[telephone ringing]
- Hello. - 'Hey, it's me.
(Chandler) 'I know you can't stand to be in the same room as me'
'so I just thought I try and apologize over the phone. Oh--'
[telephone ringing]
Hello.
(Chandler) 'Look I should've never kissed your girlfriend and I'm--'
[telephone ringing]
Stop callin'.
(Chandler) 'Hey! Hey! Hey! This is 92.3 WXRK'
'K-Rock callin' for $1000 daily challenge!'
Alright!
'What is the name of...your roommate'
'who is very, very sorry and would do anything--'
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ You're love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ Well it hasn't been your day ♪
♪ Your week your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Cause you're there for me too ♪♪
Ugh! Turkey.
Ugh! Giving thanks. Ugh!
Look, everyone, it's spirit of Thanksgiving.
Are things with you and Joey any better?
They couldn't be worse.
I spent eight hours calling him last night
just trying to get him to talk to me.
Oh! Wow!
Eight hours!
So you could probably really use
one of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh?
Should we all expect Christmas gifts
that can be stolen from your office?
You shouldn't.
Speaking of Christmas, um, since Monica and I are starting
a new business and have like no money
um, this year maybe we could do Secret Santa
and then we each only buy one gift
and, and there's the added mystery
of you know, who gets who.
Who gets whom.
Don't know why I do that.
Oh, I'm gonna take a nap. Turkey makes me sleepy.
We haven't eaten yet.
I know, but all that work you're doing to get it ready and..
Hey, by any chance, either of you picked Rachel
for your Secret Santa, cause I wanna trade for her.
I picked her. Oh, thank God, you want her.
Oh!
Wow! Why do you want to get rid of her so badly?
Because she exchanges every gift she ever gets.
It's like impossible to get her something she likes.
Come on! Let's trade.
Oh, that's not true, that's not true.
I got her that backpack and she loved it.
I remember how much she was crying the day
that big dog ran off with..
- There was no big dog? - No.
Alright, this sucks.
'Cause I already got her this briefcase
and I had RG put on it.
- Her initials. - Oh!
Maybe you can give it to somebody else.
Oh! Like Ross Geller.
Oh, you know what, it's kind of a girlie briefcase.
Who cares! He works in a museum.
Hey, what time is it? The big game is about to start.
You don't have to do that.
Ross and Joey aren't here.
You can watch the parade if you want.
Thanks.
What is wrong with this freezer?
Oh! Oh!
God, what happened?
Oh, my God! Ice just got into my eye.
People are trying to sleep in here.
Monica got ice in her eye and it hurts.
Open it up. Let me see.
Oh, you know what? I can't, it really kills.
Well, maybe you should put some ice on it.
Oh! It looks bad.
Hey, maybe we should take you to a doctor.
No. My eye doctor is Richard.
I can't go to him when I don't have a boyfriend.
He's really picky about his patients.
Hey, you got to go.
What's his office number?
[sighs] Like I remember his office number.
Speed dial seven.
Hi. Yeah, I'm calling on behalf of Monica Geller's eye and..
Is a is Richard Burke in today?
He's out of town, but does she want to see the on-call doctor?
- Yes! - Yes!
She's very excited about that.
It's so cool.
Till Monica gets back, it's like I'm head chef.
Then I get to make all the decisions.
Hey, hey, I thought she told you to follow the recipe exactly.
Okay, get out of my kitchen.
Alright. Okay, I think I'm making some progress with Joey.
When I went into the apartment, he went straight
into his bedroom, but he only slammed the door once.
I mean, yeah, I, gave me the finger while doing it.
Alright, I've...I've got to call my mom
and ask her left handed cooking question.
So listen, I picked Monica for Secret Santa
but I'm already getting her something for Hanukkah.
I was wondering if you wanna switch?
Oh, you know what? I was trying to trade for, uh, well, you.
Really? Wow! That's-that's so nice.
Well, what are you gonna get me?
Uh, I don't know, RG, I was thinking
somethin' girlie for your office.
Yeah. Well, maybe Phoebe will switch with me.
Oh! No, no, no. You don't want to do that.
Then you're gonna get stuck with Rachel
and she exchanges every gift she ever gets.
Oh, that's not true.
I got her lots of stuffs she never took back.
Like?
Like that gold necklace I got her last year.
And when was last time you saw her wear it?
Well, she wore it all Christmas day and then, uh..
Big dog?
- Hey. - Hey.
What you're doin'?
Sending them back, all these stuffs
that Chandler bought out of guilt.
Everything? Even the TV?
No. I'm gonna put that in my room.
Listen, Joey.. I know what he did was wrong
but don't you think you could at least hear the guy out?
Back when you and Rachel were together
if Chandler had kissed her, would you hear him out?
It's a good point.
So, uh, how long are you gonna punish him?
Five years.
You've sentenced him?
Hey, don't do the crime, if can't do the time.
Joey, the guy is your best friend.
Was my best friend.
Anyway, I don't know why you're pushing for him so hard.
With him out of the way as my best friend..
...there's a spot open.
- Oh, who? Me? - Yeah.
Oh, wow! I'm honored.
You know what I'm gonna do as my first act as your best friend
I'm gonna get you to talk to Chandler.
Alright.
But if you weren't my best friend.
Oh, my God. Is it really that bad?
I walk in the room and he won't even talk to me.
He just mumbles something in Italian.
And I know, he only knows the bad words.
Hey, Gunther. Have you, have you seen Chandler?
I thought you were Chandler.
But, um, one of you is over there.
Oh!
Hey, Joe.
[speaking in foreign language]
I'll be right with you, okay?
Thanks for coming in.
Oh, my God! How cute is the on-call doctor?
Ah! So cute that I'm thinking of jamming this pen in my eye.
[buzzing]
Dr. Burke will see you now.
Oh, no, no. No, not Dr. Burke.
Doctor, Doctor Burke is out of town
the-the on-call doctor will see me now.
Dr. Richard Burke is out of town.
Dr. Timothy Burke, his son, will see you now.
Ready?
Hey, I'm sorry. That--
- Where you going? - My folks.
Oh! Uh, when you, when you coming back?
Don't know.
Might stay there for few days while I look for an apartment.
What?
Yeah, you know, uh..
...at first I thought we could talk about this
you know, work it out, but, uh, seen you two together, I don't..
Hey, look, what do you want me to say?
You want me to say that I'll stop seeing her?
It's not about her. Okay?
But seeing you together just reminds me of what you did.
And I don't want to live with someone
who doesn't know what it is...to be a friend.
So, I'll see you.
Hey, look, I know what it is to be a friend.
I just, I screwed up.
Yeah. You did.
And that's why I'm leavin'.
Alright, look, if you're not gonna stay for me
then at least stay for them.
Okay. They've had a very difficult year.
What with the robbery and all.
When that guy was robbing us
and I was locked in the entertainment unit
for like six hours
do you know what I was doing in there all that time?
I was thinking about how I let you down.
- Wow! - Yeah.
But if I had known what kind of friend you're gonna
turn out to be, I wouldn't have worried about it so much.
- See you around. - Alright, wait.
Come on, wait, just wait one second.
There has to be something that I can do.
Something.
If we still had that entertainment unit
I would get in there for six hours
and think about how I let you down.
- What? - We got a box.
I remember the last time I saw you.
It was a morning I left for college.
And you were just standing outside the Dairy Queen.
Just probably waiting for it to open.
Gotta tell you, you look great now.
You look great too.
You're an excellent patient.
So how does it look?
Well, you got a little scratch on your cornea
you're gonna, have to wear patch for a couple of days.
Like a pirate?
If that helps you.
So how long have you been working with your dad?
Come on, one of us had to mention him.
I-I moved back here couple of months ago.
Big family dinner tonight?
No way!
I was gonna have Thanksgiving at my girlfriend's.
- Oh! - But we broke up.
Oh!
She-she wasn't ready for a serious commitment.
Oh!
(imitating pirate) So you made her walk the plank, aye, matey?
You're not wearing the patch yet.
I know.
He's coming here for Thanksgiving?
I know, it's sick.
Why is it sick?
Because it's Richard's son.
It's like inviting a Greek tragedy over for dinner.
I mean, come on, Phoebe, you understand, don't you?
Yeah, I could see where I'd be your best shot, but no.
Sorry, honey, I think it's twisted.
- Yeah. - What's twisted?
[sighs] Me going out with Richard's son.
Eww!
Ew! Ew! Ew!
(Chandler) 'Sounds like a really bad idea to me.'
Is he okay in there?
He's fine.
Hey, you know, Mon, if things work out between you
and Richard's son, you'll be able to tell your kids
that you slept with the grandfather.
Fine, judge all you want to, but marrying a lesbian
left a man at the altar
fell in love with a gay ice dancer
threw a girl's wooden legs in the fire.
Live in a box.
So now, what exactly is the point of the box?
Chandler.
(Chandler) 'Meaning of the box is three fold.'
'One, it gives me the time to think about what I did.'
Two, it proves how much I care about my friendship with Joey.
'And three, it hurts.'
Well, hey, hey, you remember the necklace I gave you last year.
Can I see it?
Why?
Just want to check something.
Okay.
Now, we'll see.
(Chandler) 'Air hole, air hole.'
Here it is. I love it.
I wear it all the time.
The necklace I got you was gold. This is silver.
Uh, well, maybe, it, uh, it changed.
Oh, my God! You actually exchanged it.
Well, isn't it better that I exchange it for something
that I enjoy and then I can get a lot use out of?
What did you get?
Credit.
[knock on door]
I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it.
- Hi, Tim. - Hi.
Hi. Thank you.
Here come meet my friends.
- This is, uh, Phoebe. - Hi, nice to meet you.
- And Joey. - Hey.
- 'My brother Ross.' - Hey.
- 'And Rachel.' - Hi.
[chandler clear throat]
That's Chandler.
(Chandler) 'How do you do?'
- What's-- - Um, he, well, he is, um..
He's doing some thinkin'.
Yay!
(Chandler) 'What happened? What happened?'
You kissed my girlfriend.
Oh! I like those sunglasses.
Like 'em, like 'em?
Or I'd like to get store credit
for that amount like 'em?
[speaking in foreign language]
Alright, everybody, this turkey is ready.
- Where can I wash up? - Here. Let me show you.
Okay, the towels are hanging next to the sink.
And, um, you can use the fancy soap.
Thank you.
Fancy soap! I thought we were saving that for the Pope.
See, he's nice, right?
Yeah, but, Monica, do you really want to be in a relationship
where you can actually use the phrase
that's not how your dad used to do it.
Wow! Everything looks great.
- Where should I sit? - Saved you a seat.
Six, six, six.
[knock on door]
Oh, I'll get it.
(Chandler) 'Got you.'
That doesn't sound like thinking to me.
'Sorry.'
You know what, you shouldn't be talking at all in there.
I think you got too much thinking to do
to be talking and making jokes.
'Okay, okay, you got it.'
Ross, could you pass me the yams.
Sure.
Oh, and Joey's got the mash potatoes
if you want to exchange them.
Will you stop. What is the matter with you?
[laughs] We've got company.
There's nothing the matter with me.
You see, I'm not completely devoid of sentiments.
See, I have feelings.
Okay, fine.
(Chandler) 'You can't tell, but I'm trying to break'
'the tension by mooning you guys.'
Alright, look...if this is just a big joke to you
then forget about it, alright.
This means something to me.
If it doesn't mean anything to you
then you should get out of there
otherwise you're just an idiot in the box.
(Chandler) 'You're right. I'm sorry.'
'This-this means a lot to me.'
'I want you to be my friend again.'
'I swear I won't say another word tonight.'
So you're gonna start taking these things seriously?
'Absolutely.'
That sounds like another word to me.
Are you gonna take this seriously?
Okay.
Don't say that I have no sentiment.
This is a movie stub from our first date.
This is an egg shell from the first time
you made me breakfast in bed.
This is from the museum.
The first time we...were together.
Okay, maybe, I exchange gifts sometimes
but I keep the things that matter.
I don't what to say. I'm sorry.
Though...you're not supposed to take these.
It's like a million years old.
We, we actually, we have people looking for that.
- Oh! This always happens. - Here, let me.
Thank you.
You've, you've a very beautiful...eye.
You know, all my friends think this is all weird.
You know, I-I thought that it is gonna be weird.
I mean, I almost called to cancel it, but it really isn't.
I know. I mean, it's like, me and your dad
that's a totally separate thing.
Oh, I totally agree.
We're just two people who find each other...very attractive.
Right?
- What? - Nothing. Nothing.
No. No really, was, was-was that not okay?
No, no, no, that was good.
That was a, that was a good kiss.
Oh, my God! It didn't remind you of of my--
Oh, don't say it.
- No, but it did, didn't it? - Yes!
Oh, man!
I know!
(both) Ugh.
[knock on door]
I got it.
- Oh! - Hey.
Hey!
Listen, I want you to know how sorry I am.
It's okay.
Chandler's the one I'm mad at, so..
Well, I'm still sorry.
Is he here?
In the box.
Chandler?
Oh, he-he can't talk right now.
Why not? What's going on?
Well, he's just trying to show Joey how much he means to him.
Oh. By being in a box?
Joey had reasons.
They were threefold.
Oh! Well, uh..
...you not being able to talk might actually make this easier.
Listen, um..
...listen, I don't want to be someone
who comes between two best friends.
I just, I can't stand seeing what this is doing to you guys.
And I don't wanna be the cause of that.
So...I don't think we can see each other anymore.
'I'm gonna go to my moms in Chicago.'
I'm gonna stay there for a while.
I think this could've been something really amazing.
[chuckles]
But you know, this is probably for the best.
You know?
I'm gonna miss you.
Goodbye, Chandler.
- Open the box! - 'What?'
He can still catch her, okay? Come on, get out of there.
Get out of there.
- So? - Yeah. We're gonna be fine.
Get out.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
You-you-you did some real good thinking in there.
I mean, this is..
Now, go, 'cause you can still catch her.
And Merry Christmas from your Secret Santa.
Alright, who got Chandler? Cause I-I need to trade.
Oh, he sees her.
Oh, he's catching up to her.
Oh, she sees him.
Oh, they're hugging.
He's taking her purse.
Uh, that's not them.
I gotta go call the police.
Oh, there they are.
Alright, get a room.