So, your first sexual experience
was with a woman?
Alright, I was 15.
It was my best friend Ruth
and we got drunk on that hard cider
and then suddenly, I don't know
we were.. We were making out.
Tell it again.
Seriously.
I mean, is that woman capable of talking
about anything else but sex?
Yeah, sure, well, you know, earlier
she was talking about geography.
Joey, she was listing the countries she's done it in.
Well, I think we all learned something.
Hey, you guys, look what I found.
Look at this. That's my mom's writing, look.
"Me and Frank and Phoebe, graduation, 1965."
Do you know what that means?
That you're actually 50?
No, no, that's not, that's not me Phoebe
that's her pal Phoebe.
According to her high school yearbook they were like BFF.
- "Best Friends Forever." - Oh.
- That's great. - That's so cool.
I know, so this woman probably could, like has all kinds
of stories about my parents.
And she might even know like where my dad is.
So I looked her up. And she lives out by the beach.
So maybe this weekend, we could go to the beach?
- Yeah. - Yeah. we can.
Shoot, I can't go, I have to work.
- That's too bad. - Aww, big fat bummer.
So great, okay, tomorrow we'll gonna drive out to Montauk.
Hey, Bonnie had sex there.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day ♪
♪ Your week your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪
Would you look at that?
I'm never going to find a boyfriend again.
I'll die an old maid.
Oh, you're not going to die an old maid.
Maybe an old... spinster cook.
- Thanks. - Hey, now besides.
Worse comes to worst, I'll be your boyfriend.
[chuckles]
Yeah, right.
[laughs]
Why is that so funny?
You made a joke, right?
So I laughed.
[laughing]
A little too hard.
What am I, not, uh, boyfriend material?
No, you're Chandler.
You know...Chandler.
Okay, so we've established my name and hit me.
But theoretically, you know, I mean say, we weren't friends.
Say, it's a blind date, I show up at your door and I'm like, uh
Hey, nice to meet you, hey..
I'd probably be scared of the guy
using a fake voice.
- 'Hey.' - Oh, hey.
Oh, good, you bought food.
No, just my luggage.
[horn honking]
- 'Hey.' - Hi.
- 'Hey, guys.' - 'Whoo!'
(Chandler) 'Alright. yes.'
Oh, I am having the best karma this week.
First, I find this woman who knew my parents
and then my client with the fuzzy back
gives me his beach house.
Hmm, what about that bike messenger you hit?
Oh, I wasn't talking about his karma.
- Hey. - Hey.
(Joey) Hey, check out the hat.
Wait a minute, I know that hat.
I was taken aboard that hat.
They did experiments on me.
I can't have children!
Seriously, where did you get the hat?
Ross gave it to me.
I think she looks good.
- Oh, thank you.
Did he buy it for you or..
Or win it for you?
Well, excuse me, my fashion-impaired friends.
I'm here to tell you that hats are back.
And this time they've ganged up
and formed one giant superhat.
[instrumental music]
- 'Go, go, go!' - Oh, yeah.
Now everybody wants to be under the hat.
- Whoa. - Oye.
What's with all this sand?
Oh, yeah, Bob said, there might be flood damage.
Yeah, either that or he has a really big cat.
[instrumental music]
Well, yes, it's kind of an unusual house.
It has, um, three beautiful bedrooms and, uh, no baths.
But, you know, the ocean is right there.
It's, it... Well--
- Knock, knock. - Ah, oh.
Hang on a second. Come in, come in.
Alright, so think about it and call me back.
Are you, uh, Phoebe Abbott?
Uh, yes.
Surprise, Phoebe Abbott.
I'm your best friend's daughter.
You're Irwin's daughter?
Sorry, no, I-I'm your old best friend.
Here, Lily?
From high school? Remember?
Oh, God, Lily.
Yes, of course I remember Lily.
I..
Then you must be..
Phoebe, Phoebe.
Phoebe, yeah.
She named me after you, I guess.
Uh-huh, wow.
Well, look, there's Frank.
Yeah. Yes! Yes! Yes!
That's my dad. That's Frank, yeah.
I'm sorry, I'm getting all flingy.
Take it easy, if you want, there's cookies on the counter
or-or sangria, I could make sangria.
No, no, sorry. Cookies are good, thanks.
Oh.
Well, um, anyway, um, I've been.. I've been looking
for my father and, um..
...have you heard from him or seen him?
Oh, no, I'm-I'm sorry I..
...I guess I lost track of everybody after high school.
Oh, okay.
Well, so, tell me everything about my parents, everything.
Oh, well, you know we were always together.
In fact, the other kids had a nickname for the three of us.
Oh, what? What was it?
The Three Losers.
Oh, poor Lily.
Oh..
...you know, I heard about what happened.
'That must have been just terrible for you'
losing your mother that way.
Yeah, no, it was great.
[thunder rumbling]
Hey, you know what a really good rainy day game is?
- What? - I mean naked game?
Strip poker, we should totally play strip poker.
- No. - What are you crazy?
Come on when you go away, you have to play.
It's, like, a law.
- All done. - Oh, thank you.
Okay, who's next?
No.
No way.
Come on, please, I'm bored.
You let me do it once before.
Yeah, well, if, uh, if that's the rule this weekend.
- Get away. - Take it like a man, Ross.
- No! No! - Oh, come on.
Big bullies!
[grunts]
[squeals] Ow! Ow!
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no..
[grunting] Ow!
- Hey. - Hey.
- So, how are we doing? - Bored and bored.
Hey, you know what naked card game's never boring?
(together) No!
So, what's Phoebe like?
I'm kind, caring and sweet. What's Monica like?
Uh, no, the other Phoebe, the one you went to go see.
Oh, I think she knows where my dad is.
- What? - Really?
- Where is he? - She was actually.
She was pretending like she hasn't heard from him in years
but I found this picture on her fridge.
And look, isn't this what he would look like now?
- Totally familiar. - 'Yeah.'
- Oh, yeah. - Ah, yeah.
- Yeah. - Ha-ha.
- Why would she lie to you? - I don't know.
But we're having dinner tomorrow night.
So I figured, she's gonna tell me then.
You know, maybe she just wanted to give him time to..
...buy me presents, I don't know.
Oh..
- So, you're all bored? - Oh, yes.
Alright, I'm gonna close my eyes
and point to someone, and whoever I point to
has to come up with something fun for us to do.
- And we have to do it. - Okay, alright.
- Okay? - Fair enough, fair enough.
Okay.
Ooh, you know, we could just do this.
Okay, um..
...we all have to play strip poker.
Aah, yes!
[thunder rumbling]
Strip Happy Days game?
Yeah, well, I couldn't find any cards.
So, it was either this or strip bag of old knitting stuff.
Done.
Okay, "Fonzie gives you two thumbs up.
Collect two cool points."
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Monica, you get five cool points
you get to make someone take off one item of clothing.
It hasn't happened yet but we're all very excited.
Okay, come on.
Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes
for the prehistoric forensics department.
Okay, "Take pinky tuscadero up to inspiration point.
Collect three cool points."
Yeah!
Which gives me five
and let's see who is going to lose their clothes.
Um...I think I pick our strip poker sponsor
Mr. Joey Tribbiani.
(together) 'Whoo-hoo!'
Alright, relax. It's just a shoe.
[howling]
[instrumental music]
Okay, "Your band is playing at Arnold's.
Collect three cool points."
Which means I have five
and that means I get Joey's boxers.
Fine, gang up on me.
I got you all right where I want you.
Come on, take them off.
Actually, you know it's kind of cold
so how about I keep my boxers on
and give you all a peek at the good stuff?
Alright, I'm going to make more margaritas.
Whoa, hey, what are you doing?
Trying to get me drunk?
I'm just making margaritas.
I think I'll help her out.
- What is going on here? - What?
- You painting his toenails. - Oh, come on.
- Chasing him around the room. - Monica, please.
He's totally flirting with you, too.
He is, isn't he?
I don't know, I don't know.
I mean, maybe it's just being here
at the beach together
or I don't know, but it's like something..
- Hey. - Hi.
[panting]
- 'Hi, Bonnie.' - Hi.
My boss let me off early so I took the train.
What are you guys doing?
I'm playing strip Happy Days game.
Cool, I'll catch up.
[instrumental music]
So, you still don't think I'm..
...boyfriend material?
- Huh?
Saw you checking me out during the game last night.
You didn't even take off your pants.
Yeah, well, lucky for you.
- What? - I don't know.
Well, is everybody else having just the best time?
Shh. Shh.
Joey's asleep.
After he passed out we put
the sand around him to keep him warm.
Well, I assume the happy couple isn't up yet.
Did you guys hear them last night?
Oh, yeah, I don't know what they were doing
but at one point, sea turtles actually came up
to the house.
- Good morning. - Hey.
- How did everybody sleep? - Oh, great.
Like a log.
(both) Us too.
I'm going for a walk.
Good morning.
Nice breasts, by the way.
[instrumental music]
- Hey, what happened to you? - Oh, uh, nothing.
I just...felt like hanging out here and reading.
Oh, the water was so great.
We jumped off this pier and my suit came off.
Oh..
Sorry I missed that.
Yeah, Joey and Chandler sure are funny.
Oh.
I think I brought back half of the beach in my hair.
It was so much easier when I used to shave my head.
You know... I gotta tell you
I just loved your look when you were bald.
- Really? - Oh!
Because I think about shaving it all off again sometimes.
- Really? - Yeah.
I mean, you definitely should do that.
- You know what? I should do it. - Yeah!
You know what, thank you, Rachel. You are so cool.
Oh, stop, come on.
- Now go shave that head. - Alright.
What's the matter, Pheebs?
She canceled, my namesake canceled on me.
Yeah, she claims she had to go out of town suddenly.
She's avoiding me, she doesn't want to tell me
where my father is, she knows and she won't tell me.
Aw, Pheebs, that sucks.
Yeah, well, don't "Aw, Pheebs that sucks" me yet.
- Where are you going? - 'Well.'
She's out of town, so..
...there must be something in her house
that tells me where my father is.
Uh, Pheebs, some people call that
breaking and entering.
Well, are any of those people here?
- Oh, no. - No, no.
Okay, look, I'll do something nice, okay?
I'll-I'll..
...fill her ice trays, good?
- Hey, everybody. - 'Oh.'
- Ooh. - Wow!
Wha... Ha ha, ha.
Look what you did.
You wanna touch it?
No, but it's great.
Come on, touch it.
Okay.
You could feel all the bones in your skull.
[instrumental music]
- Hi. - Hi.
I was having a little chat with Bonnie and guess what?
She-she happened to bring up, you know, who was behind
the whole, um, head shaving idea.
And now, who was it?
Oh, that's right, that's right, it was you.
Look, that...that was her idea.
I just gave her a nudge.
She said, you gave her the razor.
- Hey. - Hey.
So, anyone up for a midnight dip in the ocean?
- Uh, I'm good. - 'No, thanks.'
- Okay, I'll see you in a bit. - Okay, have fun, bye!
Come on, see? She doesn't look...that bad.
You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head.
What the hell were you thinking?
- I don't know. - You don't know, Rach.
You balded my girlfriend.
Alright, Ross!
Do you think it's easy for me to see you with somebody else?
You know what? Hey, you're the one who ended it, remember?
Yeah, because I was mad at you
not because I stopped loving you!
- You still love me? - No.
- You still love me. - Oh, yeah?
- So? You love me? - No.
N..
What does this mean? What are you..
I mean, do you wanna... get back together?
No. Maybe.
I don't.. I don't know.
Ross..
I still can't forgive you for what you did.
I can't, but sometimes when I'm with you
- I just.. I feel-- - What?
I just.. I feel..
- I jus.. I just.. - What?
I feel..
(Chandler) 'No, I don't care.'
I'm-I'm not playing one-on-one strip poker with you
for practice.
But I made cards.
Ah..
Goodnight.
I'm going upstairs.
- 'Goodnight.' - 'Goodnight.'
Wanna play strip poker for practice?
[instrumental music]
Ow! Oh!
My ass.
Okay.
Ooh! Shh!
[chiming]
Shh, shh.
[chiming]
Shh.
[shrieks] No! Oh! It's me! It's me!
I didn't want to make any noise!
Then don't break in!
I'm sorry.
What are you doing here?
Well, I.. I...came to fill your ice cube tray.
What?
Um..
Okay.
Okay, look..
I took this picture from your fridge, okay?
Because I know that this is my father.
Yeah, this is Frank Buffay
and you are standing right there next to him.
Now look, I deserve to know where I came from, alright?
So if you can help me find my father
then you should.
Otherwise, you're just...mean.
So just tell me the truth.
Alright.
The man in that picture
is Chuck Mangione.
My father is Chuck Mangione?
No, no, that's just Chuck Mangione.
I-I sold him a house last year.
And I'm very sorry but I really don't know where your father is.
And that's the truth.
Oh.
But, um, you're right.
I think that a person should know where they come from.
Which is why I, uh..
Uh..
Okay..
I'm your mother.
Huh?
See, you know, I wanted to tell you yesterday
but I just.. You know, I felt all floopy.
I'm telling you, you guys are totally getting back together.
That's not true, she doesn't even know what she wants.
Rachel's still mad about the whole thing.
Okay, well, then you got to back away, alright?
You don't need that kind of hurt.
Take it from guy who's..
...never had a long-term relationship.
I know, but..
I really want to go up there and finish that kiss.
- 'Hey.' - Ah..
You guys, the water is great.
You should really go in.
Oh, uh, no, thanks.
I just had an M&M.
Okay. Well, goodnight.
(Ross) 'Goodnight.'
- Don't be too long. - Okey-dokey.
There is not one hair on that head.
Hey, it'll grow back, right?
And she's-she's really fun and she's cool
and-and I'm finally moving on, you know?
I mean, getting over Rachel was so...ah..
You know, I'm finally feeling sane again.
And now if I go up there and-and I kiss her and..
Oh God, I wanna kiss her.
And-and it doesn't work out, right
Do I really want to put myself through that again?
So let me get this straight.
If you go with Bonnie tonight
you're doing the smart, healthy thing and moving on.
- Yeah. - Right?
And if you go with Rachel, Bonnie's free tonight?
[piano music]
Hi.
[knock on door]
Hi there.
That's that weird voice again.
Okay, okay. Let me try it again.
You're gonna want to date this next guy, I swear.
Okay, come on.
[knock on door]
Hi, I'm Dorf.
Your date for the evening.
Oh, come on, Dorf on dating? That's good stuff.
[theme music]