[phone ringing]
Hello. Hey, Joey.
Hey, Pheebs. Listen, uh, can you do me a favor?
I forgot the pin number to my ATM card.
- C-can you get it for me? - 'Sure. Where is it?'
Uh, I scratched it on the ATM machine down on the corner.
- Oh, so you're 5639? - That's it. Thanks, Pheebs.
Hey.
Oh, do you want to talk to Chandler?
Is that Joey? Let me talk to him.
'No, 'cause he didn't believe in my movie.'
Which is a big mistake, because it is real, real.
Hey, you know what, I've been trying to apologize
to him all week, if he's not going to let me
do it on the phone, I'm gonna go down there.
- I'm gonna do it in person. - Uh, Pheebs, I heard that.
- Uh, can you put him on? - Yeah.
- Hey. - Don't come out here.
No, no, no, I support you 100 percent and I want
to prove that to you in person.
I got that, I forgive ya, don't come out here.
Forgive me? You haven't been taking my calls for a week.
Well, I'm totally over it, Chandler. Friends forever.
Don't come out here.
Would you mind doing a picture with us?
- Uh, what was that? - Uh, "Entertainment Tonight."
Yeah, okay, so, good talking to you
and don't come out here, alright.
Okay.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week ♪
♪ Your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪
Monica? I'm sorry I'm late.
Monica?
Phoebe?
Oh, Phoebe, I'm so sorry. Have you been here long?
That's okay.
What the hell took you so long?
Okay, you cannot tell Chandler, okay?
- But I ran into Richard. - Which Richard?
- The Richard. - Richard Simmons?
Oh, my God.
No, my ex-boyfriend, Richard.
You know, the tall guy, mustache?
Oh. Okay, that actually makes more sense.
- So how was it? - It was, it was really nice.
I mean, we started talking and then I-I
ended up having lunch with him.
Oh, that is so weird, I had a dream
that you had lunch with Richard.
- Really? - But again, Richard Simmons.
- Go on. - Alright.
The strange part was
he was, he was really nice
um, and he looks great
but I didn't feel anything at all.
Ooh, so now, why can't we tell Chandler?
Oh, because it'll totally freak him out
and tomorrow's our anniversary
I just don't want anything to spoil that.
Oh, I can't believe you guys have lasted a whole year. God.
Wow, I owe Rachel 20 bucks.
- What? - On a totally different bet.
- Hey. - It's almost our anniversary.
I know. Can you believe it?
One year ago today, I was just your annoying friend, Chandler.
Oh, now you're just my annoying friend, Chandler.
- Huh. - I got you a present.
Oh, but it's not till tomorrow.
I know, but you have to open it today.
Okay.
Okay. There you go! It's two tickets to Vegas!
- Wow! - Yeah, for this weekend!
Oh, gosh, it'll be perfect. You get to see Joey.
Plus, we get to start our anniversary
celebration on the plane.
We can call it our plane-aversary.
- Do we have to? - No.
Okay, but this is great but Joey said
he didn't want any of us out there.
Oh, he just doesn't want us to go through any trouble.
Think how excited he's going to be when we go and surprise him.
Plus, we get to have our own anni-Vegas-ry.
Anni-Vada-versary.
Yeah, I think we should see other people.
- But we can go, right? - Yes.
- Okay. - It's a great idea.
Okay, I'm going to go too.
You know, Pheebs, it's kind of our anniversary.
Oh, please, you are not going to ditch
me again like you did with London.
Ditch you? Phoebe, you were pregnant with--
Uh-huh, great story. I'm going.
- Hi. - Hey.
Hey, you guys, listen, this weekend, we're all gonna go
to Las Vegas to surprise Joey.
Including me! Do you want to go?
Well, I guess I could take a couple days off work.
Of course you could take a couple days off work
because this trip includes me!
Oh no, wait a minute, wait, I've got a presentation tomorrow.
I can't miss that.
Oh, I've got tickets to the Van Gogh exhibit.
I've been waiting, like, a year for this.
So, Rach, uh, why don't you and I fly out together Saturday?
- That sounds great. - Alright.
- I'll call the airlines. - Okay, yeah.
You know that'll be nice, actually
to have the apartment to myself for a night.
Oh, yeah, so you can walk around naked.
No, so I can be by myself, you know, have a little alone time.
Yeah, uh-huh, naked alone time.
No, Phoebe, just because I'm alone doesn't mean
I wanna walk around naked.
I mean, you live alone, you don't walk around naked.
Uh-huh, why do you think
it takes me so long to answer the door?
So, so far, is this trip to Las Vegas
better or worse than the trip to London?
So far, it's pretty much the same, Pheebs.
Okay, what about after I give you these candies?
Yeah, I guess it's a little better now.
Ha ha.
Okay, Las Vegas, one, London, zero.
Okay, I'll be right back. Ooh.
Happy plane-aversary.
Oh, I love you.
Can I give you your present now?
- Okay! - Okay!
Oh, man. Don't tell me I did this.
Oh, I love I-forgot-the-present fake out!
How do you feel about the I-really-did-forget-the-present
please-forgive-me not fake out?
Oh, honey, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
You'll give it to me when we get back.
No, this is the worst thing that can happen
on an anniversary ever.
Oh, good, alright, you decided to tell him
about the Richard thing.
What, what "Richard thing?"
Oh, no.
- What "Richard thing"? - Simmons, go with Simmons.
Okay, I, um, I ran into Richard yesterday
and he asked me if I wanted to go for a bite and I did.
And the only reason why I didn't tell you is because I-I knew
you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil our anniversary.
I'm not mad.
- Really? - Oh, yeah.
Yeah, so you, you bumped into Richard.
You grabbed a bite.
No big deal.
Great.
Okay, London, one.
Ooh.
Hmm.
[gasping] Oh, look what happened.
[thinking] Ha, check me out
I'm in my kitchen, naked.
I'm picking up an orange. I'm naked.
I'm lighting the candles, naked
and carefully.
[thinking] Oh, my God, that's Rachel, naked!
I can't look at that. I am looking at this.
Okay, vivid colors, expressive brush strokes..
...unless she wants me to be looking at that.
She knows I'm home. She knows I can see her.
What kind of game is she playing?
I think maybe someone's lonely tonight.
[chuckling] Oh, Dr. Geller, stop it.
You're being silly.
Or am I?
♪ I love to love you baby ♪
Ow!
♪ I love to love you baby ♪
Ow!
[knocking]
♪ I love to love you baby ♪
♪ Don't tell me ♪♪
♪ Love to love you baby ♪
Ow!
Darn it.
[sighing]
Hey.
May I come in?
Uh, yeah, if you want to.
- Do you want me to? - Yeah, sure?
So do I.
Okay, Rach, before anything happens
I just want to lay down a couple of ground rules.
This is just about tonight, I don't want to go through
with this if it's going to raise the question of "Us."
Okay, I just want this to be..
[shoe thumping]
...about what it is.
And, um, what-what is that, Ross?
The physical act of love.
What? Are you crazy?
Oh, so-so you weren't trying to entice me just now
with your, your nakedness?
[gasping]
Oh, God. You saw me?
[Rachel groaning]
You weren't trying to entice me with your nakedness?
No, no.
And you thought, you actually thought
I wanted to have sex with you?
Oh, my..
No.
No...no.
[laughing]
No, no, no.
[The O'Jays singing "For The Love Of Money"]
♪ Money money money money ♪
♪ Money ♪
♪ Money money money money ♪
♪ Money ♪
♪ Money money money money ♪
♪ Money ♪
♪ Money money money money ♪
Hey, you guys, wait, you guys.
This place is so much better than London, okay?
This lady dressed like Cleopatra gave me this coupon--
99-cent steak and lobster dinner, huh.
- Phoebe, you don't eat animals. - For 99 cents, I'd eat you.
(Phoebe) Okay, I can totally settle down here.
It's got everything I could ever want.
Including Joey, look!
'Oh, look, hey!'
- Oh, my God. - Hey, Joey!
Hey! Hey!
- Wow. - Hi.
Love your condoms, my man.
W-what are you guys doing here?
I-I thought I told you not to come.
Why are you dressed as a gladiator?
Uh, because I'm shooting a scene right now.
Yeah, I, uh, I play a gladiator.
Uh, you know what? Ho-hold on a second.
Can we cut?
Yeah, my, my friends are here, I'm gonna take a little break.
- Who-who are you talking to? - The, uh, director.
Uh, her.
Alright, alright. It's not a gladiator movie.
- I work here. - Why? What happened?
Well, the movie got shut down because they ran out of money
so I'm working here till it starts up again if it ever does.
- Oh, so sorry. - It must be such a drag.
Look, I-I'm sorry, I didn't tell you. I'm sorry, man.
No, no, it's okay, apparently there's a new policy
where we don't have to share everything with everybody.
I knew you were not okay with that.
- So you're a gladiator. Oh. - Yeah, what-what's going on?
Monica had lunch with Richard.
Dawson?
No. But that would have been so cool.
- No, her boyfriend Richard. - It meant nothing, okay?
I mean, after all this time, how can you not trust me?
When you go lunching with hunky mustache-men
and don't tell me about it.
You're right, I'm sorry, I should have told you.
- Thanks. - Oh, there we go.
I love Vegas.
I promise you. Next time, I absolutely will tell you.
- Next time? - Ooh, so close.
There's not going to be a next time.
You cannot see him ever again.
I cannot see him?
I mean, you...can't tell me what to do.
Oh, that's so funny, because I think I just did.
Oh, you know what, if you're going to be acting
like this all night, I don't even want to be around you.
- Fine with me. - Fine. Happy anniversary!
Whoa, whoa, guys, guys, please
come on, come on, this is obviously
just a big misunderstanding.
- No, it is not. - What are you talking about?
Hey, hey! Don't look at me.
I just work here.
Okay, um, Ross?
I'm-I'm a little warm
so I'm gonna be taking off my sweater.
Now, I'm just letting you know
this is not an invitation
to the physical act of love.
- Yep, that's hilarious. - I'm sorry, I'm done.
I'm done.
You know, last night was embarrassing for you too.
No, not really.
I mean, I just don't embarrass that easily.
What? You totally get embarrassed.
No, I don't.
Ross, I just, I think I'm just a more secure person than you are.
- Is that so? - Yeah.
Hey, lady! I don't care how much you want it, okay!
I am not going to have sex with you in the bathroom!
Hey, you know, in Roman times
this was more than just a hat.
- Really? - Yeah, sure, sure.
They would, uh, they would scrub the floors with it.
They would, uh, use it to get the mud off their shoe
and, uh, sometimes, underneath the horse would get dirty
so they would stick it right in there--
Joey..
I cannot believe this is how I'm spending my anniversary.
Alright, well, I'll take you some place nice.
And look, a guy tipped me a 100 bucks today.
- Whoa. - Yeah, yeah.
He was playing blackjack
for like an hour and he won $5,000.
Do you believe that? $5000.
You know, if I won $5,000, I'd join a gym.
You know, build up my upper body
and hit Richard from behind with a stick.
Wait a minute, why don't I just do what that guy did?
I'll take this $100, turn it into $5,000
and then, I'll turn that into enough money
to get my movie going again.
- Good luck. - Chandler, I don't need luck.
- I have thought this through. - I see.
♪ Danke schoen darling danke schoen ♪
Thanks. I can't believe this.
This is like, the worst night ever.
You know, Monica, you had a minor setback
in your relationship with Chandler.
Big deal. It's only Chandler.
I am sosorry.
This is crazy. I mean, it was such a stupid argument.
I didn't even want to see Richard again.
- So go fix it. - Go find Chandler.
He's probably up in your room.
Tell him that you're sorry and that you love him.
You know what? You're right, Phoebe. You're right.
- Thank you. - Sure.
Yeah! Las Vegas number one!
♪ Thank you for ♪
♪ Seeing me again ♪
- Did anybody lose this? - Coming up.
Place your bet. Dice are out.
Yo, 11. Pay the front line.
♪ Danke schoen ♪
Hmm.
So, uh, I'm on my way back to the bathroom.
Yeah, alright, alright, just keep walking, alright.
[giggling]
Ross, what are you, I'm sorry, sir.
I just, I think he just really likes you.
Hey, you know that teacher who had a baby with her student?
[humming]
- What the, what-- - Hi.
- May I help you? - Yes, I'm sorry, miss.
Do you have any extra pants?
Uh, my friend seems to have had a little accident.
- Can I change a 100? - Changing 100.
- Good luck, sir. - Thanks.
That's right.
- Thirteen. - Hit me.
Oh, man!
Wait.
Chandler, you are not going to believe this.
I have found my identical-hand twin.
What?
My identical-hand twin.
What's an identical-hand twin?
It was incredible.
Chandler, the dealer's hands were exactly like mine.
I-It was like looking at my hands in a mirror.
Are you sure you weren't looking at your hands in a mirror?
Don't you see what this means?
I can forget about that stupid movie.
I'm going to be a millionaire.
How?
Well, look, I don't have it all worked out yet
but i-it's got to mean big money.
Come on, identical hands!
Again, I must go back to...how?
This is Vegas, man.
People will pay to see freaky stuff.
You know, okay, how much would you pay to see this hand twice?
Huh?
You know, I, I can't really put a price on that, Joe.
Hey, are you un-supporting me again?
No, no, I support you 100 percent.
I just didn't, I didn't get it right away, you know.
Now I'm caught up. Identical-hand twins.
It's a million-dollar idea.
[knocking]
- Hey. - Pheebs.
I found my identical-hand twin.
Oh! you're so lucky.
Hey..
So, where's Monica?
Did you guys make up?
- No. - But she just came up here.
- That was Joey. - I wonder where she is?
- That's so weird. - Yeah, well.
She's probably talking to Richard.
Would you stop that?
You want to know the first thing she said
when she came back from her lunch with Richard?
She didn't feel anything for him.
- She loves you. - Really?
Yes, and she feels terrible.
She really wants to make up. Y-you've got to find her.
- Okay. - Good.
I should really start wearing hats.
[Tom Jones singing "It's not unusual"]
♪ It's not unusual to be loved by anyone ♪
♪ It's not unusual to have fun with anyone ♪
♪ But when I see you hanging about with anyone ♪
Where are the dice?
♪ It's not unusual to see me cry ♪
♪ Oh I wanna' die ♪♪
Welcome to Las Vegas.
Did you enjoy your flight?
Yes, I did. Thank you very much.
It was excellent.
Hope you had a nice flight.
Oh, it was the best.