(together) 'Yes. Yes. Yes. Come on, come on.'
[groaning]
Hey, it's your Thanksgiving too.
You know, instead of watching football, you could help.
(together) We know.
Oh, Rachel, you wanna put the marshmallows
in concentric circles.
No, Mon, you wanna put them in concentric circles.
I want to do this.
Every year.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week your month ♪
♪ Or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me to-o-o ♪
[commentary on TV]
You know, for once, I am gonna sit down
and try to watch one of these things.
Half time.
Hey, who wants to, uh, throw the ball around a little?
Maybe get a little three-on-three going.
Oh, that would be so much fun.
Oh, can I play too? I've never played football, like, ever.
Great. You can cover Chandler.
No, no, I don't, I don't really wanna play.
Come on, man, you never wanna do anything
since you and Janice broke up.
That's not true.
I wanted to wear my bathrobe
and eat peanut clusters all day.
I wanted to start drinking in the morning.
Don't say that I don't have goals.
Chandler, you have to start getting over her, alright?
If you play, you get some fresh air.
Maybe you'll take your mind off Janice.
And if you don't play, everyone'll be mad at you
'cause the teams won't be even. Come on.
Yeah, alright. I'll play.
- Yay! - Let's do it.
- Ross? - What?
Wanna play football?
Um, Monica and I
aren't supposed to play football.
Says who, your mom?
- Yeah. - Yes.
Well, every-every Thanksgiving, um..
...we used to have a touch football game
called The-The Geller Bowl.
No, no, no. You say that proudly.
Anyway, Ross and I were always captains
and, um, it got kind of competitive
and one year, Geller Bowl six
I accidentally broke Ross's nose.
It was so not an accident.
She saw I was about to tag her
so she threw her big, fat grandma-arm elbow in my face.
- Just kept running. - Yeah.
To score the winning touchdown, by the way.
Whoa, whoa. Ho, ho, ho!
Uh, you did not win the game.
The touchdown didn't count
because of the spectacularly illegal..
Oh, and by the way, savage nose breaking.
- I won the game. - 'Oh, yeah?'
Then how come you didn't get the Geller Cup?
[clears throat] There was a Geller Cup?
Yes, it was the trophy you got if you won the game
but our dad said nobody won that game
and he was sick of our fighting
so he took the trophy..
...threw it in the lake.
And was the curse lifted?
Anyway..
...that's when mom said we were not allowed
to play football again.
You know what?
I think we should play a game.
I mean, come on, it's been 12 years.
Can I see you for a second?
[whispering]
Wuss!
Alright, we're gonna play.
Well, wait a minute though, how we gonna get there?
Because my mom won't let me cross the street.
- Hey. - Alright, Pheebs.
- Okay, let's bring it in. - Wait, no. Honey? Honey.
Throw it to me, throw it to me.
Here you go.
[shrieks]
That almost hit me in the face.
Alright, we have to pick captains.
And then Tennilles.
Okay, so how do we decide that?
Well, why don't we just bunny up?
(together) What?
- Bunny! - Bunny.
Okay, looks like Ross and I are captains.
Okay, so, um, I bunnied first.
So that means I get to pick first.
- Right. - Joey.
Thank you.
Monica?
I'm your best friend.
Sweetie, don't worry. You'll get picked.
(Ross) Chandler.
- Ross. - Phoebe.
Sweetie, now I pick you.
You don't pick me. You're stuck with me.
Okay, alright. So let's see.
Let's play from the trash can
to the light post, alright?
Two-hand touch. We'll kick off.
(Monica) Alright, people, listen.
I've got exactly 28 minutes..
...before I have to baste again.
Wow, just like in the pros.
Come on, gang. Huddle up!
Alright, huddle up. Right over here.
Wait for me, wait for me. Wait for me.
Oh, cool. This is my first huddle.
Okay, so what do you guys really think of Chandler?
Phoebe, y-you know what you're doing, right?
- Yeah. - Okay.
Alright, Joey's gonna catch it.
And you and I are gonna block.
What's block?
Phoebe, I thought you said you knew what you were doing.
I thought you meant in life.
Break.
The ball is Janice, the ball is Janice.
Ow! Ow!
Oh, son of a...ow!
- Come on. - Sorry. I'm sorry.
You know what, we're just gonna throw it.
- I got it. - Come on. Go, go, go.
[grunting]
[cheering]
(Monica) 'Yes. Score.'
Seven to nothing.
Honey, are you okay?
Come on, let's go.
Oh! Losers walk.
Yeah? Losers talk.
No, no. Actually, losers rhyme.
Forty three, Seventy four..
- You wanna go shotgun? - Yeah.
- Hike. - One Mississippi.
Two Mississippi, three Mississippi.
Over here, over here. Oh!
Ha! I almost caught that one.
Yeah, great. Now the score's seven to almost seven.
Okay.
This play, I want you do a down
and out to the right. Okay?
- Okay. - Break.
Wait. What am I gonna do?
You...you go long.
Well, how long?
Until we start to look very small.
- Break. - Break.
Set, hike.
One Mississippi, two Mississippi.
Switch, switch, switch.
No, no, no, no.
Ha.
Hey, thanks for stopping our ball.
You are playing American Football?
Yeah. Wow.
You're, like, from a whole other country.
I'm Dutch.
H-Hi. I'm Joey.
I'm Margha.
I'm sorry, Dutch. I didn't get that last little bit.
Hey, Joey, you wanna play football or you wanna..
Hi. I'm Chandler.
Hello, Chandler.
H-Her name is Dutch, and also Marc-hum.
- Margha. - Marc-ha.
Mar-gha.
♪ Marghan ♪♪
Come on, guys, let's go.
Come on, second down.
- Uh, hello, it's third down. - No, it's not. It's second.
- Wow. - Wow, what?
It just amazes me that you're still pulling stuff like this.
Pulling what? It's second down.
Okay, it's second down.
Take all the second downs you need.
- I heard that. - Well, I said it loud.
It is okay if I stay and watch?
Yeah, why don't you stick around.
As long as you need to.
- Well, that went well. - I think so.
You know I was thinking about asking her for her number.
Thanks, man but I think it makes a stronger statement
if I ask for it myself, you know.
Whoa, oh, oh, oh.
No, I was thinking about, you know, for me.
As part of that whole "getting over Janice" thing
you were talking about.
Oh, yeah. That.
Alright. If it means that much to you, I'll let you have her.
Thanks.
What, "let me have her"? What do you mean?
Like, if you didn't, I wouldn't have a shot?
Well, I don't like to say it out loud but..
...yeah.
Don't feel bad, man. We all have our strengths.
You're better with numbers and stuff.
Math!
You're giving me math?
Alright, look. You know what?
Forget about it.
You go for the girl.
We'll see who gets her.
Chandler, I want you to run a post pattern
to the left, okay? And sweetie--
Yeah, I know. Go long.
You know, it's like all I'm doing is running
back and forth from the huddle.
Well, uh...you wanna just stay out there?
- Can I see that for a sec? - Yeah.
Okay.
- Okay, let's go. - Alright.
- 'I got you.' - Hut, hike.
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi.
Fumble!
[screaming]
What the hell's the matter with you?
It's my favorite jersey.
Well, now you have two.
Hey, I am good at math.
Alright, that's it, you know, I was still gonna let you have her
but now, forget about it.
Prepare to feel very bad about yourself.
Hey, well, I've been preparing for that my entire life.
Or something about you that's mean.
Alright, come on, guys, let's go.
Tie score. Running out of time.
Forty two, 38, hike.
[ringing]
Oh, I got it.
[grunts] Oh, broken boobs!
Ow.
- Phoebe, run. - Run Phoebe. Run.
Yes, touchdown, touchdown.
(Joey) 'Oh-h! Oh.'
No, no, no.
Uh, hello. The buzzer buzzed.
It doesn't count.
- After the snap. - Before the snap.
- After. - Before.
Now does it really matter?
(all) Yes.
But, okay. I made a touchdown.
It was my first touchdown. So.
Oh, Pheebs, that's great.
It doesn't count.
Does so count.
Cheater, cheater, compulsive eater.
[gasps]
Oh, my God.
You know what? That's fine.
Maybe you haven't grown up but I have.
Oh, okay.
Dead leg!
[moaning] Okay, okay, fine, fine.
Alright, you wanna win by cheating? Go ahead.
Alright. Phoebe, the touchdown does count. You win.
- Oh, yay. - No.
Listen, I'm not gonna go through this with you again, okay?
Just once, I wanna beat you when you can't blame it
on the broken nose or the buzzer
or the fact you thought you might be getting mono.
Alright, let's just call this tie score and it's half time.
Okay, first of all, I don't play with cheaters
and second of all you know I had swollen glands!
You know what?
- I think you'll play. - Oh, really? Why is that?
Because the winner gets this.
The Geller Cup.
Is everybody else seeing a troll doll
nailed to a two by four?
(all) Ha-huh!
Okay, good.
Okay, okay. Where the hell did you get that?
When mom and dad drove you to the hospital
to get your nose fixed, I swam into the lake
and fished it out.
- That cup is mine. - No, it's not.
You want it, you're gonna have to win it.
Alright, so are we not having dinner at all?
Come on, Phoebe. Let's go. Come on.
It's time to get serious. Huddle up.
Joey, keep your head in the game.
It's hard, you know?
His huddle's closer to the Dutch girl.
Alright, look, if I take Chandler out of the running
will you be able to focus?
What are you gonna do?
You just make sure he catches the ball.
- I'll take care of the rest. - Okay.
- Break. - Here you go.
(Rachel) 'Alright, come on.'
(Ross) 'Go, Chandler, Chandler.'
'Come on, come on. This way, this way.'
- Hi. - 'Look out.'
[grunting]
Whoa! Whoa!
Tackled by a girl.
Bet you don't see that every day, do you?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's with the tackling?
What?
I just touched him and he went over.
Okay. You wanna play rough? We can play rough.
(male narrator) Let's get ready to rumble!
[laughing]
[techno music]
♪ Y'all ready for this ♪
Here.
[screams]
[screaming]
♪ Yeah ♪
(Ross) 'Go, go, go.'
[music continues]
Okay, hut!
♪ Yeah ♪
I love this game!
Hey, where'd you get that?
I went really long.
42 to 21!
Like the turkey, Ross is done!
It's no surprise that you're winning.
'Cause you got to pick first
so you got the better team.
You're so pathetic.
Why can't you accept it?
We're winning because I'm better than you.
[snorting]
Oh, what a great argument! Exhaling.
Alright! You know what? I'll prove it to you, okay?
I'll trade you Joey for Rachel
and I'll still win the game.
What, t-the guys against the girls?
See, that's ridiculous, Monica
because I'm only down by three touchdowns.
Oh...then bring it on.
Oh, unless, of course you're afraid you might lose
to a bunch of girls.
[giggles]
Fine, fine.
Rachel, you're with Monica.
Joey, you're with me.
I cannot believe you are trading me.
Come on, Rach, come on, let's see what it's like to be on
a winning team for a change.
You're gonna let me play?
Alright, then.
The game is over? We eat now?
No, no, no. The game's not over. We're just switching teams.
Yeah, Chandler finds me so intimidating
that it's better if we're on the same team.
Right, okay, let's play. Let's go.
Oh, uh, hold on a second, Joe.
[clears throat] Where do Dutch people come from?
Uh, well, the, uh..
...Pennsylvania Dutch come from Pennsylvania.
And the, uh, other Dutch people?
They come from somewhere near the Netherlands, right?
Nice try.
You see, the Netherlands is this make-believe place
where Peter Pan and Tinkerbell come from.
Oh, my.
Enough with Geography for the insane, okay?
Let's play some ball, guys.
Whoa, no, no, uh-uh.
I'm not playing with this guy now.
- Oh, fine with me. - Okay.
You know what, I've had enough of this.
Let's just cut to the chase here, okay?
Heidi, which of my boys do you like?
- 'What are you doing?' - 'What're you doing?'
Shh. Shh.
- Which do I like? - 'Yeah, you know.'
For dating, general merriment
taking back to your windmill.
Well, if I had to choose right now..
...which, by the way, I find really weird.
I would have to say...Chandler.
Yes!
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
She obviously didn't understand the question.
Well, why don't you have Captain Hook explain it to her?
I'm sorry, Joey. That is my truth.
You hear that, that is her truth
Mr. I'll-let-you-have-her.
I win. You suck.
I rule all. Mini-wave and celebration to me!
A woo-hoo!
I am now thinking I would like to change my answer to..
...no one.
W-w-what?
I now find you shallow and, um..
...a dork.
Bye-bye.
[chuckles] Nice going.
You just saved yourself a couple months of sex.
You know what? It doesn't matter.
Because she picked me.
A-me, from now on, I get the dates
and you have to stay home on Saturday nights
watching "Ready, Set, Cook."
Save the breakthroughs for therapy, okay?
The clock is ticking.
We have no time and we are losing.
We are losing to girls.
We're not gonna lose to girls.
Hey, it's 42 to 21.
Oh, this sucks.
I was just up by that much.
Are we playing football or what?
Come on, you hairy-backed Marys.
We have to do this. We are playing for women everywhere.
Okay, just think about every lousy date you ever had, okay?
Every guy who kept one eye on
the TV while you were making out.
Oh, my god, you dated someone
with a glass eye too?
Come on, okay? Come on, this is for all womankind.
- Let's kill 'em. - Yeah! Kill 'em.
Alright, well, no, I mean I want to kill them too
but they're boys.
You know, how are we gonna beat three boys?
[Dick Dale singing "Miserlou"]
[grunting]
[groaning]
[music continues]
Okay, we still have a minute and a half left to go
and we're down by two points, okay?
Two points, ladies.
[high-pitched babbling]
Phoebe, you do a buttonhook again.
Rachel, you go long.
No. Come on, don't make me go long.
Use me. They never cover me.
Honey, there's a reason.
[sighs]
Come on, I am not lame, okay?
I can do something. I can throw.
Would you let me throw? Come on, this is my game too.
Come on, Mon, let her throw the ball.
Alright, Rachel, you sweep behind, I'll pitch it to you
you throw it down the hill to Phoebe, alright?
- Thank you. Thank you. - Break. Break.
Okay.
Thirty-two, seventy-one, hike.
(Chandler) 'One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi!'
[screams]
- Mon, catch it. - Ow!
- Oh, God! - I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
- No, I'm not okay. - I'm sorry.
They were just all coming at me and I didn't know what to do.
Thirty seconds left on the timer.
Okay, okay, so we get to take that, uh
stupid troll-thing home.
No, you don't. Come on, come on, hurry.
We're running out of time.
- Huddle up. - 'Okay.'
Oh, oh, this is our last huddle.
Alright, Phoebe, get open.
Rachel...go long.
Okay.
Break.
[instrumental music]
[music continues]
[screams] I scored a touchdown!
We did it. We win.
Yes.
You know, Rachel, funny thing
actually, the end zone starts at that pole
so you're five feet short, so..
[chuckles] We win.
Whoo!
- Yes, yes, yes. - Wait, wait, wait.
So explain something to me, though.
If-if nobody tagged Rachel
then isn't the play still going?
- I got it. I got it. - I got it.
- Let go. Let go. - Let me in, let me in.
No way. Let go. Let go.
Let go? I'm a tiny little woman.
Guys, guys, come on. It's Thanksgiving.
It's not important who wins or loses.
The important thing is
the Dutch girl picked me.
Me, not you. Holland loves Chandler.
Thank you Amsterdam. Good night.
Ow!
We should definitely play football more often.
Maybe there's like a league we could join or something.
Isn't there, like a National Football League?
Yes. Yes, there is. They play on Sundays and Monday nights.
Oh, shoot.
- I work Monday nights. - Oh.
Hmm, this stuffing is amazing.
Do you think we should bring them some?
When they're hungry enough, they'll come in.
- Let go. - No, you let go.
No.
How come it's always us left on the field
holding the ball?
I don't know.
Guess the other people just don't care enough.
[bell ringing]
Hey, it's starting to snow.
Ah!
- Give it to me. - Let go. Give it.
- Let go. - Come on, let go.