Hey...I just got my, uh, teacher evaluations.
Check out what this one student wrote.
"I loved Dr. Geller's class.
"Mind blowing lectures.
"Dr. Geller, you are definitely the hottie
of the paleontology department."
Ah, hotties of the Paleontology Department
there's a big selling calendar, eh?
- Who wrote it? - Oh, I wish I knew.
But the evaluations are all anonymous.
Oh, hey, do you still have their final exams?
'Oh, 'cause you can just match the evaluation to the exam
with the same handwritin' and boom, there's your admirer.
A hot girl's at stake and all of the sudden he's Rain Man.
Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
W-why are we so sure that this is a girl?
It's a girl.
Anyway, i-it wouldn't matter.
Okay? Because I'm, I'm a teacher, she's a student.
- Oh, is that against the rules? - No, but it is frowned upon.
Besides, there's a big age difference.
Oh, well think of it like this, when you're 90--
I know when I'm 90, she'll be like 80
and it won't seem like such a big difference.
No. That's not what I was gonna say at all.
No, what I was gonna say is when you're 90
you'll still have the memory of what it was like
to be with a 20-year-old.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week your month ♪
♪ Or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
Hey, Chandler!
You know that girl you went to college with
who-who became a movie director?
Oh, yeah, Dana Keystone. She was in my movement class.
What's a movement class?
It's Chandler's way of pretending he didn't take mime.
Oh, well listen, anyway she's directing the new
Al Pacino movie. You gotta get me an audition!
Oh, I don't know, man. I haven't talked to her in like ten years.
Oh, no, no, please, please, Chandler.
I-I-I would owe you so much!
You do owe me so much.
- You owe me 3,400-- - Hey-hey dude..
Why are you changing the subject? Why?
Will you make the call or what?
- Oh, okay, I'll, I'll try. - Alright! Thanks.
You're the best! Now listen, the last day of auditions
is Thursday. Okay? So I gotta get in there by Thursday.
Okay? Just remember Thursday. Thursday.
Can you remember Thursday?
Yeah. So, Tuesday?
Thursday!
Look, if you need help rememberin', think like this.
The third day. Alright? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day.
Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday!
The third day! Okay?
- Thank you. - Okay.
Hey, Mon, I'm gonna check my messages.
You just thought of that in there?
Sure, you know, nature called, she wanted to see who else did.
Hello.
Uh...Rachel.
You guys, someone is in our apartment. Call the cops!
You're on the phone.
- Oh, my God. - What?
Oh, my God. Thank you.
That was the fire department, there was a fire at our place!
Oh, my God. How bad was it?
Well, he didn't say, but it was a fire.
I'm guessing not very good.
- Come on, we gotta go! - Come on.
What are you smiling about? What is so funny?
The part I wanna audition for is a fireman.
This is so meant to be!
Wow! Looks like you were very generous
with your grades this semester.
- Professor Geller? - Yeah, well.
I wanted to say how much I enjoyed your class.
Oh, thank you. Thanks very much. Ow!
Uh, I'm a little embarrassed about calling you a hottie
on my evaluation.
- That was you? - Yeah.
I felt a little weird about it.
You're a teacher. I'm a student.
But would you maybe wanna go out with me sometime?
Oh, I, I don't-I don't think that would be the best idea.
Oh, 'cause I was thinking, um..
...the semester's over. You're not my teacher anymore.
What time?
Oh...you know what? Forget it. I see you already gave me an A.
- Gotcha. - I'm kidding.
Oh.
So, so seriously, what time?
Coming through! Oh! Coming through!
Oh! Hello! Hi!
No! Right! Coming through!
Oh, okay, well, it's not so bad.
Yeah, most of the damage is pretty mostly contained
in the bedrooms.
Hey, buddy, do you think I can borrow your uniform
this Thursday?
- Excuse me? - Joey, he's working.
You would look good in that.
- Oh, how bad is it? - Oh, it's bad. It's really bad.
The only thing in there that isn't burned is an axe.
Which I do not remember buying!
- How's your room, Rach? - Everything's ruined.
My bed. My clothes. Look at my favorite blue sweater.
Isn't that mine?
Fine. I'm sorry for your loss.
So, uh, you're not gonna be able to live here for a while.
You ladies have a place to stay?
[scoffing] Wow!
Okay. Look, pal...I am not in the mood to be hit on right now.
But if you give me your number, I will call you some other time.
Yes...they can stay with us.
Have you figured out what started the fire, Mr. Fireman?
Well, uh, do either of you smoke?
No, not usually. But, yeah, I could use one right now.
No, no, no. Do you light candles? Burn incense?
Yes! I do! All the time! I love them!
[gasping]
Oh, my God! I did it! It's me! It's me!
I burned down the house! I burned down the house!
Okay, Phoebe, calm down, there's no need to place blame. Okay?
I warned her about those candles.
God, it's great to catch up!
I can't believe how long it's been!
Hey, Chandler...is that?
Oh, that's great! Good for you.
Hey, hey, hey..
Okay! So, yeah, maybe we can get together, umm..
Can you hold on for one second, please?
What?
When you're off the phone, do you wanna get a pizza?
Hi, I'm back.
Yeah, that sounds great. Okay. Well, we'll do it then.
Okay, bye.
[gasping]
Listen, so when-when's my audition? I mean
I know it's Thursday, but what time?
- Hi. - Hey.
We didn't get to the audition. I'm gonna take her to coffee
and then we'll do it then.
Wow! So, now you're going on a date with this girl?
Honey, it is not a date! I haven't talked to her
in ten years! You can't just call up somebody
you haven't talked to in ten years and ask them for a favor.
There are rules, you know. You gotta..
...you gotta put in some time.
You're right, I'm sorry.
It's not like you're, you know, going out with an ex-girlfriend.
- No, we only went out once. - You dated her?
Not once.
Great, well...why don't I go out with an ex-boyfriend, you know
and you know, do Joey a favor.
Hey, you wanna do Joey a favor, maybe you go out with Joey.
[gasping]
[laughing] Oh, that's great, my friend Joey's in the movie business.
Hmm...you know who I ran into from school? Howie.
[giggling] My friend's name is Joey.
Apparently, Howie's editing now.
Yeah, h-he calls me up and asks me if he can edit my new movie.
Can you believe that? You know I-I-I haven't spoken to him in
in what, ten years and he asks me for a favor.
Yeah, I've always hated that Howie.
No, no "How you doin'?"
[laughing] Man, I mean not even a cup of coffee first!
- Ha! The nerve huh? - Yeah.
Refill?
Now, this is last minute so I want to apologize
for the mess. Okay?
Oh, my God!
It sure didn't look this way when I lived here.
I know.
Now look, there's only one problem though.
There's only room for one. So, I guess..
...one of you will have to stay at Joey's.
Well, since the fire was kinda my fault I guess..
...you should get to stay here.
Hey! Hey-hey, now this was no one's fault Pheebs. Okay?
- It was an accident. - Well, no. It was my fault.
So you should get the nice room.
Okay.
So, Rach! You're the first guest at Hotel Monica!
Hotel Monica!
You'll just have to tell me how like your eggs in the morning.
And I thought I would bring them to you, you know, in bed.
W-well, you have been through so much.
I have.
This right here is where I keep the pizza.
And, uh, that's where the napkin is.
- What's that smell? - I know! I don't..
Oh, please! It was such a big class!
You never even noticed me!
What? Of course I did! You, uh..
...you sat next to Sleepy Sleeperson.
Who?
Oh, uh, I had trouble remembering everyone's name
so I-I kinda came up with nicknames.
Like the guy on the other side of you was, uh..
...Smelly Von Brownshirt.
Oh, yeah.
So, umm, did you have a nickname for me?
- Oh, no. No. - Yes, you did.
- What was it? - Umm, it's..
...Cutie McPretty.
Oh, that's so sweet!
Listen, I-I gotta tell ya, I-I'm havin' a great time.
You know how before you said it might be weird
the whole student-teacher thing and I..
...to be frank, I thought it would be too, but it's not.
I mean, it's not at all.
- Dr. Geller! - Burt!
So did you sleep well last night?
- I did. - Yeah?
Monica was so sweet. She left a little mint on my pillow.
You know what Joey left on my pillow?
- What? - Gum.
Well, we determined the cause of the fire.
Yeah. I know, I know, it was my candle. My candle!
No, there was an appliance left on in the bathroom.
- It looks like a curling iron. - I don't use a curling iron.
Well, someone does.
Well, hey, don't look at me! My hair's straight!
Straight. Straight. Straight!
Could have been a hair straightener.
Oh.
This is where I keep the pizza.
And, hey, where did the napkin go?
Now there you go!
I wouldn't want my best guest to strain her eyes!
Thanks, Monica.
Does that smell bother you?
What? The smell from Joey's? No, I can hardly smell it over here.
Well, you let me know if you can, because you know
I can bake a pie to cover it.
I can smell it a little, bake the pie.
- Okay. - Okay.
[telephone ringing]
Hello...oh, yes. One minute, please.
It's for you. It's the fire inspector.
Oh. Hello.
Yeah, this is Phoebe.
- Really? - Yeah.
So it turns out that it wasn't the hair straightener
that started the fire.
No, no. It was the candles.
Yeah. It's very not good leaving candles unattended.
In fact, one of the first things that they teach you
in fire school, is that..
Uh..
Uh, okay. Well, I have to go now.
We had such a great time. She's, she's incredible.
I thought the, the age difference might be a problem
but it wasn't. It wasn't at all.
Elizabeth is-is very mature for her age.
A concept lost on some people!
So, it's okay to date a student.
Well, not really. I mean technically
it's-it's not against the rules or anything
but it is frowned upon.
Especially by that professor we ran into last night
Judgey Von Holierthanthou.
Well, Ross, you just be careful, okay. You don't wanna get a
reputation as you know, Professor McNailshisstudents.
Yeah. What-what should I do?
Well, Ross, it seems pretty clear.
I mean what's more important? What people think
or how you feel, huh? Ross, you gotta follow your heart.
Joey, that is so sweet.
- Hey. - H-h-hey, so..
...how did it go with Dana? Any reason I should leave
a block of time open, say, Thursday?
- I couldn't do it. - You couldn't do it?
Hey, relax. I just need more time.
- We're goin' to dinner tonight. - What?
You're going out with her again?
- Goin' out with who? - Dana Keystone from college.
Oh, yeah. Wasn't she, uh..
- No, that was Dana Caplin. - Ohh!
Joey! You didn't even know her!
Ah, whatever!
Great story again! The yarns that you weave! Woo-hoo-hoo!
You know, uh, actually I-I-I should get going.
Oh, no-no! Stay! Stay! Because you-you should
you-you-you should stay!
Wow.
Oh, I am really flattered.
But I just...I don't feel that way about you.
Oh, no-no-no, that's not, no-no-no!
I'm sorry, Chandler. You know, you are such a sweet guy and I
I don't wanna hurt you.
Oh, I wish there was something I could do to make you feel bett--
No, no. Really?
Of course.
Well, it just hurts so bad. I, uh..
Aww, I'm sorry.
Well, maybe there is one thing you can do.
What? Anything. Anything.
Well, I, umm, I mean this is just off the top of my head now.
[clearing throat] Umm, but I have this friend. Uh, this actor friend and he would
kill me if he knew that I was doing this.
Umm...but...umm..
...would it be possible for him to get an audition
for your movie, say on Thursday?
Absolutely...but..
...y-you'd really feel better about me rejecting you
if your actor friend can audition for my movie?
Well, the heart wants what it wants. I'll see you later.
Hey, how's it goin'?
Well, not much has changed in the last five minutes.
Yes, it has. I made cookies.
Oh, well, that's alright. I'm still full from your
homemade potato chips.
But you should eat them now
because they're hot from the oven.
- Okay. - Oh-ho! But not in here!
Can't eat 'em in bed, remember? No crummies!
- Okay, I'll be out in a second. - Okay.
- What are you doin'? - This doesn't lock, does it?
- Oh. J-Joey, I'm sorry. - Oh, it's alright.
- Don't worry about it. - Aww, no. But look.
Ah, that's gonna leave a stain.
Rach, hey! It's fine. You're at Joey's.
- Really? - Yeah, look.
- Huh. - Yeah.
I've never lived like this before.
I know.
Whoo!
Alright, well, don't waste it, I mean its still food. Jeez.
What do you wanna do now? Huh? Y-you wanna go get a drink?
Uh, I can't.
Oh, you, you have some studying to do?
No, I have some turning 21 to do.
You know, I remember when, uh, when I was in college, we used..
[Ross blabbering]
- What are you doing? - Nothing. I-I'm just..
...I'm so comfortable with you!
Do you not wanna be seen with me?
What? No! Of-of course I do! Are-are they gone?
Uh, no, they're still here but I think I'm about to leave.
What? No! No! Wait! What?
You're right. This is stupid.
Who cares what people think?
I mean, w-we like each other, right?
There's nothin' wrong with that.
Come on.
Burt, Lydia, Mel.
- This is Elizabeth. - Hi.
Aren't you in my popular culture class?
That's right, Lydia. Elizabeth here is a student
and, uh, we're dating.
And you may frown upon that, but we're not gonna hide it anymore.
You are so fired.
- What? - They're gonna fire you.
You can't date a student. It's against the rules.
Really? It's not just frowned upon?
[both grunting]
I love it at Joey's.
- Ooh! - Nice.
So, you busy Thursday?
Oh, very funny. I don't know if you remember.
But my audition was supposed to be Thursday.
You got me the audition? Oh, let's hug it up!
Okay, okay. What are you gonna do to me if you get the part?
- Hey. - Hi
Listen, umm, yeah, okay, I need to talk to you!
Now I know that they said that the, umm, the hair straightener
started the fire, but I think I'm partly at fault.
You see, I didn't, I didn't tell you but, umm, but I-I had
recently refilled the tissues and so you know, let's face it
that's just kindling!
So, I think it's better that I stay at Joey's.
No, no, no, no. Phoebe, this was my fault
and besides you know what? I'm fine here.
Okay. Oh, Chandler, Monica is looking for you.
Really?
Yeah. She said something about crummies.
No, no, no. I was so careful.
Okay, you have to switch with me! Monica is driving me crazy!
That's right. All the ladies wanna stay at Joey's.
No. No. Phoebe, come on! I don't wanna switch! Please come on!
I can throw wet paper towels here!
No, but at Monica's you can eat cookies over the sink!
I know.
I'm sorry.
Alright, fine.
[scoffing] This looks like so much fun.
God, what a mess.
Wow! It actually is in the handbook.
I can't date you or have a hot plate in my office.
Oh, I can't believe we have to stop seeing each other.
For what it's worth, I did appreciate you
standing up for me.
That felt really nice.
Kinda made me like you even more.
I know, I know. I really like you too. But we-we can't date.
It's against the rules. It's forbidden.
- Wow. - What?
Just hearing you describe it as forbidden, it's really...hot.
Really?
Yeah.
Well I-I-I don't care how hot it is, it's-it's, uh, it's wrong.
- Stop it. - No. No. It's wrong
It's-it's-it's naughty.
It's...taboo.
Shut the book.
Hey...let's also get a hot plate.
Oh!
- Hey! - Hey.
- So? - So?
It's Thursday. How was the audition?
It's Thur..
Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when, huh, what?
[gasping in horror]
Oh!