[instrumental music]
Hey, everybody. Happy Thanksgiving.
- No, no, no. - Shh-h-h.
What? Are we keeping Thanksgiving a secret this year?
No, we're playing this game I learned at work.
You have to name all the states in six minutes.
What? That's like insanely easy.
No, it's a lot harder than it sounds.
You always forget at least one
or in some cases...fourteen.
It's a stupid game, and I wasn't playing against other people
so, technically, I didn't lose.
What? You forgot 14 states?
Nobody cares about the Dakotas.
[timer dinging]
- Oh, Okay, time's up. - Okay.
- Alright, I got 48. - That's not bad. Pheebs?
Oh, I got tired of naming states
so I decided to list the types of celery.
And I have one, regular celery.
Okay, so Rachel's got 48
and Phoebe has the lead in...vegetables.
Joey?
Say "Hello" to the new champ
of Chandler's dumb states game.
[chuckling] Wow, how many do you got?
Fifty six.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week your month ♪
♪ Or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Hey, how is New England
not a state? Huh?
They have a sports team.
Does South Oregon have a sports team?
There you go.
[Rachel mumbling]
How come we have one extra place setting?
Because you invited your assistant.
Oh. Right. Sorry. Uh, Tag's not coming.
His girlfriend came into town so he's spending
Thanksgiving with her.
Oh, why didn't you tell me?
I made him his own individual
sweet potato stuffed pumpkin.
Oh, well, I was going to, but then I figured
you know...your food is so delicious and perfect
you can't ever have too many of those pumpkin things.
No, you think I wouldn't enjoy that
because it is so fake..
[laughing] ...but I still do.
Regular celery!
Oh, I already have that. Oh..
Done...with time to spare.
Ooh, this may be a new world's record.
You know, I hate to lecture you guys
but it's kind of disgraceful
that a group of well-educated adults
and Joey..
...can't name all the states.
You ever see a map?
Or one of those round
colorful things called a "globe"?
Hmm?
Uh, "Magellan"?
You got 46 states.
What?
- That's impossible. - 'Forty six.'
Well, who's well educated now
Mr. I-forgot-ten-states?
I-I'm out of oven space.
I'm gonna go turn on Joey's. Please watch him.
Do not let Joey eat any of the food.
I am only one man.
[timer beeping]
Okay, Ross, time is up.
No, j-j-just give me another minute.
Look, Ross, if you don't know them by now
you will never know them, okay?
That is the beauty of this game.
It makes you want to kill yourself.
But th-th-this is crazy. I can do this.
Alright, uh, I bet I can get all 50, uh, before dinner.
Okay, but if you can't...no dinner.
You're on.
Alright. Don't look at my list, Ross
'cause there's a lot on there that you don't have.
Hey, did you guys know that your oven doesn't work?
But the drawer full of take-out menus is okay, right?
Yeah. Ross, I'm gonna use yours, okay?
Shh-h-h.
- Chandler, give me a hand. - Sure.
And, Joey, do not let Ross look
at any of the maps
or the globe in your apartment.
Don't worry, Chandler. It's not a globe of the United States.
Hey, you guys, I'm gonna go out and take a walk.
Phoebe, why, why is your bag moving?
- Oh. It's not. - Seriously. It's moving.
What the hell's in there?
It's just my knitting, that's all. Ooh.
Yes, I knit this.
I'm very good.
[instrumental music]
You know, Ross's apartment is nice.
How come we don't hang out here more often?
I don't know. Maybe because it smells so weird.
It's like old pumpkins or something.
Hmm. That's my pie.
Which smells delicious.
- Uh-oh. Uh-oh. - What?
We left Joey alone with the food.
Yep! Yep! I knew it.
There he is...feeding stuffing to a dog!
[telephone ringing]
Hi, Geller-Bing residence. How can I help?
Phoebe, why is there a dog in our apartment?
I'm sorry. Who's this?
Phoebe, there's a dog sitting on my couch.
Tell her I am allergic, and I will sue.
- No, there's no dog here. - Yes, there is.
H-he's black and white, and shaggy
'and he's sitting next to Rachel and licking Rachel's hand.'
Oh, my God, where are you?
I'll be right there.
[knocking on door]
[gasping] They're here already?
How are they doing this?
Hi, Tag. What are you doing here?
I, uh, wanted to see if your offer
to spend Thanksgiving with you was still good.
Well, sure. Come on in.
Well, what-what happened to your girlfriend?
We, uh, kind of broke up this morning.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, so she went back to Ohio.
Ohio! Thank you.
[instrumental music]
Huh. Where's the dog?
What dog? There's-there's no dog here.
Yeah, that dog left.
Phoebe? Phoebe, open up.
(Phoebe) 'Th-there's no dog in here.'
[dog barking]
Phoebe, we can hear the dog barking.
(Phoebe) 'No, that's just me coughing.'
[Phoebe coughing]
[dog barking]
Oh, good. There you are.
Listen, um, I have a dog in my room.
What is it doing here?
Well, I'm watching it for some friends who went out of town.
Wait.
Hello. My name is Clunkers.
May I please stay with you nice people?
Oh, oh, oh.
I wish you could stay here, but Chandler's allergic.
Extremely allergic, okay?
If I am anywhere near a dog for more than five minutes
my throat will just close up.
That's odd, 'cause this dog's been living here
for the past three days.
[hoarsely] Really?
Chandler, if the dog has been here that long
and you haven't had a reaction
maybe you're not allergic to this dog.
Well, it still has to go, right?
- Why? - Why?
Okay, it's, um--
Don't do it!
Don't do what?
I have to. Okay? It's time.
- Okay, I hate dogs. - What?
- Crazy! Why? - Are you out of your mind?
Told ya.
They are needy.
They are jumpy.
And you can't tell what they are thinking
and that scares me a little bit.
You're right, they are scary.
[screaming] She just ate a treat out of my hand!
Wait a minute. Do you not like all dogs?
I mean, not even puppies?
Is there a puppy here?
You don't like puppies?
Okay, you are new.
Look, Chandler, I told you.
Never tell anyone about this dog thing.
It's like Ross not liking ice cream.
- You don't like ice cream? - It's too cold!
Okay, it's just that dogs make me a little uncomfortable.
Hurts my teeth.
And I-I don't want to say this, and I don't want you guys
to hate me, but, uh..
...I don't think I can be around that dog anymore, okay?
So either the dog goes, or I go. Huh.
Oh, my God!
[instrumental music]
How can I not get this?
I'm a college professor.
I got 1450 on my SATs.
1250.
Damn. I forgot you were here.
Alright, we're gonna take Clunkers to Ross's.
- We'll be back in a minute. - Oh, wait.
Before you guys go, can I just ask you a question?
Yeah.
Um, when a guy breaks up with his girlfriend
what is an appropriate amount of time to wait
before you make a move?
Oh, I'd say "about a month".
Really? I'd say "Three to four".
Half hour.
Interesting.
When it's your assistant, I would say "never".
Alright, Rach, the big question is
"Does he like you?", right?
Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo point.
Huh. A "moo" point?
Yeah. It's like a cow's opinion.
You know, it just doesn't matter.
It's moo.
Have I been living with him for too long
or did that all just make sense?
Please don't listen to Joey.
Okay? W-w-would you look at him?
He's-he's obviously depressed. He's away from his family.
He's spending Thanksgiving with strangers.
What he needs right now is for you to be his friend.
Oh, you're right.
I'm sorry. Thank you.
Okay, that's what I'm gonna do.
Fine. Take their advice.
No one ever listens to me.
When the package is this pretty
no one cares what's inside.
[instrumental music]
Hey.
- Hey. - How you holding up?
- Not bad. - Yeah?
I'm sorry about your girlfriend.
Thanks.
So were you guys together a long time?
- A year, on and off. - Oh.
I kind of thought we'd end up together.
I don't anymore.
Now that she broke up with you?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Hmm.. - It's weird.
Yeah, I always used to assume that I would meet someone
and fall in love, and be happy
and that all that was just a given.
But lately, it's like what if it's not?
Do you ever have that feeling?
No.
Yeah.
All the time. Constantly.
It's terrifying.
But, you know, then I figure, it, it has to work out.
Why?
Bec-because it has to.
You really have all the answers, don't you?
Yeah. No, I do. I really do.
Hey, thanks for talking to me.
Come on, what are bosses for?
Hug it out.
Alright, he likes you back.
Huh? Told you you should go for it.
What?
Street noise drown any of that out?
No? Alright, I'll see you later.
[laughing] Okay.
[instrumental music]
What did Joey say?
I like you back?
Oh, yeah. You know.. Well, see, he..
Joey knows that I'm-I'm very
insecure about my back
and...and-and y-you were hugging me
so, obviously, you are not repulsed by it.
Yeah!
What! Wait a minute. That doesn't make any sense.
No?
[sighing] Alright.
Here's the truth.
Ahem. Joey said what he said
because, um..
...I'm attracted to you.
- Wow. - Yeah, I admit it.
I have a crush on you
and, uh, and-and I know that's crazy
because we work together and-and nothing could ever happen
and the last thing I wanted to do
is to-is to freak you out
or make you feel uncomfortable.
Which is why it would be really great
if you-if you said something right about now.
Oh, my God.
Those guys are stealing my car.
- What? - Right there!
- That's my car! - Oh..
[glass shattering]
- Hey! - That's gonna take one minute.
Do you have anything else you want to get off your chest?
I can't believe this.
Wait! We still have time to talk.
And they're, they're not even in the car yet.
Oh, look, there they go. Okay.
Okay, Phoebe, we should probably go back now.
Please don't leave me, I'll be lonely.
Stop it. Stop! Okay, let's go.
- Come on. We can be strong. - Yeah, okay.
[Clunkers whining]
Oh, my God! Did you hear that? She said "Monica"!
Aw! I can't leave her.
You know, if you want, we could sneak the dog back in
and Chandler wouldn't even know.
That's not gonna work.
I've had that dog there for three days
and Chandler had no idea. He's not so smart.
Hey! I didn't know either.
Yeah, but you kinda knew that
something was going on, didn't you?
Yeah, I knew.
[instrumental music]
Where's Chandler?
- Here I am. - Wash your hands!
How did you know?
Hey! What's she doing back here?
Relax, Ross. She's not made of ice cream!
Hey, look, Phoebe. I, uh, I laid out the states geographically--
No, no, we don't really have time for this right now, okay.
We have to keep Chandler away from my bedroom.
Yeah, but, but look what I'm--
See, this is exactly why we do not have time for.
- Where's Monica? - Um, in Phoebe's room.
- You can't go in there. - Why not?
[Clunkers whining]
Monica's crying.
She's very upset about this whole Clunkers thing.
- Well, I-I should go in there. - No. No.
No, she doesn't want to see you right now.
- Why not? - Because you sent away the dog!
- That's ridiculous. - Oh, i-is it? Is it?
Look, when Monica and I were kids
we had a dog named Rover..
...and, uh, one day, my dad decides, he doesn't like dogs.
So Monica and her friend...Phyllis..
...take away the dog.
And that was the last time we ever saw him.
Don't you see? This is just like that.
Only with a few details changed.
[door opening]
Okay, I'm in my sweat pants.
Bring on the food!
What's the matter?
Monica's all upset
because I sent Clunkers away.
So? Bring the dog back, you're a hero.
Yeah, I can be a hero, I could do that. I could, I could do..
I, w-w-what if it-what if it attacks me?
Chandler, it's like a big gerbil.
And that doesn't scare you?
[door opening and closing]
- Ross, you need some help? - From you?
[sobbing] Yes, please!
[clearing throat]
[sobbing]
First of all, "Utah"?
Dude, you can't just make stuff up.
[instrumental music]
I hate America!
When I finish this game, I swear I am moving.
[door opening]
Hey! Tag's still talking to the police?
Yeah, ohh! Why, damn it, why did I open my mouth?
I have a crush on you. I am attracted to you.
Gee, I-I know that I freaked him out.
If you said it like that, you probably did, yeah.
Hey, is Chandler here?
Uh, no, no, he went for a walk.
Okay, but you cannot tell him. But look whose back!
[Rachel gasping]
- H-h-hi! - Oh, no, no, no.
He went over to Ross's to bring the dog back here!
Oh, no, the dog's not going to be there!
You think?
Hi, honey.
Please, please, please, don't be mad at me.
- What? Why, why would-- - Shh, wait and see.
Maybe we will, maybe we won't.
Okay, I went over to Ross's apartment
to bring back Clunkers.
You know, for you, and..
[clears throat] I left the door open and she must have..
...gotten out, and I looked everywhere
all over the apartment including the roof, which FYI, Ross
one of your neighbors, growing weed.
I couldn't find him
and I am so, so, so, sorry.
But...I do know where we can all go ease the pain.
We have good news, look who's back!
Hi!
Clunkers? Oh, my God!
That's right, she came back all by herself.
It's a Thanksgiving miracle!
It is so good to see you!
Yeah, she came all the way back from Ross's building.
Oh, the things she must have seen!
And then she climbed up the fire escape
and she tapped on the window with her teeny little paw
and then we ran to let her in..
I went too far, didn't I?
When should I have stopped?
[instrumental music]
Okay, maybe this is so hard
because there aren't 50 states.
Let me tell you something, I have 49 states
and there are no more!
I-I think, I should be able to eat something.
It's up to you.
[shrieking]
- Oh, hi! How are you doing? - I'm okay.
I gotta go down to the police station
and look at mug shots.
Oh!
Thanks for having me over, you guys.
Tag? Y-you're going?
Uh...we didn't, uh
we didn't get a chance to talk.
Uh, so, where-where did you say you're from again?
- Colorado. - Ah, what good are you.
Look, um...I think we should talk about
what happened on the terrace.
- Okay. - Uh..
...I-I never should have said what I said.
It.. You know what? It just doesn't matter how I feel.
I mean we work together, so nothing could really ever happen
between us, and what I would love
is just to go to work on Monday
and-and never talk about this again...okay?
Big day Monday, lots to do.
So we okay?
Um...I'm not.
Oh, God, I knew it, I freaked you out.
No, you didn't.
The only thing that freaked me out
was you saying that nothing could ever happen between us.
Really?
Yeah.
So please don't fire me for doing this.
Okay, well, that's one less thing we have to do on Monday.
[instrumental music]
[knocking on door]
Delaware!
[sobbing] Delaware!
- Alright. - I want my turkey now!
You got it.
You got Nevada twice.
- I know. - Yeah.
[theme music]