Wait a minute, wait, you're telling me this actress person
is the only woman you ever wanted who didn't want you back?
Yeah. Oh, my God!
Is this what it's like to be you?
Wow, you're really crazy about her, huh?
Oh, you have no idea.
And-and when we're on stage
I get to-to kiss her and-and touch her..
...but then she goes home with the director
and it's like somebody's ripping out my heart!
Oh, it's so great to see you feeling like this.
- Hey. - 'Hey.'
Monica, uh, dad called this morning
and, uh..
...Aunt Sylvia passed away.
Yes! Yes!
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
We were all pretty shaken up about it.
Wait, am I missing something, though?
'Cause I always thought death was supposed to be sad
in a way.
Well, uh, Aunt Sylvia was..
...well, not a nice person.
Oh, she was a cruel, cranky, old bitch.
And I'm sorry she died.
Did dad say I get the dollhouse?
You get the dollhouse.
I get the dollhouse!
Wow, a house for dolls. That is so cool!
When I was a kid, I had a barrel.
Uh, Pheebs, you had a barrel for a dollhouse?
No, just a barrel.
You know what? You can play with my dollhouse.
- Really? Really? - Any time you want.
You know, when I was younger, all I wanted to do was
to play with this dollhouse. But no!
It was to be looked at, but never played with.
My grandmother used to say that exact same thing to me.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you ♪
♪ Life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ And when it hasn't been your day ♪
♪ Your week your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪
- Hey, Sophie. - Hey, Rach.
- Hey. - Thanks for lunch, Chandler.
You know, you didn't have to walk me all the way back up.
Oh, that's-that's okay. No problem.
Um, honey, you do realize we don't keep
the women's lingerie here
in the office.
Yes, I realize that.
- Summer catalogue? - That's the stuff.
Rachel, I need the Versace invoice.
Hello. You don't work for me.
Joanna, this is my friend, Chandler Bing.
- Joanna. - Bing.
- That's a great name. - Thanks.
It's, uh, Gaelic for "thy turkey's done."
So, uh, I'm gonna go. Nice-nice meeting you.
- You, too. - Bye, Chandler.
So, uh, what's wrong with him?
Oh, nothing. He's just goofy like that.
I actually hardly notice it anymore.
Oh, no, no, no, I mean, is he, uh
married or involved with anyone?
No, no! He's not married or involved
with anyone.
Well, Rachel..
Actually, you know what? Forget it.
Wha-uh, hey, I'll ask him for you if you want me to.
Would you? Or is it just too sad and desperate?
You know, something that Sophie would do?
Uh, uh, I am here.
I know that.
Look at it!
Oh. Wallpaper's a little faded.
That's okay. Carpet's a little loose.
Hardwood floors!
- Hey. - Hello.
[gasps] Oh, Monica!
It's so beautiful!
I know!
- So I'm here, ready to play. - Okay.
I brought a bunch of stuff for the house.
So check it out. Ha-ha.
What's this?
That's a dog. Every house should have a dog.
Not one that can pee on the roof.
Well, maybe it's so big
because the house was built on radioactive waste.
And is this in case the house sneezes?
No, no. That's the ghost for the attic.
I don't want a ghost.
Well, nobody wants a ghost.
But you've got one.
Because the house
is sitting on an ancient Indian burial ground.
Wait a minute, the house was built on radioactive waste
and an ancient Indian burial ground?
That would never happen.
Okay, obviously, you don't know much
about the US Government.
- Hey! - 'Hey.'
I need to talk to you!
Sure. What's up?
Oh, sorry. I meant Chandler.
[chuckles] I-I know.
Well, if something comes up..
Well, I'm glad you guys have passed
that little awkward phase.
Okay, my boss, Joanna..
...when you left
she started asking questions about you--
Oh, oh, liked what she saw, huh?
Dug my action, did she?
Checkin' out the chan-chan man.
That was...surreal.
Okay, what do you think? You interested at all?
Yeah, she seemed cool, attractive.
- I'll do it. - Oh, thank you, Chandler!
This is so great! She's gonna love me. Oh.
Hey, dinosaur attack. Quick, everybody into the house!
[screaming]
[imitating dinosaur]
Alright, Phoebe, you know what? T-t-that's it.
That's it. Right?
No dinosaurs, no ghosts
no giant dogs, okay?
They're not the right size, they're not Victorian
and-and they just don't go.
Okay. Fine.
Come, dinosaur, we're not welcome
in the house of no imagination.
Uh, Pheebs, while we're hovering around the subject
I just have to say that dinosaurs
they-they don't go "ruff."
The little ones do.
- Hey, Kate. - Morning.
Listen, I, uh, went to that restaurant
you were talking about last week.
(Marshall) 'Hey, lovely.'
Come talk to me for a minute.
Then I ate the food. It was good. I had the fish.
Yeah, yeah, good. Yeah.
Hi.
I'm Lauren, Kate's understudy.
Oh, hey. Joey Tribbiani.
[chuckles] I know. I-I'm a big fan of yours.
What?
I used to, um, schedule my classes
so I could watch Dr. Drake Ramoray
on "Days Of Our Lives."
Oh, get out of here. Really?
- Absolutely. - Yeah.
Oh, but then they went and dropped you down
that elevator shaft.
Yeah, they gave me the shaft, alright.
[laughing]
You're so funny.
Listen, um, what are you doing after rehearsal?
Do you want to get a drink or something?
Well, uh..
Yeah. Yeah, sure. A drink sounds great.
- Cool. I-I'll see you then. - Alright.
Alright, it's time to act, my talking props.
- Hey! - 'Hey.'
Look, everybody. Look at my new dollhouse!
- Wow! - 'Wow!'
[laughs] Look, look.
[gasping]
Hey, what's this?
Oh, okay, it's a slide, instead of stairs. Look.
[gasping]
Very interesting, Phoebe.
- What's this? - The liquorice room.
You can eat all the furniture.
And when guests come over
they can stay on the tootsie roll-away bed.
This is the coolest house ever!
Hey, does anyone want to join me in the aroma room?
- Alright. - I would.
Hey, guys, guys, did you see
my new china cabinet?
- Uh-huh. - Uh-huh.
Watch. Watch.
- Ooh. - Ooh.
And, and..
[cheering]
Hey, my father's house does that.
O-oh, okay, how did it go? Tell me everything.
Well, the movie was great. The dinner was great.
And there's nothing like a cool, crisp New York evening.
Of course, I didn't get to enjoy any of that
because Joanna's such a big, dull dud!
- Chandler is fantastic! - What?
Oh, God, we just clicked. You know how people just click?
Like, he came by to pick me up and..
...I opened the door and it was just like, "click."
- Did he tell you? - Ooh, I-I--
Oh, and he's got such a good heart.
- Doesn't he have a good heart? - Oh, I--
Oh, I know and he's so sweet! Listen.
He said he was gonna call, so put him straight through.
- Isn't this great? - Don't spoil it.
Come on, baby, don't go. Please?
What do you say?
[telephone ringing]
Hello? Oh, it's you.
Just, uh, just one-one sec.
I am going to take this call.
When I continue, I hope that there will appear on stage
this magical thing
that in the theater, we call..
..."committing to the moment."
The guy's like a cartoon.
What do you see in him, anyway?
He happens to be brilliant
which is more than I can say for that sweater you're dating.
Hey, I'm not interested in her sweater.
It's what's underneath her sweater that counts.
And besides, since, uh
since when do you care who I'm going out with?
I don't care. Why? Do you want me to care?
[chuckles] Do you want me to want you to care?
Do you?
What?
Okay, I'm afraid to say this
but let's pick it up where we left off.
[sighs]
Come on, baby, don't go. Please?
What do you say?
I've got no reason to stay.
St-o-op. Stop it!
You must stop!
You are bad actors.
This is a terrible play!
I'll see you in the morning.
I can't believe we go on in-in a week.
Hey, it's gonna be alright.
Hey, so since we're getting off early
do you want to go and paint mugs?
What?
You know, at that place I told you about last night?
Oh, yeah. With the mug painting. Yeah.
I was so listening to that.
But, uh, you know what, I think I k-kind of need
to work on my stuff tonight.
- Oh, okay. - Okay.
- I'll see you tomorrow. - Okay.
Okay.
Night.
Uh...a-are you okay?
Yeah, I guess.
Look, what are we gonna do about the scene, huh?
I don't know.
Well, um..
Maybe if it had more heat.
- How do you mean? - 'Well..'
Adrianne's looking for a reason to stay.
Right?
Victor can't just kiss her, he's gotta..
...he's got to really give her a reason, you know?
Maybe he could slip her the tongue.
Or maybe...maybe he could
grab her and-and-and lift her up.
Yeah, yeah, and then Adrianne..
...she, maybe she could wrap her legs around his waist.
And then she could rip off his shirt and kiss his chest
and his-his stomach.
And then he can use his teeth-his teeth to undo
her dress and-and-and bite her!
And then right-right when the scene ends
he could take her with this raw, animal..
[gasping]
Something like that?
Yeah, that's pretty much what I had in mind.
Yeah.
(Ross) 'Hey.'
- Hi. - Hey.
It's a little early to be drinking.
No, no. Things, uh, finally happened with Kate.
- Oh, you're kidding! - Oh, that's great!
Oh, it was so amazing!
- After the...lovemaking.. - Ooh, my!
You know, I just..
...I just watched her sleep
for, like, hours just breathing in..
...and breathing out.
And then I knew she was dreaming 'cause-'cause
her eyes kept going like this.
I'm telling you, Joanne's got it all wrong, okay?
All I said was, "This was fun, "let's do it again sometime.
I'll give you a call."
Oh, gee, I wonder why she thinks
you were going to call her.
That's what you say at the end of a date.
You can't just say "Nice to meet you. Goodnight?"
To her face?
Look, it's the end of the date, I'm standing there
I know all she's waiting for is for me to say
I'll call her and it just, you know, comes out.
I can't help it. It's a compulsion.
Come on, Rach, when a guy says he's going to call
it doesn't mean he's going to call!
[chuckles] This never happened to you?
Well, they always called.
Bite me.
- Did he call? - No. Sorry.
Why? Why?
He said he'd call. Why hasn't he called?
Uh, maybe he's intimidated by really smart
strong, successful women.
Sophie, will you please climb out of my butt.
Why hasn't he called, Rachel? Why?
Yeah, okay, okay, um, well, uh..
...maybe he-maybe he feels awkward
because you are my boss.
Awkward? Why should he feel awkward?
Well, the only person that should feel awkward is you
and you didn't tell him not to call me.
- Did you? - No, I--
'If you feel uncomfortable'
with your friend dating someone you work for
there are always ways to fix that.
Call her. Call her now.
Multiple, so many paper cuts.
"Why hasn't he called, Rachel? Why? Why? I don't understand.
Why? He said he'd call. Why? Why?"
Chandler, I'm telling you, she is flipped out!
She's gone crazy!
Oh. Well, give me the phone then.
Come on, this isn't funny, she thinks it's my fault
that you haven't called her. You have to call her!
Look, you can't call somebody after this long just to say
"In case you didn't notice, I don't like you."
Well, then, you're gonna have to take her out again.
No, she's really dull and she gets this..
...gross mascara goop thing
in the corner of her eye!
I don't care. I don't care.
You're gonna have to take her out again and end it
and end it in a way that she knows it's actually ended.
And I don't care how hard it is for you
do not tell her that you will call her again.
Alright, fine, but it's just a lunch date.
No more than an hour and from now on, I get my own dates.
I don't want you setting me up with anybody ever again!
That's fine!
That's just a lot of big talk, you know.
I know.
[water running]
Mon?
(Monica) 'In the shower!'
Oh, fire! There's a fire. Fire!
[blowing air]
[indistinctive mumbling]
[Monica screaming]
- Hey. - Hi.
So, I, uh...I talked to Lauren.
I kind of told her how things were with us.
Did you, uh, did you talk to Marshall?
About what?
You know, about what happened with us.
No, and there's really no reason
why he should find out, so, uh..
...let's not make a big deal of it, okay?
What are you talking about?
It was a big deal.
Hey, come on, you can't tell me last night
didn't mean something to you.
I-I was there. You're not that good an actress.
Look.
Um...I-I was-I was just caught up in the moment.
That's all it was.
Joey, I-I'm sorry you feel bad, but..
Haven't you ever slept with a woman where it meant
more to her than it did to you?
No.
- Hi, Kate. - Hi, Lauren.
- Hi, pig.
Sorry I, uh, I scared you in there.
Oh, that's okay.
By the way..
...I was just checking
the shower massager.
Yeah.
Hey.
We tried to reach you at work.
There's been a fire.
What? Oh, my-oh, my God!
- What happened? - Well..
We believe it originated here..
...in the aroma room.
Alright, did everyone get out okay?
Well, the giraffe's okay, and so is the pirate.
- Oh! What is this? - No, Phoebe, don't look!
You don't want to see what's under there.
[gasps] The-the foster puppets.
It's not a big deal, it just it's right here
and it's all the time.
Well, thanks again for lunch.
Yes, this-this-this was pleasant.
It was, wasn't it?
The food there was-was great.
Wasn't it?
So take care.
You, too.
Well, this was great. I'll give you a call.
We should do it again sometime.
Great! I'm looking forward to it.
Rachel, any messages?
Sophie's desk.
Chandler? Are you gonna call her?
- No. - Chandler!
Look, I'm sorry, okay?
I'm weak and pathetic and sorry.
Okay, you are gonna tell her, you are gonna tell her now.
I-I-I'm not gonna call you.
What?
I'm sorry.
I'm-I'm-I'm sorry that I said
I was going to when I'm not.
Look, this has nothing to do with you, you know?
Um, and this isn't Rachel's fault. It's me.
I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women.
I have issues
with commitment, intimacy..
...mascara goop.
And I'm really sorry, it's just that this is not..
...this isn't gonna work out.
Well, this isn't..
...how I was hoping this would end
but I guess I have to appreciate your honesty.
Yeah. O-okay.
So?
Well, this was great. I'll give you a call.
We should do it again sometime.
Look, so, anyway, Beth, what I'm saying is..
...I should have considered your feelings
before I went home with you that night.
I've, uh..
...I've recently learned what it's like
to be on your side of it
and...I'm sorry.
So...do you think you can forgive me?
Great. Thanks.
Okay. Bye.
Whoo!
Hello, Jennifer?
Oh, hi, Mrs. Laurio. Is Jennifer there?
Oh, she's not home, huh?
Well, uh, actually I kind of need to talk to you, too.