(Joey) Alright. It's a new day.
All that stuff about Rachel, you don't feel that now.
It was crazy.
You're fine. You're better than fine.
You are, as your friend Tony would say
"Grrreat!"
Everything's normal.
She's just your friend Rachel.
Your friend Rachel.
Yourfriend...Rachel.
Hi, sweetie.
Hey, it's your girlfriend Rachel!
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you ♪
♪ Life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke, you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week ♪
♪ Your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o-o ♪
[instrumental music]
Hi.
Are you.. Are you high?
I just had the most amazing bath.
Really? I don't like baths.
Wait, you like 'em with me.
Honey, it's not the bath I enjoy.
It's the wet, naked lady.
Oh, baths are so relaxing.
Really? What do you do?
You just sit in there stewing in your own filth.
How dirty do you think I am?
I'm telling you if you had some candles
and some bubbles and some music you would love it.
It would take all of your stress away.
Honey, it's 2:00 on a Wednesday, and I'm watching "Road Rules".
How stressed do you think I am?
Hey, Chandler.
You got a minute? I-I really need to talk to you.
Oh, uh, yeah.
Is this a cold pizza talk
or a leftover meat loaf talk?
Well, neither.
Oh, my God. What's up?
I don't know. I-It's just..
Lately, I've been feeling..
Okay, here's what it is.
[chuckles]
You know what? I feel a lot better, thanks.
No, no, no.
Just come back.
Alright.
Um..
You and Monica, friends for a long time
and sure, there are rules.
But then you went to London.
Oh, no, but that's different.
I mean, there are rules there, too.
You know what I mean?
Do you?
It was different for you guys.
I mean...I mean, you were both in the same place, right?
- In London? - Yeah.
Yes, when Monica and I were in London
we were both in London.
You know what? This is a bad idea.
Forget it. Forget all about it.
And listen, do me a favor, this conversation
between you and me.
If that.
[instrumental music]
Hi. Oh, Ross, don't forget.
We have that doctor's appointment tomorrow.
Right.
Hey, you gonna find out the sex of the baby?
No, no. We talked about it, and we don't wanna know.
All we care about is that it's happy and healthy.
- Oh. - Yup, happy and healthy.
- And cute. - And smart.
- Popular. - With an aptitude for science.
Are you two talking about the same baby?
Hey, have you started thinking of names yet?
Oh, yeah. I've come up with a bunch of ideas.
Really? Me, too.
Me, too!
- Really? - Uh-huh.
If it's a girl, Phoebe..
...and if it's a boy, Phoebo.
Maybe.
But it wouldn't hurt to have a backup, you know?
Uh, Rach, Rach, what were you thinking?
Okay. Um, I was thinking, if it's a girl, how about..
...Sandrine? It's French.
Huh, that's a really pretty name
for-for an industrial solvent.
[clears throat]
Okay, fine. What do you have?
Well, okay, it's for a boy.
I know it's a little out there, but..
- Darwin. - Wow.
My God, our-our child will be beaten to death
in the schoolyard.
Yeah, by Sandrine.
You're just saying that 'cause..
...'cause I said no to your name.
I'm really, really not.
H-How about you each get five vetoes?
- Alright. That sounds fair. - Alright. Yeah.
I don't think you're gonna need it, though.
Okay, check this out.
If it's a girl, Rain.
Veto.
- Why? - Rain?
"Hi. Hi, my name is Rain.
"I have my own kiln
and my dress is made out of wheat."
I know her!
I-I bought homemade soap from her at a Dead show.
Okay, how about for a guy, Thatcher?
Ross, why do you hate our child?
Fine, you go.
Okay. James.
Huh.
- But only if it's a girl. - Oh, veto.
Uh, how about.. Ooh, I like Ruth.
- What about Ruth? - Oh, I'm sorry.
Are we having an 89-year-old?
- How about Dayton? - Veto.
- Stewart? - Veto.
- Sawyer? - Veto.
- Helen? - Veto.
Is it me or is "Veto" starting to sound really good?
[instrumental music]
Hey.
Boy, do I have a surprise for you.
Sex on the balcony?
No, but someone's really not gonna
get over that idea, are they?
[sighs] What is it?
I drew you a bath.
Honey, I don't like baths.
Could you draw me a picture of us having sex on the balcony?
Please, will you just try it for me?
Come on, I used all my best stuff.
I-I-I lit some candles, I put on some music.
I used bath salts plus bubble bath.
And got you this little plastic navy ship.
So it's a boy bath.
Well, this does butch it up a bit.
I swear, if you try it, you will love it.
Alright, if I do this can we at least
discuss sex on the balcony?
Absolutely.
Bet I know how that discussion's gonna go.
["Only Time" by Enya]
♪ Who can say ♪
♪ Where the road goes ♪♪
(Chandler) Alright, this isn't so bad.
I like the flowery smell.
Which is okay, because I've got my boat.
[knock on door]
So?
Oh, my God.
I told you you were a bath person.
Hey, when you get out, maybe I can give you a facial.
I'm gonna need a bigger boat.
[instrumental music]
I don't think you had an open mind about the name Ruth.
I mean, come on. Little Ruthie Gellar?
How-how cute is that?
Oh, oh, my God.
I can practically hear the mahjong tiles.
(female #1) 'Okay.'
All your tests look fine.
Now, are you two interested in knowing the sex of the baby?
Uh, no. No, we're not.
But-but you have it right there in that file?
You could tell us whether it's a boy or a girl?
Dayton or Sandrine? Phoebe or Phoebo?
That's right. But if you don't want to know..
No, no, we wanna wait, right?
Right. Right.
[beeping]
Oh, I'll be right back.
And, uh, I know it's really not my place
but please don't name your child Phoebo.
So, which of these babies
do you think is the ugliest?
What? Rach, come on. That's terrible.
They're, uh, they're babies. They're-they're all beautiful.
Third one from the left?
Yeah, why is it staring at me?
I think it knows I'm talking about it.
Don't-don't you.. Wh-what?
- What? - You're looking!
- I didn't. - I saw you!
Okay, fine, I did. But I-I didn't see anything, I swear.
Shame on you! Ugly baby judges you!
Okay, but, Ross, just listen to me..
No, no, no, no! Don't tell me! I don't wanna know!
But I couldn't even if I wanted to because I don't know.
I swear, I didn't see anything, and I don't wanna know.
It was just a momentary lapse.
Momentary lapse.
D-don't you have any self-control?
Okay, a couple months late on the lecture, Ross.
[instrumental music]
Hello?
(Chandler) 'I'm in the bathroom. Can you come in here?'
'I think there's' something wrong.'
You know what? I-I think I'll wait out here.
'I'm in the bathtub.'
Oh.
Hey, what's wrong?
I drew my own bath, but I did it wrong.
The water's tepid, the salt didn't dissolve
and is now...lodged places.
And the scents I used don't complement each other.
Eucalyptus and chamomile?
Oh!
- What? - The bath salts.
They're starting to effervesce.
It's different.
It's interesting.
Okay, uh, let's talk about something else.
Yeah, sure, sure.
So, what was going on with you today?
Oh-oh-oh!
Well, I-I actually had
the weirdest conversation with Joey.
He was, he was talking about rules and right and wrong and..
I had the exact same conversation.
You did? What was he talking about?
I don't know, Joey hasn't had this much trouble
getting out words since we saw him in Macbeth.
That was a long night.
Alright, let's break this down.
What exactly did he say to you?
Okay, he was talking about rules..
...um, and looking at people differently.
He didn't say anything about that to me.
What'd he tell you?
Ah, he was asking all these questions
about you, me, and London.
And, of course the glue that holds this all together..
...the rules.
Okay, so you, me, and London..
...looking at people differently.
Maybe he wants to do what you and I did
in London with someone.
But what did he mean by rules?
Wait a minute.
He stopped talking the minute Phoebe came in.
Because he was looking at her differently.
And Phoebe is his friend..
...so he thinks that would be breaking the rules.
My God! He wants to do it with Phoebe in London!
(Phoebe) 'You guys?'
Um, just a minute.
That's Mrs. Tribbiani.
You don't say anything.
Why would I say anything?
That two of our best friends could start
the greatest love affair of their lives
and they would have me to thank
and then we could all start having babies?
I'm not gonna let you say anything.
Hey, you just stay here.
Oh, God!
Oh, hey, Monica, I brought back your iron.
Oh, you had that? I thought I lost it.
I-I got a new one, like, a month ago.
Oh, just as well. I broke this one.
What?
Nothing.
Okay.
I mean, I-I-I really shouldn't say.
I mean, I'm really not supposed to.
Fine.
It's a humdinger.
Well, then it's really too bad that you can't tell me.
Somebody likes you.
[groans]
Is it Chandler?
No.
Well, then tell him to stop staring.
It's Joey.
Really? Joey?
You don't say.
Is it something you'd be interested in?
I-I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
You know, I mean, on the one hand, mother, may I?
But you know, on the other hand..
No. No, I can't.
We're friends. No. Oh, no.
I don't wanna risk what we have.
I guess that...makes sense.
So, you think you're gonna talk to him?
Sure, yeah. I mean, it's Joey.
I don't want him to get hurt.
Oh. Well, I must say I am on fire.
First Chandler, now, Joey.
No, no. Not Chandler, just Joey.
Ah. Sure.
[instrumental music]
- Hi. - Hi.
You know what? I've been thinking about it.
I'm really coming around on the name Ruth.
I think I would actually consider naming our child that.
Rach, I-I can't tell you ho-how much that means to me.
'Oh.'
Wait a minute.
You-you hated the name Ruth.
Why...why would you change your mind?
Unless, you know we're never gonna have to use it.
[gasp] You did see the folder.
- You know it's a boy! - I didn't see anything.
I actually changed my mind about the name.
- Oh, I don't think so. - Ugh.
You-you're just giving me Ruth
so-so you'll get to name him when it's a boy.
And then that's when you'll swoop in
and-and name him Heath or Blaine or Sequoia.
I would.. Sequoia?
- Veto. - Fine.
[laughs sarcastically]
- Unless.. - Ohh.
You anticipated that I would figure all this out
and you know that it actually
is a girl, and..
...and you really do want her to be named Ruth.
Well, I'm not falling for that!
Okay, Ruth is off the table!
But, Ross, you want the name Ruth.
Not like this.
Hey.
Well, what's up?
Um, Joey, I know.
What?
I kno-o-w.
Wha-a-a-t?
I know about your feelings.
Oh, my God. You do?
Yes, and I'm sorry.
I-I know things worked out for Chandler and Monica
but that's very rare.
I know, I know.
And this is so much more complicated
than-than it was for those guys.
I mean, it's Rachel, for God sakes.
For God sakes, it's Rachel!
I know, I know.
And she's not only my friend
she's-she's my pregnant friend.
She's my pregnant friend who's Ross's ex.
Yeah, that's Rachel.
Beat me over the head with it.
What-what am I gonna to do?
You know, I.. And I keep, I keep trying
to get rid of these feelings, you know?
I-I stayed up all last night
and made a list of everything I don't like about her.
You-you wanna hear it?
Yeah.
She made me switch to Light Mayo.
That's it! That's all I got! And you know what?
Tastes the same, and my pants fit better.
Joey, I think you're just getting upset for nothing.
This is probably just a crush.
You-you think?
Absolutely.
You know, you get this rush of feelings
but then it goes away.
Yeah, just a crush.
That's all this is. It's a crush. Huh!
I'm Joey. I don't get deep feelings.
Ha ha ha. That's right. There you go.
Yeah, crushes happen all the time.
I know I've had them for all you guys.
Well, except for Ross and Chandler.
You know. And I'm sure you've had them for us.
Not really.
Mm-hmm.
Throw me a bone here.
[instrumental music]
So, I, uh.. I called the doctor..
...and now we both know the sex of the baby.
- What? - That's right.
The student has become the master.
Oh.
Ross, I swear, I don't know.
Oh, come on, you know it's a girl.
A what?
You...you really didn't know?
We're having a girl?
No.
- That's what you just said. - No.
- You said girl. - Yes.
I'm-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I'm not. We're having a girl!
Sometimes I can't believe it's with you.
But still...we're having a girl!
- Oh! - I know. I know.
You know what? I'm putting Ruth back on the table.
Ohh, yes, we'll have ourselves a little baby Ruth.
- Permission to veto. - Yes, please.
[instrumental music]
Hey.
Do I smell essential oils?
Yeah, I'm gonna take a bath. I was just gonna get a magazine.
Okay.
What do you think you're doing?
L-leaving my troubles behind?
Look, I know that you're new at this
but this is completely unacceptable bath decorum.
Oh, it's so hard to care when you're this relaxed.
Okay, fine. You can have the bath.
But I'm taking your boat.
Now, you're just a girl in a tub.
- Ooh. - Oh.
Hey!
Hi, Bubbles. Manly.
Well, I just thought I would drop by
and let you know how it went with Joey.
You told her?
She pulled it out of me.
S-she's like a conversational wizard.
- How did it go? - Well, you were wrong.
- He doesn't like me. - What?
Yeah, how would you like it
if I sent you to Lee Majors' house
and I told you that he liked you
and you went down there, and you found out
that he didn't like you, how would you feel?
I don't think I'd care.
Really? Lee Majors is hot.
(Joey) 'Hello?'
We're in the bathroom.
'Why?'
Because it's a relaxing
and enjoyable time.
What are guys doing in here?
Oh, my God.
A friend he's looking at differently..
...but it's wrong.. It's Rachel.
You like Rachel?
Look, it's no big deal, okay?
Phoebe and I talked about it.
It's just a crush. It's gonna go away.
Dude, you got to rearrange your bubbles. Whoa.
Mazel tov.
- Hey. Ooh, Hi. - Hey.
Ross and I were looking for you.
What are we all doing in here?
Oh, my.
Honey, cover it up with the boat.
(Ross) 'Hello?'
Yes, we're all in here
and we'd love for you to join us.
- Hi. - Well, hey.
What's going on?
Ooh, cool boat.
Oh, no.
Hey, did you, did you tell 'em?
No, I was waiting for you.
Tell us what?
We're having a girl.
Oh, wow! Really?
[indistinct chatter]
I'll-I'll get you later.
[instrumental music]
(Joey) Alright, it's a new day,
and it's just a crush, that's all.
Just a little crush.
All that worrying I was doing, that was crazy...crazy!
Like my friend the bird here would say
"It was cuckoo."
Everything's gonna be fine.
It's just a crush.
Hi, sweetie.
I love you.
[instrumental music]
It's nice to do this together, isn't it?
Yeah.
And what you're doing feels so good.
I'm not touching you.
You're not?
It's the salts.
Oh, sweet Lord, new realms of pleasure.
Whatever keeps you off the balcony, big guy.
[theme music]