Janice has a question.
Who of the six of you
has slept with who of the six of you?
Wow, it's like a dirty math problem.
Um, sorry, the answer there would be...none of us.
Come on, over the years none of you ever got
you know, drunk and stupid?
Well, that's really a different question.
I'm sorry, I find it hard to believe that a group of people
who spends as much time together as you guys do
has never bumped uglies.
There was that one time that Monica and Rachel got together.
- What! - Excuse me.
There was no time.
Okay, but let's say there was..
How might that go?
Okay, okay. Well, then answer me this.
Have any of you ever... almost?
(Rachel) Does anybody need any more coffee?
Hey, there's a dog out there. Do you see?
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ But when it hasn't been your day ♪
♪ Your week your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
[instrumental music]
- Oh, that was so unfortunate. - What?
The cute naked guy's really starting to put on weight.
Okay, I'll be back in just a minute.
Oh, Phoebe?
I'm sorry that I left lipstick marks on the phone.
You didn't leave lipstick marks on the phone.
Oh. Then it must have been you.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
- And that's why I moved out. - 'Hey.'
You know, while we're on that
when are you going to tell my sister
that you don't live here anymore?
I think on some level she already knows.
Phoebe, she doesn't know you sneak out every night..
She doesn't know that you sneak back every morning.
And she doesn't know that you've been living
at your grandmother's for a week now.
Okay, well, maybe not on those levels.
- Hey. - 'Oh, hi.'
I'm never going to find a roommate ever.
- Well, nobody good? - Well, let's see.
There was the guy with the ferrets.
That's plural.
The spitter.
Oh, and yes, the guy who enjoyed my name so much
he felt he needed to make a little noise
every time he said it.
Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing.
Bing!
Great apartment, Chandler Bing.
Bing!
So how many more do you have tomorrow?
Two. This photographer who seemed really dull.
and this actor guy, who I'm not sure about
because, uh, when he called and I answered the phone..
Chandler Bing
he said, "Whoa! Short message."
(Monica) 'Uh, Ross?'
Foot on the floor or come over no more.
Sure, your dresser is missing
but this she notices.
- What? - I have to go.
Yeah, Carol should be home by now. So..
Hmm. How's it going with you guys?
Oh, better, actually.
You know, I-I think I finally figured out
why we were having so much trouble lately.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
You know how I have you guys?
Well, she doesn't have any close friends
that are just hers
but last week she met this woman
at the gym, Susan something
and they really hit it off
and I-I think it's going to make a difference.
So, uh, Eric..
...what kind of photography, uh, do you do?
Oh, mostly fashion.
So there may be models here from time to time.
I hope that's cool.
Yes, it is cool.
Uh, because I have models here, you know..
...never.
What else? Ooh, yeah.
During the summer, I spend most weekends
at my sister's beach house
which you are welcome to use by the way.
Although I should tell you she's a porn star.
Well, listen, I, uh, still have one more person to, uh, meet
but unless it turns out to be your sister..
[clears throat]
I think your chances are pretty good.
Alright.
[instrumental music]
Bedroom, bathroom, living room
this right here's the kitchen
and, uh, thanks for coming by. Bye-bye.
Don't you, uh, don't you want to ask me any questions?
Sure. Uh, hmm..
What's up?
Well, uh, I'm an actor.
I'm fairly neat.
I, uh, I got my own TV.
Oh, and don't worry. I'm totally okay with the gay thing.
[chuckles] What gay thing?
Uh, just, you know, in general
the whole pe-people being gay...thing.
Totally cool with that.
Well, okay, Jerry. Thanks for stopping by.
- Hi. - Hey.
[mouthing]
[instrumental music]
Hey, Mon.
You wanna hear something that sucks?
Do I ever.
Chris says they're closing down the bar.
- No way. - Yeah.
Apparently, they're turning it
into some kind of coffee place.
Just coffee?
Where are we going to hang out now?
Got me.
Can I get a beer, please?
Hey, did you pick a roommate?
- You betcha. - Is it the Italian guy?
- Yeah, right. - Ohh...he's so cute.
Oh, yes, and that's what I want.
A roommate that I can walk around with
and be referred to as the funny one.
Oh, look. Pool table's free.
Rack them up. I'll be back in a minute.
Get ready for me to whip your butt.
Okay, but after that, we're shooting some pool.
Oh. No, no, no. Excuse me.
Hello. Hi.
My friend ordered an onion
not an olive.
And, uh, I ordered a rum and diet coke
which I don't think this is.
- I am so sorry. - That's alright.
I mean, how hard is it to get a couple drinks right, huh?
Well..
...I would like to propose a toast.
Oh!
To the woman who
in one year from today
will become Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber, DDS.
Mmm. I think it's time to see the ring again.
[screaming]
Isn't it exciting?
I mean, it's like having a boyfriend for life.
[clearing throat]
Yeah.
I know.
What?
Ohh...I don't know.
Well, maybe it's just
the idea of Barry
for the rest of my life.
I don't know.
I think I-I, I feel like I need
to have one last fling, you know?
To sort of get it out of my system.
Rachel, stop.
- You're so bad. - I'm serious.
I really, I think I need to just have some..
...meaningless...sex, you know?
With the next guy I see.
Excuse me. I...seemed to have dropped my ball.
Yeah, so?
And now I've picked it up again.
Oh, my God.
I went to high school with her.
Rachel! Hi.
Monica!
Look. Hi.
- What do you think? - Oh, my God.
You can't even see where the Titanic hit it.
[laughs]
Yes. His name is Barry.
He's a doctor, thank you very much.
Aw, just like you always wanted.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
So how-how about you?
Are you seeing anybody?
Oh, not right now.
Oh, well, that's okay.
I know.
Eh, oh, so I-I think I'll get back to my friend.
Oh, yeah, sure, sure.
Sure, sure, sure.
Listen.
Can we please have lunch
the next time I'm in the city?
Oh, that'd be great.
- Okay. - Thanks.
- Bye. - Bye.
Ten bucks says I never see that woman again in my life.
No, real.. Honey, really.
It's fine. Just...go with Susan.
Really, I think..
No, I think girls' night out is a great idea.
Okay. Okay, bye.
So what are they doing?
I don't know. Something girly.
- Hey. - Hey, you're early.
What are you doing with the lamp?
I'm taking it to get rewired.
Oh. Don't take it to the same place you took the stereo.
'Cause they've had that thing for over a week.
[knock on door]
No, no!
Mr. Heckles, no one is making
any noise up here!
You're disturbing my oboe practice.
You don't play the oboe.
I could play the oboe.
Then I'm going to have to ask you to keep it down.
Who are you?
Hi. I'm Eric. I'm gonna be Chandler's new roommate.
- I'm Chandler's new roommate. - I don't think so.
I could be Chandler's new roommate.
But he told me over the phone--
He told me in person.
Oh. That's weird.
Well, I'm going to, uh, go into my new apartment now.
Huh?
[instrumental music]
Hi again.
Hey.
Thank you so much.
Oh, don't thank me.
Thank the jerk that never showed up.
Okay, I gotta get to work.
- You want some help with that? - Oh, no thanks.
I got it. Oh, no, I don't.
Whoa!
- You okay? - Yeah.
Whoo!
I stood up too fast. Got a little head rush.
It's the heat.
[clears throat]
And, and the humidity.
That's a, uh...
That's a tough combination.
[chuckles]
Do you wanna come in for some lemonade?
Like you wouldn't believe.
Ohh...
Wow. This is a great place.
'Oh, thank you.'
Just...make yourself comfortable.
Gotcha.
So this place is really my grandmother's.
I got it from her when she moved to Florida.
Otherwise I could never afford a place like this.
So if the landlord ever asks
I'm an 87-year-old woman who's afraid of her VCR.
You thirsty?
You bet I am.
Okay. Here's your penis!
[instrumental music]
Oh, my God! What the hell are you doing?
You said, "You want to come in for some lemonade?"
So?
Were, ah...were you just going to give me lemonade?
Yeah-huh!
Would you cover yourself up?
Oh, right. Sorry.
God, I don't believe this.
I mean, someone asks you in for lemonade
and to you, that means they wanna have sex?
Um, usually..
Yeah. Well, not just lemonade.
Iced tea...sometimes juice.
Look, I'm...sorry.
I just...thought you liked me.
I'm such a jerk.
It's okay.
I suppose it could happen to anyone.
Not anyone I know, but..
By the way, I can still see it.
[instrumental music]
- Pheebs? - Huh?
Where's your bed?
It's not in the apartment?
Oh, no.
I can't believe this is happening again.
- What? - Okay.
Enough of the third degree!
I-I-I don't live here anymore.
- What are you talking about? - 'I'm sorry.'
I...I...I..
I don't live here anymore.
I-I didn't know how to tell you, but you know
everybody else knows.
Everybody knows?
That was supposed to be a good thing.
I forget why.
Monica, I..
Do you know.. Okay.. Do you know
I couldn't sleep for, like, a month
because I got a dot of ink on one of the sofa cushions?
Well, you could have just turned the cushion over.
I would have, except I had a big spaghetti stain
on the other side.
What?
Okay, this is what I'm talking about. This.
I.. I need to live in a land where people can spill.
Well, you can spill..
...in the sink.
Aw, honey, it's not your fault, you know.
This is who you are
and I love you
and I want us to be friends
and if I keep living here
I don't see that happening.
- I love you too. - Oh, good.
- Hmm.. - What?
What? I'm just sad.
No, you're wondering which cushion it is.
[instrumental music]
So, uh..
...what are you watching?
"Baywatch."
What's it about?
Lifeguards.
Well, it sounds kind of stup..
Who's she?
(Joey) 'Nicole Eggert.'
We like her.
Wow, look at them run.
Yeah...they do that a lot.
'Hey, you want a beer?'
- Yeah. I'll go get one. - No, no, don't get up.
I got a cooler right here.
- 'Hello.' - Hey.
Do you have any beers? We're out of beers.
Help yourself.
You okay?
Phoebe moved out.
Right.
I don't understand.
Am I so hard to live with?
Is this why I don't have a boyfriend?
No! You don't have a boyfriend because..
I don't.. I don't know why you don't have a boyfriend.
You should have a boyfriend.
Well, I think so.
Oh, come here. Come here.
Listen...you are one of my favorite people
and the most beautiful woman
I've ever known in real life.
[instrumental music]
Hi.
Where is everybody?
Oh, it's already closed.
Chris gave me the keys to lock up.
What is wrong?
My marri.. I think my marriage is, um..
...is kind of over.
Oh, no! Why?
'Cause Carol's a lesbian.
And...and I'm not one..
And apparently, it's not a mix-and-match situation.
Oh, my God!
I don't believe it!
Oh, you poor bunny.
I'm an idiot.
I mean, I should have seen it.
I mean, Carol and I'd be out
and she'd see some beautiful woman, and..
...and she'd be, "Ross, look at her"
and I'd think..
"God, my wife is cool."
Oh..
Hey, do you think that Susan person is her lover?
Well, now I do!
- Oh, God! - I'm sorry.
[scoffs]
Seven years.
I mean...we've been together seven years.
She's the only woman who's ever loved me.
She's the only woman I-I've ever..
Oh, oh, Ross.
Oh..
Mmm...this is nice.
I know. It is, isn't it?
No, I mean it. This feels really good.
Is it a hundred percent cotton?
Yeah...and I got it on sale too.
Anyway, I should go.
One of the lifeguards was just about to dismantle
a nuclear device.
Well, if you want to get a drink later, we can.
Oh, yeah, that sounds great. Okay.
Oh, and listen, it's.. It's gonna be..
I know. Thanks.
[instrumental music]
Maybe this wouldn't have happened
if I'd been more nurturing or..
I'd paid more attention or I'd..
...had a uterus.
I mean, I can't believe it.
No, no, you don't deserve this.
You don't. Ross. You're-you're really..
You're so good.
- Thanks. - And you're so...sweet and..
- Thanks. - You're kind and..
Thanks.
Come here.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Okay. It's okay.
- Wait, wait, wait. - What?
My foot is stuck in the pocket.
What?
I can't get it out.
Well, that's not something a girl wants to hear.
Don't start.
- Ow. - What?
Stupid balls are in the way.
[chuckles]
[groans]
Oh, well.
It probably wouldn't
have been the most constructive solution.
You have chalk on your face.
Oh, Ross, you're right.
I don't know why I always thought
this was real grass.
Honey, you okay?
My wife's a lesbian.
Cool!
Ross, Joey. Joey, Ross.
- Hi. - How's it going?
I can't believe you came back.
Don't say anything.
I don't wanna speak.
I don't wanna think.
I just want you to take me
and kiss me and make love to me
right here, right now.
[instrumental music]
♪ There's a time of the season.. ♪
(female #1) 'Rachel?'
Rachel!
What?
You missed the exit.
Oh. Sorry.
My God, what were you thinking about?
[clears throat]
Um...Barry.
- Aw.. - Aw..
♪ ...Of the season for loving ♪♪