Great.
Great. Just give me a sec to change film.
Okay, I-I know, I'm not supposed to know but I do.
And I'm so excited for you.
- Well, what's going on? - Monica's pregnant.
Oh, my God. Is that why you guys had to get married?
- Guys, I'm not pregnant. - Oh, slow swimmers?
What? What do you mean? You-you're not pregnant?
You didn't tell anybody I was, did you?
No.
I'll be right back.
Now, why don't we get a shot of just Monica
and the bloody soldier?
Oh, about that..
...Joey, you have to change before the party.
I can't. I-I don't have any other clothes here.
Find some, please, anything that doesn't say
I-I died tragically in France.
Well, then, why don't we see the bride and the groom
and the bridesmaids?
Hey, Mon, why'd you tell the guys that you weren't pregnant?
Because I'm not.
We found your test in the trash.
If you're not pregnant..
...it's because I am.
- What are you talking about? - What are you talking about?
Yes, I, ahem, I am with child.
And I didn't want to say anything because it's your day.
I didn't want to steal your thunder..
Wait a minute, so you told people I was pregnant?
Does this look like a conversation
I wanna remember?
- Who's the father? - Yeah.
I can't say.
- Why? - Why not?
I can't say because he's famous.
Oh, my God. Who is it?
Phoebe, come on, you have to tell us.
Okay, okay.
It's James Brolin.
James Brolin is the father of my baby.
As in Barbra Streisand's husband James Brolin?
What?
Well, he never said that to me.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day ♪
♪ Your week your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
Uh, Monica, if you could step away
we'll get Chandler and the bridesmaids.
How about just the bridesmaids?
You know, I'm the groom, right?
I was told it was kind of a big deal.
- It is. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, thank you for doing that.
I just can't deal with this stress quite yet.
So instead you told me Monica was pregnant?
You said that she was. I just didn't disagree with you.
- Aah! Sneaky. - Yeah.
- Smile, ladies. - Oh.
- Oh, by the way, James Brolin? - Mm-hmm. Oh, I know.
I could only think of two names.
Him and Ed Begley Jr. and then..
I remembered he's gay, so..
Ed Begley Jr. is not gay.
Really?
[instrumental music]
Thank you very much.
Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure
to introduce to you for the very first time
Mr. and Mrs. Chandler Bing.
[instrumental music]
Before we go out there, I got a present for you.
Honey, I'm not gonna put my hand in your pocket.
- No. - No?
I've been taking dancing lessons.
- What? - Yeah, for the last six weeks.
I wanted this to be a moment you would never forget.
Oh, that is so sweet.
So would you care to join me in our first dance
as husband and wife?
- Yes. - Okay.
- What's the matter? - I don't know. These new shoes.
They're all slippery.
Well, are you gonna be able to do this?
Not well.
Well, the good news is, I don't think anyone's looking at us.
So you ready to talk about it?
No.
Now?
No.
Okay, we'll talk about something else then.
- Thank you. - Who's the father?
Oh!
Look, honey, you know what, I haven't told him yet
so until I do, I don't think I should tell anybody else.
Yeah, that's fine. That's fair.
- Is it Tag? - Oh! Phoebe.
- Okay, I'm sorry. I'll stop. - Okay.
Is it Ross? It's Ross, isn't it?
Oh, my God! It's Joey!
Honey, stop it, okay? I am not gonna tell you until I tell him.
Aha! At least we know it's a him.
Oh, sweet Lord.
I'm sorry, okay?
I went down to the gift shop
and it was either this or a bathrobe.
Look, what's more important, the way I'm dressed
or me being with you on your special day?
Honey, I'm not even gonna pretend I was listening.
Hey, hey.
Hi. Uh, I'm-I'm Ross.
I don't-I don't believe we met.
I'm Monica's older brother.
Oh, hi. I'm-I'm Mona from her restaurant.
Oh.
Hello, uh, Mona from her restaurant.
Mona, wow, what a-what a beautiful name.
You think so?
- I always kind of hated it. - Aw.
- Come on. Mona Lisa? - Uh-huh.
Mona...um..
...Klechklechen.
The famous botanist, huh?
Oh, no, she's, uh, well, she's dead now, but..
You know, supposedly she was once quite the hottie
of the plant world.
Really? Well, see, I never knew about her.
Linda Klechklechen.
So what, uh, what-what table are you at?
- Oh, uh, me too. - Good.
Now, there'll be someone there who likes my name.
Yes, there will.
Oh, guess what, Molly Gilbert.
You've just been bumped up to table one
and if it's alright, with you
I'm gonna take your place at table six.
Martin Klechklochen.
Better. Now, just bend your arms a little more.
There you go. Okay.
Look straight ahead.
Now, this time I want you to really put your ass into it.
Ooh. Yeah.
Chandler, darling, look, my date has finally arrived.
I'd like you to meet Dennis Phillips.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
Dennis, is a dear old friend
and a fantastic lover.
Bravo, Dennis. Thanks for pleasing my mother so.
Oh.
Oh, I'm so sorry I missed the ceremony.
- I was stuck at auditions. - Oh, yes.
Dennis is directing a new Broadway show.
I don't believe we've met. Joey Tribbiani.
Dennis Phillips.
Oh, wow, I've admired your work for years.
You-you've done some really amazing stuff.
Oh, thank you.
Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get myself a drink.
I'll be back in a moment.
Wow. Dennis Phillips.
That's great. How did you guys meet?
Well, you know, it's a funny story.
Funny ha-ha or funny..
Uh-oh!
[music continues]
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Now, if everyone will please take your seats
dinner will be served.
Hey, uh, I thought, I thought you were at table six.
Uh, no, nine.
Oh, see
before you, uh, when you showed it to me
you-you held it that way, which, uh..
[chuckles]
...which was misleading.
Well, uh..
Hello.
Hey, Chandler, will you see
if your mom can give my resume to Dennis Phillips?
'Cause if I could get in a Broadway show
then I would have done it all. Film, television and theater.
The only thing left would be radio
and that's just for ugly people.
What size shoes do you wear?
- Uh, eleven, eleven and a half. - Great.
Because my shoes are giving me a little problem
on the dance floor. Can I borrow the boots from your costume?
Yeah, uh, I-I don't really even know where I left those.
Huh. Sorry.
Those aren't eleven and a half.
Okay, fine. I'm a seven.
Alright? I have surprisingly small feet.
But the rest of me is good. I'll show you.
Can you believe Phoebe got pregnant?
Oh, you know what, honey?
Let's not talk about that right now.
- This is so huge! - Sure.
But come on, as big as your wedding?
Of course, not. Nothing is.
- Well, between me and you? - Yeah.
In this day and age, how dumb do you have to be to get pregnant?
Hey, you know, sometimes you can do everything right.
Everyone can wear everything they're supposed to wear
and one of those little guys just gets through.
- How? - I don't know.
Maybe they have tools.
Well, I-I talked to her
and, uh, she's definitely gonna have this baby.
You know, she said she's gonna raise it on her own.
Well, maybe that's, maybe that's really brave.
Maybe, I just hope she realizes how hard it's gonna be.
Maybe she hasn't really thought it through that much.
Well, there's a lot to think about.
I mean, how is she
how is she gonna handle this financially?
How is she gonna juggle work? How..
Does she realize she's not gonna have a date
again for the next, like, 18 years?
I don't know.
Are you okay?
Mm-hmm.
I'm just thinking about Phoebe.
Poor, knocked-up Phoebe.
Champagne?
Oh, yes, thank you very much. Ooh!
Oh, th-th-that's actually how the French drink it.
Ahem, well..
I just got off the phone with my lover, James Brolin.
- Oh, really? - 'Yes.'
And apparently he is married to some singer.
But he said he would leave her for me
and I said, "James, James Brolin, are you sure?"
And James Brolin said--
Rachel's really the one who's pregnant?
What?
Why bother?
- How do you feel? - I don't know.
I don't know how I feel.
This is all happening so fast.
I have to make all these decisions
that I don't want to make.
Mm! Oh, someone just take this away from me.
Calm down.
- Maybe you're not pregnant. - What?
When I got pregnant with the triplets
I took that test, like, three times just to make sure.
Yes, maybe it's a false positive.
Are you sure you peed on the stick right?
How many ways are there to do that?
I'm-I'm just saying don't freak out until you're 100% sure.
Alright, I'll-I'll take it again when I get home.
You-you got to take it now.
Come on, do it as a present to me.
- Okay, thank you. - Okay.
- I'll run out and get you one. - Oh, you girls are so great.
Oh, wait a minute.
- Who's the father? - Oh, no, she won't tell us.
Come on. It's my wedding. That could be my present.
Wait. Hey, I just gave you peeing on a stick.
See, this is why you register....
...[chair squeaks]
[laughter]
It was the chair again, okay?
I'm not doing it.
Hey, what, look, I don't.. You know what?
[chuckles]
- Hi. - Hi.
- Um, would you like to dance? - Sure.
- Huh? Oh, great. - Yeah.
- Dr. Geller? - I wasn't farting!
Uh, a little game from our table.
- Yes? - Dr. Geller.
Will you dance with me?
Oh. Um...well, uh, maybe-maybe later.
Right now, I'm about to dance with this lady.
- Okay. - Aw.
Well, uh, uh, unless, um, unless
uh, this lady wouldn't mind letting you go first.
I'd be happy to. You are very sweet.
Oh.
Yes, I-I am.
In fact, um, hey, why don't we try it my special way
and you could dance on my feet?
- Sure! - 'Yeah?'
Hop on.
[instrumental music]
Is the pretty lady looking?
- Uh-huh. - Keep dancin'.
And the world will never know.
Hey, did you talk to Dennis about me yet?
Yes. I told him how talented you were.
I told him all about "Days Of Our Lives."
No, no, no, no! You don't tell a Broadway guy that!
Now he thinks I'm just a soap actor.
But you're not just a soap actor.
You are a soap actor with freakishly tiny feet.
Hey!
[music continues]
- Thank you. - No, no, thank you, Miranda.
- Melinda. - Alright.
How cute was that?
Oh, oh, were you, were you watching?
Can I go next?
Well, of course, you can.
Hop on.
Okay, but I get to hop on after her.
[instrumental music]
- I am so gonna score. - What?
I like your bow.
[glass clinking]
I'd, uh, I'd like to propose a toast.
'To Monica and Chandler'
the greatest couple in the world.
And my best friends.
Now, when I first found out they were getting married
I was..
...I was a little angry.
I was, like, "Why, God, why?"
"How can you take them away from me?"
But then I thought back over all our memories together.
Some happy memories.
[chuckles]
And-and there were some sad memories.
[sniffles] I'm sorry.
And-and some scared memories.
Whoa!
Huh?
And then, and then I realized
I'll always be their friend.
Their friend who can speak in many dialects
and has training in stage combat
and is willing to do partial nudity.
Oh, to the happy couple.
[instrumental music]
- Thank you. - That was very nice, Ashley.
- Can we do it again? - No, no.
So is it my turn now?
I'm next.
Oh!
Uh, that's okay.
You can dance with her first.
Oh, you're-you're sure?
Okay.
Okay, so what's, uh, what's your name?
- Gert. - That's-that's pretty.
Wa..
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[chuckles]
What are you doing there, Gert?
Dancing on your feet
like the other girls did it.
Okay.
Hop on, Gert.
Why aren't you moving your feet?
I'm trying.
Faster! You're not going fast enough!
Maybe I should stand on your feet!
So did you, uh, happen to catch my toast up there?
Oh, my God. That was for my benefit?
I'd like to think there was a little something for everyone.
But I know you're casting for this new show.
Look, um, Joey, I-I don't think
you're quite right for this project.
Oh, see, that's where you're wrong.
Whatever it is, I can do it.
And if you didn't see it up there, just-just try me.
It's an all-Chinese cast.
Can you be Chinese?
Well, I'm not proud of this, but..
Oh, my God, no, no, no, please, please, don't, don't..
Hey. You ready to get back on the dance floor?
- Did it turn into sand? - Oh, come on.
I love this song. Come on. You'll be fine.
No, no, I won't.
Do you know why I took all those lessons?
See, for the first time I didn't want you to be embarrassed
to be seen on the dance floor with some...clumsy idiot.
Oh, sweetie, you could never embarrass me.
Okay, you could easily embarrass me.
But come on, it doesn't matter.
Alright? I married you.
So I wanna dance on my wedding night with my husband, come on.
Just try not to move your feet at all.
Oh.
There you go.
Chandler, I'm gonna have you arrested.
- Why? - You stole my moves!
How much longer?
- Thirty seconds. - Thirty seconds, okay.
Did I miss it?
Rachel?
I-I want you to know that..
...if it's positive, we're gonna..
Oh, I know, I know.
- You do? Okay. - Mm-hmm.
- It's time. - Oh, boy.
(all) No!
[door closes]
Alright. Go ahead, Rach.
Oh, wait, you know what? I can't, I can't look at it.
I can't look at it. Somebody else tell me.
- Somebody tell me. - Okay.
Okay.
Um..
...it's negative.
- What? - It's negative.
Oh.
[sighs]
Well, there you go.
Phew!
That is, that's great. That is really great, great news.
[Rachel sighs]
You know, 'cause the whole..
...uh, not being ready and kinda the financial aspects.
Well, that's..
[sighs]
Wow, this is so just the way
that this was supposed to be.
[sighs]
- Well, then, great. - Mm-hmm.
- Here. - Thanks. God.
This is so stupid.
How can I be upset over something I never had?
It's negative?
No, it's positive.
- What? - It's-it's not negative.
It's positive.
- Are you sure? - Well, yeah, I lied before.
Oh! Oh.
Oh, my God.
Now you know how you really feel about it.
Oh, that's a risky little game.
Are you really gonna do this?
Yeah.
I'm gonna have a baby.
I'm gonna have a baby!
- With who? - Oh, it's still not the time.
[instrumental music]
I just didn't see the fast song coming.
Shh, shh. Don't try to talk.
We'll get you up to your room.
Soak your feet. You'll be okay.
Uh, thank you.
That is so sweet.
- Yeah. - No, I mean it.
There are so few genuinely nice guys out there.
Oh, tell me about it, I feel like I'm holding down
the fort all by myself.
- It's Joey, right? - Yeah.
Wait a minute! No!
I'm the nice one!
I'm the one who danced with the kids all night.
I..
How small are your feet?
[music continues]