone.
- Tell me who it is. Who is it? - Come on, no.
- Tell me who is it? - Joey!
Come on, who? Who do you like?
Tell me. You're not getting away that easy.
- Stop it. Alright, Joey. - Who is it? Who do you like?
Come on! It doesn't matter, you know?
It's not like, anything's gonna happen.
What? Why not?
Rach, who can you not get?
[scoffs]
Mmm.
Okay. Okay.
You really wanna know who it is?
Hmm. Yeah. Who is it?
- Do you? - Yeah.
- Hey. - Hey.
I just left you a message.
Uh, Ross and I were gonna go grab a bite
but, um, now that you're here
maybe we could go have that dinner.
Right. Of course.
Hey, did you guys finish the speech?
Yeah. Yep, we got it. We got it.
- Thank you so much. - I had a great time.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Alright, hey, look, and this isn't over
because I really wanna know who--
Later, later.
- So, um, shall we? - Yeah.
- Okay. Bye. - Okay, goodnight.
Night.
[sighs]
- Okay, goodnight. - Night, Ross.
I can't believe she's gonna say yes to David
when she's clearly in love with Mike.
You know, it's very hard to take you seriously
when you look like that.
Um..
Phoebe, um, I have, uh..
...some-something I wanna say.
Oh, my God, he's gonna do it now.
Please, I cannot watch this. Let's go.
I think we have some time.
Have you ever heard him talk?
"Uh, Phoebe, um..
...I would be honored if, uh, uh.."
Spit it out, David!
Um, Phoebe, um..
Well, you're an amazing woman
and the time we spent apart was, was unbearable.
Of course, the sanitation strikes in Minsk didn't help.
Sure, okay, yeah.
But, um, well, now that we're together again
I don't ever want to be apart.
So to that end..
Oh, my God, Mike.
It's David, actually.
No, Mike's here.
Oh, hey, Mike.
Hi, David.
Chandler.
Monica, oh.
It's the humidity!
Hi, Phoebe.
What are you, what are you doing here?
I have a question I need to ask you.
Uh, I have a question I was kind of gonna ask her myself.
Yeah, I-I understand, but, but before you do, uh
she really needs to hear this.
Okay.
Uh-huh, would you, would you care for my seat as well?
Actually, yeah, that'd be great.
Well, that's fair. You've had a long trip.
Phoebe, I love you.
I've-I've missed you so much these last few months.
And I thought we were apart for a good reason.
But then, I suddenly realized
that there was no reason good enough to keep me
from spending the rest of my life with you.
I-I kind of, uh, steps on the toes
of what I was going to say.
I'm sorry, David. But she really has to know this.
Alright but after this, I wanna see you outside.
If the rain stops.
You're the most incredible woman I've ever met.
[chuckles] How could I lose you?
Now, I don't actually have a ring.
I-I-I have a ring.
I wouldn't brag too much about
that thing, big guy.
Phoebe?
Will you marry me?
No.
Um, ha ha.
I love you.
But I never needed a proposal from you.
I just needed to know that we were headed somewhere.
You know, that, that we had a future.
We can have any future you want.
Okay, well, I'm, uh, I'm gonna take off.
Oh, God, David, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
Just so I know, uh..
...if-if I had asked first?
Yeah, I-I, I might have said yes.
But that would've been wrong. I mean..
Uh, please, you don't have to explain.
I mean, perhaps, if I hadn't gone to Minsk
things would've worked out for us.
And I wouldn't have ruined my career.
Or lost that toe to frostbite.
It was a good trip.
Is it okay if I hug you now?
[chuckles] Yes.
Because of our meddling! Alright?
[instrumental music]
Oh, isn't this nice?
So quiet, I could just lie here all day.
Oh, I know.
[door opens]
Open your drapes! Open your drapes!
So glad we got adjoining rooms.
- The sun is out! - 'Look!'
Hey, remember when I had corneas?
Okay, listen, you go down to the pool and reserve the chairs
and I'll get the magazines and the lotion.
Uh, ladies, Ross's speech is in 45 minutes.
- No! - Damn it!
(Ross) 'Walls are pretty thin, guys.'
[instrumental music]
Then we have to weigh the data
from recent MRI scans and DNA testing..
...which call into question information gathered from years
of simple carbon dating.
Look at that woman sitting out by the pool getting tan.
She's all leathery and wrinkled.
I'm so jealous!
Finally, factor in the profusion of new species
recently discovered, Giganotosaurus.
Argentinosaurus.
Not to mention "Coldsaurus."
And that's just the herbivores.
I'm not even gonna discuss the carnivores.
Uh, their heads are already too big.
Which is ironic considering
their stunted cerebral development.
[crowd laughing]
Really?
But all kidding aside.
In much the same way that Homo ergaster
is now thought to be a separate species from Homo erectus..
[chuckles]
- What? - He said, "erectus."
You're, you're kidding, right?
No, he really said it.
And while there are certainly vast differences
between these Mesozoic fossils
and the example of Homo erectus..
[chuckles]
- Erectus? - Homo.
[chuckles]
In a very real way, we can bring the Mesozoic Era..
...into the 21st century.
Thank you.
[applauding]
- Congratulations. - Great.
- Oh, really? - Really great.
- Oh, thanks, guys. - I thought it was wonderful.
- Oh. - Jarvis Oberblau. Cornell.
I mean, the ideas you put forth.
And-and from someone so young and..
Okay, now-now we're just holding hands.
Alright. Well, um, we're gonna hit the beach.
- It was really great. - Oh, thank you so much.
- And so funny. - Oh.
- Take it easy. - Okay.
Alright, thanks. Thanks so much, you guys..
I can't tell you how much it means to me that you were here.
What, are you kidding? We wouldn't have missed it.
Yeah.
Oh.
I'm back.
Okay. Um, well, excuse me.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Hey.
- Well? - You were incredible.
- Yeah? - I mean, you blew them away.
Oh, I can't tell you how great it was
to look out into the crowd and see your face.
I mean, uh, did you know you were
you were mouthing the words along with me?
- I was not. - No, it's okay.
It made me feel like, like a rock star.
Oh, my God, I'm your groupie.
Hey, I better not find you naked in my hotel room.
Look, I took it too far.
Oh, I can't believe it's raining again.
- Oh. - It's so unfair.
Well, on the bright side, now we won't have to see
all these paleontologists with their shirts off.
Not you guys.
You've got it goin' on.
So what are we gonna do today?
They have a game room downstairs.
I think they have like, Ping-Pong and stuff.
Ping-Pong?
Honey, they have Ping-Pong. Let's play.
- I don't think so. - Why not?
Because you know how competitive you get.
And while I say it's cute
others disagree and I'm lying.
- I'm not always that bad. - Oh, yeah?
What happened when we played last time?
I punched you.
And?
Phoebe.
And?
I clunked your heads together.
[chuckles]
Hey. There you are.
Hey, listen, as soon as it stops raining
we have got to go snorkeling.
This, uh, some kid told me about this sea turtle
and if you blow bubbles in his face, he chases ya.
I'm sorry, I can't.
I'm running a discussion group all afternoon.
Oh. Well-well, that's okay.
I'll find someone else to do it.
I'd do it alone, but, uh..
I don't, I don't know what happens if the sea turtle
catches you.
God, you know, I feel so bad.
I haven't seen you this whole trip and..
- Especially last night. - Oh, hey, don't worry about it.
It was fine. I ended up having the best time with Rachel.
I just felt bad for you
stuck in that room working on Ross's speech.
Actually, it turned out to be a lot of fun.
Oh. Oh, well..
At least, we're both having fun.
- Right? - Yeah.
Is it weird that it's not with each other?
Yeah.
A little bit, yeah.
I think we need to talk.
Yeah, I think we do.
About what?
Come on, you guys, it'll be fun.
Alright, alright, I'll play if we don't keep score.
Well, then how do we know who wins?
- Nobody wins. - So we're just four losers.
Super!
- I'm not playing with her. - Yeah, I'm out.
- I'll play you. - Okay.
Mike, you don't, you don't know what you're doing.
She gets crazy. This scar is from Pictionary.
I think I'll be alright.
You wanna volley a bit for serve?
Sure if you want to.
Oh!
Oh, by the way, um, I'm awesome.
Oh, dear God, there's two of them.
- You ready to play? - Hell, yeah.
Did you know this about him?
No idea.
I-I thought he was soft like you.
You wanna make it more interesting?
How much were you thinking?
- Ten bucks a game. - Make it fifty.
I'll make it a hundred.
- One thousand.. - Okay!
We'll flip to see who goes first.
Uh, you got a quarter?
No. Either of you girls got a quarter?
Honey, try to focus the trash talk on him.
- Monica, you call it. - Heads.
- No, tails! Heads! - Tails.
Oh, what are the chances?
- Ha! My point! - 'Oh, no, I don't think so.'
You know, according to standard table tennis rules
if at any time a player uses his non-racquet-bearing hand
to touch the playing surface, he or she forfeits the point.
He was a lawyer.
All of the East Coast is having beautiful weather.
(female on TV) 'In New York it's 72 and sunny.'
Oh. Weather bitch.
[knock on door]
It's open.
- Hi, Joe. - Hey.
What, is everything okay?
Uh, Charlie and I broke up.
No. Why?
Uh, well, she said we have nothin' in common.
Oh, what? That-that's crazy.
No, it's not. We have nothin' in common.
- Yeah, that's true. - 'I know.'
I mean, she should be with someone more like...Ross.
You know, I mean, he uses all those big words too.
Man, smart people are dull.
What? Hey!
[chuckles] Okay, Rach.
I just, I feel so stupid, you know.
Why, why do I keep goin' after the wrong girls?
Well, what are you, what are you talkin' about?
Come on, I mean, there's you, then there's Charlie
that's like..
[sighs] What the hell's my problem? I just..
[sighs]
Okay.
Um...maybe you're not always
goin' after the wrong girl.
I'm telling you, Rach, Charlie is not right for me.
Yeah, I'm not talking about her.
Well, then who?
The waitress I went out with last month?
You know what? Forget it.
No, no, no, who are you talking about?
No, I-I-I don't, I don't..
I actually don't know who I'm talking about.
That's all.
Okay.
Uh, alright, well.
I'm gonna go see if I can get a room for tonight.
And, uh, I'll, I'll see you later.
Yeah, sure. Okay.
[sighs]
[door creaks]
- You like me? - Okay.
Let's not make a big thing about this.
It's a huge thing.
Okay, not working with me, Joe.
Look, here's the thing.
Lately, I have been having thoughts.
Musings, if you will.
- What the...for how long? - Only like a month.
- A month? - Won't you dial it down.
- Oh, no. - Listen, okay.
And-and maybe they're crazy thoughts
but-but sometimes I do.
I've been, I've been thinking about..
...you know, us.
Okay, dial it up a little.
Okay, I've uh...I just have one question.
- Shoot. - What the hell are you doing?
You know what, I'm not trying to do anything.
It's just, we've such a good time
when we're together, you know, and..
Aren't you just a little curious
what it would be like?
Am-am I curious?
I'm as curious as-as..
...George.
- Who? - Curious George.
You know, the monkey and the guy with the yellow hat?
Yes, of course. I remember him.
- Yeah, he had a paper route. - Yeah, he did.
Uh, see, this is what I'm talking about.
No, I know, yeah, I know we're great
but, Rach, no, this, this can't happen.
But can't it just happen a little bit?
Well.. No! No!
- It can't happen at all! - Why? Why not?
Because, look, no one wants this to happen
more than me, okay?
I have gone over this moment
in my head a hundred times
and not once did I ever say no.
But..
[sighs]
I couldn't do it to Ross.
But that wasn't gonna stop you before.
I know, I know but I've thought about it a lot
since then and it just wouldn't be right.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too.
Oh, God. I shouldn't have said anything.
- No, no, no. - Aah.
Hey, hey, we'll be fine.
Like hey, like you said, it's no big deal.
- It's not a big deal. - No big deal.
It's so not a big deal.
- I'll see you later. - Okay.
- Yeah, come on. - Okay.
Hey.
- Bye. - 'Okay.'
[sighs]
Oh! Okay, oh!
[instrumental music]
Oh! I'm sorry, I think..
I think that may have missed the table.
Oh, do you?
- Uh, yeah. - Do you?
- Uh, yeah. - Do ya?
Uh, yeah.
You really find this attractive on him?
Oh, yeah.
Are you telling me you're not even
a little turned on by Monica right now?
I think this is the first time in our marriage
that I felt like the more attractive one.
Alright, come on, Mike. You can beat her.
Knock that dog off her head.
[grunts] Damn it!
I sleep with him.
Game point.
Don't get too cocky.
Remember, I won the last one.
Oh, by the way, how did that feel losing to a girl?
You know, you should really look in mirror
before you call yourself that.
No! No! No!
And that's how it's done.
Okey-dokey. You've each won a game.
And I've lost what's felt like a year of my life.
So everybody goes home a winner.
- Best out of three? - That's what I'm thinking.
Should I use my invisibility
to fight crime or for evil?
- Serve the ball, chump. - "Serve the ball, chump."
Okay, better comebacks, Mike. Better comebacks.
I'm just saying, I have a cabin in the Adirondacks.
And if you ever wanna get away from the city
well, that'd be..
...just nifty.
Ooh, well, um..
I've kind of got a lot on my plate right now.
Not that I wouldn't love a weekend in the country
with a strange man.
- Jarvis? - Oh, you're back.
- Um, this is my wife Nancy. - What?
Get out.
Ross, um, can I talk to you for a minute?
Yes, please.
Um, so what's, what's going on?
Um..
Well..
- Joey and I broke up. - Oh, my God.
What? What happened?
Joey is a great guy
but we're just, ah, we're so different.
I mean, like during your speech
he kept laughing at Homo erectus.
I knew that was him.
Anyway, I just, um..
I think it's for the best.
Hey. Hey, you okay?
I guess.
There was, um..
[sighs] There was another reason
that I thought it was time to end it with Joey.
I started to realize that I was having feelings
for someone...else.
Okay, Geller, last day of the conference.
You know what happens to the keynote speaker.
Uh, Professor Klarik, we're kind of in the middle
of a conversation here.
Yeah. Can't you guys just throw him in the pool later?
Or we could throw you both in now.
Okay, gentlemen, please.
Uh, aren't we a little old for this?
I mean, we're scientists, alright?
We're academics and most importantly..
...uh, you-you will have to catch us first.
Go! Go! Go!
[instrumental music]
[laughs]
Okay, so it's tied again. 41 to 41.
Okay, look, enough is enough.
No, I just have two more points to beat him.
Monica, that was also true an hour ago.
I mean, please, look at you.
Your hand is blistered. You can barely stand.
Your hair is inexplicable.
Okay, you've already proven you're just as good as he is.
Now we've missed our dinner reservations.
So now let's just go upstairs, order room service
take a shower and shave your head.
I can't just walk away.
- I've put in four hours. - But--
Look, you knew this about me when you married me.
You agreed to take me in sickness and in health.
Well, this is my sickness.
What about the obsessive cleaning?
That's just good sense.
Ow!
[stifled moaning]
- You okay? - No, no, honey, I'm okay.
I shake it off.
Oh, God, no shaking! No shaking!
No shaking.
Oh, my God.
I can't play.
So you forfeit?
Mike wins?
I can't believe it.
I lost.
No, you didn't.
What?
Because I'm gonna play for you.
- You can't do that. - Ah, it's okay.
I don't care which of 'em I beat.
Okay, we're taking that paddle home, mister.
Honey, you don't have to do this.
Yes, I do.
Now, I may not understand
why you have to win so badly
but if it's important to you
then it's important to me.
Because I love you.
But...you suck.
You're welcome, sweetheart.
Alright, Mike, let's get this over with.
Sudden death. Whoever wins this point, wins.
Okay.
Oh, my God. You're good.
It's like watching porn.
And that's how it's done.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
That was so amazing.
When-when did you..
Hold on, I almost forgot.
Loser!
- When did you stop sucking? - I never sucked.
I just didn't want you to know how good I was.
- Why? - I don't know.
Well, this is so great.
Now we can enter into doubles tournaments.
That's why.
[instrumental music]
- Are they still looking for us? - Yeah.
Yeah, the bartender said they, uh, they split up
into two search parties.
The herbivores and the carnivores.
You know, we as a group, are not the coolest.
Oh!
I don't think they saw us.
I don't think they did.
Um, so..
I started to tell you something earlier.
Um..
There, uh, there was another reason
that I realized it was time to end it with Joey.
I, um, I kind of realized
I was starting to have
feeling for someone else.
Huh.
Can I-can I-can I ask who?
I think you know.
I think I know too but I've been really wrong
about this stuff in the past, so..
I'm sorry. We, uh...we can't.
Alright, alright.
I mean, you just went out with my best friend, you know.
I..
I just think it would be a really, really bad idea.
Or-or not.
[instrumental music]
[knock on door]
What?
[music continues]
Oh.
[music continues]
[theme music]
[music continues]