Here you go.
Thank you.
[thinking] Say, Rachel, I was wondering
if you'd like to go to a movie with me sometime..
...as my lover.
Hmm, too out there.
Maybe you'd just like to get something
to eat with me sometime..
...as my lover.
- Hi. - Hi.
Alright. Let's go shopping.
Um, you know, before we go, there's something I need to say.
Oh, okay.
I've kind of had this, uh..
This crush on you.
But, since you were with Ross
I-I didn't do anything about it
but, now that you're not..
...I'd really like to ask you out sometime.
So, that's-that's what I'm doing..
'...now.'
Wow, um..
[loud crashing]
[louder crashing]
I dropped a cup.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week ♪
♪ Your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪
You know, that's why within a few years
voice recognition is gonna be pretty much standard
on any computer you buy.
You know, so you can be like, "Wash my car, clean my room."
Yeah, it's not gonna be able to do any of those things
but, it will understand what you're saying.
Oh, this is so great.
Yeah, it was.
Alright, then.
Bye.
Hello, people who do not live here.
- Hi. - Hello.
I gave you a key for emergencies.
We were out of Doritos.
Hey, how'd the date go with Mr. Millionaire?
"Mr. Millionaire, new from snooty playthings.
Third wife sold separately."
He's great. I mean, we have such a good time together.
He's so funny and so sweet
and I'm not attracted to him at all.
- Still? - No!
It's driving me crazy.
In every other way, he's like the perfect guy.
He has everything. Plus, he actually has everything.
Life-sized imperial Storm Troopers from Sharper Image?
Two.
Wow. Can Joey and I put them on and fight?
♪ Oh, mommy! Oh, daddy! ♪
♪ I am a big old baddy ♪
♪ Oh, mommy! Oh, daddy! ♪
♪ I am a big old baddy ♪♪
I guess he must have gotten the part in that play.
Yeah, either that or Gloria Estefan was right.
Eventually, the rhythm is going to get you.
Joe, how's it going?
Good.
- Hey. - Hi.
Oh, so you're playing Adrienne, huh?
Yes. Are you one of the retarded cousins?
No, no. I'm playing your husband, Victor.
- I'm Joey Tribbiani. - Hi. Nice to meet you.
Kate Miller.
So, the, uh, play's pretty great, huh?
Oh, yeah. I love Jennifer Banberry's work.
She's so brilliantly incisive when it comes to deconstructing
the psyche of the American middle class.
Forget about it. She rocks.
Where do I know you from?
Dr. Drake Ramoray?
"Days of our Lives"?
Voted most dateable neurosurgeon by "Teen Beat"?
No, that's not it.
So, you're a soap actor.
Well, this, uh, must be pretty exciting for you
being in a real play.
Hey, I've done plays before.
I'm a serious actor.
That infomercial..
...for the milk carton spout thing.
You're the guy who doesn't know how to pour milk.
See, I actually can pour milk
but I got you believing that I couldn't.
Now, see, that's acting.
Right, and at the end, you choked on a cookie.
Yeah. That was real.
Wow. I cannot believe Mark asked you out.
I know.
So what are you gonna tell him?
Well, I told him I would think about it
but, I'm gonna tell him no.
(Phoebe) 'Huh.'
And I think I'd say no to anybody right now.
Oh, but it was so strange.
I mean, I'm standing there
with this charming, cute guy
who's asking me to go out with him..
...which I am allowed to do
and I felt guilty..
You know, like I'd be cheating on Ross or something.
Wow, so, okay, maybe that means that
you're not over Ross yet
and you have issues with your father.
I don't have any issues with my father.
Okay, so, it's probably just the Ross thing then.
I hate this woman. I hate her!
She told everyone in the company
about the infomercial
and now they all keep asking me
to open their drinks, okay
and whenever I can't do it
they're all, like... like laughing at me.
- Hello. - 'Hey!'
So Rachel called.
Wants to see me.
Goin' over in a minute.
Wow. What do you think she wants?
Well, maybe the crazy fog has lifted
and she realizes that life without me..
...a-sucks.
It's possible. You are very loveable.
I'd miss you if I broke up with you.
I'm just trying to be supportive.
Well, be supportive like a guy.
[deep voice] If I broke up with you, I'd miss you.
- Hi. - Hi.
You, uh...wanted to see me?
Yeah.
Uh, here's a box of your stuff.
What?
Uh, you know, it's just, like, hats and shirt and CDs.
Just sort of stuff that you've left here.
What are you doing, are-are you trying
to hurt me or something?
No.
Ross, it..
It just seems that, you know, it's time we move on.
I mean, don't you think?
- Yes. - Yeah.
- Yes, I do. - Good.
Yeah, I-I really do.
Hey!
This.. This was a gift.
Ross, you got that for free from the museum gift shop.
It's still a gift.
I got if from the gift shop.
Okay. Alright. Give me the mug. I'll keep the mug.
No! You know, don't do me any favors.
In fact, where..
Where's the rest of my stuff?
Like, like, my, um...hey!
This book is mine!
And-and-and and that t-shirt you sleep in
I'd like that back, too.
Yes, I do.
You know how much I love that t-shirt.
You never even wear that t-shirt.
I'm just trying to help you move on.
Oh, you are a petty man.
- You are a petty, petty.. - Petty, petty..
- 'Petty, petty, small..' - Small..
You are so just doing this out of spite.
Uh-uh. No, no, no.
I'm gonna wear this all the time.
I love this shirt!
You have not worn that t-shirt since you were 15.
It doesn't even fit you anymore.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
[deep voice] Yeah, yeah.
Oh, okay, okay.
Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna take the rest of my stuff
and relax..
...in my favorite shirt.
You have a pleasant evening.
So, you're like a zillionaire.
And you're our age. You're our age.
You know what, you should, like, you should buy a state
and then just name it after yourself.
What, like, Pete Dakota.
[laughing]
Yeah, or-or Mississipete.
(Joey) Oh, oh, I got it.
Pete Chicago.
That's not a state, Joe.
Oh, and Mississipete is?
I gotta go. So, uh, I'll see you guys later.
(all) Okay.
You're our age.
So, we on for tomorrow?
Absolutely.
Now get outta here, you.
Okay, I'm running outta places I can touch him.
I mean, is there something wrong with me?
Why am I only attracted to guys where there's no future?
Either they're too old or they're too young
and then there's Pete who's-who's, he's crazy about me
and he's absolutely perfect and there's like zip going on.
I mean, seriously, does it sound like
there's something wrong with me?
Yeah. Kinda.
Happy? Is that what I'm supposed to be, Vic?
Happy?
Why don't you tell me what you're supposed to be, huh?
Because I sure as hell can't figure it out.
I talk to you and nothing.
You look at me and it's nothing.
Nothing.
Mmm..
...tasty.
I'm really starting to feel like you guys have a history.
It's, uh, it's nice.
I have a question about this scene.
Yes.
Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor.
Peel the onion.
First of all, he's good-looking.
Yeah.
I think my character's gonna need a little bit
more of a reason than that.
Oh, hey, how about this one?
Uh, it says so in the script!
You know, I-I don't know why my character likes you either.
I mean, it says in the script here that you're a bitch.
It doesn't say that in the script.
It does in mine.
(Chandler) 'I can blow dry it.'
I can put gel on it. It doesn't matter.
I still wind up with this little cowlicky thing
on the middle part of my head.
It's so annoying. Does it bug you?
You bug me.
Is there any chance you didn't see that?
Ross, you gotta stop, okay?
You can't just stare through the peephole
for three hours.
You're gonna get peep eye.
I knew it. I knew it.
I always knew she liked him.
She'd say no, but here we are, right?
We just broke up, first thing she does--
You didn't just break up.
Hey, it's been, like, three weeks.
You slept with somebody three hours
after you thought you broke up.
I mean, bullets have left guns slower.
Shh, shh, shh.
Here they come, here they..
Oh, if she kisses him goodnight
I'm gonna kill myself, I swear.
I can't... I can't watch..
'Come on. Date over. Date over.'
Oh, oh. Here we go. She's going in.
Okay.
She's going in.
He's going in.
The door's closed.
I, I can't see anything with the door closed.
And the inventor of the door rests happily in his grave.
Okay. I have to do something.
I mean, I have to, I have to stop it.
- Stop what? - I don't know.
But I have a feeling my being there will do it.
I'll go over and I will borrow something.
Juice. I need juice.
No, you can't.
Look, they must be stopped.
I am your friend and I am not gonna let you do this.
You are surprisingly strong.
I need juice. People need juice!
Look, man..
- People need juice! - Listen to me.
Juice! They need juice!
She's moving on, okay?
If it's not this guy, it's gonna be somebody else.
Unless you're thinking about subletting my peephole
you, are gonna have to get used to the fact
that the relationship is over.
Okay, man? It's over.
- Yeah. Okay. - Okay.
It's just I miss her so much.
I know.
Why do all your coffee mugs have numbers on the bottom?
Oh, that's so Monica can keep track.
That way if one of them is missing
she can be, like, "Where's number 27?"
[chuckles]
[sighs]
You know what?
No, and I don't think I'm gonna want to.
I can't do this.
Yep, yep. That's what I didn't wanna know.
Yeah. Oh, Mark, I'm just doing this
for the wrong reasons, you know?
I'm just doing it to get back at Ross.
I'm sorry.
It's not very fair to you.
Ah, fair-shmair, you know?
Look, you wanna get back at Ross
I am here for you.
Really. No, no.
I say, I say, I say we get back at him right here on this couch.
Right here.
Oh, God.
I'm sorry about this.
That's okay.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
I can just go home and get back at him by myself.
(female #1) 'Poised to become the penicillin of the 21st century.'
And so today, this hospital is about to take major steps
toward leading that revolution.
- 'It is truly ironic..' - Hey.
Could I ask you something?
Where are we?
Well, with all these doctors and nurses
I'm gonna say Midget Rodeo.
Just tell me the truth.
Okay.
Um..
...you know, I-I don't think I told you this
but, I just recently got out
of a really serious relationship.
Wasn't that a year ago?
So I did tell you.
Okay. Well, you know, that's not really the thing.
The thing is, is that right now
I'm just in a place in my life
where I just need to focus on me.
- Do you know what I mean? - Oh, yeah. I know.
I so wanna be attracted to you--
But, you're not. Okay. Good.
I'm sorry.
You know what? Don't be.
This is not...don't be, 'cause it's not so bad.
It's not?
I know, I'm no Jon Bon Jovi..
...or someone you find attractive.
I'm just...I just think, you know
that you might end up feeling differently.
Now, look, I don't want this to come out wrong
but, uh, you seem awfully confident
for a guy I just told I wasn't attracted to.
Yeah. Stupidly charming, isn't it?
Ah, listen, let's... you wanna get something to eat?
'Cause this place is kinda dee-pressing.
And now the man who made all this possible..
...Mr. Peter Becker.
One sec.
I don't think this town is big enough
for the both of us to relax in.
Draw.
I wasn't doing anything.
Uh-oh. What did she do now?
Just because she went to Yale drama
she thinks she's, like, the greatest actress since..
...since sliced bread.
Ah, sliced bread, a wonderful Lady Macbeth.
God, I just...I hate her.
I hate her with her, "Oh, I'm so talented"
and, "Ooh, I'm so pretty" and, "Ooh, I smell so good".
I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Hey, Chandler, can we please try and stay focused
on my problem here, you know?
I'm talking about you, you big, big freak.
Oh.
Oh. Oh. You're outta your mind.
Hey, you have done nothing but talk about her
for the last 48 hours.
If you were in a schoolyard, you'd be pulling her pigtails
and pushing her down now.
Oh, yeah?
Then how come I keep thinking about her
in all these sexual scenarios and stuff? Huh?
Happy? Is that what I'm supposed to be, Vic? Happy?
Well, why don't you tell me what you're supposed to be, huh?
Because I sure as hell can't figure it out.
I talk to you and it's nothing.
You look at me and nothing.
Nothing.
You guys make me fly..
...high.
Okay. We're gonna pick it up here, tomorrow.
- Well, that was, uh.. - Better?
Yeah, yeah.
It was definitely an improvement, uh...goodnight.
- 'Uh, Kate.' - Yeah.
You, uh.. You forgot your shoes.
[nervous laugh]
I'm probably gonna need those, huh?
[laughing]
Hey, listen, you, uh..
...feel like getting a cup of coffee?
- Kate. - Yeah.
- You ready to go? - Yeah.
Very nice. Very nice.
So, uh...see you tomorrow, huh?
Yeah, yeah. Sure.
- Right. - Goodnight.
Hey.
Why isn't it Spiderman?
You know, like Goldman, Silverman?
'Cause it's-it's not his last name.
It isn't?
No. It's not like..
...like Phil Spiderman.
He's a spider...man.
You know, like, uh, like Goldman is a last name
but there's no gold-man.
Oh. Oh, okay.
There should be a gold-man.
- Hey. - Hey, Rach.
How was work?
Great, although I did sit down
where there wasn't a chair.
By the way, Ross dropped by a box of your stuff.
Oh, well, I guess I had that one coming.
I'm just gonna throw it out.
It's probably just a bunch of shampoo and..
Something wrong?
No, nothing.
So, uh, what kind of powers would Gold-man have?
Okay. Well, he would turn things to gold.
What about things that are already gold?
Ah, his work is done.
Okay. Let's play my game now.
Okay.
Oh, you yellow-bellied, lily-livered..
...draw!
(Phoebe) 'Yeah, that's fun.'