[instrumental music]
So the wedding caterer sent me this list of 12 appetizers
and I have to narrow it down to six.
Food? Gimme.
So, did Monica tell you about this great band
called "The Swing Kings"
that we're trying to get to play for the wedding?
Since when are you into swing music?
Ah, since forever.
I used to go all over town listening to bands.
Chandler..
Gap commercial.
So, did you book them? Did you call?
- I will. - Do you want me to call?
[chuckles] No, I'll do it. You just stick to your job.
- What is your job? - Staying out of the way.
This is impossible, Monica. Why don't you just pick all 15?
- There were only 12. - Oh, yeah. I added three.
What are "Peanut butter fingers?"
Oh, yeah.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week your month ♪
♪ Or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Well, hello.
'She's cute.'
Should we, uh, go try to talk to her?
Sure.
It's one of the great things of being engaged.
I'm not nervous talking to pretty girls anymore.
Could you guys help me?
[giggles]
Uh, yeah. Let me, let me get that for you.
It-it's really heavy.
[scoffs] I got it.
[groans]
So, hi, I'm, uh, I'm Ross
and this is my friend Chandler.
- I'm Kristen. - Kristen, hi.
Are you, uh, you new to the area?
'Cause if you are, I'd love to show you around sometime.
I-I actually just moved from four blocks over.
Ah.
But this block is like a whole other world.
You know, actually, it does have a very interesting history.
Uh, this street is the first street in the city
to have an underground sewer system.
Before that, sewage and waste
would just flow right down the street.
Yeah, sometimes, ankle deep, hm.
Smooth.
Excuse me?
Um, say, you're going to be starving
after all this moving.
What do you say, I take you to dinner tonight?
- I'd like that. - Yeah? Great.
Uh, let me take this up for you.
- After you. - Oh, no, no. After you.
Oh, my God!
[instrumental music]
Am I crazy or does this totally go?
Oh, my God!
You look so beautiful!
Thank you, Rachel, but look at Monica.
- This is it. - Oh.
Yeah, this is the one.
I can't believe I found it.
Wow, you look so beautiful.
If I knew you, I'd cry.
Well, I'm Monica Geller. Bawl like a baby.
I'm Megan Bailey.
- Have you found your dress yet? - Oh, no.
These dresses are all so amazing
but there is no way I could afford one.
No, no, I can't afford this, either. No.
I-I-I'm just here to figure out which one I want.
Then I'm gonna get it at Kleinman's
this discount place in Brooklyn.
Day after tomorrow they're having a huge sale.
- Oh, thanks for the tip. - Yeah.
So, so when are you getting married?
Oh, I'm not. I just like to try these on.
I do the same thing.
I'm just kidding. I'm getting married July 25th.
I'm just kidding too.
[laughs]
I'm getting married in December.
So when're you getting married?
- Um, May 15th. Yeah. - Ooh, it's getting close.
So, uh, who's your photographer?
- Jeffrey. - We met with him.
Did he show you the photos of the nude wedding he did?
Best man? Wow.
I know. I almost called off my wedding.
Oh, who's your band?
Oh, my fiance wants "The Swing Kings."
Oh, you're so lucky.
My fiance wants the heavy metal band "Carcass."
Ooh, is that spelled with a C or a K?
Oh, my God! It doesn't matter!
They're both great!
Oh.
Oh, you know what? You know what? Don't buy that here.
Now that you know what you want you should go to Kleinman's
and you can get it half off.
This place is so overpriced.
I own this store.
So, does this come in another color or..
[instrumental music]
Hi.
Are you, uh, moving in or moving out?
- Moving in. - Oh. Can I give you a hand?
Oh, okay. But, you know, be careful.
This guy who was helping me before
had to leave because he hurt his back.
Boyfriend?
- No. - I'm Joey.
- Your name? - Kristen.
Oh, wow, what a beautiful name.
What is it again?
- Kristen. - Ah, that's it.
- So.. - You, uh, live around here?
Yeah, yeah. Right down there.
Hey, listen, let me give you a little tip.
Do not take a nap on this stoop
or you could wake up with your shoes gone.
- I'll remember that. - Okay.
Listen, would you, uh..
...would you like to have dinner with me tonight?
- Oh, I-I have plans tonight. - Ah.
- But how about tomorrow? - Sounds great.
Okay, alright. Well, where does this go?
You look strong, why don't I take that
and you grab one of the boxes?
Okay. Yeah.
Yeah, I'll get this one.
(female #1) 'What's taking so long?'
[indistinct chatter]
So, this is Brooklyn.
Alright, listen up.
There's usually only one dress in each size
so when they open those doors, fan out.
Now, this is what you're looking for.
Memorize it.
When you locate the dress..
[jingling]
...blow on these, alright?
Three sharp blasts.
When you hear it, come running.
- Okay. - Got it.
Alright.
Oh, they're pushing! They're pushing!
Hey, don't be a baby!
- Well, I.. - Let's go!
[yells]
Hey! Rachel, come on!
No. No, not it. Not it. Not it.
Ugh!
Don't crowd me!
This is it! This is the dress!
Oh, my God. It's perfect.
I'm sorry. This one's taken!
Whoa!
- Megan! - Monica!
- You came! - Yeah.
This is my dress.
No!
Yes, it is. You saw me wearing it.
And now you'll see me buying it.
What? You freak!
You wouldn't even have known about this place
if it wasn't for me.
Look, you don't want to fight me.
Maybe I do!
I'm pretty feisty.
[blows whistle]
I'm coming! I'm coming!
[whistle blowing continues]
Okay.
[whistle blows]
Hey! What do I do?
[whistle blowing continues]
What are you doing? Did you find the dress?
- Did you find the dress? - No.
You've gotta get me out of here, Phoebe.
These bargain shoppers are crazy!
- We got to get Monica! - No, you gotta hold my hand!
Oh, my God!
[whistle blowing continues]
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Go! Go! Go!
- Hey! - Go!
[blowing whistle]
[instrumental music]
So, Ross, how was your date the other night?
Did you tell her about the magical ride
that starts with the flush of every toilet?
Laugh all you want but, uh..
she actually left me a message saying
she'd like to go out again.
Yeah, in fact..
...I'm going to go call her right now.
And I'll make sure to tell her my friend Chandler says..
[imitating Chandler]
- Hey, Chandler. - Hey.
Listen, sorry I didn't stop by last night
but I had a date.
Uh, Joe, when it's 1 o'clock in the morning
and you don't come by, that's okay.
Check it out, it was with this really hot girl
who just moved in right across the street.
Really?
- Right across the street? - Yeah.
When did you meet her?
Two days ago.
Excellent.
You know, Ross met somebody too.
Oh, yeah?
- Hey. - Hi. How'd it go?
Oh, great. We're going out again Saturday.
But I just found out
she's also seeing some other guy.
Really?
Joe, what would you do if you were in Ross's situation?
Well, I sorta am. I mean, yeah.
I'm dating this girl who's also seeing another guy
but I'm not too worried about it.
Well, you shouldn't be.
Believe me, I wouldn't want to be the guy
who's up against you.
I mean, that doofus is going to lose.
So, this is nice.
I wish I didn't have to go, believe me.
But, unfortunately, I have to.
Oh, uh, by the way
what's the name of the girl you're dating?
(in unison) Kristen Lang.
Bye!
Well, obviously, only one of us
can keep dating her.
Obviously.
So how do we decide?
Well, now, let's-let's look at this objectively.
I think I should date her.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Or, or, I'm the one who dates her.
That's interesting, but check this out.
I date her.
Yeah, yeah, I like that but just to go in another direction--
Okay, okay, this can go on for a while.
Yeah, well, we should order some food then.
No, Joey..
Look, why don't-why don't we just let her decide?
Okay, hey, hey, we'll each go out with her
one more time, and-and we'll see
who she likes best.
That sounds fair.
Maybe I'll take her to that
new French restaurant down the street.
Oh, hey, wait a second, now.
Look, we're gonna have to set a spending limit on the date.
I don't have the money to take her to a fancy place like that.
Well, sorry, that's what I do on dates.
Alright, well, I guess I'll just
have to do what I do on dates.
So let's decide on a spending limit.
Yeah.
Uh..
[mumbling]
...and a slice..
Six dollars?
I was thinking more like a hundred?
Okay. Can I borrow $94?
[instrumental music]
[gasps]
I know.
Could you hand me a tissue?
[blows whistle]
You're out of Diet Coke.
[telephone ringing]
Hello.
What?
You what?
Hey, you listen here, missy!
What?
Wha.. What?
That was that girl Megan.
She booked "The Swing Kings" on the day of our wedding
and said I couldn't have them back
unless I gave her the dress!
[gasps]
Does that mean "Carcass" is available?
What am I gonna do? That is the dress.
Well..
But Chandler wants the band.
I don't know.. What do I do?
Well, just figure out a way to talk him out of it.
How?
[whistle blowing continues]
(Rachel) 'You're out of toilet paper!'
[instrumental music]
[knock on door]
- Hey. - Hey. What's up?
I just wanted to come by and you know
wish you good luck on your date.
- Oh, thanks. - Yeah.
What time you meeting her?
We have 8 o'clock reservations
at Gramercy Bistro.
Oh, that's in, like, 20 minutes.
You better get dressed.
I am dressed.
Oh. Oh, well good.
For me.
What is this?
Did you give yourself a facial?
I have an oily T-zone.
Okay, dude.
Hey, you, uh, you sent Kristen flowers?
That's right.
You spent $100?
That's the limit. You're screwed.
Uh, actually, I sent the flowers
before the actual date
so technically, technically, I didn't break any rules.
Thanks for stopping by, though.
Oh, oh, so that's the way it's gonna be, huh?
Yeah, I can break the rules too, you know.
Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do?
- I don't know. - Why am I not surprised?
You know what, I'm not gonna let you get away with this.
I don't think you have much choice.
- Oh, we'll see. - Bye-bye.
Yeah, bye-bye.
Hey! So, just a light layer?
Yeah, just here, and there.
Joey got meat sauce on the banister again.
Yeah, swing music is so out.
Phoebe, he's got to be in the room for that to work.
What are you guys talking about?
Well, um, we were just
talking about the, you know
"The Swing Kings" and just wondering
whether, you know, they were the right way to go.
Yeah, I went to a wedding once where they had swing music
and, uh, two months later the couple got divorced.
And I-I'm not saying that there's any connection here
you know, but they did tell me that's why they got divorced.
But I love swing music.
Yeah, but "The Swing Kings?"
You know, they suck so much
that people actually die at their concerts.
They just stop living.
All I know is, when Monica and I went to see them
we had fun, and there's another reason too.
Well, what is the other reason?
I don't want to say.
Well, you have to because maybe it's stupid.
Well, it's just while Monica and I were dancing to them
it was...the first time I knew that..
...you were the woman that I wanted to dance
all my dances with.
Oh, crap.
So they said our table will be ready in just a few minutes.
Oh, great.
Is your back feeling better?
Oh, yeah, that's fine.
I guess, ahem, the more muscles you have
the more they can spasm out of control.
- Kristen? - Joey.
- Hi. - Hi.
What are you doing here?
Oh, I like this place, yeah
and technically, technically
I'm not breaking any rules, so...you know.
Well, uh, Ross, this is Joey.
Joey...Ross.
- Hi. - Hi. It's nice to meet you.
Yeah. I used to have a friend named Joey.
I don't anymore.
Our table will be ready in a couple of minutes, so.
Sure. I would love to wait with you guys.
'Thanks.'
[sighs]
So, Joey, um, you look familiar.
Are, uh.. Are you on TV or something?
Well, Joey doesn't like to talk about it
but he's one of the stars of "Days Of Our Lives."
That's right. That's right.
Don't you play a woman?
A woman in a man's body.
Much better.
So, you know, Ross, it's funny
'cause you look familiar to me too.
Have you ever been married?
Why, yes-yes, I have.
In fact, um, just the other day
Kristen and I were talking about how I've been married
and how I have a son.
- Yeah. Little Eric. - That's right.
Wait. No, Ben.
So you've just been married the one time then?
Well, um..
You've been married twice?
Yes..
...and..
...another time after that.
Boy, I'm getting hungry.
Uh, ahem, hey, Joey
have you ever been so hungry on a date
that when the girl goes to the bathroom
you eat some of her food?
You said the waiter ate my crab cake.
[laughing]
Yeah, so, uh, Ross, that, now..
...why did that first marriage break up, hmm?
Was it because the woman was straight
or because she was a lesbian?
Do you two know each other?
(both) No. No, no.
It just seems like Ross is the kind of guy
who would marry a woman on the verge of being a lesbian
and then push her over the edge.
Wait a minute.
Were you on a poster for gonorrhea?
Have you ever slept in the same bed with a monkey?
Hey! You leave Marcel out of this!
Fine, have you ever got stuck
in a pair of your own leather pants?
Hey, hey, have you ever locked yourself
in a TV cabinet, VD Boy?
Monkey lover!
Where do you think we lost her?
Probably around gonorrhea.
Hi, honey, I'm home!
(Monica) 'Don't come in here!'
Why? Do you have another boyfriend in there or something?
(Monica) 'No. We only mess around at his place.'
You know, it's funny I started it, but now it's scaring me
so could you come out here, please?
(Monica) 'No, I'm wearing a wedding dress.'
Oh, you got a wedding dress? That's great.
(Monica) 'Yeah, but I'm not keeping it.'
Well, then, why can't I see it?
(Monica) 'Oh. I guess you can.'
'Okay, but I-I have to return it'
'so you can't like it.'
Okay, I promise, I'll-I'll hate it.
Wow, you-you look..
...hideous.
Really?
Yeah, that's like the..
...most ugliest dress I've ever seen.
Why do you have to return it?
Oh, because it-it doesn't really fit.
Oh, by the way, I-I booked "The Swing Kings."
Oh, that's great. Great. Thanks.
But that dress, I mean, it's like, ugh!
It's terrible. It makes me want to just rip it right off you.
Okay.
But you can't rip it.
- Well, maybe a little. - Okay.
[chatter on TV]
Hey, guys. You wanna look at the song list for the wedding?
Guys?
I thought you were gonna be gone all day.
Alright, what's going on?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I should probably leave you girls alone.
Yeah, laugh all you want but in ten minutes
we're gonna have younger-looking skin.
Oh, yeah.
You know, she could use a little..
I was gonna say.
- Oh, nice shot! Yeah! - Hoop! Hoop! Hoop!
- Yeah! - Yeah!
[theme music]