- Hey. - Hey.
Oh, my God, you cleaned.
[gasping] Look at these floors.
You did the windows!
I have been begging you for months and you did
you cleaned.
And nagging works.
You know, uh, I didn't actually do this.
Oh, no. Was I cleaning in my sleep again?
No, it wasn't you.
- Well, then, who? - I got a maid. Yay.
Oh, well, I hope by "maid" you mean "mistress"
because if some other woman was here cleaning, then..
Now, honey..
...I know you don't like to relinquish control.
Oh, relinquish is just a fancy word for lose.
Look she's really nice, okay?
And she mentioned that she adored
the way that you arranged the sponges.
Did she really say that?
Yes, I distinctly remember 'cause I thought it was a joke.
Now, just give her a chance, okay?
Fine, I can do it.
[sighing]
What's the matter?
Well, usually when I'm this anxious I clean.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week your month ♪
♪ Or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
[cellphone ringing]
Whose cellphone is that? It's just so annoying.
Everywhere you go.
I think it's coming from your bag.
I never get calls!
Hello.
Phoebe, hi, uh, it's Eric.
From the Halloween party, eh..
Ursula's fiancee.
Oh, my God. Eric, hi.
Wait, how'd you get this number?
Oh, I have a friend who's a cop and he got it for me.
Wow, what an incredible violation
and wonderful surprise.
Listen, I just, I thought you should know
I broke up with Ursula.
Oh, you did?
He did it. He did it.
Wow, what did he do?
Shh! I'm talking.
Anyway, I was wondering
if you were the sort of person who..
...eats lunch.
Are you asking me out?
Because it would be kinda weird
since you just broke up with my sister.
Yeah, um..
...okay.
I'm-I'm sorry. Bye.
No-no, wait, I was just saying
that so you'd think I was a good person.
Fight for me.
Uh..
I-I won't take no for an answer.
Not great, but we can work on it at lunch.
(Phoebe) 'Okay, um, I can be at your apartment in two hours.'
Great! But wh-wh.. How do you know where I live?
I've got friends too.
- Okay, bye. - 'Bye.'
Oh, my God. I'm going out with Eric.
Ooh, this day is really gonna be so much better
than I thought it was going to be.
Oh, Ross, I can't make lunch.
So, apparently I'm available for lunch.
I can't. I'm busy. I'm apartment hunting.
You're moving?
Yeah, I can't live with Joey once the baby comes.
I don't want my child's first words to be, "How you doin'?"
So, does-does Joey know you're moving?
Well, I haven't discussed it with him yet
but I know, he's gonna be relieved.
Last week, he brought this girl over
and I started talking to her about morning sickness
and then I showed her pictures from my pregnancy book.
That's not really porn.
Not so much.
Hey, you know what, if you're looking for a place
I just heard in the elevator this morning
that a woman in my building died.
Oh, my God.
Was she old?
Does she have a view?
Well, I don't know, but how-how great would that be, huh?
You living in my building.
I could help take care of the baby.
I can come over whenever I want.
With your permission.
Yeah, that would really be great.
Yeah.
Well, can we see it?
Oh, maybe we shouldn't.
I mean if she just died this morning, out of respect.
Yeah. No.
No, you're right.
- Shall we? - Yeah.
- Yes. - Hi. I'm Ross Geller.
I live in the building.
And I'm Rachel
an admirer of the building.
I-I heard about Mrs. Verhoeven passing away
and I'm so sorry for your loss.
She didn't pass away.
What?
My mother's still alive.
Oh, thank God.
It looked like we were gonna lose her this morning
but she's a tough old bird.
- Ah. - Ah.
Are you close with her?
[chuckling] Of course.
Uh, yeah, she and I would talk all the time
in-in the laundry room.
You speak Dutch?
[speaking in Dutch]
You know, I would, but it's just too painful.
So, she's really not dead.
No, she's hanging in there.
Hmm.
Do you think, could you tell me if she's hanging in
in a, in a one bedroom or a two?
Mrs. Bing, this tile cleaner is incredible.
Where'd you get it?
Oh, well, umm..
I make it myself!
It's two parts ammonia and one part lemon juice.
And now the secret ingredient is..
You know what? We just met.
Okay.
Uh, I'm gonna go get the clothes from the laundry room now.
And, when I come back I'll clean behind the refrigerator.
[chuckling] I love her.
I'll be back in a minute.
Okay.
See, I told ya'.
She stole my jeans!
What?
I have been looking for them all week and she is wearing them.
So, she stole your pants and then she came back
and wore them in front of you?
Don't you see? It's the perfect crime!
She must've been planning this for years!
I will prove it to you! Okay?
About a week ago, I was wearing those jeans
and I dropped a pen on my lap
and it left an ink stain on the crotch.
Now, when she comes back
I will find it and show you that stain!
Honey, isn't it possible that the company that sold the jeans
made more than just the one pair?
I guess.
So, shouldn't we go give her the benefit of the doubt
before we go..
...snooping around her crotch?
Fine.
I'm just glad I didn't give her my secret ingredient.
[laughing] Out of curiosity, what is your secret ingredient?
[chuckling] Yeah.
[knock on door]
- Hi. - Come in.
I'm so glad you're here.
Yeah, me too.
Not in the shaky angry way that you are though.
Sorry, I just saw Ursula.
I had to get the engagement ring back.
Oh.
Just seeing her brought it all back.
All the lies, the way she used me.
I just, I get so angry just looking at her..
...face.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm sorry, I just..
...when I look at you..
...I see her.
When I see her..
...I get a little bit angry.
Maybe this is too weird.
No wait.
There's only a problem..
...when I look at you.
Oh, I got it! I got it.
No, don't tear out your eyes!
I was just, I was just gonna take out my lenses.
Oh, yeah, try that.
So, is that better?
Not really.
You.. You're blurry
but you still look like Ursula.
You're Blursula.
Okay, wait.
Maybe..
...if I, if I just don't look at you for a while.
[chuckling] See. See?
It-it works. I'm not, I'm not angry at all anymore.
This-this is a great date!
Look, Eric, turn around.
Look, I like you, but it shouldn't be this hard.
You know? This is our first date, you know?
First dates are supposed to be about
excitement and electricity
and "Ooh, he just touched my hand
did he mean to touch my hand?" and you know first kisses..
...second kisses.
Thanks for the coffee.
[clearing throat] Or uh..
[speaking in Dutch]
Yeah, we're done.
Ezel.
"Ezel?"
"Ezel? Ezel?"
Hey, Ross.
Listen, you wanna go see that new IMAX movie on tide pools?
- Really? - No.
But I got Knicks tickets for you, me, and Chandler, huh.
Sweet.
Alright, well, finish your coffee. Let's go.
Okay I-I just have to stop by my place first.
To tape the game?
You do this every time Ross, you're not gonna be on TV.
No-no, I-I have to see if this apartment became available.
Oh, you're switching apartments?
It's not for me, it's for Rachel.
But Rachel has an apartment.
Yeah, but when the baby comes she's gonna wanna move.
- She is? - Yeah.
I mean, you don't expect her to live there with a baby, did you?
I guess, I didn't, really think about it.
"Ezel."
Hey, Gunther! You're an Ezel.
[scoffing]
Jij hebt seks met ezels.
Damn it.
- Nice jeans. - Oh, thanks.
- I like your top. - Oh.
You're not getting it.
What happened?
Oh. I fell asleep.
I was thinking about taking my lunch break.
Oh, will you do the top of the cabinets?
That'll really work up your appetite for lunch.
[chuckling]
Alright.
[sighing]
- Hello. - What's going on?
I'm sorry. I've never had a maid before. Is this not okay?
- Hey. - Hey.
- How was the game? - Ah, it was okay.
I ate way too much.
- Oh. - Ooh.
So, umm, I was talkin' to Ross
and he said you were looking for a new place.
Oh, yeah, hopefully across the street
if certain Dutch people would just let go.
I was kinda hoping you'd stay.
But, Joey, I have to go. There's no room for a baby here.
No room? It's a baby.
It's like this big.
You know, I mean you-you could you could put it over here.
Or-or-or we could put it right here.
Aw, it's cute, right?
Or-or we could put it over here.
You wouldn't even notice it. Where's the baby?
[mumbling]
Honey, it's not just a matter of where you put it.
I mean, a baby changes everything.
They cry all the time.
I mean, imagine bringing home some girl and trying to score
when there's a screaming baby around.
I could use a challenge. It's getting pretty easy.
Honey, it's so sweet that you want me to stay
but I-I can't do that to you.
I mean, it would disrupt your entire life.
I just, I..
I love living with you so much.
You know, I just wish things didn't have to change.
I know.
You know, I blame Ross for this.
- I do too a little bit. - Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna miss you.
You're the hottest roommate I ever had.
[moaning]
Ooh, oh, no. I-I have to go.
Oh, I have a massage appointment.
Oh, no, stay here, we'll keep doing this.
I'll pay you.
No, I've got in trouble for that before.
I'll see you later.
- Absolutely. - Okay.
I love the way you kiss.
Really? That's the thing I'm worse at.
[chuckling] You'll see.
- Hey. - Hey.
Um, honey, Brenda needs a raise.
How come?
Because I put my head between her legs.
Wh.. To see her pants?
They're my pants!
Are you sure? Did you see the stain?
No, I was just getting into position
and then everything went dark.
Oh, my God, she is not stealing from us, okay?
Will you let this go?
Fine.
She's wearing my bra!
Oh, dear God!
My pink flowered bra. I recognize the strap.
And yet you don't recognize that you're crazy.
Here's the plan, okay?
I'm going to leave and you're gonna
get a look at Brenda's bra.
Here's another plan..
...no.
I would do it but she thinks I'm attracted to her.
Why?
Did you not hear where my head was?
Come on! Come on, we're a team!
We're in this together.
I fear a jury will see it the same way!
Please, do this for me!
Come on, I catch you looking at woman's breasts all the time.
You see that?
Do you see this?
Uh-h-h.
Alright. Yes. Okay. I get your point.
But if it's not her bra
will you just let the woman clean the apartment?
Yes! Absolutely. Okay.
Look, you'll know it's mine because on the right cup
the lacey part, there's a very noticeable rip.
You need new clothes.
[knock on door]
Hi. How is she?
It's not looking good.
Oh, oh, oh..
Well, I uh, I brought her some bloemen.
[laughing]
- That's so sweet. - Oh.
Would you like to come in and say goodbye?
I'm sure it would mean a lot to her.
Oh, I don't know that it would.
[chuckling]
Well, her memory is pretty much gone.
Alright, then.
- Hey! - Welcome back.
[Phoebe chuckling]
So, we can pick up from where we left off?
Uh, I don't know, I'm still pretty tired out
from this afternoon.
Why?
Uh, the sex.
- What sex? - Our sex.
We didn't have sex.
Well, if I didn't have sex with you
I had sex with someone that looked an awful lot like..
- Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! - Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
No. No. No.
You-you, you had sex with Ursula?
Uh, a little bit.
She-she-she walked in and I thought she was you
and I kissed her and..
You-you didn't notice she was wearing different clothes?
Well, I-I-I was just so excited to see you.
Aw.
Ew! Ew! Ew!
Ugh! You know what? This is too weird.
No-no, it's not. I don't wanna lose you.
It's-it's like I was saying to Ursula when I was making love
to her and I thought she was you..
Yeah, it is too weird.
So, I guess this is it.
Yeah.
- Maybe it's for the best. - Yeah.
You smell just like her.
Yeah, so do you.
What are you doing?
I'm leaning.
This is where I lean.
Okay.
- Brenda, a bee. - What?
Yes, it's flown into your blouse
and you better undo your buttons lest it sting you.
I think I know, what's going on here.
You do?
Look, I know it must be hard that your wife is a lesbian..
...but it's wrong, you're married.
- I totally understand. - Okay, good.
Could I just see your bra?
Hi.
- Where'd you get those jeans? - You gave them to me.
- No, I didn't. - Alright, I took them.
But I figured it'd be okay
because you've got a big ink stain on the crotch.
Oh, no, did you take my bra too?
What bra?
The pink one with the flowers.
You mean the one that you're wearing?
I quit!
Sounds about right.
What is this?
Hey, uh, this is just to give you an idea.
Okay, we-we can put screens here
so that the baby has privacy
and-and maybe a mobile, you know, over the crib
and uh, oh, look, here's a baby monitor
which till the baby comes, we can use as walkie-talkies.
Huh?
You're so sweet.
[gasping] Oh, my God!
And you gave the baby Hugsy!
[laughs]
Uh-h-h.
That-that's really just to show where the baby would go.
You know, why don't I hold on to him, so there's no confusion.
[laughing]
But, Joey, the baby is gonna be crying. It's gonna be loud.
- I'm loud. - It's gonna be up all night.
- I'm up all night. - It's gonna poop.
Hello!
What about all the women you wanna bring home?
Look, if I'm bringing home a woman
who can't stand being around a baby
then maybe I don't wanna be with that woman.
Or maybe we'll just do it in the bathroom of the club.
Joey, are you sure?
Yeah, and look
I know sometimes it'll be hard, okay
but..
...it'll also be really, really great.
Please, Rachel, I-I really want you to stay.
I want me to stay too.
- Oh. - Thank you.
Uh, Joey, look at this crib. It's so cute.
I know. I found it on the street.
Are you...really?
This is in such good condition.
- Yeah-yeah. - Wow.
Whoa! What's under the cover?
I don't know.
- It's moving. - Ooh.
[screaming] It's still.. It's got a tail!
- Ooh. Ah! Okay! - Get it out of here!
- Yeah-yeah-yeah.
[door opening]
Well, the old lady died.
And how do I know?
Because her dying wish was for one last kiss.
But I don't care because you got the apartment.
- Yes! - Ooh.
Yeah.
Uh, I think I'm gonna stay here.
Isn't that great?
What? You. But-but..
[mumbling]
Ezels!