- Hey! - 'Hi.'
- 'Hey.' - Listen, uh..
You guys think I have a chance with Janine?
Oh, honey, we have been through this before.
Yeah, don't do this to yourself.
She made it pretty clear it is not going to happen.
Well, alright, then I guess
I shouldn't get too excited about the fact
that I just kissed her!
- Are you serious? - What?
Yeah? Well, we'll see.
You kissed her?
Oh, we kissed it up real nice.
So you kissed her. So what happened after that?
I came over here to tell you guys.
So she's just waiting over there for ya?
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was ♪
♪ Gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always ♪
♪ Stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week ♪
♪ Your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me ♪
♪ Too ♪♪
[instrumental music]
- I gotta go. - Okay.
I'm gonna be really late for dance class.
Okay.
Okay, now I'm really leaving.
Okay, alright. Okay.
But, uh, hey, can you just..
Just leave your lips?
- Bye. - Bye.
Have you kissed her yet?
It's awesome.
You know, I could do it forever.
You know what, she-she kisses
better than my mom cooks.
- I am so glad you said cooks. - Right?
Oh, hey, Rachel, sweetheart, you have got to tell
the post office that you have moved, okay?
We're still getting all your bills and stuff.
Oh. Ooh, ooh, Pottery Barn.
You can throw the rest away.
I'm not your garbage man.
I'm your mailman.
Monica, look. Look, look, look.
Here is that table that I ordered.
- Ah. - You got it from Pottery Barn?
Yeah. It's an Apothecary table.
Does anyone even know what an Apothecary is?
A pharmacist.
[imitating Chandler] "A pharmacist."
Rach, Phoebe hates Pottery Barn.
I hate Pottery Barn, too.
They kicked me out of there just because I sat on a bed.
You took off your pants and climbed under the sheets.
I was tired.
Phoebe hates Pottery Barn?
Yeah, she hates all mass produced stuff.
She thinks her furniture should have
a history, a story behind it.
Well, this has a story behind it.
I mean, they had to ship it all the way
from the White Plains store.
It's-it's gotta be one of a kind.
You know, like the, um..
You know, that, uh, what's that God awful
ceramic fruit bowl that she has on her counter?
- Oh! - Hey.
I made that for her.
- You made pottery? - Yeah.
I made it out of this fruit bowl I found in the garbage.
I'm telling you, if you put that in her apartment
you will never hear the end of it.
Okay, fine, I'll-I'll just tell her
that it's an antique Apothecary table.
She doesn't have to know where it came from.
Oh. I love these little drawers.
Well, look, look, it says that it holds 300 CDs.
Ah, just like the Apothecary tables of yore.
[instrumental music]
So then the farmer says
"That's not a cow and you're not milking."
I am so glad that you guys got together.
Chandler and I are always looking for a couple
to go out with, and now we have one.
Look at us, we're a couple of couples.
I-I had so much fun tonight. And what a great restaurant.
Yeah, yeah, and Chandler I can't believe
I let you pay for this one.
Thanks again, man.
So if you guys want to come over tomorrow
I'll make that pasta thing I was telling you about.
Oh, that would be great.
But, hey, look at least let us bring the wine.
- Joey, you don't have to. - No, bu..
I insist.
- You'll get the wine, right? - Yeah, okay.
- Okay, goodnight, guys. - Yeah.
- See you tomorrow. - Can't wait.
How are we gonna get out of that one?
What?
I can't handle two nights in a row with them.
Well, what's wrong with Monica and Chandler?
I don't know, they just a little...blah.
Blah-ah.
Well, you know, he's blah.
She's just..
She is very loud for such a small person.
Uh, they're like my best friends.
Are you saying, we can't hang out with them?
'Cause, that'd be kind of a problem.
No, of course, we can still hang out with them.
Just, you know, not two nights in a row.
Okay?
- I guess. - Thank you.
Mmm.
If you want, I'll sell my friends
and use the money to buy you presents.
[instrumental music]
- Hey. - Hey.
Ooh, what a great table.
Where-where did you get it?
Guess?
Um..
- A flea market? - Dah!
I see, I knew, I knew you would get it on
the first guess.
Isn't it cool? It's an Apothecary table.
[gasps]
Wow.
Oh, you can just imagine..
...that this is where they kept all their stuff
to make potions.
- You know. - Ooh, yes.
Oh, you can almost smell the opium.
- Almost. - Oh!
- How much was it? - Just only 500 bucks.
Five hundred bucks in a flea market?
Oh. Okay, see, I thought.
I thought, you meant, how much was it..
...when it was new.
- You know, like, back then. - Oh, no.
Yeah, I mean, it was at a flea market
so was, you know, was like a dollar.
- A dollar? - And 50.
So, you know, it was like one and fifty dollars.
Oh, okay, they gave you the old time pricing.
- Yeah. - Aha.
Well, what period is it from?
Aah, it's-it's from yore.
Like, the days of yore, you know?
Yes. Yes, I do.
- Oh, it's just perfect. - Oh, good.
Well, I bet it has a great story behind it, too.
Did they tell you anything like you know, where it's from or..
Oh, yes, that I know,
this is from, uh, White Plains.
[gasps]
- White Plains. - Mm-hmm.
Oh, it sounds like such a magical place.
[instrumental music]
- Hey, I'm here. - Hey.
How.. Ugh.
- Oh, my God! - Do you like it?
- Oh, my God! - It is my new Apothecary table!
Ross, Phoebe 's gonna be here any second.
- She cannot see this. - Well, why not?
She'll-she'll love it, it's the real thing.
- No. - I got it at Pottery Barn.
I know, you did, I bought the same one.
And if she sees your table, she's gonna
know that I lied to her.
I told her that ours was an original.
Why did you do that?
Because she hates Pottery Barn.
She hates Pottery Barn?
I know, I know, she says it's all mass produced
nothing is authentic, and everyone winds up
having the same stuff.
So come on, she is gonna be here any second.
Can we please just cover this up or something, please.
What? No, no, I'm not gonna hide it from Phoebe.
Ooh, although I did get some great Pottery Barn sheets.
[gasps] Ooh.
Ah, I forgot that forgot they made sheets!
[scoffs] Yeah.
I still can't believe she hates Pottery Barn.
Ross, get over it. It's not like she hates you.
- Yeah, but Pottery Barn? - Oh.
You know what I think, it-it's.. She's just.. She's weird.
You know, it's because she's a twin.
Twins are weird.
Ross, she's not weird, she just likes her stuff
to be one of a kind.
Uh! You know what's not one of a kind?
A twin!
- Hey. - Hey.
- 'Hey.' - Oh, Phoebe 's here, okay?
So, let's turn out all the lights
and we'll just watch the movie.
Okay. Hey, ooh, cool sheet.
Oh, you like it? You wanna know where I got it?
Sure.
He-he got it at a flea market.
You buy your sheets at a flea market?
Ross, come on, you gotta loosen the purse strings a little.
[instrumental music]
- Hey - Hi.
So dinner will be ready in 20 minutes, I'm so excited.
And here is the bottle of wine for you to bring over tonight.
You were also going to buy Monica flowers.
but you couldn't afford it because you paid
for dinner last night.
Thanks, thanks, but, uh, actually
it's just gonna be me tonight, yeah.
What happened to Janine?
Well, she's, uh, uh, really sick.
- Oh, that's too bad. - Yeah.
Uh, she's been in there all day.
Uh, high fever, nose problem.
It's, like..
...phlegm, phlegm, phlegm, phlegm, phlegm.
Monica! Chandler!
Uh, yeah, I'm really really I'm sorry about tonight.
I don't know if Joey told you but I just couldn't get out
of going to this play.
I'm sorry.
Have a great time, huh?
- Okay. - Bye.
That's funny. I saw no phlegm.
[instrumental music]
No, no, she really is sick.
Then why-why is she going to a play?
Uh, well, you know..
starve a fever, go to a play for a cold.
Joey, why is Janine not coming over for dinner?
(Joey) 'Well, uh..'
she didn't wanna hang out with you guys...
...two nights in a row.
I'm so sorry.
Why does she not wanna hang out with us?
Because she, uh, she.. She thinks that you are blah
and-and that you, Monica, are too loud.
What?
[softly] What?
So she was just pretending to have a good time last night?
She was lying to our faces?
(Monica) 'I can't believe this.'
I mean, who is she to judge us?
We could not have been nicer to her.
And I am not blah. I am a hoot.
I know, I know. Come on. Please, please.
You guys, don't-don't be mad.
I'm sure she just.. She just said that stuff
because she was nervous 'cause you guys are
like my best friends.
You know, and it was our first date
plus, she's really sick.
No, no, you said you made that up.
I know, but don't you think the sick thing
is way better than the play thing?
Well, they're both good.
I generally just go with Monica's drunk again.
Come on, you guys, come on, please, please
just give her another chance, huh?
She'll come around, I promise.
Of course we will.
Come on, we've gotta make dinner.
Okay.
(Monica) 'I do not like that woman!'
I can hear you!
(Monica) 'I am loud.'
(in unison) Aw.
[laughing]
Hey, Pheebs, can you please not put your feet up on my new..
...old sheet?
Oh, sure.
[screams]
My Apothecary table!
- What?! - No!
Ross, where did you get this?!
I got it at Pottery Barn, okay?
Oh, my God!
Phoebe, Pottery Barn has ripped off
the design of our antique!
[gasping] Wow! Oh, my God!
Well, if they've ripped off our table
ours must be worth much more than one and fifty dollars.
[mouthing] Oh, yes.
Wow, this doesn't even smell like opium.
Of course not, it smells like wine
which you spilled.
And thanks for wrecking my sheet by the way.
Oh, Ross, calm down. I'll give you the 80 cents.
[instrumental music]
Okay, one more time.
Chandler, would you like some more orange juice?
- Perfect decibel. - I know!
- Hey. - Hey.
So, uh, what are you guys doing?
Oh, nothing. We're just talking.
You know, blah, blah, blah.
Look, come on, you guys.
You said you were gonna try.
Alright, look, I came over here
to invite you guys to a movie with me and Janine.
What do you say?
Well, I'd like to, but I'm..
[indistinct]
Ha ha, very funny.. Look, I don't know what to do.
I really want you guys to get along.
Just, please, come to the movie with us.
I mean, you owe me.
- We owe you? - That's right.
I helped you guys out a lot
in the start of your relationship.
Uh, I helped you sneak around for, like, six months.
I looked like an idiot..
...and-and I was humiliated.
And I only made $200.
We didn't give you any money.
You don't think I know that?
[instrumental music]
See, I can't decide whether it would go better
next to the new Wicker dining chair
the Sahara desk
or the Parker console table.
Wow, I didn't know there was a Pottery Barn up here.
I know, I know, I went a little crazy.
A little?
Your place looks like page 72 of the catalog.
Oh, look at that.
The ornamental bird cage, large.
[chuckles]
- Hey. - Hey.
Oh, Ross. No, be careful.
That is very old.
Okay, early colonial bird merchants
used to bring their birds to market in that.
Fascinating.
[Phoebe gasping]
Another amazing find.
Wow!
Oh, I bet this has a great story, too.
It does, it does.
It is a room-separating apparatus from colonial time.
Ah.
Huh, a lot of this stuff is from the colonial times.
Hey, what are some other time periods, Rachel?
Well, there's yore..
[clears throat] And, uh..
You know, yesteryear.
Yeah...no, I'm telling you
Rachel has such a good eye for this stuff.
Ross, you know, if you ever decide
to redecorate, and I think that you should.
You should.. You should ask Rachel to help.
Oh, honey, he doesn't need my help.
Come on. I think he's ready to get rid of the..
What'd you call it?
The, uh, cheap knock-offs and dinosaur junk.
Really?
Hey, you know what?
Since you have such a great sense
of what I need, uh, oh, here's-here's 60 bucks.
Why don't you take Phoebe
down to that colonial flea market of yours
and get me some stuff?
You know what? I don't..
I don't really think Phoebe wants to come--
- No, I do want to. - Oh, she does want to.
- She does want to. - 'Yeah.'
[instrumental music]
Phoebs, I don't know what to say.
I guess the flea market was just better last time.
At least I got these sheets for Ross.
Yeah.
Ugh. Look at this, Pottery Barn.
Yeah, you know what? Don't look at it.
Seriously, don't look at it.
Look, look! Look, there's the coffee table
they stole from us.
Ah, those bastards! Let's go.
Hey, that fan kind of looks like ours
and the bird cage and..
Wait a sec, this is our exact living room.
No, no, no, it's not. No, it's not.
Come on, Phoebe, ours is totally different.
We-we don't have the..
We don't have..
We don't have that lamp.
And-and that screen is, you know..
...on the other side.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. This is where you got all our stuff
Pottery Barn, oh, my God!
Okay, okay, wait, I did, alright, I'm sorry.
It's just that, Phoebe, I wanted this stuff
and I know how you feel about Pottery Barn.
So just...come on, don't be mad.
Oh, no, but I am mad, I am mad
because this stuff is everything that is wrong with the world
and it's all sitting up in my living room!
And all I can think about is
how I don't have that lamp!
Well, then, honey, buy the lamp.
Hey, we have that 60 bucks from Ross.
I can't, I can't!
Unless.. Well, are you saying
that you would move out if I didn't buy that lamp?
What? No! I'm not gonna move out.
But are you saying that you would move out
if I didn't buy that lamp?
Oh, yes! I would so move out.
Okay, then I don't have a choice!
- I have to buy that lamp! - That's right.
But at least the Apothecary table's real.
[instrumental music]
Well, this.. This was great.
Didn't everybody have a great time?
Well, I did. I really did.
You know, guys, I gotta say
I'm sorry if I was a little weird
after the last time we went out.
I guess I was just nervous or something.
That's totally understandable.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
So we can go out again?
- Oh, yeah. - Absolutely.
- Good. - Oh, well, goodnight.
- Goodnight. - Goodnight.
See, huh?
Wasn't that fun?
We have got to move.
What?
I knew it!
You know, you're not so quiet yourself, missy!
And I'm blah? Listen, the only thing that's more boring
than watching modern dance
is having to listen to you talk about it.
[imitating Janine] "Oh, Chandler, I just lost myself in the movement."
You know, I know you're talking
but all I hear is, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Alright, you and me, let's go, right now!
Alright, enough, enough!
Enough, enough!
You two, go home.
I-I-I gotta talk to Janine.
I really think you can take her.
You better hope I don't see you in the hallway!
'Alright, uh..'
Look, we got a-a little bit of a problem here.
These people are my friends. You can't treat them that way.
They said stuff to me, too, you know.
I know, I know, and I'm gonna talk to them about it.
But...they mean so much to me.
They're like my family, you know.
If you guys are gonna be fightin' all the time, then I..
...I don't think we can be together.
It just.. It just can't work, okay?
It can't.
I'm very upset.
Okay, okay, would it help if I went over and apologized?
Yeah, yeah, that would be very helpful, yeah.
What did I tell you about the hall?
I was just coming over here to apologize for my behavior.
I would really like it if we could be friends.
Well, I know that would make Joey happy
so...I would like that, too.
- Great. - Now, come on.
Well, I'm glad we worked things out.
- Me, too. - 'Alright.'
- Okay, I'll see you. - Bye.
- Or I'll hear you. - That's it, big girl, come on!
Wait!
You better run!
Did you hear that?
Yeah.
What am I gonna do?
I don't know, I'm sorry, man.
- You wanna go watch? - Yeah.
[instrumental music]
- Hey. - 'Hey.'
- How you doing? - Hey, so..
Uh, did she move out?
Pretty much. Yeah.
I can't believe you broke up with her just like that.
Well, when it's not right, you know it.
You okay?
Yeah. Yeah. I'll be alright.
You know what would cheer you up?
What?
I'm giving this lecture
on erosion theories tomorrow night.
I think you should come.
[laughing]
You're right, that did cheer me up.
[theme music]