Here you go, Pheebs.
Who else wants one of my special homemade brownies?
(both) I will have one.
Oh! Oh!
- Yeah, I'm not gonna have one. - That's okay.
No, no. It's just my tooth.
- Oh. - Alright. I'll have one.
So what's the matter, you need a dentist?
- I've got a good one. - No, thanks.
I have a good one too. I just, I-I can't see him.
See, that is the problem with invisible dentists.
Why? Why can't you go to him?
Because...every time I go to the dentist
somebody dies.
That is so weird because every time I go to the dentist
I look down the hygienist's blouse.
Phoebe, what, um..
- What? - Yeah, yeah.
First there was my Aunt Mary
and then there was John, my mailman
and then my-my cowboy friend, Albino Bob.
And all of these people actually died?
Yes. While I was in the chair.
That's why I take such good care of my teeth now.
You know, it's not about oral hygiene.
I floss to save lives.
Pheebs, come on. You didn't kill anybody.
These people just happened to die
when you went to the dentist.
It's-it's just a coincidence.
Well, tell that to them. Oh, you can't. They're dead.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week your month ♪
♪ Or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o.. ♪♪
Thanks, Gunther.
- Hi. - Hey.
Um, can I get a napkin too?
Oh, like you don't already have everything.
Ow! Ow!
Phoebe, you're in pain. Would you just go to the dentist?
- Just go. - Alright.
Fine, fine but if you're my next victim
don't come back as a poltergeist
who like sucks me into the TV set.
I promise.
Although don't feel like you can't visit.
Hey, is-is Chandler here?
No. No, he's not.
You guys..
...Joey just saw Janice
kissing her ex-husband.
- What? - Oh!
So what are you gonna do? I mean..
How are you gonna tell Chandler?
Well, I was thinking about that
and-and I think the best way would be, to not.
Joey, you can't keep this to yourself.
If you know about this you have to tell him.
It'll kill him. I mean, it'll just kill him.
Well, you could wait till I go to the dentist.
Maybe I'll kill him.
Ooh! Ugly naked guy is using his new hammock.
It's like a PLay-Doh fat factory.
Well, I'm going to the dentist so listen, okay?
Just be on the lookout for anything
that-that-that you could fall into
or-or that can fall on you
or...or just look out!
Okay, and, um, I also just wanna..
...I just wanna tell you all that, um..
[sobs]
Okay, I have a problem.
I have to go in to work for a few hours.
Some kids messed up the Homo sapien display.
- What'd they do? - Well..
They painted over the word
Sapien for one thing.
'Then they..'
...rearranged the figures.
Let's just leave it at that.
So do you want me to watch Ben for you?
Yes. That's what I was gonna ask. Thank you.
Whoa, wait. Hello? What about me?
You, you want to watch Ben?
Yes, that'd be great.
You know, I just asked Monica
because I know how..
...empty her life is.
- Hey-hey, Ross? - Yeah.
- I got a science question. - Hmm?
If the Homo sapiens were, in fact, Homo sapiens..
...alright?
Is that why they're extinct?
Joey, Homo sapiens are people.
Hey, I'm not judging. I'm just asking.
Look, Benny. Spoon.
Spoon.
Come on. Alright, you know what?
I think he's bored.
Here. Ben, you wanna play the airplane game?
You wanna show Rachel?
Come here. You wanna do something fun?
- Okay. Whee! - Oh!
Whee!
- Oh. - Whee!
[thud]
Who's so brave? You're so brave.
Yes, you are. You're so brave.
Okay. Okay, honey, he's fine. He's fine.
Let's just put him down. Come here, babe.
Yes. See, that's a good boy.
How could you do that to him?
Ross trusted me. What is he gonna say?
He's not gonna say anything because
we're not gonna tell him.
- We're not? - No, we're not.
- Alright, I like that. - Okay.
So we're okay. We're okay. We're okay, aren't we?
No, we're not okay. We're not okay. There's a bump.
- There's a bump. - What bump?
Oh, my God. Well, push it in! Push it in!
I cannot push it in!
Okay, we're gonna need a distraction.
- Okay. - That's it.
- Okay. - I got it!
The second that Ross walks in that door..
...I want you to take him back to your bedroom
and you do whatever it is that you do
that makes him go, "Reee!"
Or..
...we could put a hat on his head.
- A hat! Yes! We need a hat. - We need a hat.
Where are we gonna find a tiny little hat?
Oh, oh, oh! I'll get rainy day bear!
Because he'll know what to do?
Oh, my God, you're a genius!
Oh, God. It's kind of sewed on, though.
- Give it, give it! - Okay.
[gasping]
Oh, it's just like a bloodbath in here today.
Hey, hold on a second. Hold on a second.
Do you think these pearls are nice?
I'd really prefer a mountain bike.
Janice's birthday is coming up.
I wanna get her something special.
- Come in here with me. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. Whoa.
You, uh..
You wanna get her something special..
...get her flowers, get her candy.
Get her gum. Girls love gum.
That's a good idea.
"Dear Janice, have a Hubba Bubba birthday."
I would like to get her something serious.
Oh, you want something serious.
You know what you should do?
You should get her one of those, um
barium enemas.
Those are dead serious.
Alright, look, I'm gonna go in here
and you don't buy me anything ever.
No, no, you can't! You can't, okay? You can't.
You can't buy her pearls. You just can't.
You can't, can't, can't.
Why not?
Oh, God. Uh, okay.
Here's the thing..
This is the thing. Okay, the thing is--
- What is the thing? - Okay.
I went down to the Mattress King showroom and..
...and I saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.
- What? - They were in his office.
Well, she-she wouldn't do that. She's-she's with me.
I'm telling you, man, I saw it.
Yeah, well, you're wrong, okay? You're wrong.
I'm not wrong.
I wish I was.
I'm sorry.
I bet that barium enema doesn't sound so bad now, huh?
It just makes more sense as an ensemble.
Besides, it takes the focus off the hat.
No. Oh! You're alive, you're alive!
See, Pheebs? I promised you no one would die, didn't I?
Yeah, well, We'll see about that. Can I use your phone?
I just wanna call everyone I know.
Sure. We have no money. Go ahead.
Hey, you're not dead! Okay, see you.
Monka.
Oh, my God. He just said my name.
- Did you hear that? - Yeah.
Monka bang.
[clears throat] Okay, I heard that.
- Did he just say "Monica Bang"? - Uh-huh.
Oh, my God! He's gonna rat me out!
Monka bang.
[chuckling]
Sweetie! Sweetie, you need to stop saying that, now.
That's no big deal. It's not even worth mentioning.
You see, we all do it all the time.
See? Watch this. Ben! Ben! Ben!
Ow! Monica bang. Everybody bang.
Ben bang. Rachel bang.
- Bang, Rachel. Bang! - Okay.
- Oh, isn't it fun? - Look at that. Look at that.
We all do it. Okay, I'm stopping now.
- You okay? - Oh, yeah.
You know, if it's not a headboard
it's just not worth it.
[paper rustles]
How's my Bing-a-ling?
Uh..
...I don't know.
You-you tell me.
Anything you, uh, wanna tell me?
Because if you, uh, you should..
If you, you'd tell me.
Why are your eyes so wide?
You tell me.
Maybe it's because I was just fooling around with my ex.
Oh, no, no! No, no, no! That was you!
- Oh, my God! - Alright.
- How did you know? - Joey told me.
- He saw you two kissing. - In the park?
No, in his office. How many kisses were there?
- Just those two. - Wh-wh-why?
W-why? Why-why was there kissing?
- There should be no kissing. - Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
I'm so, so..
Hah!
I'm so, so sorry.
I just.. Hah!
When I..
Oh, what happened was that
I-I can't breathe!
Can You get me a bag or something?
Yeah.
Here, here.
There.
[sputtering]
- It's the receipt. - I'll take it.
Alright, look. I've gotta know.
Are you finished with me?
[paper rustling]
Are you finished with him?
[paper rustling]
Do you still love him?
[paper rustling]
Do you still love me?
[paper rustling]
Alright, look.
I'm gonna need an actual answer here, okay?
So which is it?
Him or me?
[phone rings]
I don't know.
Okay, if you're alive you answer your phone!
Okay, Ben, I won't tell your daddy
that you had ice cream before dinner
if you won't tell him about our little bonking incident.
Monica, number one, I don't think Ben
understands the concept of bribery
and number two..
[giggling]
- What? - You said, "Number two."
I also said, "Number one."
[laughing] I know.
- Hey, everyone. - Hi.
How's my little boy? Hey.
(Monica) He's perfect, aren't you Ben?
- Yeah? - He's never been better.
Yeah? What did you do, take him whaling?
- Monka. - Oh, my God.
He just said your name. That's great. Good job, Ben.
Monka bang.
Oh, that's right.
That's what I'd sound like if I exploded.
Whoo-hoo! The curse is broken.
I called everybody I know and everyone is alive.
- Huh. - What?
Ugly naked guy looks awfully still.
[gasps]
Oh, my God. I killed him. I killed another one.
And this curse is getting stronger too
to bring down something that big?
Well, maybe he's just taking a nap.
I'm telling you, he hasn't moved since this morning.
- Okay. We should call somebody. - And tell them what?
That the naked guy we stare at all the time isn't moving?
Well, we've gotta find out if he is alive.
Yeah but how are we gonna do that? There's no way.
Well, there is one way.
His window's open.
I say...we poke him.
Hey.
You know how we, uh, save all those chopsticks
for no reason when we get Chinese food?
Yeah.
Well, now we got a reason.
- 'What?' - Well.
We're fashioning a very long poking device.
Alright.
Hey, uh, what's the matter?
I talked to Janice.
Oh, my God. Is she going back to him?
She doesn't know.
Says she loves us both.
You know, I woke up this morning, I was in love.
You know, I was happy.
You know, it serves me right for buying that 12-pack of condoms.
And now, I can't even return them
because she choked on the receipt.
What are you, uh, what are you gonna do?
I don't know.
You know? What-what would you do?
Uh, it doesn't matter what I'd do.
Come on. Come on. Tell me.
Alright, you're, uh..
...probably not gonna wanna hear this but, uh..
...if it was me, and this is just me
I would, uh...I would bow out.
What?
What are you, what are you talking about?
They have a kid together. You know?
They're like..
...they're like a family.
And if, I don't know
if there's a chance they can make that work
I know I wouldn't wanna be the guy
who stood in the way of that.
You okay?
[sniffs]
You, uh..
...you wanna come poke a nude guy?
Well, he's finally asleep.
About that, uh, bump on his head..
Are, uh, are you, uh, you sure it's a new bump?
I mean, no offence but I've always thought of Ben
as a fairly bumpy-headed child.
It's okay if he bumps his head.
Kids bump their heads all the time.
You know, it was your first time baby-sitting.
I'm sure you did the best you could.
- I did. - I know.
I'm just saying you have to watch them all the time.
I did! I watched. I watched.
I watched Monica bang his head against that thing!
Monica did it?
[Rachel clearing throat]
- Monica? - Yeah?
'Did you notice anything weird about, about Ben today?'
No. Why?
Well, I was just playing with him
and, you know, we were doing the alphabet song
which he used to be really good at but suddenly
he's just leaving out E and F.
It's like they just, uh, I don't know
fell out of his head.
- Really? - 'Oh!'
And also, he's-he's walking..
...kind of funny.
Yeah, I mean it's like his-his left leg
is moving a lot faster than his right leg.
Yeah, he's in there just sort of, you know..
Oh, my God, I wrecked your baby!
I hope it's still funny when you're in hell.
You jerk. Oh, you know how much I love that kid.
Monka bang! Monka bang!
Ow.
I'll get the hat.
Janice, I have something I need to tell you
and I want you to let me get through it
because it's..
...it's-it's not gonna be easy.
Okay.
I think you should go back with Gary.
I don't wanna be the guy that breaks up a family.
You know, when my parents split up
it was because of that guy
and whenever I would see him I would always think, you know
"You're the reason."
"You are why they're not together."
And I-I hated that guy.
And it didn't matter how nice he was
or, you know, how happy he made my dad.
Wow!
Yeah, well..
...it's the right thing to do.
[groans] You're right.
Oh, God but before I can say..
...goodbye..
...there's something I really need you to know, Chandler.
The way I feel about you..
...it's like I finally understand
what Lionel Richie's been singing about.
You know, I mean, what we have
it's-it's like movie love.
You're my soul mate.
And I can't believe we're not gonna be spending
the rest of our lives together.
Then don't leave me.
- What? - Forget what I said.
I was babbling. Pick me.
No, you were right. You were right.
I mean, I-I've gotta give my marriage
another chance.
No, you don't. No, no, no.
I say you have to give your divorce another chance.
I'm sorry.
Oh, don't go.
No, I-I gotta go.
No.
- No, no. - Honey, honey.
[chuckles] People are looking.
I don't care.
I don't care!
Yeah, um, okay.
I'm, I'm leaving now.
You can't leave! I have your shoe!
Goodbye, Chandler Bing.
Rachel has those in burgundy.
Right, now, remember, something this big and long
is gonna be very difficult to maneuver.
Fortunately, I have a lot of experience in that area.
[chuckling]
Can we please focus here?
A naked man's life hangs in the balance.
I'm telling you, he's dead.
What we're about to have here is a dead fat guy on a stick.
Alright. Ladies and gentlemen, let's poke.
Steady, steady.
Okay, a little higher.
Careful of the angle.
Okay, okay. We're approaching the window.
Thread the needle. Thread the needle.
He's alive! He's alive!
And yet we're still poking him.
Okay, retract the device. Retract the device.
- He does not look happy. - Hey, hey.
Now he's showing us his poking device.
Hey, that's never gonna make it all the way over here, buddy.
[smirks]
♪ I'll hold you close in my arms ♪
♪ I can't resist your charm ♪
♪ And love ♪
♪ Love ♪
♪ I'll be a fool ♪
♪ For you I'm sure ♪
♪ You know I don't mind ♪
♪ Tell you know I don't mind ♪
♪ Yes ♪
♪ You mean the world to me ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ I know ♪ ♪ I know ♪
♪ I've found in you ♪ ♪ I've found in you ♪
♪ My endless lo.. ♪
♪ My endless ♪
♪ Love ♪
♪ Love love.. ♪ ♪ Love love.. ♪♪