Pheebs, can you help me pick out
an engagement ring for Monica?
I can't figure this out. It's so hard.
Should I get her a Tiffany cut or a princess cut or a..
Ow. Paper cut.
Now, have you told anyone else?
No, I don't want to tell anybody else
because I don't want Monica to find out.
You told me.
Well, that's because I trust you
and you're one of my best friends
and you walked in on me
while I was looking at ring brochures.
Yeah, well, once again, not knocking pays off.
I only wish you hadn't been on the toilet.
Me too.
- Hey. - Hey. Hey.
So, Chandler, want to go to the coffee house?
- Oh, alright. - Yeah, coffee house.
Oh, perfect, we were just going to see if you wanted to go.
Oh, well, we don't, 'cause we got t-the o-other place.
How rude.
Oh, I'm sorry. You want a bite?
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week ♪
♪ Your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
So how are things going with Paul?
Good, yeah.
Although, you know, he's, he's a private guy.
You know, I wish I could get him
to open up a little bit, share some feelings.
That's easy.
You just have to think of him
as a-a jar of pickles that won't open.
So what are you saying?
I should run him under some hot water
and bang his head against the table?
No, that's what you do when you want to
get the truth out of someone.
[chuckling]
- Hi, honey. - Hi.
- Watch this. - Okay.
- Hey, Paul. - Hi, Phoebe.
So, how are things going with you?
Can't complain.
[clicking tongue]
- Let's go. - Okay.
- Hey! - Hi!
Ross, good to see you, too.
- How you doing? - Good. Bye.
Okay, you take care.
Yeah.
Hey, Pheebs, w-what was the deal
with you and Chandler blowing us off before?
Yeah, it was so weird, huh?
Phoebe, why'd you do it?
I didn't do it. I-It was Chandler.
He's...he's mad at you.
Wha, why?
Please, I think you know why.
Can't think of anything.
Come on, Ross. You're a paleontologist.
Dig a little deeper.
Wait a minute, is it 'cause Joey and I didn't invite him
to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago?
Do you think that's something that he'd be mad at you for?
I guess it could.
Well, then, I think that's it.
Well, if he's angry he really shouldn't just cover it up.
I-I wish he would just tell me the truth.
Oh, if that's what you want
then you really should run him under hot water
and bang his head against the table.
Honey, I made a reservation at China Garden.
Is that okay?
Yeah. No, that's great.
But first, wait. Talk to me, talk to me.
Tell me about your day.
It was fine.
Okay.
Hey, what are you thinking, what're you thinking right now?
I'm thinking that you are looking really fine
in that dress.
You know, that's great, Paul
but, you know, I want to know what..
Wow, those are really great.
I just want to know what, what is
behind t-this strong, silent exterior.
You know, they say that still waters run deep
and I want to swim in yours.
Are you talking about having sex?
Um, no, Paul, I don't know anything about you.
You know, like y-your childhood.
Tell me about your childhood.
Normal.
Okay. Well, then how about puberty? Come on.
That's always a painful time.
You know, when your friends invite you to a slumber party
and then they stick your hand in warm water
while you're sleeping so you
pee in your sleeping bag?
Nope, that never happened to me.
Well, you're lucky you never met that bitch Sharon Majeski.
Anyway, um, the rest of your life.
You know, any regrets?
Nope.
Alright, Paul, you know, I'm not asking for a lot here, okay?
Just give me something.
Anything.
- Okay. - Okay.
When I was six years old..
Mm-hmm.
...I wanted a big wheel.
And instead, my parents got me
this little plastic chicken that you hop around on.
It was embarrassing. Kids made fun of me.
- Oh. - That was a pretty tough year.
T-That's great. See?
I already feel like I know you a little better.
Thank you. Okay. Come on.
Now we can go eat. Let's go.
It was horrible.
- They called me "chicken boy." - 'Oh.'
[sobbing]
And in fifth grade, I got into a fight.
Well, it wasn't really a fight.
Richard Darumbull bit me on the nose and I fell down.
I still have a scar right here.
- You can see it. - Yeah.
Yeah, I see, I see the scar.
Listen, Paul, I think this is really great
that, you know, you've shared your feelings.
It's really, it's beautiful
but, um, what do you say we go share some food?
Oh, I couldn't eat now.
W-What a-are you talking about?
You love their Kung Pao chicken.
"Chicken?"
- "Chicken boy!" - I'm sorry! I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to do this.
[mimicking clucking]
Nothing. This is the nine millionth ring store
we've been to and I can't find the perfect ring.
Ugly ring, ugly ring, ugly ring.
It's a beautiful selection.
Okay, so maybe you don't get her a ring.
Maybe you, maybe you do something different.
You know, maybe you get her
an engagement bracelet, you know?
Or an engagement tiara.
Oh, an engagement revolutionary war musket.
You know, I'm so glad I picked you to help me with this.
- Huh? - Aha.
Can't you just imagine getting down on one knee
and handing her this gorgeous piece of weaponry?
Yeah, I'm going to stick with the ring.
Oh, this one's nice. I like this one.
Sir, uh, kind sir. Can I see this one?
Wait a minute, now t-this is the reason you brought me, okay?
I know how to haggle, so let me handle this from here on out.
- Can I help you? - Uh, yeah, yes.
I would like to see that ring, please.
Or not. Whatever.
This ring is from the 1920s.
It's a one-and-a-half carat diamond
with sapphires on either side.
Sir, could I ask you to, um
could you hold out that ring and ask me to marry you?
- Okay. - Okay.
Will you marry me?
Oh, my God. That's it. That's the ring.
- How much is it? - Chandler, I will handle this.
How much is it?
$8,600.
We will give you ten dollars.
Are you interested in this ring?
Yes. Yes, but I can only pay $8,000.
Okay. I can let it go for $8,000.
We stand firm at ten dollars.
How would you like to pay?
Uh, credit card.
Oh, no. No, no, but I lent my credit card to Joey.
Okay, I'll go get it. You guard the ring.
Okay.
Listen, I'm sorry about before.
Do you have anything here for ten dollars?
Uh, yes, I have these two
rather beautiful five dollar bills.
I'll give you one dollar for them.
Hey, remember how Chandler and Phoebe
blew us off yesterday?
No.
Remember? Y-You were eating pizza.
- Yeah. - Okay.
Well, apparently, Chandler's angry at us
for not getting him a ticket
to that Knicks game a couple of weeks ago.
What, we were supposed to just get him a ticket?
That guy is always mooching off of us.
Right.
Anyway, I-I still think we should try to patch things up.
You know, like, uh, maybe we can
get him tickets to another Knicks game and invite him.
Oh, wow, that's a great idea.
And I still have his credit card.
Here you go.
Oh, hey, hey, hey. Hold on.
I got this one. Here you go.
You know, I got to tell you, sometimes
I just, I don't get Chandler.
You know, me and him do stuff
all the time without you
and you don't get all upset.
- All the time? - All the time.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Still crying? - Like a little girl.
I know, I know, I know.
This is all my fault.
I wanted him to open up.
But I didn't know I was going to unleash
t-this weepy, clingy, moist monster.
You know, I only know of two surefire ways
to shut a man up and one of them is sex.
- What's the other one? - I don't know.
I've never had to use the other one.
I'm just saying, you know
if we're having sex, he's not going to be talking.
Oh, that's right. You're the talker.
Anyway, uh, great idea, yeah.
Um, I got to go to the store.
I told him that I would buy him some more tissues.
- Oh, we have some here. - No, you don't!
Okay. Um, I'd also like to try on the tiara.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
Wow. What do you think? Too much?
A tad.
Then take the tiara back
and let me hold the musket again.
Something's missing.
It's not..
Okay, oh, let me see the ring
that my friend picked out.
Where's the 1920s princess-cut ring?
I just sold it to that gentleman.
Oh, my God!
Wait. No. no.
[alarm blaring]
Let me out...now!
Rachel?
No.
How are you, Paul?
Okay.
Chandler.
- Did your dad ever hug you? - No.
Did he hug you?
No, no, I..
It's just that...my dad never did.
I miss my dad.
Well, you can see my dad in Vegas
kissing other dads.
- Hey, Chandler? - Yeah?
Would you..
...would you hug me?
I'm a little busy here, Paul.
[sobbing] That's exactly what my dad used to say.
Okay, a quick one. Come on, hug it out.
Hey.
There you go.
Okay.
- Five more seconds. - Okay!
- Hey. - Joey.
What, hey, what, hey, what...hey.
Hi. Paul, is it?
Do you have my credit card?
Yeah, it's in my.. In...in my pocket.
- My back pocket, back pocket. - Thank God.
Hey, listen, I got us tickets to a Knicks game tonight.
- Oh, I can't go. - Oh, come on, i-it'll be fun.
Me, you and Ross and...Paul, probably.
Chandler, I found the perfect ring.
Oh, that's-that's pretty nice
but I'm going to go with the one I picked first.
Oh, wake up, Chandler.
The one you picked is gone.
It's over.
What?
Some guy bought it. I'm sorry.
I tried to stop it, but they put me in jail.
They put you in jail?
The little jail between the doors.
Phoebe, I asked you to guard the ring.
I know, I'm sorry.
But, you know, this ring is better
and Monica never even saw the other ring.
Yeah, but when he proposed to me with the ring
I got...goosebumps.
- Maybe it was the guy. - It was the ring.
Hey, so, uh, was he excited about the tickets?
No. He blew us off.
- What? - I know.
I can't believe it.
Can I tell you something?
I'm a little mad at him now.
Can I tell you something?
Me, too.
You know what? He didn't want to talk to us about being angry.
Well, maybe we don't talk to him at all.
O-oh...freeze him out.
- That's right. - I like it.
Eh? We'll show him.
From now on, it's going to be Joey and Ross.
Best friends. Okay.
We're going to be the new Joey and Chandler.
Hi. I'm back.
Hey, I have so much more to tell you.
I've written it all down.
Ah, that's great.
No, actually, that's...that's great.
That's really great.
You know, I got to tell you
writing, like writing
gets me, uh, gets me kind of hot.
Wait, wait, listen. Listen to this.
You know what I wanted to be when I was that age?
A lover?
- Surfer. - Oh, yeah? Surfer?
I wanted to be one with the waves, you know--
Okay, honey, hold on real quick.
Hold on a second, let me just, uh..
...get a little more comfortable, here.
Oh, wait. Now, wait a second.
This isn't too revealing, is it?
No.
"Whatever happened to that little dude
so full of dreams?"
I don't care about the little dude.
I can't...I cannot listen to any more of this.
You know, the only person who would want to listen to this
is a mental health professional
and that is only because they get paid $100 an hour.
Do you much how money I could have made
listening to you?
$2,000.
And you know when I figured that out?
While you were talking.
I can't believe you're trying to stifle me
when just 14 hours ago, we figured out that that is exactly
what my mother was trying to do to me.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I...I...I don't mean, didn't mean to stifle you.
I...this is all just a little overwhelming.
Oh, Rachel.
I'm...so sorry.
Oh.
I didn't mean to overwhelm you.
It's just that...when those gates opened
it was hard to...hard to close them.
But they are closed now, believe me.
I'm so glad.
I'm so glad you shared..
...and I'm glad that you're done.
So what do you say we, um..
- I'd really like that. - Mm-hmm.
[moaning softly]
[sighing]
That was so good.
[sobbing]
Oh, oh, y-yuck.
Hey.
I can't believe I let you talk me into buying
this stupid, gumball-machine-looking ring.
It's not a stupid, gumball-machine-looking ring.
It's a beautiful ring.
No, it's not.
When I looked at the other ring I could see
Monica's face when I gave it to her, you know?
And I could see her saying, "yes."
When I look at this ring, all I see is a ring
unless I look at it really closely
and then, I can see my own eye.
[chuckling]
Look, this is the most important thing
I'm going to do in my life.
I want to make sure it's perfect.
Okay, there may be a way
that we could get the other ring back
'cause I heard the guy tell the jeweler
where he was going to propose.
So, maybe we could get him to trade rings or something.
We can't do that.
Well, you certainly can't give her that stupid gumball ring.
There he is.
'Okay, and he hasn't proposed yet'
because she has no ring on her finger.
[gasping] Wow, you're good.
After this, we should solve crimes.
Yeah.
Okay, go-go-go get him.
Oh, okay.
Excuse me, sir.
Could you come with me, please?
You have a phone call.
- Who is it? - It is your office.
Do you know who at my office?
- John. - Oh, John. Great.
- Here he is. - Hi, hi.
Okay, there was a slight mix-up at the jewelry store.
The ring you're about to propose with
was supposed to be held for me.
So, I'm going to need to have that back..
...but in exchange
I'm willing to trade you
this beautiful, more expensive ring.
Wow. I would trade.
It is beautiful, but I'm going to use this one.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
No, no, see, this is my fiancee
and her heart was set on that ring.
You don't want to break her heart, now, do you?
Yeah, do you want to break a dying woman's heart?
You're dying?
[coughing]
Yes, she's dying
of a cough, apparently.
Yes, and it is my dying wish to have that ring.
See, if I'm not buried with that ring
then my spirit is going to wander
the netherworld for all eternity.
Okay, that's enough, honey.
Uh...I don't know.
- Let me see the ring. - Great.
Okay, here.
- Alright, I'll do it. - Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, and you are
about to marry a wonderful man.
Hey, I'm marrying a dead woman.
(announcer on TV) 'Rebound, Ronaldson again.'
Guys.
I got something important to tell you.
Guys?
Guys? Guys?
I'm going to ask Monica to marry me.
I think we got to end the freeze-out.
Wait a minute. Is this, this for real?
Yeah. Check out the ring.
Oh, my God.
So, you two are really serious?
Yep, pretty much.
Y-you're going to get married?
I mean...we're going to be brothers-in-law.
Come here.
A-and, and we're going to be friends again.
Hey.
- What? - Water under the bridge.
- Forget about it. - Okay.
I was going to wait till, uh, it was official, you know
but I got so excited I just had to tell you guys
'cause you're my best friends.
I think I'm going to cry.
Oh, no more crying...please.
I just dumped one crybaby. I'll dump you, too.
Go, go, go, go.
I'm going to ask Monica to marry me.
Oh, my God.
[gasping] Oh, Chandler.
You guys are going to be so happy.
I know.
[sobbing] Where's all the tissues?
- Check out the ring. - Oh.
Oh. Nice. One and a half carat, easy.
- Hey, hey. - Hey, hey, Pheebs.
Chandler's going to ask Monica to marry him.
Oh, I know. I helped pick out the ring.
You told her before you told us?
Well, she walked in while I was looking at the ring brochures.
You can understand that, right?
Guys?