- Okay. - Come on, and no peeking.
Our eyes are closed and we're about to cross
the street, very good.
Okay...open up.
What do you want to show us?
Because all I can see is this
bitchin' van!
Yeah. It's for our catering business.
- Oh. - I think I know that girl.
Alright. Um, we're not going to really keep it this way, though.
- No? - 'No.'
We're gonna paint over the sword
and replace it with a baguette.
Oh.
Um, also, we don't know what to do with this.
[switch clicking]
Oh, yeah. I definitely know her.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week your month ♪
♪ Or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
Remember that guy from cooking school I told you about
that put cilantro in everything?
- Oh, sure. Cilantro Larry. - Yeah.
Well, I'm gonna fill in for him
as food critic for the "Chelsea Reporter."
Wow! Monica, what an amazing opportunity
to influence... dozens of people.
How could you have said yes?
What about our catering business?
Oh, no, no. It's just one night a week.
Plus, I get to take all of you out for a lot of free dinners.
- Hey. - Hey.
Oh, well, in that case..
...hey.
- That was me hopping on board. - Oh.
Hey, guys. Hey, Ross, quick question for you.
Are you ready to party?
I don't know.
I could maybe go out for a couple of beers
but there's this thing about bumblebees
on the Discovery Channel that I was..
No, no, no. I don't think you heard me.
Are you ready...to party?
No!
Gandalf? Gandalf is coming to town?
Kathy's with her parents. I have nothing to do.
So tomorrow, we are partying with Gandalf, dude!
Dude, we are so gonna party.
Yeah!
Wow! Okay. Dude alert.
And who is this guy?
Mike "Gandalf" Ganderson.
Only, like, the funnest guy in the world.
I'm gonna call and get off work tomorrow.
I'm gonna call after you!
This is gonna be so cool, dude. We never party anymore.
- Oo-o-oh! - Oo-o-oh!
Alright. Were you guys smoking something
in the back of our van?
Really. And what do you mean, we never have fun anymore?
You have fun with me.
Remember the time we saw those strippers
and you paid me 50 bucks to eat that book?
Joey, you are gonna love this guy.
Gandalf is, like, the party wizard.
Well, w-why do you call him Gandalf?
Gandalf the wizard.
Hello. Didn't you read "Lord Of The Rings"
in high school?
No, I had sex in high school.
Oh, uh, Joanna?
I was wondering if I could ask you something.
There's an opening for an assistant buyer in Junior Miss--
Okay, but that would actually be a big step down for me.
No, actually, I meant for me.
The hiring committee is meeting people all day.
Oh. Well, I wish I could say no
but I guess you can't stay my assistant forever.
Neither can you, Sophie, but for different reasons.
God, I'm so glad that you don't have a problem with this
because if you did, I wouldn't have even considered applying.
Really? Well, in that case--
And that's why I'm so glad
there's no problem.
It's fine. Actually, I'm on the hiring committee
so there'll be at least one friendly face.
Oh, that's great.
You know, uh, Junior Miss is where I started.
Really?
Had to sleep with the ugliest guy
to get that job.
Really?
No!
Yeah.
I mean, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't you worry, I'm sure with your qualifications
you won't need to sleep with some guy to get the job.
Although, uh, I might need some convincing.
- Well, um.. - Kidding!
[both laughing]
God, I feel wild today!
Oh, man, I'm so excited. I may vomit.
Will you calm down?
He's just a human guy.
Look, you don't understand. Gandalf is amazing.
You know, you never know what's gonna end up happening.
You go out for a couple of beers and end up on a fishing boat
to Nova Scotia.
- Really? - Oh, yeah.
It's beautiful country up there.
Hey! Okay, I got my passport
fresh socks and a snakebite kit.
It's not gonna be exactly like last time.
- Alright. I'll see you guys. - Whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I've an audition, but I'll definitely hook up
with you later. Where are you gonna be around noon?
Somewhere maybe along the Equator.
[both laughing]
Okay.
[phone rings]
Hello. It's Gandalf!
- Oo-o-oh! - Oo-o-oh!
So you in town?
Oh, well..
...well, maybe next time then.
- What happened? - He's not gonna make it.
- He's stuck in Chicago. - Oh, man!
Chicago's so lucky.
Stupid, useless..
...Canadian money!
You have a very impressive resume, Ms. Green.
I especially like what I see here
about implementing a new filing system.
- Thank you. - Filing system?
Oh, you mean those, those little colored labels
you put on all the folders?
It certainly did brighten up
the inside of the filing cabinets.
Well, they, uh, they-they did more than that.
I notice that you've been entrusted
with a lot of rather important responsibilities.
Yes. Joanna really has been an incredible mentor to me.
Oh, and Rachel has been really incredible
at getting my morning bagel for me.
It's amazing how she gets it right almost every time.
I-I-I.. Of course, I have more responsibilities than that.
Oh, yes, of cou.. Well, there's the coffee, too.
Rachel can carry two things at once.
That's-that's very good.
Now...a, uh, big part of this job
is cultivating personal relationships.
- Especially with designers. - Yes, I realize that--
(Joanna) 'And Rachel shouldn't have any problem with that.'
Her only problem might be getting a little too friendly
if you know what I mean?
I love working with designers.
With them, under them. What's the difference, eh, Rach?
Hey, my first review is out.
Oh! Oh, the "Chelsea Reporter."
Oh, these used to keep me so warm.
Right. Look, I'm on the back page.
[gasps] Oh! Okay.
"Would I go back to Allesandro's?
"Sure, but I'd have to order two meals
"one for me and one for the guy
pointing the gun to my head."
Wow! You really laid into this place.
They don't pay me a penny a word to make friends.
Ooh. I got to go.
I found a guy who can fix up the van for catering.
- Do you want me to go with you? - No, no. It's okay.
But are we sure we don't want the waterbed?
Haven't we made this decision?
Yeah. Alright.
- Bye. - Bye.
[intercom buzzes]
- Who is it? - 'It's Allesandro.'
(male #1) 'From Allesandro's.'
Oh, my God.
'I want to talk to you about your review.'
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Call me on the phone.
'What, so you can hang up on me?'
Look. I'm-I'm never gonna let you up
so you may as well just go away.
'Look, just give me a chance to..'
(Phoebe) 'Hey, do you need to get in?
- 'Here you go.' - No! Phoebe!
(Phoebe) 'Oh, hey, Monica.'
I want a retraction.
Our food is not inedible swill!
I couldn't eat it.
I have five friends who couldn't eat it
and one of them eats books.
Well, our service is not grossly incompetent.
The waiter carried the breadsticks in his pants.
Well...you said that we accept the Discover card
which we do not.
Alright. That I'll retract, but I stand by my review.
I mean, I-I know food and that wasn't it.
Your marinara sauce tastes like tomato juice.
You should serve it with vodka and a piece of celery.
Hey, I'm proud of that sauce. It's delicious.
Oh, my God!
You own an Italian restaurant and you think that tastes good?
Where are you even from?
Lebanon.
Hand me those tomatoes.
I'm gonna show you what it should taste like.
Come on. Hand them to me.
How long is this going to take, because I got
another critic I got to go yell at.
[clears throat] Uh, Joanna?
I want to talk about that interview.
I thought it went very well.
No, it didn't.
That's what I want to talk to you about.
Now, just to brief you..
I may cry..
...but...they are not tears of sadness
or of anger
but just of me having this discussion with you.
Rachel, please. Don't make a scene.
There's nobody here.
Sophie, get in here!
You see? Now, you're making Sophie uncomfortable.
She's not making me uncomfortable.
Congratulations. You crossed the line into completely useless.
Get out.
Do you want me to quit?
What? What would make you think that?
Well, all of those things that you said in the interview.
I mean, if you believe any of them
I must not be a very good assistant.
You know what?
I am just going to pack up my desk..
...and I will be gone by the end of the day.
Well, I guess there's no use me sticking around
till the end of the day.
Alright. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
You can put your sad, little muffin
back in its drawer.
If you must know the truth
I didn't want to lose a perfectly good assistant.
What?
That's why I said all those things
about your flirting and your drinking.
My drinking?
Oh. I must have said that after you left.
Said what, exactly?
That you enjoy the occasional drink...ing binge.
[gasps]
Oh, my God! Oh! That is it! I am leaving!
You are just a horrible person.
No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Now, if you're gonna get all sensitive about it.
I don't want to lose you.
What if I create a position for you?
I'll make you assistant buyer in this department.
Say more things like that.
Um..
...you can have your own office
and a raise, effective tomorrow.
- I'd need an expense account. - Done.
- And an assistant. - Sophie, get in here.
However, now it seems like a lifetime, doesn't it?
'Starting when Stefano used Kristin..'
Hey. What are you guys doing here?
I thought you'd be out partying with Gandal...orf.
It's Gandalf
and he's not coming.
So you just been sitting around here all morning?
No.
I balanced my checkbook.
Yeah, and I, I gave first names to all the foosball players.
I can't believe he didn't come.
So what if he didn't come?
We can still go out and party ourselves.
Oh, no. You know, with Gandalf, we'd be out all night.
Yeah. We'd meet, we'd meet total strangers
and hang out with them.
Well, we could do that.
There was other stuff, too.
We'll do it all and better.
Look, after tonight Gandalf will want
to party with us, dude. Come on!
- Yeah! - 'Yeah!'
- Yeah! - Yeah!
It's not like we don't know how to party.
Yeah! Alright! Let's go!
May-maybe we could end up on a boat again?
- Yeah! - Yeah!
- Well, alright! - Yeah!
Hey, hey, hey. When, uh, when were we on a boat?
Remember that really cold morning
when you woke up and those dogs were licking your face?
- Yeah. - Those were seals, man.
Hey, Mon, little question for you.
How do you think this suit would look on an assistant buyer--
Okay. The owner of Allesandro's came over to yell at me
but instead I made him some sauce
and he offered me the job as head chef.
Oh, my God!
You just ruined the thing I was practicing the whole way home
but I'm so happy!
I know! Can you believe it?
I finally get to run my own kitchen.
Oh, you've waited so long. Oh.
Hey.
Hey, Pheebs, quick question for you.
How do you think this suit would look
on an assistant buyer at Bloomingdale's?
I don't know. It would totally depend on her coloring, and..
You got the job!
You got the job? Why didn't you tell me?
Oh, it's gonna be so great!
I'm gonna get to help decide what we sell
and I'm gonna have an office with walls and everything.
I'm gonna have walls!
Okay. Is this the day of good news or what?
I got us a job. The wedding reception.
Oh!
Um...Phoebe, I kind of need to talk to you about that.
[clears throat]
Um...well, I-I-I think it might be time for me
to take a step back from the catering.
But we've only had one job.
Tsk. Uh, I know, but now we have this second one
and it just, it feels like it's snowballing, you know?
Yeah. What are you saying?
I got offered the head chef job at Allesandro's.
- What? - It's okay.
'Cause, you know what, if you think about it
you don't really need me for the business.
You're the cook!
Without you, it's just me driving up to people's houses
with empty trays and asking for money.
Alright, but, um..
...well, I-I'll pay you back all the money you invested
and you can keep the van.
For what?
I can't believe this.
I got to get out of here.
Oh, Phoebe, wait a minute.
I'm an assistant buyer!
Alright. So we'll get a little coffee
we'll get energized, and we'll head back out.
- Yeah. alright. - Okay.
So we're having fun, right?
We don't need that wizard guy.
We hit a couple of clubs, talked to some strangers
and, uh, after this we'll go down to the docks
and see about that boat thing.
I'm kind of beat.
Actually...me, too.
Are you serious?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Thank God! I'm exhausted.
[sighing]
So you guys want coffees?
Yeah, but I don't want to be up too late
so I'll have a decaf.
Yeah. Me, too.
Actually, could I get some hot water with a little lemon?
I...I strained my voice
screaming in there. Does it have to be so loud?
Oh, I can't hear a word you're saying.
My ears are ringing so bad.
I'm just glad I brought that extra pair of socks, you know?
I used them as mittens.
I didn't want to touch a thing
in that last place.
How sad are we?
Yeah. I know.
You know what? We're not sad.
We're not sad. We're just not 21 anymore, you know?
I'm 29 years old, damn it and I want to sit
in a comfortable chair and watch television
and go to sleep at a reasonable hour.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Yeah, and I like to hang out in a quiet place
where I can talk to my friends.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
And so what if I like to go home
throw on some Kenny G and take a bath?
We're 29, we're not women.
Oh, there you are.
Okay. I'm-I'm glad that you decided to hear me out.
- Okay. I'm hearing. - Okay.
I've been doing a lot of thinking, a lot
and, um, well, I came up with a whole bunch of businesses
that you can do with your van.
Okay. Um...you could be a flower delivery person.
What?
Or...a bakery delivery person?
[stammering]
Pizza?
Monica!
Alright. I've got a whole bunch of stuff in this area
but I'm-I'm getting the feeling that you don't want to deliver.
No.
Okay.
And I'm guessing if you don't want to deliver
you probably don't want to pick up stuff, either.
No.
You know what?
Let's do the catering business.
Really? Are you sure?
Yeah. You know, I-I..
...I made a commitment to you, and..
...you know, it'd-it'd be fun.
Oh, it will be fun!
Oh, yay!
Okay. Let's plan the wedding reception.
Okay. Hee hee.
Wow.
You really wanted me to do something with this van.
You know what? I want you to take the chef job.
Really?
Yeah.
That's what you really want.
Yeah. I don't want to be the reason you're unhappy.
That would just make me unhappy and I really don't want to be
the reason I'm unhappy.
Thank you.
Besides, it might be kind of fun to form the new A-team.
Oh, hi, Mrs. Lynch. Is Joanna in already?
Oh, my goodness. You haven't heard.
Heard what?
Joanna..
...passed away last night.
Oh, my God! How?
Well, she was leaving work, and she was hit by a cab.
Oh, my God! Oh, I cannot believe it.
- Oh, I know. - Oh, God.
Oh, God.
I didn't realize that you were so close.
Yes...so close.
Mrs. Lynch, I know that this is an emotional
and difficult time for all of us..
...but by any chance did Joanna send any paperwork your way
before...it happened?
No, nothing.
Imagine...if she'd just stepped off that curb
a few seconds later.
Oh, yes, yes.
Just a few seconds and she'd still be with us.
Nothing about an assistant buyer or..
I'm sorry. I have to go.
Okay.
Good morning.
Oh, Sophie, I guess
you didn't hear about Joanna.
I sure did.
I'm so excited about having Monica come on board with us
although I do feel bad about having fired Chef Emilio.
It is like losing a member of the family.
Of course, that literally is the case
for several of you.
Tony, Carlos, Marie, please, tell your father
how much we're going to miss him.
Now, I know that Monica
has a lot of great ideas for this place.
Well, you all read the review.
So without much further ado
I present to you our new head chef.
Um, I just want to say, uh, that with a pinch of excitement
a dash of hard work and a dollop of cooperation
we can have the recipe..
Are you going to kill me?
[theme music]