[instrumental music]
Hello.
What's this?
Oh, right. It's that girl's phone number.
Yeah, yeah, there it is.
Just, uh, phone number
a really hot girl gave me.
It's no big deal, I mean
it is her home phone number but..
Whoa!
Whoa. Oops.
Almost lost this baby.
Yeah, the lovely Amanda gives me her number
and I-I go and drop it.
[sneezing]
Thank you.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ Well it hasn't been your day ♪
♪ Your week your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪
[instrumental music]
- Rachel? - Yeah.
- When's your birthday? - May 5th. Why?
Oh, I-I'm just making a list of people's birthdays.
- Oh, mine's December-- - Yeah, whatever.
(Chandler) 'Oh, she's pretty.'
Pretty, uh, pretty girl.
The pretty, she's pretty.
Just go up to her and ask her out.
[chuckles]
Oh, what's the worst thing that could happen?
I could die.
Yeah, it's-it's tough being single.
That's why I'm so glad I found Amanda.
Ross, you guys went out once.
You took your kids to Chuck E. Cheese's
and you didn't even kiss her.
I tell people secrets.
It makes them like me.
- Ooh. - Hey.
[sneezing]
- Oh, Phoebe. - Whoa.
You're sick. You shouldn't play.
You just go home and get in bed
and stay there.
But I'm unemployed.
My music is all I really have now.
Well, music and making my own shoes.
'Pretty, huh?'
Alright, I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna go get shot down.
Any advice?
Just be yourself.
But not too much.
Wish me luck.
Good luck!
Wish it!
Hi, hi.
I-I was just, uh, sitting over there and..
Uh, Chandler, my name's Chandler.
- Did I say that? - No, you didn't.
Hi, I'm Kathy.
Kathy with a K or a C?
- With a K. - Hey.
Wow, you are really good at this!
Hey, come on, give me a break, I'm out on a limb here!
I'm sorry, you're right, I apologize.
But I should tell you that I'm waiting for a date.
Oh, and there he is now!
- Hey. - Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
Ah, I see you guys already met, huh?
Yes, yes, I was just trying to figure out a way
to, uh, demonstrate how I could get
my exceptionally large feet
into my even bigger mouth.
Didn't I tell you?
Always showing off.
Before I start, I just want to say that, um, I have a cold.
So if I sneeze in the middle of a song, it's not on purpose.
Oh, except the last verse of "Pepper People."
♪ Smelly cat smelly cat ♪
♪ What are they feeding you ♪
This chick sounds good.
♪ Smelly cat smelly.. ♪♪
Hey, Gunther, be a good little boy and bring me a whiskey.
[instrumental music]
- Hi. - Hi.
Jeez at 2:30 in the morning, I didn't expect
to have to fight over the remote.
Sorry, there's this Ernie Kovacs
thing on in a few minutes I wanted to watch.
Oh, my God, that's why I got up too.
You're kidding? Oh, I love him!
Hey, listen, I'm sorry about this afternoon, you know
If I had known you guys were..
- I never would have.. - Oh, please.
So, uh, Joey tells me you two met in acting class.
Yeah, they teamed us up as partners.
Joey picked three scenes for us to do.
All of them had us making out.
That's a good thing actually because, uh
he used to make me rehearse with him.
- Oh, oh, oh. - Oh, is it on?
No, but this Wonder Broom is amazing!
Hey.
[sighs] Oh, my God!
Oh, It's on, it's on.
Here we go, little fella.
What about the duck?
Oh, the duck can swim.
Of course.
♪ My sticky shoes ♪
♪ My sticky sticky shoes ♪
♪ Why you stick on me ♪
♪ Baby ♪♪
[sighs] Thanks for the lights, honey.
[cheering]
Way to go, Phoebe.
Your cold makes you sound so great.
It's fun. God, I love how sexy I am!
[coughing]
Well, Kath, we should get going.
We're gonna buy hamsters.
(together) Oh.
I love those little guys.
Uh, no, no, it's not like that.
I work for a medical researcher.
- Well, have fun. - Okay.
Well, I think, it's nice that the medical community
is finally trying to help sick hamsters.
- You know what? I like Kathy. - Yeah.
Oh, yeah, me too!
She's so cool and pretty.
Yeah, she is.
She's smart and you know, funny, you know.
I mean, we were up all last night talking.
She said the funniest thing about..
What?
You love her.
- No, I don't. - Yes, you do.
Chandler loves Kathy.
Come on, Phoebes, now just-just lay off him.
- Thank you, Ross. - Yeah.
He's a little sensitive right now
because he's so in love!
Alright.
Oh, mwah, oh, Kathy
Kathy, I love you! Oh!
[instrumental music]
So I need to write some depressing stuff
to go with my new bluesy voice.
But nothing that sad has ever really happened to me.
Well, um, how about your mom dying?
Or having to live on the streets when you were 14?
Uh-huh.
Oh, yeah, I could write about the time
my hair did that whoo-hoo thing.
- Hey. - 'Hey.'
So I'm going over to Amanda's tonight.
- Rachel's not here. - Oh.
How's it going with her?
Yeah, great, actually.
I'm thinking tonight may be the night.
Yeah, I mean, uh, the kids are gonna play together
and then when they're asleep
I'm thinking Amanda and I
break open a bottle of wine
do a little playing ourselves.
Hi, guys! This is Josh.
'Josh, these are my friends.'
And that's Ross.
- Hey, Josh. - 'Hi.'
Dudes.
- Did you played in college? - Oh, I still do.
Next year, I hope to make Varsity though.
Ross, didn't you play, uh, soccer in high school?
Oh, no, wait, that's right, you just organized
their game schedules on your Commodore 64.
Well, It's getting late. I gotta get to the game.
- So I'm gonna head. - Okay.
I'll miss you.
Dope!
Wow! Cute one.
- Very cute. - I know. Isn't he great?
So nice to finally be in a fun relationship, you know?
There's nothing boring about him
and, uh, I bet he's never set foot in a museum.
Well, maybe he'll get to go soon.
You know, like on a class trip or something.
You know what else is really great about him?
Oh, what is the word for an adult
who doesn't have dinosaur toys in their bedroom?
Oh..
What was that?
Monica knows.
It's this dumb thing that Ross made up
to-to try to fool our parents.
It's a way of giving the finger
without actually having to give it.
I remember I cried the night you made that up.
It was the first time I realized
I was cooler than my big brother.
Well, I'm going to go get ready..
...for my date tonight
so, uh, I'll just head.
Yeah, I should go too.
'Cause I'm playing in one hour.
Hey..
[clears throat]
You guys should come hear me.
Oh, hear me, oh.
My sticky shoes, ew, ew. Oh.
I lost my sexy phlegm!
[instrumental music]
- Hi. - Hi.
Hi, Ben.
- Wow, you-you look great! - Thanks.
Yeah, oh, okay.
Hey, Tommy!
I am so glad that you could come over tonight.
Oh, no, no, it's my pleasure.
Okay, well, my cell phone number is right here on the counter.
Please, help yourself to anything in the fridge.
- What? - I appreciate this so much.
I have been trying to go out with this guy for like, a month.
- I-I-I.. - Whoa, uh..
I don't mean to be square but I really appreciate it
if you'd wait and drink your wine
after the kids are asleep.
Goodnight, sweetie.
Oh, uh, thanks for this.
I hope I can do the same for you sometime.
Who wants to make some long-distance calls?
[instrumental music]
Kathy! Kathy! Hi!
Kathy! Kathy!
[dramatic music]
[car horn honks]
[music continues]
Kathy!
Fetch! Fetch it!
Kathy! Kathy!
Kathy!
Kathy.
Kathy!
[panting] Kathy.
Hey, Chandler, what are you doing here?
Well..
I just wanted to say, hey.
Hey.
Okay.
Oh, come on, you're making it sound worse than it was.
Her date tipped me $10!
Phoebes, what are you doing?
Okay, I want to be sexy again.
So I'm trying to catch a cold.
Should be easy, supposedly they're pretty common.
Phoebe, you'll catch pneumonia!
Okay, you were right.
I'm in love with Joey's girlfriend.
- What? - Are you serious?
Well, how-how is that possible?
- You barely know her. - I don't know.
I can't.. I just..
I can't get her out of my head, you know?
I mean, I'm a very bad person.
I'm a very, very bad per..
I'm a horrible person.
No, you're not, Chandler! We still love you, Chandler!
Oh, gosh! Phoebe, I think I caught your cold.
You mean you stole it!
Don't cover your mouth when you do that!
[laughing]
- Ah, oh. - Hey.
We were just talkin' about you.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, I told her about the time
you got drunk and fell asleep
with your head in the toilet.
[laughing]
Right in there!
[instrumental music]
99.
A 100, ready or not, here I come.
Alright, let's go over the concept one more time.
- Hey. - Hey.
Hey, guys.
Listen, uh, you want to get some dinner
with me and Kathy tonight?
Oh, um, you know what I, uh, I already ate.
It's 4:30.
You know, I had a big meal on Monday, you know.
So that's just gonna get me
straight through the week.
Okay, I see what's going on here.
- You-you do? - 'Yeah.'
You don't like Kathy.
You got me.
Yeah, you've been avoiding her
ever since we started going out.
Look, I made an effort to like Janice.
Now, I think it's your turn to make an effort
to like Kathy by comin' out to dinner with us, right?
- Yeah, right. - Good. And hey, my treat.
But that's only because you're not eating, right?
- Right. - Yeah.
[instrumental music]
Ross isn't here.
Oh, stop it!
So, uh, I'll see you at the party?
Beer's fear, man! 24/7!
Yeah!
I am so gonna marry that guy.
- Ugh! - What?
- I think he's stealing from me. - Why?
Because he's stealing from me!
Hi, it's me..
...and soup.
Hey, you know, I just saw Josh.
He looked so yummy in your leather jacket, hmm.
Ugh!
Here, now, I don't eat chicken
so it's just noodle soup.
And there's no chicken in the broth either
so it's really just noodle water.
- Thank you so much, Phoebe. - Sure.
What are you doing with those?
But, uh, I need your germs. I want my cold back.
I miss my sexy voice.
Sorry, Phoebe.
It's okay.
- How's the soup? - Hmm.
Aw.
[instrumental music]
♪ Get on.. ♪♪
[indistinct chatter]
Oh, God, guys, check it out!
You can see that girl's underwear.
Is she great, or what?
So, huh, what'd you think?
Ah, she's-she's not really my type.
Not your type? She's gorgeous.
You know what I think it is?
I think it's the fishnet stockings.
You know, I mean whenever I see
a girl in fishnet stockings
it reminds me of my father
in fishnet stockings.
Okay, understanding a little more of why you're single.
Oh, you know what, I have a friend you'd like.
She's really pretty.
And then, we could double date.
Uh, no, no, thanks.
Okay, I've got some ugly friends
and they're all available too.
I'm sorry. I'm-I'm gonna grab a beer.
I'll be right back.
- What was that? - What?
Kathy's being really nice and you just walked away.
- I thought we had a deal. - Hey, look..
What do you want from me?
I want you to like her.
But if that's too damn difficult for you
then, the least you could do is pretend.
- I am pretending. - Well, then, do it better.
Okay, what do you say I, uh, go over there
and tell her how much I like her?
No, no, it'll be good, I can tell her
how much I've been thinkin' about her.
That I haven't stopped thinking about her
since the moment we met.
That I'm so fantastically over the top
want to slit my own throat in love with her
that for every minute of every hour of every day
I can't believe my own damn bad luck that you met her first!
Now, well, that's pretty good.
But you might want to tone it down a little.
Hey, so, uh, Amanda just-just dropped me off.
It's one of the things I love about her.
She's, uh, she's old enough to drive.
So, uh, I guess you're not going to Mom and Dad's tonight, huh?
[coughs] No, sorry.
Well, where's Amanda?
Hey, Rach, could you get me some cough drops?
I mean, you know, I'm thinkin' you could bring her
and you guys could go up to your old room and not make out.
Ross, cough drop, please?
At least I know she's not going out with me
to get into R-rated movies.
Why don't you just marry her?
Oh, no, wait a minute you can't! I'm sorry I forgot.
She's not a lesbian.
- See, Amanda and I have a-- - You have nothing!
You're not even going out! You're her babysitter.
You have a 12-year-old girl's job!
Oh, that is so sad.
And what are you laughing at, Miss My-Keg-Sucking-Boyfriend
Is-Stealing-From-Me?
Hey, so he stole a couple bucks from me. Big deal!
At least he bought me something with it.
That's mine!
Would you both please start acting like adults?
And give me my cough drops!
- Fine. - Sorry.
- Here. - Thank you.
At least I made 10 bucks in my relationship.
You know..
♪ Parading goats are parading ♪
♪ Parading down the street ♪
♪ Parading goats are parading ♪
♪ Leaving little treats ♪
Oh, no, does it even work without my sexy voice?
I like it.
[sneezing]
- Gunther, kiss me. - What?
Do it, deputy! Do something!
[Joey and Kathy laughing]
Hey.
Now, we're not exactly gonna be sleeping in here
but do you mind?
Can I sleep on your couch?
[instrumental music]
♪ And I'm still waiting ♪
♪ For my Paper-Mache man ♪♪
Thank you, my babies.
[applauding]
- Rachel? - Yeah.
I-I don't know if you heard about
what happened between me and Phoebe, the other day.
No.
Well, we kissed.
I-I didn't initiate the kiss
but I-I also didn't stop it and..
I've been feeling guilty.
Okay.
So, um..
...are we cool?
Okay.
I knew you would understand.
[theme music]