Hey, babe, aren't you excited? We're going on our honeymoon.
Yeah, I am.
♪ Bermuda Bahamas come on pretty mama ♪♪
That's right, get it out of your system while we're alone.
Hey. We came to say goodbye.
Yeah, have a great honeymoon.
- Thanks. - I better go pack.
Oh, no, I already packed.
The only thing I couldn't find, that was your Speedo.
Speedo? Ah..
I don't have a Speedo.
I'm gonna go pack my regular long bathing suit.
Oh, good, you're still here.
I wanted to tell you to have a good honeymoon.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, and I also wanted you guys to know
that I am telling the father today.
What, what, what?
We know it's Ross.
How? How do you know?
It was his sweater.
But, oh, my God!
Wow, I so wanted Ross to know first
but I am so relieved that you guys know.
That's so great and I'm gonna be your baby's aunt.
- I know. - Me, too.
I'm gonna be an uncle. Come here.
You're all gonna be aunts and uncles.
Yeah, but I'm the only one related by blood.
Okay, great, so, now that you guys all know
you can help me, give me some advice
on how I'm gonna tell Ross.
Well, what were you gonna say?
Well, I was gonna tell him I'm gonna have the baby
and he can be as involved as he wants.
Well, that.. That sounds good.
Yeah, but, you know, how do I start?
I mean, what's-what's the first thing that I say?
Okay, great. Thanks.
Hey, good luck.
- 'Yeah, bye.' - 'Bye.'
Hey, what was that all about?
Well, I guess there's no harm in telling you now.
Rachel and Ross are going to have a baby.
What?
I didn't even know that..
Why didn't you tell me?
Why am I talking like this?
Well, I didn't think you could keep it a secret.
What?
I am an excellent secret keeper.
I have kept all of our secrets.
- What secrets? - Oh, no, no, Joey.
I'm not gonna tell you because I am an excellent secret keeper.
- Psst. You tell me later. - You already know.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week ♪
♪ Your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Oh, it's so romantic to send people off on their honeymoon.
You know, Monica and Chandler are married.
Ross and Rachel are having a baby.
Maybe you and I should do something.
All in good time, my love.
All in good time.
Oh, shoot, I left my guitar in their apartment.
Well, you can let me in later, right?
No, I don't have a key.
They took mine to give to you.
What? They took mine to give to you.
Why would they take away our keys?
Maybe they don't trust us.
No, that's not it, they let me keep my key
the last time they were out of town.
You mean the time you broke the ketchup bottle
and cleaned it up with Monica's guest towels?
- Hey, I washed those. - No, you didn't.
Yeah, that didn't sound like me.
Well, what am I gonna do? I really need my guitar.
Yeah, I have stuff in there, too.
- What stuff? - Monica's chicken parmo.
I'll take care of this.
Hey, Mr. Treeger, it's Joey Tribbiani.
Listen, I need to get into Monica and Chandler's apartment.
It's an emergency.
Uh, uh.. Gas leak.
Yeah, oh, and bring garlic bread.
- Hey. - Hey.
Did Rachel find you?
No, why?
Oh, she was looking for you.
Oh, well, I guess I'll catch up with her later.
Well, she really wanted to talk to you now.
Yeah, it seemed pretty important.
Oh, no.
What?
I think I might know what this is about.
Really?
Yeah, uh..
...we promised we weren't gonna tell anybody this
but, uh..
...about a month ago, Rachel and I slept together.
And?
Wow, I thought you'd be a little more shocked.
Oh, sorry. And?
Well, we-we said we'd just do it that one time
but.. But now I think she may wanna start things up again.
Yeah, I don't think that's what it is.
Why, wh-what else could it be?
Oh, wow, I don't feel well.
No, I'm telling you, I'm telling you
that's what it is.
Oh, no wonder she was looking at me all funny during the wedding.
She didn't say anything to you?
Maybe it's something you ate.
[babbling]
Please, just-just-just go and talk to Rachel.
Yeah, I guess I should.
Man..
..you know what I have to realize?
Maybe I'm not the type of guy
women can have just one night with.
You know, they-they always seem to want a little bit more.
I should remember that.
[instrumental music]
Next.
They're kissing, let's just go around them.
Oh, honey, leave them alone. They're in love.
I'm in love, too.
But in an orderly fashion.
Next.
Hi. Can you do that and walk?
Because she said, "Next".
Oh. Sorry.
We didn't hear you. We're on our honeymoon.
Oh. Let me see what I can do.
There are some first class seats available.
Did you hear that?
They bumped them up to first class
because they're on their honeymoon.
Come on, let's act like we're on our honeymoon.
We are on our honeymoon.
Grab my ass.
- Next. - Hi. Sorry.
I almost didn't hear you because, you know
I'm just so in love with my new husband.
We're on our honeymoon.
- Congratulations. - Thanks.
Hey, Mr. Bing you'll be in 25J
and Mrs. Bing, you're in 25K.
Uh, no, you see, we're on our honeymoon.
So, um, can you do your little thing
and bump us up to first class?
I'm sorry, all the first class seats are taken.
That couple got the last two.
You see, if we'd gone around them like I said
then she would've given us those tickets.
Damn it.
25J and K.
Any chance those aren't together?
I still can't believe they took away my key.
You trust me with yours.
Of course I do.
And I'm gonna get it back to you
just as soon as they're done with it
at the key shining place.
[pounding on door]
What the hell is that?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Treeger, what are you doing?
You said there was a gas leak in here.
Well, why don't you use your key?
Because by the time I found it on this thing
the whole place might have exploded.
If that happens at another building that I manage
people are gonna start asking questions.
Come on, hurry up.
Oh!
Well, we could've done that.
[instrumental music]
Look at that, look at that.
They're going into the first class lounge.
Do you know what they have in there?
No.
Me, neither. We have to get in.
Just act like you belong.
- Oh, my God, oranges! - Shh!
Nice to see you again.
Uh, sir. May I see your tickets, please?
Yes, of course.
I'm sorry, would you move your thumb?
I can't see the seat number.
Oh, that's alright, I have it memorized. It's 1A.
Sir, this is not a first class ticket.
- I'm sorry. - Apology accepted. Excuse us.
Sir, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Fine.
Go! Go! Go!
[instrumental music]
- Hi. - Hi.
Hi.
Um..
I think there's something that we really need to talk about.
I think we do.
Why don't we go inside?
Yeah.
[sighs]
Look, uh..
I know why you're here.
- You do? - 'Yeah.'
And to save you from any embarrassment
I think maybe I should talk first.
- Okay. - Okay?
Ross and Rachel.
Rachel and Ross.
That's been one heck of a see-saw, hasn't it?
What?
I mean, look, that..
That one night we had was fun
and, and certainly passionate.
But don't you think it's better
if we just stay friends?
Seriously, what?
Okay, okay.
You know what?
If you want to..
...we can do it one more time.
I mean, I-I'd be okay with that.
In fact, I have some time right now.
Okay, Ross.
You know what? Can I.. Can I talk now?
- Oh, sure. - Okay.
I'm pregnant.
Ross?
Okay.
Whenever you're ready.
And you're the father, by the way. But, you go.
[instrumental music]
Can I get you some water?
No, I'm good, I'm good.
Ross, there is no pressure on you, okay?
I mean, you can be as involved as you want.
Yeah, I, uh..
I'm just, I don't know.
I don't understand.
Um...how this happened.
We-we used a condom.
I know, I know
but, you know, condoms only work
like, 97% of the time.
Wh-what?
What?
Well, they should put that on the box!
- They do. - No, they don't!
Well, they should put it in huge block letters!
Okay, Ross, come on, let's just forget about the condoms.
Oh, well, I may as well have!
Listen, you know what, I was really freaked out, too--
Freaked out, no, hey, I'm not freaked out.
I'm indignant as a consumer.
You know what, let's-let's talk later.
No, no, I wanna talk now, okay?
In fact, I wanna talk to the president..
...of the condom company.
Okay, you know, maybe I should come back.
- Shh! - Okay.
Yeah, I'll press one!
[instrumental music]
I looked everywhere. There's no gas leak.
Huh, so, then I can heat this up?
Anyway, I'll get moving on that new door.
Oh, great, and listen, could you do us a favor
and not tell Chandler and Monica about this
'cause, you know, they don't..
They don't have any kids of their own
and-and this door was like a child to them.
Well, I'm gonna have to put on a new lock.
- They'll find out anyway. - Oh, no.
This looks like an all-day job.
I'm gonna have to cancel my yoga class.
- Hey, Ross. - Hey.
Would you tell Jasmine I can't make it to yoga class today?
- Sure. - Namaste.
Namaste.
Oh, my God, what happened to the door?
So it's noticeable, huh?
Look, is Rachel here? I really need to talk to her.
Didn't you two already talk?
Yeah, but..
Okay, okay, look you guys know that
Rachel and I slept together, but, there's something else.
Rachel's pregnant.
- Holy mother of God! - Oh, my God, can't believe it!
With my child.
That is brand-new information!
You already know, don't you?
- Little bit. - How you doing?
Okay, okay. I mean, I'll be okay.
It's just, I don't.. I don't think I handled it very well.
Well, what'd you say to her?
Nothing.
But, the complaint department
at the condom company got an earful.
And then, when I turned around, she was gone.
- Oh, Ross. - 'Yeah, I know.'
But, hey, in my defense, I-I just found out
that condoms are only, like, 97% effective.
What?
I gotta go find her.
Whoa, hey, hold on! Are you serious?
So, like, three percent of the time they don't even work?
Huh? They should put that on the box!
Evidently, they do.
What?
[instrumental music]
[sighs] I can't believe we're here.
- Oh, you gotta be kidding me. - What?
[gasps]
As a wedding gift to you
the hotel would like to give you the honeymoon suite.
No, you have been screwing us all day!
Who are you?
We're you, just ten seconds later!
Yeah, you already got the first class tickets
you got the lounge. I mean, we should get free stuff, too!
I mean, you're not the only ones on your honeymoon!
Well, you can have the suite if you want.
We don't care about where we stay.
We're here to celebrate our love for each other.
We don't have to get free stuff.
We just wanna be together.
We need the stuff.
'Hey, Monica, it's Joey.'
Listen, Phoebe and I smelled gas coming from your apartment.
What, are you serious?
- Joey smells gas. - What else is new?
Yeah, and we'd go check it out, but you took away our keys.
Well, do something. Get in there!
How? I guess I could break down your door.
'Yeah, do that!'
And you won't blame us for any damage?
'No!'
Are you doing it? I don't hear anything, come on!
Uh, okay, I-I-I'll break it down.
Okay, hi, he's doing it.
He's breaking down the door.
Okay, we're in.
[instrumental music]
Okay, Rachel, are you comfortable?
If I said I was, would you judge me?
The doctor will be here in a minute to do your sonogram.
Okay.
[sighs]
Oh, man, I swear, if they sold these at Pottery Barn..
- Hi. - Hi.
Uh, we-we need to talk.
R-right now?
'Cause I kind of got an alfresco situation going on over here.
Please, please, I-I really, I wanna apologize
for the way I acted earlier today.
Okay, Ross, that's fine, but, could you please
stay up near my head?
What, oh, yeah, sorry.
I mean, I think I went a little crazy.
I mean, I was thinking about myself
when I really, I should have been thinking about you.
Okay, head, Ross, head, Ross, head, Ross.
Right, right.
I just, I want you to know that I'm gonna be there
through this whole thing, okay, okay?
The doctor's appointments, the, uh, the Lamaze classes
baby-proofing the apartment
although we could probably worry about that
till after we get married.
Married?
Yeah, I think we should get married.
What, because that's your answer to everything?
No, because that's the right thing to do.
Yeah, maybe, if you're in love.
But, Ross, we are not in love, are we?
No, but..
...but still, I mean, you can't possibly do this alone.
- Excuse me? - Come on, Rach.
I mean, you can't even
eat alone in a restaurant.
What?
I'm just saying, if you can't eat by yourself
how do you expect to have a baby by yourself?
- I can too eat by myself. - When have you ever?
When certain people leave the table
and I am not finished.
Well, certain other people
take two hours to eat a bowl of soup.
Oh, please, you inhale your food.
I grew up with Monica.
If you didn't eat fast, you didn't eat!
Am I interrupting?
Oh, no, Dr. Long, please come in.
This is Ross. He is the father.
But, not the husband because evidently
she can do this alone.
Oh, nice to meet you.
I'll get started on this.
I don't know why you can't admit that you need me.
I do need you, I need you to stay near my head!
Okay, everything looks good.
Here it is on the screen.
There's her uterus..
...and right here... is your baby.
Oh, my God.
Wow.
There it is, I see it.
Congratulations.
I'll give you two a minute.
- Okay. - Thank you.
Pretty amazing, huh?
I don't see it!
[crying]
- What? What? - I can't see it!
You-you just said that you did.
I know. I lied.
I didn't want her to think I was a terrible mother.
I can't even see my own baby!
Oh, sure, come here. Sure you can.
Well, come here, look. It-it's right there.
Oh.
Oh, it's beautiful.
I see it now.
- Do you really? - No, I don't see it!
Okay, come on, come on.
Okay, okay, you see this-this tiny thing
that looks like a peanut?
Yeah.
Sweetie, that's it.
That's it?
Well, I saw that!
[chuckles]
- Oh, thank you. - You're welcome.
Wow.
I can't believe that's our baby.
Yeah, that's our baby.
[instrumental music]
- Hi. - Hey.
So, how was the doctor?
- Oh, everything went great. - Oh, good.
Oh, hey, show them the picture of your uterus.
Aw.
I don't see the baby. Where is it?
Oh, no, I know, I couldn't see it either
at first but it's right, um..
- Ross, I lost it again. - Oh..
[theme music]