(Joey) Previously on "Friends.."
Can't believe you're not gonna be there.
Oh, I know.
Why can't you take a couple of days off?
Because I can't, Ross.
This is my wedding.
So I can't wait to see where you guys are getting married.
Emily's parents got married there.
It's the most beautiful place you've ever seen
and it's right over.. Oh, my God!
The only thing I understand is postponing it is not an option.
I tell you, this wedding is not gonna happen.
If you don't love this, then we'll do it any other place
any other time. Really. It's fine.
It's perfect.
- I'm going to London. - What?
It's not over until someone says I do.
I do! I do! I do! Rachel, no!
[telephone ringing]
The Waltham residence.
Hi, is this Emily's parents' house?
Uh, this is the housekeeper speaking.
And by the way, young lady, that is not how
one addresses a person on the telephone.
First, one identifies oneself and then asks for the person
with whom one wishes to speak.
Uh, this is Phoebe Buffay.
I was wondering, please, if-if it's not too much trouble
please, um, if, might I speak with Miss Emily Waltham, please?
Miss Waltham is at the rehearsal dinner.
And it is not polite to make fun of people. Goodbye.
No, no, no. I-I-I'll be nice. I swear.
Could you just give me the number for where they are?
I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to divulge that information.
Okay, look, somebody is on their way to ruin the wedding, okay?
And I have to warn somebody, alright?
So if you don't give me that number, then I'm gonna come
over there, and I'm gonna kick your snooty ass
all the way to New Gloukenshire!
Hello? Hello? Oh!
Ooh, she knew I could kick her ass.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week your month ♪
♪ Or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
- Hey. Hi, sweetheart. - Hi, mom.
- Hey, sweetheart. - Hi, mom.
- Dad. - Oh, sorry, we're late.
My fault. I insisted on riding the tube.
Judy, the kids.
Jack, that's what they call the subway.
Oh, I thought that--
- Dad, dad, we got it. - We know what you thought, dad.
Oh, here comes my dad and stepmom.
- Hello. - Mr. and Mrs. Geller.
- How are you? - This is Steven.
- And Andrea Waltham. - How do you do?
How do you do? Very nice to meet you.
- Ha ha. - Hey, darling, the Gellers.
- Huh. - Darling, it's the Gellers.
She's very self-involved, you know?
I should never have married her.
- I'm sorry, what? - It's the Gellers, darling.
- Where? - Well, that's one.
- And-and that's another one. - How lovely to meet you.
Terribly nice of you to-to offer to pay for half of the wedding.
Oh, forget it. T-the hell with tradition. We're happy to do it.
Oh, yeah, we know how expensive weddings can be.
Besides this may be the only wedding we get to throw.
Ha ha. A joke that's funny in all countries.
- Sir? - What's in it?
Goat cheese, watercress and pancetta.
That's not food. No, I don't want it.
Everything's different here. I wanna go home.
I-I-I miss my family. I miss the coffeehouse.
I can't even remember what Phoebe looks like.
Joey, it's been three days.
Okay, you're just, just a little homesick, okay?
Would you just try to relax and just-just enjoy yourself?
You're different here too.
You're mean in England.
- What the hell? - What's up, dad?
Well, this bill for my half of the wedding. It's insane.
How can it be so much? The reception is at their house.
Flowers, liquor. Re-carpet first floor?
New guest bath. Landscaping.
I'm paying to remodel this guy's house.
I'm gonna give that son of a bitch a piece of my mind.
Hey, dad, calm down, please.
Look, I don't want anything to upset Emily tonight, alright?
She's had a hard enough couple of days as it is.
Now, here, here, let me go talk to him, okay?
Well, you tell him, "No one takes advantage of the Gellers."
Ooh, Jack, so..
Sometimes I forget how powerful you can be.
And I'm gonna go get drunk.
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
- Hi. - Hello.
Oh, hello.
Um, when is your next flight to London?
There's one leaving in 30 minutes.
- Oh, good. - And I do have one seat left.
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.
The last-minute fare on this ticket is $2700.
Oh, I just don't think I have enough left on my credit card.
Well, you can split it with another credit card.
Well, okay, h-how about, how about five?
Oh, thank you.
I-I'm just going to need to see your passport.
Okay, you know what, I-I don't have it
but I can tell you exactly where it is on my nightstand, and..
Okay, but you know what, okay, I have my
I have my driver's license and..
...I have a 20.
Look, face it, my father is not gonna pay
for the built-in barbecue.
And believe me, you can kiss your gazebo goodbye.
Now I might be able to get you the new lawn.
Ah, then you have to give us the lawn ornaments.
I go back there with lawn ornaments
he's gonna laugh in my face.
Will you say something, Steven?
Don't take that tone with me.
A-alright, you can.
- Hi, Pheebs. - Oh, thank God.
Oh, you changed your mind.
Oh, look, I know you probably wanna be alone.
You don't wanna talk about it. That's fine.
I just want you to know I think you're doing the right thing.
- And-- - Bye, Pheebs.
Wait. Where are you going?
What are you doing? No! Wait! God!
Why am I always pregnant when she does that?
[clinking]
I'd like to toast Ross and Emily.
Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding.
So, this is kind of my little toast, or..
...or Melba toast, if you will.
Okay.
I've known Ross for a long time, in fact I knew him
when he was, uh, going out with his first girlfriend.
And I thought things were really gonna work out for him
until the day he over-inflated her.
Oh, dear God.
[phone ringing]
Hello, Waltham Interiors.
Oh, hi, Mrs. Waltham.
I need to speak with, um, either one of the best men
or Ross' sister, Monica.
- Who is this? - Oh, I'm-I'm Phoebe Buffay.
I'm one of Ross' best friends.
Yeah, well, if you're one of Ross' best friends
why aren't you here?
Yeah, 'cause, um, I can't fly.
I'm having my brother's babies.
Oh!
Am I on the radio?
No. Um..
Can I talk to one of them? It's very, very important.
No, I'm bored of you now. I'm going to cut you off.
I'm sure we're all very excited uh, that Ross and Emily
are getting married at the Montgomery Hall.
I mean, to think my friend getting married in Monty Hall.
Oh, come on. Monty Hall? Let's make a deal.
Come on, you people.
Alright, forget it. Congratulations, Ross and Emily.
Hey. Best man number two, Joey Tribbiani.
Now, I'm not good with the jokes like Chandler here.
Boy..
But, uh, I just wanna say
congratulations to the happy couple.
I first met Ross in this coffeehouse back home.
Home, yeah.
New York City.
Where everybody knows my name.
Uh, anyway, uh, I love you guys.
But not as much as I love America.
Can we please go home now?
Are you going home?
I was hoping to get to know you better.
I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart.
I was laughing.
Out loud?
Well, I didn't want everyone to think I was stupid.
So how are you doing?
My mother's driving me crazy, but..
...Ross is getting married. I'm happy.
I'm not gonna let anything spoil that.
I just wanna say that Ross is a wonderful, young man.
Oh, thanks. We-we like him.
My God.
You must have been a teenager when you had him.
There's no way in hell I'm paying for it.
Look, we're down to just one point.
Could we please, maybe just settle it after the wedding?
Alright, fine, but I just wanna say
I'm not paying for your wine cellar, you thieving
would-be-speaking-German if-it-weren't-for-us
cheap, little man.
The guy was hammered, okay?
There's no way that you look like Ross' mother.
- Then why would he say it? - Because he's crazy, okay?
He came up to me earlier, and thanked me
for my very moving performance in "Titanic."
Oh, my mother's right. I'm never gonna get married.
Ah! You know what, that is..
Who wouldn't want you?
Oh, please, I'm a single mom with a 30-year-old son.
I'm getting married today! Woo!
- Morning, Ross. - I'm getting married today!
- Yeah, you are. - Woohoo!
You think he knew I was here?
Well, I've-I've never done that with you before.
Nope.
So, uh, how are you? H-h..
You okay?
Yeah. Yeah. You?
Oh, yes, yes. Uh-huh.
You?
We did you.
Mm-hmm.
Well..
- I better get going. - Okay, yeah, absolutely.
Could you not look?
I don't wanna look.
Oh!
- Uh, uh, excuse me. - Yeah.
If you're planning on doing that throughout the entire flight
please tell me now, so that I can take a sedative.
Or maybe slip you one.
It's just I'm, uh, I'm kind of excited.
I'm, uh, I'm going to London to, uh
to tell this guy that I love him.
[phone ringing]
- Hello. - Hey.
Where the hell have you been?
Hey, I spent the night out.
I met this cute bridesmaid.
- She is so-- - I don't wanna hear about her.
Oh, Pheebs, you know you're still my number one girl.
No, no, we have an emergency, okay?
Rachel's coming to London.
- Oh, great! - It's not great.
No, she's coming to tell Ross that she loves him.
- But he loves Emily. - I know that.
You have to stop her. She's gonna ruin the wedding.
Okay.
Okay, so now I've done my part, okay?
It's your responsibility now.
- The burden is off me, right? - Right.
So tell me about this girl.
Hey, have you seen Monica?
I'm not seeing Monica.
- What? - What?
Look, we-we gotta find her. Phoebe just called.
Rachel's coming to tell Ross she loves him.
- Oh, my God. - I know.
That's why we gotta find Monica. Do you know where she is?
No, okay? What's with the third degree?
Why don't you shine a light in my eyes?
And so then I realized, all this stuff that I had been doing
proposing to Joshua, lying to Ross
about why I couldn't come to the wedding was all just a way--
Oh, oh, oh!
I'm sorry. Can I interrupt?
Yeah, I just wanna say that you are a horrible
horrible person.
- Pardon me. - You say you love this man.
And yet you're about to ruin the happiest day of his life.
I'm afraid I have to agree with your friend, Pheebs.
This is a, this is a terrible, terrible plan.
But he has to know how I feel.
But why? He loves this-this Emily person.
No good can come of this.
Ah! Well, I-I think you're wrong.
Oh, no.
And by the way, it seems to be perfectly clear
that you were on a break.
[gasps]
Oh, my God!
It's like a fairyland.
I know. It's horrible, isn't it?
Well, I love it. Uh, I only hope my wedding looks this good.
- Uh, I just hope-- - You can let some of 'em go by.
Psst! Monica.
Alright, we really need to start looking out for Rachel.
I'll cover the front door, you watch that big hole
at the back of the building and I got Chandler covering Ross.
[scoffs] Why would I care where Chandler is?
I mean, you know, uh..
You know, sometimes I don't even like Chandler.
Okay.
(Ross) I do.
Oh, yeah, you're right. It's the second one.
Right.
- Hello, Joey. - Hey, Felicity.
Um, I thought about you all day.
Yeah?
Talk New York to me again.
- Forget about it. - Oh!
- How you doin'? - Mmm.
There's nothing to discuss, we're not
paying for your wine cellar.
You-you have to meet me in the middle here.
Hey, you keep pushing me on this
my foot's gonna meet the middle of your ass.
- Wh-what's going on? - Oh, uh, nothing, nothing.
- Everything's under control. - You want a piece of me, sir?
Is that what you're saying? You want a piece of me?
Okay, okay, that's it! Parents, parents, back away!
Alright, this is our wedding day.
From now on, everyone gets along
and if I hear one more word, no grandchildren.
- That's right. - Okay, okay.
Sorry, old boy. Sorry, sorry.
I could kill you with my thumb, you know?
What was all that about?
It was just a disagreement ov..
My God, you-you look beautiful.
Oh! Oh!
You are not meant to see me
before the wedding. It's bad luck.
You know what, I think we've had all the bad luck
we're gonna have.
[moaning]
[instrumental music]
Oh, my God. Rachel.
You're here. I can't believe it.
What happened? Why are you here?
Well, I just came..
[both chuckling]
I just needed to tell you..
...congratulations.
[instrumental music]
[phone ringing]
Hello, Waltham Interiors.
(Phoebe) 'Mrs. Waltham, hi, it's Phoebe again.'
Can I please, please, please talk to one of the best men?
I, this is gonna be the last time, I promise.
Joey, there's a girl on the phone for you.
Oh, great.
Hello?
Joey, it's Phoebe. Did you stop Rachel?
No, but it's okay. She just came in and gave him a hug.
- That's it. - So nothing got ruined.
- 'No.' - Oh, that's so great.
Oh, so what's going on now?
Uh..
I'm-I'm walking down the aisle.
Still walking.
And now, I'm at the front with Ross.
It's Phoebe.
He looks pretty mad.
Uh, I better go.
No, wait, wait wait. Oh, please ho-hold it up so I can listen.
- What we did last night was-- - Stupid.
Yeah, I mean totally crazy. Stupid.
What were we thinking?
I'm coming over tonight though, right?
Oh, yeah, definitely.
[instrumental "Here Comes The Bride"]
Friends, family, we are gathered to celebrate here today
the joyous union of Ross and Emily.
May the happiness we share with them today
'be with them always.'
'Now, Emily, repeat after me.'
I, Emily..
...take thee, Ross..
(male #1) '...as my lawfully wedded husband'
'in sickness and in health till death parts us.'
...as my lawfully wedded husband
in sickness and in health
until death parts us.
Now, Ross.
'Repeat after me.'
'I, Ross..'
I, Ross..
...take thee, Emily..
...take thee, Rachel..
Emily.
Uh, Emily.
Uh..
Shall I go on?
[indistinct chattering]
[theme music]