Mmm.
- Hi. - Hey.
You have to got to try this cheesecake.
Oh, you know I'm not that much of a sweet tooth.
[mumbling]
- Wow, my God, it's so creamy. - Oh!
Oh, my God that is the best cheesecake I've ever had.
Where did you get this?
It was at the front door when I got home.
Somebody sent it to us.
Chandler, this is not addressed to you.
This is addressed to Mrs. Braverman, downstairs.
[gasps] Thief.
No. I didn't read the box before I opened it
and you can't return a box after you've opened the box.
- What? Why not? - Because it's too delicious.
Chandler, you stole this cheesecake. That is wrong.
No, no, no, it is going to be okay
because Mrs. Braverman is gonna send away for a free one
and that way we all win.
The only losers are the big cheesecake conglomerate..
"...Mama's Little Bakery."
I feel terrible.
I'm a horrible, horrible, horrible person.
Well, I'm sorry, what?
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's D-O-A ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ And when it hasn't been your day your week ♪
♪ Your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪
Alright, I should get goin'.
Big day at work.
You know I'm in a coma?
Well, today they do this test on me
and turns out I'm not brain-dead.
- So-- - Nah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
Mr. Smarty-Pants it's just my character that's not brain-dead.
Hey, so, Pheebs, we still on for tonight?
- Absolutely. - Alright, I'll see you at 8:00.
Okay.
Oh, what's at 8:00?
Oh, I have dinner plans with Joey.
We get together about once a month
to discuss the rest of you guys.
Wow, did not know that.
May I say how lovely you look today?
Oh, duly noted.
Oh, so for tomorrow, do you wanna rent a car
and, uh, drive down together, or what?
What are you talkin' about?
Cousin Frannie's wedding, it's tomorrow night.
You were invited?
No.
My God, I can't believe this.
I mean, I knew that mom and dad were invited
but I thought that was it.
I mean, from the ages of seven to nine
Frannie and I were inseparable.
Well, maybe since the age of nine
Frannie's made some new friends.
Well, l-look, it's probably just a mistake.
Lemme call Aunt Cheryl, okay?
Maybe you are invited and the invitation
just got lost in the mail.
Yeah. Well, you call her and tell her that
you know, when we were kids
her precious little Frannie
tried to undress me several times, okay?
And if I hadn't have stopped her
there probably wouldn't even be a wedding to go to.
You know, she tried to undress me too.
I used to undress my cousin, Glenn.
[chuckles]
Joseph Francis Tribbiani, Are you home yet?
Um, I think he's still out. What's wrong?
Well, I'll tell you, Rachel Karen Green.
I had plans with Joey tonight and he left me this note.
"Pheebs, can't make it. Got a date. Talk to you later.
"Big Daddy."
Big Daddy?
Oh, that's a nickname we were trying out.
Hey, you know what nickname never caught on?
"The Ross-a-tron."
- Hey. - Oh, here's Joseph Francis.
Oh-Wha-Ho!
What are you middle namin' me for?
- I left you a note. - So what?
That doesn't give you the right to ditch me.
Hey, you can cancel plans with friends
if there's a possibility for sex.
Phoebe, he's right. That is the rule.
I don't accept this rule.
When we make plans, I expect you show up.
Okay? I can't just be a way to kill time
till you meet someone better.
You know, boyfriends and girlfriends
are gonna come and go, but this...is for life.
Wow...I'm so sorry.
I had no idea it would bother you this much.
- Well, it does. - Okay..
Can I, can I make it up to you, huh?
I'm sorry.
How 'bout, uh, dinner tomorrow night?
I'll pay for myself.
Okay, you wore me down.
Hey, Joe, while you're over there how about another beer
for "The Ross-a-tron."
Ross, is that back?
- Hi. - The other cheesecake came.
They delivered it to the wrong address again.
So, just bring it back downstairs.
What's the problem?
- I can't seem to say good-bye. - Are you serious?
Chandler, we ate an entire cheesecake two days ago
and you want more?
Well, I've forgotten what it tastes like, okay?
It was cheesecake.
It was fine.
It had a buttery, crumbly, graham cracker crust..
...with a very... rich
yet...light... cream cheese filling.
Well, my whole mouth just filled with saliva. Hmm.
You know what? Forget it.
We are just hungry.
We have not had lunch.
We are just light-headed.
So, let us go out and have lunch
and forget about the cheesecake.
Yeah, and we'll drop it off downstairs
so that we're not tempted.
Good idea. Where do you wanna go to lunch?
Mama's Little Bakery, Chicago, Illinois.
Oh... Mel Torme died.
Joey, that paper's, like, a year old.
Oh, does that mean the Sam Goody sale is over?
- Hey. - Hey.
So, I finally heard back from Aunt Cheryl
and apparently it wasn't a mistake.
Uh, there's, there's limited seating in the hall..
Limited seating?
I am just one tiny person.
Well, yeah, but she doesn't know that.
I mean... the last time she saw you
you would have turned one of those little wedding chairs
into kindling.
Uh..."limited seating."
Oh, that is such a lame excuse.
That's not the reason why she's not inviting me.
What's the big deal? I wasn't even invited to the ceremony
just the reception, and you know what?
If it makes you feel any better
Joan and I will just make an appearance
and then, and then we'll-we'll leave early
as a sign of protest.
- Joan? - Yeah, Joan Tedeschi. My date.
She's an assistant professor in the linguistics department.
Tall, very beautiful
and despite what some people say
not broad-backed.
Wait a minute. You got "Ross Geller and guest"?
I wasn't invited, and you got "and guest"?
Uh, e-excuse me. I do have to interrupt on Ross's behalf.
I think the rule applies here.
You know, since he has a chance to get on broad-back.--
Not broad-back!
Wait a minute. You know, You're bringing me.
Well, I can't cancel on Joan.
- Why not? - Because.. Did you not hear me?
She's an assistant professor
in the linguistics department, okay?
They're wild.
W-why do you wanna come anyway?
Because..
...she's my cousin.
I mean...we grew up together.
We're family, you know. All that's..
that's important to me.
Okay, alright, I'll take you.
I'll go call Joan.
Oh, that's nice.
Family should be there, huh?
This is her wedding, the happiest day of her life.
We'll see.
[Chandler sighs] Well, thank you for lunch.
What? Wait a minute. I didn't pay. I thought you paid.
So, apparently we just don't pay for food anymore.
[chuckles]
- Do you see what I see? - It's still there.
Mrs. Braverman must be out.
She could be out of town. Maybe she'll be gone for months.
By then, the cheesecake may have gone bad.
We don't want her to come back to bad cheesecake.
- No, that could kill her. - Well, we don't want that.
- No, so, we're protecting her. - Well, we should take it.
- Yeah, we should move quick. - Why?
Because I think I just heard her moving around in there.
Go, go, go, go, go, go..
[gasps]
Oh, my God, that's David.
- 'David who?' - 'David, the scientist guy.'
David that I was in love with.
David who went to Russia and broke my heart, David.
Oh, my God.
Oh, you say someone's name enough they turn around.
Phoebe!
David.
What's...what are you doing here?
Aren't you supposed to be in Russia?
Yeah, I'm just, I'm just in town for a conference.
- Oh. - Um, God..
...you look phenomenal.
Well...yeah.
You look great too.
Did you get a haircut?
Yeah, well, I-I-I got, like, 30 of 'em.
Yeah.
Um, look, I-I-I got a confession to make.
Um, I-I was hoping to run into you here.
I didn't know whether I should call or not.
You know what? I-I was only in town for a few days
and, you know, I didn't want to intrude on your life
or anything like that but I-I really wanted to see you and..
But I didn't know if you...wanted to see me.
Well...of course I would want to see you.
I...I think about you all the time.
Really? Because I think about you all the time.
There's a statue in Minsk that reminds me of you so much.
I mean, um, it's, it's actually of Lenin..
but-but, you know, at certain angles..
Yeah.
Um...anyway do you wanna have dinner, uh, tonight?
Yes.
Oh, no.
- Oh, uh, what? - Oh.
I can't. I can't believe I have plans. I can't.
Can you do it tomorrow night, though?
Uh, no, I-I have to go in a few hours.
I have to be on the red-eye.
Well, listen, you know, next time you're in Minsk, um..
Phoebe, can I talk to you for a second?
Uh-huh.
What are you doing?
Well, I have plans with Joey tonight.
So? He'll understand.
No, he won't. And that's not even the point.
Monica, I made a whole speech
about how you do not cancel plans with friends.
And now, you know, what? Just because..
...potentially the love of my life
comes back from Russia just for one night
I-I should change my beliefs?
I should change my beliefs.
No. No, no. If I don't have my principles
I don't have anything.
God, you are so strong.
Or, I should rush through dinner with Joey
and I can meet David at 9:00.
Oh, my God, that is so good.
I'm full.
And yet I know, if I stop eating this..
...I'll regret it.
- Hey. - Hey, what have you got there?
Oh, it's, um..
...it's tofu cake. Do you want some?
[groans]
- What are you doin' tonight? - Huh? Uh...huh..
Dude, dude.
Oh!
Sorry. Uh..
...I got those plans with Phoebe. Why?
Oh, really?
Monica said she had a date at 9:00.
What? Tonight?
That's what Monica said.
After she gave me that big speech?
She goes and makes a date with a guy
on the same night she has plans with me?
I think she's tryin' to pull a fast one on Big Daddy.
Oh, here. I think this is us.
Limited seating, my ass.
Let's just see who made the cut.
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm Monica Geller.
How do you know the bride and groom?
- I used to work with Frannie. - Used to work with her.
Used to.
I'm a relative and I didn't get invited.
A blood relative. Blood.
Stop saying "blood" to strangers.
So, how about you, hmm?
How do you know the happy couple?
We went to college with both of them
and now we live next door.
Okay, you're fine.
- Hey, are you guys ready? - Hey.
Yes, I will have a green salad
um, house dressing, and water's fine.
- Okay. - Okay.
And for you, sir.
Yeah. This slow-roasted salmon.
Just how slow are we talkin'?
It's, uh, it's already been roasted.
Oh, then no.
Maybe I should hear those specials again.
Oh, Joey, we've heard the specials three times, okay?
There's prime rib, mahi-mahi
and a very special lobster ravioli.
Actually, we're out of the lobster ravioli.
Oh, well, that changes everything.
- You know what, Pheebs? - Huh?
- You were right before. - Mm-hmm.
Friends are so important.
Yeah, I'm very wise, I know.
You know, you know what I really want?
- What? - Is to have a long, long talk.
You know, get Joey out on the open road
and really open him up.
- Any progress? - Yes.
I will have the lobster ravioli.
Oh, my God, Joey. This is taking forever.
What's the rush, what?
[stuttering] Well, I just..
I have, you know, I have I have an appointment
and it's very important.
Oh, well, what is it?
Well..
- It's a date. - A date?
No, no, Pheebs. You must be mistaken
because I know you wouldn't schedule a date
on the same night you have plans with a friend.
Come on, Joey, don't make me feel badly about this.
No, I'm gonna.
That's right, yeah. You made me feel really guilty
about goin' out with that girl, like
like, like I did something terrible to you.
Now, Pheebs, you're doin' the same thing.
It's not the same thing. This is totally different.
This is with David. Remember David?
The scientist guy? Okay, he's very special to me.
Okay, well, my girl from the other night was special.
- She was a scientist, too. - She was?
Well, she graduated high school.
Okay, whatever. You know what?
I don't have time to convince you
because he's only here for four hours
and I'm gonna go see him.
- Fine! Fine! - Yeah. Yeah.
What are you still doin' here? I told you, lobster ravioli!
- Hey. - Hey.
Oh, I was just about to leave. I didn't think you were coming.
Oh, I wouldn't have missed this.
Well, I'm very glad you're here.
Oh, you're such a gentleman.
Come on, we're goin' to my place.
Are you eating the cheesecake without me?
Hmm-mmm.
I will give you a $100 to whistle right now.
How can you eat the cheesecake without me?
Oh, what are you gonna do? You gonna go run tell Monica?
Are you gonna tell Joey? No, because
then you'd have to tell them what we did.
We are dessert stealers.
We are living outside of the law.
You know what? I don't trust you with this cake anymore.
And I got it first.
- And I'm takin' it back. - What?
- Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
No, no, no, you don't.
- Oh, yes! - You think I trust you with it?
No, we're gonna split it. You take half and I take half.
Well, that's not fair. You've already had some.
What? oh, then, you know what?
I think Monica would be very interested to know
that you called her cheesecake dry and mealy.
- What do we use to split it? - Okay.
Alright, pick a half.
Okay.
Well, this side looks bigger.
- Hmm-mmm. - Uh..
But there's more crust on this side.
You know?
So, maybe if I measured..
Oh, for God's sake, just pick a piece!
- Alright, I pick that one. - Ha, so the smaller piece.
Okay. There you go.
Enjoy your half, my friend. But that is it.
No sharing, no switching
and don't come cryin' to me
if you eat your piece too fast.
[screams] Oh!
Alright, you gotta give me some of your piece.
Oh, no, no.
No switching, no sharing, and don't come cryin' to me!
Ha, ha, ha.
I may just sit here and have my cake all day.
Just sit here in the hallway and eat my..
[instrumental music]
Ross, sweetheart!
Oh, hey, Aunt Millie.
Isn't it a beautiful wedding?
Well, yes, yes it is.
Every time on the lips.
Why, why on the lips?
[applause]
There's Frannie.
- Won't she be happy to see me? - Now, wait a minute.
You be nice, alright?
I didn't bring you here so you could ambush her.
Frannie was the one who found your Playboys
and showed them to Mom.
That bitch.
Monica!
- What-- - Am I doing here?
Why? Surprised to see me?
Ross brought me. How do you like that?
Hi, Frannie, congratulations.
You invite my brother, you invite my whole family
and not me? Why? Why wouldn't you want me at your wedding?
What could I have possibly done?
Stuart!
I believe you know my husband.
So it's really a question of who could you have possibly done?
Oh, I hate this, but I-I-I have to go.
I-I-I can't miss my flight.
You sure? I bet there's another flight to Minsk in like--
July.
[speaking Russian]
That's really beautiful. What does it mean?
Please clean my beakers.
I don't get out of the lab much.
[giggles]
I thought it meant... something else.
Yeah, I, well, I really, actually
wanted to say, um, that.
But, um, I figured I probably shouldn't
because, you know, I...have to leave.
No, you're right, you're right. Don't say it.
I-I do, though.
I do, too.
- Bye, Phoebe. - Bye.
Okay, now's not the time, Joey, alright?
- You can yell at me tomorrow. - No, no, no, Pheebs.
I'm not gonna yell at you.
I just, you know, started thinkin' about you and David
and I...remember how bummed you were the first time he left..
...and I just..
Oh, Pheebs, come here.
- Are you okay? - No, I'm not okay.
The only guy I've ever been crazy about
is goin' to Minsk and I may never see him again.
Hey, you know, you could always visit him.
Oh, right. Like they're gonna let me have a passport.
Anything I can do? Whatever you need.
Well, but now, if, if you could achieve positronic distillation
of subatomic particles, you know
before he does, then he could come back.
I could give it a shot.
Oh, yay, look. There's a piece that doesn't have floor on it.
- Stick to your side. - Hey, hey. Come on, now.
Alright, what are we havin'?
Oh, wait. I forgot my wrap.
What? Oh, okay. Wait here.
Hi, sweetie! Are you leaving?
- Well.. - Give us a kiss.
Come on.
[groans]
Come on.
Why? Why on the lips?