[instrumental music]
What is it, hon?
Nothing, I ju.. can't find anything that I wanna eat.
Everything makes me nauseous.
I'm telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cake.
Ooh, cake.
No.
- See? - Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
God...ooh.
What is that smell?
It's coming from the bathroom. Ooh.
Wow, pregnancy does give you some weird cravings.
[knocking]
- 'Yeah?' - It's me, it's Phoebe.
Listen, there's something in here I wanna eat.
What, what..
What smells so good?
Is it the shampoo? It's guava.
No.
- Eww. - Oh, wait, wait.
Is it my bologna sandwich?
[sighs]
Yes, yes, yes.
Can't believe that the baby wants bologna.
The baby wants me to eat meat, I can't eat meat.
Uhh. Oh, wait, wait.
Maybe it's a pickle.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day ♪
♪ Your week your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Cause you're there for me too ♪♪
[instrumental music]
What are you writing?
Well, Joshua's coming in tomorrow
and since I don't have the guts to ask him out.
I'm gonna sell him a coat
and put this note in the pocket.
Oh, yeah?
"Joshua, give me a call sometime."
"Guys like you..
...never go out of style."
What did you throw away?
- Hi, guys. - Hi.
Hey, hey, Emily, what have you guys been up to?
Oh, we went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs
at the Cooper Hewitt Museum.
Without me?
My uncle dragged us there.
But it actually turned out to be really interesting.
Yeah.
They were so ornate and beautiful.
I mean, look at that.
I don't know how museums work in England
but here, you're not supposed to take stuff.
I, uh, I got it from the gift shop.
They have really lax security there.
It's...a joke.
(Ross) Alright.
Right. I've got to be off, I'll see you. Bye-bye, then.
(all) Bye.
Well, hey, you guys seem to be having a good time.
Oh, yeah, she's-she's amazing
and-and she's so much fun, you know?
And you know what, when I'm with her, I'm fun.
I even signed up for helicopter classes.
She's leaving in two days. I don't have to do it.
Wow, two days, you must be bummed.
Yeah, she's got to go back to London.
But you know what?
I've been prepared for this from the start.
We both knew we had two weeks together
and then-and then that's it, you know?
Hey, that's what all my relationships are like.
Yes, but in Ross's case.
They both know in two weeks that's it.
Pheebs.
(all) Hey.
- Oh, hello, hello. - I know, I know. Yeah.
So, the baby is totally craving meat.
This afternoon, I tried tricking it.
I made it a soy burger so that maybe it would think
it was getting meat, you know?
And I got nauseous.
Well, maybe that's because soy burgers suck.
Now, being pregnant is hard on your tummy.
Hey, but at least you get that cool pregnant lady glow.
Oh, that's sweat. You throw up all morning.
You'll have that glow, too.
[instrumental music]
- Okay. - Oh.
Uh, here's that trench coat that you wanted.
Oh, great. Great.
Wow, yeah. It's comfortable.
- Yeah. - Man.
I could really flash somebody in this thing.
Oh, no, no, they don't want you to
put your hands in the pockets
until you are out of the store.
Why not?
Well, because..
We get a lot of..
You know, they ruin it for everybody.
I know.
You know, I wore that Cashmere sweater on a date last night.
- Oh. - Yeah.
It was the first date since the, uh, since the divorce.
Well, congratulations. So, do you love her?
No, no, no.
She's nice, but you know, it just made me realize
I'm just-I'm just not ready to..
...to be dating, you know?
Huh.
Well.
Uh..
That's, uh..
That's interesting.
Hey, whoa. Hey, hey. What was that?
Oh, it's just an anti-theft device.
Then, uh, wh-what's this?
Well, you need that, you need that too, because, obviously
a thief could just tear this right up.
[instrumental music]
Oops. Sorry.
Listen, we-we have to have a party tonight.
Actually, we have to have one in five minutes.
So, everybody cancel your plans.
- What are you talking about? - Yeah, what's goin' on?
We have to have a surprise bon voyage party for Emily.
But it's actually for Joshua.
Look. He said he's not ready to date.
So I had to invite him to a party
if I wanted to see him outside of work.
And now I have created the perfect
opportunity to seduce him.
Well, as much as I'd like to meet Josh
and warn him..
...Emily and I aren't gonna be here.
Alright, I mean, she's gonna come by first to say good-bye
and then I've got a whole special evening planned
so, sorry, no party.
Aw.
- Hello. - Surprise!
(all) Surprise.
No one's ever thrown me a surprise party before.
Well, it was all Ross' idea.
You're so sweet.
And I'm so surprised.
You really didn't know?
[Cornershop singing "Brimful Of Asha"]
♪ There's dancin' ♪
♪ Behind movie scenes.. ♪♪
Why are you over here if Joshua's all the way over there?
Uh, because I'm trying to play hard to get.
Oh, quick. He's looking over here, say something funny.
Like what?
[laughing]
Wh-wh-what's so funny?
I said "like what?"
Now, that's a thinker.
Okay, you know what. You know what.
This-this playing hard to get thing is not working.
Uh...hand me those cherries.
Okay.
- Hi. - Hey.
Care for a cherry?
- Oh, no, thanks. - No?
You know, I can tie one of these into a knot
using just my tongue.
[choking]
[coughing]
You okay?
You alright?
So, we should probably, get going soon.
Oh, but the party's only just getting started.
Yeah, but, we have to be at the Four Seasons for drinks
in, oh, 15 minutes, and then, uh, you know
then The Plaza for dinner.
So, why did you plan a party at the same time?
No, no, no.
Um, actually, American surprise parties
are-are-are very short.
It's usually "surprise".
And then, "oh, my God, I'm so surprised. Good-bye."
Ross, I'm having such a great time.
Your sister has just been telling me
that you used to dress up like little old ladies
and host make believe tea parties.
- Monica said that, did she? - Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Then what are you going to put on top of that?
- A little salami. - S-s-s.
Ooh, yeah, yeah.
Then, um, what goes on top of the salami?
- Oh, pastrami. - Oh, yeah.
You're a genius.
Oh, could somebody give me a hand with the zipper?
Yeah.
Up.
- You changed? - Yeah.
I decided I needed my lucky dress.
And lucky means more cleavage?
It does for me.
Oh, God, look at him, he's so cute.
I just want to go over there and grab him and kiss him.
How could I kiss him without letting him know
that I like him?
Oh, hey, I know how you can get him.
Take off your bra.
What?
There was a scene in "Footloose".
- "Flashdance". - Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, with that-that-that plumber girl--
She was a welder.
What were you, like, in the movie, or..?
Anyway, she takes off her bra under the shirt
and pulls it out the sleeve.
Very sexy, and classy.
Or, if you wanna kiss him
um, you could use mistletoe.
- Oh, it's not Christmas. - Or-or spin the bottle.
And he's not 11.
Thank you so much for this.
It was really so thoughtful of you.
- What, you're leaving? - Yes.
We have something we have to get to.
Yeah. I think I'm gonna take off, too, actually.
No! You guys, you can't leave yet.
You have to stay. We..
We've got the whole big thing planned.
What big thing?
(Rachel) So, spin the bottle works like this.
I spin the bottle..
...lands on Gunther.
So, I would have to kiss Gunther.
Alright.
Who wants to go first?
- I'll go. - Hey!
- Okay. - Emily, whoo.
Welcome to America.
Alright.
(Rachel) 'Oh! You guys!'
(Monica) Guys! Two in a row.
You got to use your tongues now.
- Your turn. - Alright.
- Uhh. - What are the odds?
(Chandler) 'What are the odds?'
Okay. Th-that's enough, you know?
Let's, let someone else play.
If you didn't wanna play then why'd you come to the party?
Okay. My turn!
- Oh. - Ohh.
(Rachel) Look at that.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, the baby just kicked.
It's okay, it's okay. If it kicked once, it'll kick again.
[clamoring]
Alright.
Well, everybody just remember where they were sitting.
It was a bug.
You know, it doesn't matter how much I'm craving it.
You know why I'm never going to eat meat?
'Cause it's murder. It's cold-blooded murder.
Okay.
There's a Phoebe on my sandwich.
Mmm.
Phoebe, wh-what are you doing?
I can't help it.
I need the meat. The baby needs the meat.
Alright, look, you know how, you know when you're dating someone
and you don't want to cheat on them
unless it's with someone really hot?
- Yeah. Totally. - Alright. Okay.
Well, this is the same kind of deal.
If you're gonna do something wrong..
...do it right.
[instrumental music]
You feel better now?
Yeah, but at what cost?
Six more months, three meals a day.
I'm gonna eat like, you know..
...millions of cows.
Hey, what if I said I could even things out for you?
- Meat-wise? - What?
Well, I eat a lot of meat.
- Right? - Yeah.
But suppose, until the baby's born
I laid off it.
No extra animals would die.
You-you'd just be eating my animals.
Joey, I can't believe you would do that for me.
Absolutely.
I could be a vegetarian.
There's no meat in beer, right?
Okay, we can still make dinner if we skip the appetizers
and ask for our check right away.
We can't go now. It looks like Rachel's gonna put on a skit.
Oh, my God.
Have you lost your mind?
No, no, no. I am finally thinking clearly.
My lucky dress wasn't working out too well for me
but for four years, this baby never missed.
Rachel, Rachel, Rachel, I-I cannot, I can't let..
Actually, I kind of wanna see what happens.
- Hey. - Hi, hey.
Nice, uh...costume.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I wanted to give Emily
a big, American good-bye cheer.
So, okay.
Whoo!
Ready? Okay.
Give me an "E".
(all) E!
- Give me an "M". - M!
- Give me an "I". - 'I!'
- Give me an "L". - 'L!'
- Give me a "Y". - Y!
What do you get?
Whoa! Emily.
Whoo. Emily!
(Rachel) 'Ow!'
Okay, so that's me as a cheerleader. Ta-dum.
- You okay? - You alright?
Fine. I'm fine. I just loosened a tooth.
It's no big deal. I have a dentist. You know?
I'll go put some ice on it. Excuse me.
What do I do now? What do I do now?
I think you're done.
Okay. Time to take off the bra.
[groans]
Uh, that was... really, uh, great.
But I-I got to take off, actually.
Take the bra off.
Alright, come on, let's go get your coat.
Okay.
Rachel is my girlfriend.
So this was, uh, really fun.
Oh, yeah. It's real fun.
You know, this bra..
...really bothering me.
Ugh!
You know, this used to be my bedroom....
Yeah.
Lot of memories in here.
Lot of memories.
If these walls could talk, you know what they'd say?
Wanna hear some memories?
Need a.. Need a little hand there?
Oh, no, no. No, I got this all under control.
You really don't seem like you do. That's..
[grunts]
[yells]
Forget it!
Ohh! This is..
This is not how this was supposed to happen.
Well, what was supposed to happen?
Can you not look at me when I say this?
I thought that if I could get you here
I could seduce you.
Huh.
[sighs]
Uh...I-I don't wear..
...suits to work.
And I bought six of them from you.
Well, I'm sorry. I thought you needed 'em.
No, no, no.
My point is I kept coming back
because...I wanted to see you.
- Why? - Because I-I like you.
You like me?
[chuckles] Yeah.
I mean, you're-you're beautiful and smart and sophisticated.
Lot of this isn't, you know, based on tonight.
- Yeah, but-but you like me? - Yeah.
Oh, my God, I can't believe this.
All this time I liked you and you liked me.
Oh!
- But-- - No, no. Don't say but.
No, no, no. But's never good. Just let's leave it at.
I like you and you like me.
Okay, uh, however--
Oh, now, see, that's a fancy but.
My marriage, like, just ended.
And I'm really not ready
to get into anything yet.
But..
I'm sorry. I-I just need a little time.
Okay.
[door opens]
Oh, there you are. I was looking for you before.
Joshua's gone so you and Emily are free to go.
It's okay.
She's still in there enjoying her fake party and, uh..
...it's too late to do any of the stuff I had planned, so..
Oh, Ross.
I'm sorry. I completely ruined your evening.
[clears throat] Yeah.
Well, if it makes you feel any better
I made a fool of myself.
Helps a little.
Is there room on that step for a pathetic loser?
Yeah. Have a seat.
I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
I mean, it was just a two-week thing anyway.
I just didn't want it to end this way, you know?
Or maybe you didn't want it to end.
What do you mean?
You seem to really like her.
Yeah. I really do.
Yeah, but what am I gonna do?
I mean, we-we both agreed it was gonna be a two-week thing.
You know, no commitment.
Ross.
That girl just spent the entire evening
talking to your friends.
Asking to hear stories about you.
Looking through Monica's photo albums.
I mean, you don't do that
if you're just in it for two weeks.
You think?
Yeah. Look, you've got, like, 14 hours
until she has to be at the airport.
And you're sitting here in a hallway
with a...28-year-old cheerleader with a fat lip.
[chuckles]
- Yeah. You're right. - Yeah.
Thanks.
What photo album was it?
I don't know. It was you and a bunch of albino kids.
Oh, my God. Those weren't albino kids.
That was computer camp.
Rach!
- Hey. - Hey.
You're a pathetic loser, right?
[chuckles] Oh, yeah.
Sit.
Hi.
Oh, my God. Joshua.
Look..
All those things I said about...I'm not being ready.
- They're not true. - No.
They're-they're all true.
Oh.
But..
Oh.
[sighs] Oh, I love that "but".
Um, do you wanna go inside and get some coffee?
- Yeah. - Okay.
[clears throat]
Every time.
Ooh! What you got there?
- Pastrami. - Oh, ho, ho. Yeah.
Hey, you know what goes good with that?
Mm-hmm. Corned beef.
Ooh, I was going to say bologna, but that's much better.
Hey, how about a little of that smoked turkey?
Okay.
Oh, mama.
How, when-when, when is the baby due?
- Six months. - Oh.
Hey, now if a cow should die of natural causes
I can have one of those, right?
Not if I get there first.
[theme music]