You know what, it seems like all of a sudden
so much is happening.
I know. Ross is getting married.
Phoebe's making people.
- Everybody's doing stuff. - And we just sit here.
I mean, if I died, the only way people would even know
that I was here would be by the ass print on this chair.
Look, we have to do something, okay?
Something huge.
[snaps finger]
We could climb Mt. Everest.
No. Not something stupid, something huge.
No, no, no, I saw an ad for this video.
People climb that thing every day.
We could totally do that.
Why not? I mean, it's just-it's just climbing.
It's just-it's just steep.
Yeah.
We're going to Everest, okay?
It'd be nice to leave an ass print on Everest.
- Hey. - Hey.
Well, what's up?
- We're gonna climb Mt. Everest. - Yeah, baby!
Really?
I looked into that.
Yeah, but I mean, it costs, like, $60,000.
And, you know, you could die.
And..
And you would die.
Oh, well.
We could get that Everest video though.
Yeah, we could do that without, you know
risking our lives at all.
(Joey) Hmm.
And while we're down at the video store
you know what else we could rent?
"Die Hard".
Oh, but you know what?
I just remembered, that Everest thing
is only available through mail order.
Oh, well.
So you guys will stay here and hang out with me?
- Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah.
But I'll tell you something.
One of these days, we're gonna get off our butts
and rent "Die Hard" again.
Yeah, we are!
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day ♪
♪ Your week your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪
[instrumental music]
So what did we decide?
Does your Uncle Nathan get an invite or not?
Oh, God, nobody likes him.
And he's so cheap.
I mean, he'd never fly
to London in a million years.
Yeah, invite him.
Hey, did I do these neat enough?
- Yeah. They're fine. - Yeah?
If anyone asks we'll say that Ben addressed them.
[chuckles]
Oh. So you invited Rachel, then?
Sure. Why not?
- Really? - Yeah.
Well, don't think I'd be comfortable
having any of my old lovers there.
Wait, wait, wait. Do you think maybe we shouldn't invite her?
Oh, no, no, Ross.
You know I absolutely adore Rachel.
It's just that..
Well, I thought it might be very awkward for you.
But it's absolutely your decision.
- More tea? - Yeah. Sure.
- Earl Grey? - Huh? Yeah, fine.
Yeah, invite whoever you want.
I don't want to be single, okay?
I just-I just, I just wanna be married again.
And I just want a million dollars!
- Rachel? - Oh, God, Monica. Hi.
- Hey. - Thank God.
Okay, everybody, this is Rachel.
Another Lincoln high survivor.
This is everybody. This is Chandler and-and Phoebe
and Joey and.. You remember my brother Ross?
- Sure! - Hey!
- Hi. Oh! - Oh, God!
You know, you probably didn't know this
but back in high school, I had a, um..
...major crush on you.
- I knew. - You did? Oh.
[chuckles]
I always figured you just thought
I was Monica's geeky older brother.
- I did. - Oh!
Listen, do you think..
And try not to let my intense vulnerability
become any kind of a factor here.
But do you think it would be okay if I asked you out?
Sometime, maybe?
Yeah.
Maybe.
Okay.
Okay, maybe I will.
See, I see, uh..
...big passion in your future.
- Really? - I do.
Oh, Ross, you're so great.
Oh.
Ah.
It's never gonna happen.
Yeah, I have a question.
Look, uh, actually, not so much a question
as more of a general wondering..
...ment.
- Okay? - Okay. Huh.
Um, well, for a while now, I've been wanting to, um..
- Oh! - Yes, yes.
- That's-that's right. - Look at that little kitty!
- What? - That little kitty!
[screaming]
♪ Top of the world lookin' ♪
♪ Down on creation ♪
♪ And the only explanation I can find.. ♪♪
Listen, missie, if you want this cart
you're gonna have to take me with it!
Yes! Did you see that?
- You were incredible! - Did you see that?
A brand-new woman, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you. Thank you. I could not have done this without you.
Okay, um, uh, more clothes in the dryer?
- Oh! - Oh!
I'm fine. I'm fine.
You have no right to tell me
you ever had feelings for me.
What?
I was doing great with Julie
before I found out about you.
Hey, I was doing great before I found out about you.
You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?
Well, the point is, I-I don't need this right now.
Okay? It's-it's too late.
I'm with somebody else, I'm happy.
- This ship has sailed. - Alright, fine.
You go ahead and you do that.
- 'Alright, Ross?' - Fine. Fine.
I don't need your stupid ship!
- Good. - Good.
Ah!
[sighs]
[sobbing]
[instrumental music]
[music intensifies]
Ross, do you realize this is the first time in my life
I'm doing something I actually care about?
This is the first time in my life I'm doing something
that I'm actually good at?
I mean, if you don't get that..
Okay, I get that. Okay?
I get that big time, and I'm happy for you
but I'm tired of having a relationship
with your answering machine, okay?
I don't know what to do anymore.
Well, neither do I!
Is this about Mark?
[sigh]
- Oh, my God! - Okay, it's not.
Oh, my God!
I cannot keep having this same fight over and over again, Ross.
No, you're-you're-you're making this too hard!
Oh, I'm, I'm making this too hard?
Okay, what do you want me to do?
I don't know. I don't know.
Look. Ohh. Maybe we should just take a break.
You're right. Let's, uh, let's take a break.
Let's cool off, okay?
Let's get some frozen yogurt or something.
(Rachel) No..
[sighs] A break from us.
Do I know why we're rushing?
Yeah, you know the-the girlfriend
I told you about last night?
Well, it turns out that she, uh, she wants
to get back together with me.
- Oh, I found it! - That's so great for you guys!
Yeah. Well..
Good luck with your girlfriend.
Oh, thank you. I-hey!
[giggling]
Rach...el!
Hi! Oh, you got my message, huh?
Yeah. Oh hey, you are right on time!
So, what do you say? Can I be your girlfriend again?
Yes, you can. Very much.
Ah!
I want you to leave. Get out of here.
- Just get out! Now! - No, no! No, I wanna stay.
I wanna talk about this.
Alright.
- How was she? - Uh-oh.
- Wh-what? - Was she good?
Don't answer that.
Come on, Ross, you said you wanted to talk about it.
Let's talk about it! How was she?
- She was.. - Awful.
- She was not good. Not good. - Horrible.
Nothing compared to you.
She was different.
- Ooh! - Uh-oh!
Good different?
Nobody likes change. I..
- Uhh! Just stop that! - What? Okay! Okay!
The way you owned up to everything
it just...showed me
how much you've grown, you know?
I mean, my mom never thought this would work out.
She was all, "Once a cheater always a cheater."
Mm-hmm?
Ohh.
I just wish we hadn't lost those four months.
But if time is what you needed
just to gain a little perspective.
[shouting] We were on a break!
- You seem to really like her. - Yeah, but what am I gonna do?
I mean, we-we both agreed it was gonna be
a two-week thing, you know, no commitment.
Ross, that girl just spent the entire evening
talking to your friends
asking to hear stories about you
looking through Monica's photo albums.
I mean, you don't do that
if you're just in it for two weeks.
You think?
You've got, like, 14 hours
until she has to be at the airport.
And you're sitting here in the hallway with a..
...28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.
[chuckles]
- Hey, you're right. - Yeah.
[instrumental music]
[mailbox door closes]
Oh, this is so amazing.
I can't believe my brother's getting married, and in London.
I mean, it's just, it's so romantic.
Hey, pretty smart.
Tissue paper.
You're at the wedding, you have to cry
"Handkerchief? No, no, I got my invitation."
Oh, look! Isn't this adorable?
Ross let Ben address mine.
- Hello. - 'Hey.'
Hey, did you get your invitation to Ross's wedding?
No.
Well, don't worry, man. I get to bring a guest.
We'll show him.
So jealous you're all going.
I can't believe I never knew
that you can't fly in your third trimester.
- I didn't know either. - I never knew that either.
I knew that.
I so didn't know that.
[chuckling] But you should see your faces.
- Hi, guys. What's up? - Hey.
- We're hanging out.
What's this?
Is this Ross's wedding invitation?
See, maybe that's the one we should have actually hidden.
Oh, no, no, you guys. Come on. You don't have to do that.
I'm-I'm happy for him.
I am. I really, I'm-I'm-I..
I'll work on it.
I'm sorry, honey.
Hmm.
Rach, you're gonna come though, aren't you?
Oh, honey. I don't know. I..
This isn't one of those, you know
"She doesn't come, we-we don't-we don't come," right?
Because I already bought my ticket..
You know what would be real weird?
Is if you weren't there.
Just say you'll think about it, okay?
No, I'll think about it. Yeah.
[instrumental music]
- Who's this from? - Oh, that's Ross'.
Oh.
[clears throat]
(Rachel) Oh, my God.
He remembered!
Remembered what?
It was like months ago.
We were walking by this antique store
and I saw this pin in the window
and I told them that it was just like one
my grandmother had when I was a little girl.
Oh, I can't believe he remembered.
This must have cost him a fortune.
- I can't believe he did this. - Come on. Ross?
Remember back in college
when he fell in love with Carol and bought her
that ridiculously expensive crystal duck?
What did you just say?
[mumbling]
Oh...my God.
(woman on PA system) 'Flight number 457 from Beijing, now arriving.'
Oh, my God.
Ross and I were in grad school together.
Yeah, but we haven't seen each other since then.
Well, I land in China.
Guess who's in charge of the dig.
Julie!
Julie, isn't that great?
I mean, isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch
spit-on-your-neck fantastic?
Oh, that is so sweet.
No.
No, okay. No, you hang up. No, you..
Okay. Okay.
One, two, three.
Well, you didn't hang up either.
- She didn't hang up. - She didn't hang up either.
Okay, no. No, you hang up.
You, you, you..
Ross? Hi. It's Rachel.
I'm just calling to say that, um, everything's fine.
And I'm really happy for you.
And your cat.
So, obviously, I am over you.
I am over you.
And that, my friend, is what they call "closure".
Rach, I got a message from you.
Oh, my God, Ross, no. Hang up the phone.
Give me the phone. Ross, give me the phone.
Give me the phone. Give me the goddamned phone!
Give me the phone.
You're over me?
Oh, God.
- What, you're, uh.. - Oh, God.
You're-you're over me?
When were you..
...under me?
Basically..
[clears throat] Lately, I've, uh..
...I've, uh, sort of had feelings for you.
Okay, I need to lie down.
He broke up with Julie.
[Joey chuckles]
Well, go hug her for God's sakes!
- Really? - Really.
It's always been you, Rach.
Oh, God.
- Aww! - Aww!
Listen, I'm sorry I had to work tonight.
Oh, it's okay.
You were worth the wait.
Oh.
And I don't just mean tonight.
♪ I never dreamed ♪
♪ That I'd meet somebody like you ♪
♪ I never dreamed ♪
♪ That I'd meet somebody like you.. ♪♪
- Oh. - Oh.
Ah! Oh, God!
Oh, honey.
Oh, that's okay.
Oh, no, you just rolled over the juice box.
Gunther, please tell me you didn't say anything to Rachel
about me and the girl from the copy place.
I'm sorry.
Was I not supposed to?
Oh, hey, you're the one who ended it. Remember?
Yeah, because I was mad at you
not because I stopped loving you.
- You still love me? - No.
What does this mean? What are you..
I mean, do you want to... get back together?
No. Maybe.
I don't, I don't know.
I just, I feel..
You know, I can't believe I even thought
of getting back together with you.
We are so over!
[sobbing] Oh, oh, uh.
Fine by me!
And hey! Just so you know. It's not that common.
It doesn't happen to every guy and it is a big deal!
I knew it!
[instrumental music]
(Judy) Rachel's coming out. Doesn't she look pretty, Jack?
- Oh, my God! - You know what this is?
This is us getting ready for the prom.
- Oh! - You know what? You guys.
We don't have to watch this.
- Yeah, we do. - 'Yeah, it's fun.'
- Come on! - Come on!
(Judy on TV) 'Get a shot of Monica.'
(Jack) 'Wait. How do you zoom out?'
'There she is.'
- Whoa! - Shut up!
The camera adds ten pounds.
Huh, so, how many cameras are actually on you?
(Monica on TV) 'Dad, turn it off!'
- It is off. - It's not.
(Jack) 'Right, Ross?'
Oh, come on.
Looking good, Mr. Kotter.
I can't go to my own prom without a date.
I can't. It's too late.
You know, if you're not going, then I don't wanna go either.
I have a wonderful idea.
You should take Rachel to the prom.
You know, I think we've seen enough. Let's turn it off.
- No, no. - No, no, I wanna see.
Okay, fine. Well, I'm not gonna watch, alright.
(Jack on TV) 'Come on, kid. Let's go.'
(Judy) 'Are you handsome.'
(Jack) 'Let's show 'em.'
[chuckles]
Okay, dad.
Rachel, ready or not.
Here comes your knight in shining..
Oh, no.
(Monica) Bye! Don't wait up!
(Rachel) Okay, Chip! Let's go.
(Judy) 'Oh, dear.'
'Jack, how do I turn this off?'
I can't believe you did that.
Yeah, well..
See? He's her lobster.
[instrumental music]
No!
- You're really not going? - Yeah.
It's just gonna be too hard.
You know, I mean..
...it's Ross.
How can I watch him get married?
You know, it's just, it's for the best, you know?
It is. It's..
You know, plus, somebody's got to stay here with Phoebe.
You know, she's gonna be pretty big by then and..
She'll need someone to help her tie her shoes.
Drive her to the hospital
in case she goes into labor and..
You don't have a car.
And your license expired.
Yeah, see, there's so much to do
and I have so little time to do it in.
[instrumental music]
Right. Check it out. Check this out.
Says here there's a place you can go
to rent videos of all the museums.
"It's almost as good as being there."
It's better.
You can't go to a museum in your underwear.
Well, you could, but probably just the one time.
I bet we could get videos of all the sights.
Get a VCR in a hotel room
we'd never even have to go outside.
If we do that, we've got to rent "Die Hard".
Oh-ho, I bet the British version is good.
[theme music]