- Hey. - Hey.
How was the big anniversary dinner?
Well..
...we never actually got to dinner.
[chuckling] Whoa, nice.
No, we kind of broke up instead.
What? Aah!
What?
Oh, my God! Monica, it's on the ceiling.
That's okay.
This is more important than fruit..
...on my ceiling.
You broke up?
Yeah, but it's okay, because when Ross left, Mark came over.
Oh, no! Rachel, you and Mark?
No, no, it's okay. Calm down.
Mark and I talked..
...and I realized, how much I love your stupid brother
and...yeah, we got our problems
but I really wanna make it work.
'Morning.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was ♪
♪ Gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day ♪
♪ Your week your month
♪ Or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
(Rachel on answering machine) 'Hi. It's me.'
'I've been trying to reach you all night.'
'I feel awful.'
'Please, Ross, you've got to know there's nothing'
'between me and Mark.'
'This whole break-up thing is just stupid.'
Yeah!
'Ugh, I'm just so sorry I put you through it.'
'And I, you know, I don't wanna get'
'back together over a machine.'
Unh-unh.
- 'You know, I love you.' - I love you.
'And you know what? Ahem.'
'I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to bed now'
'but on my way to work tomorrow morning'
'I'm gonna stop by around 8:30.'
- Ugh. - 'Bye.'
Chloe, Chloe, how's it coming?
Hey, what kind of puppy do you think I should get?
Um, oh, hey, you know, I don't know.
- How about a big one? - My apartment's--
Well, then, a small one. Listen, let's..
- We kinda have to get going. - Wait! Where's my shoes?
You-you're sure you need shoes?
Uh, okay.
- Do I know why we're rushing? - Yeah.
You know the, uh, girlfriend I told you about last night?
Well, it turns out that she, uh..
...she wants to get back together with me.
Oh, I found it!
- That's so great for you guys. - Yeah.
- You must be so happy. - Yes.
Yes, I am, one of the many things I'm feeling.
Well..
Good luck with your girlfriend.
Oh, thank you. Ay! Hey..
[chuckling]
Rachel!
- Oh, you got my message? - Oh, hey.
- You are right on time. - So, what do you say?
Can I be your girlfriend again?
Yes, you can. Very much.
- Yes. - Ah-ah-ah.
- Hey. - Hey.
Hey, why are you mopping your ceiling?
Aah, there's banana on it.
Wow, I have the spirit of an old Indian woman
living in mine.
So then you know.
The mailman was downstairs, so I brought up your mail.
Oh, good. Thanks.
Now, what is "Fabutek"?
Okay. Alright, don't judge me too much, okay?
Um, but I saw this infomercial
and, um I swear to you I've never
ever bought anything on TV before.
Except for this mop.
But there was this stuff on leg waxing
it looked so amazing.
- Waxine! - Yes! Have you seen it?
Oh! It's incredible! I so wanna be a waxine girl!
I know!
God.
Do you think it really doesn't hurt?
- 'Cause how can they do that? - Hello?
Organic substances recently discovered
in the depths of the rain forest.
They have the best stuff in there.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, we figured when we couldn't find you.
You'd gone home to make up with Rachel.
Which is probably what you should have done, huh?
You think?
God, I, ugh, I'm in hell.
I mean, what-what am I gonna do?
Rachel's all like, I love you and-and let's work on this.
And all I can think about is..
...what is she gonna do, what's she gonna say
when I tell her, what I did?
Well, before we answer that I think we should address
the more important question.
How dumb are you?
What, look, we're trying to rebuild
a relationship here. Right? But, uh..
How am I supposed to do that without being
totally honest with each other?
But, Ross, look, I'm on board about
the, total honesty thing. I am.
Just, not about stuff that's gonna get you in trouble.
He's right, nobody's gonna benefit
and you're just gonna hurt her.
Yeah, and there won't be a relationship left to rebuild.
- Yeah, but don't.. - Alright, look.
If you absolutely have to tell her
at least wait till the timing's right.
And that's what deathbeds are for.
- Yeah, okay. - Alright.
Okay, now, we just have to make sure
she doesn't find out some other way.
Did you think about the trail?
What trail?
The trail from the woman you did it with
to the woman you hope never finds out
you did it.
You always have to think about the trail.
No, I-I don't think there's any trail.
Okay. Okay, okay. Uh, Chloe works with that guy Isaac.
Isaac's sister is Jasmine
and Jasmine works at the massage place with Phoebe
and Phoebe's friends with Rachel
and that's the trail! I did it!
"After applying the waxine
and linen strips to leg number one--"
- Did that. - Okay.
"Grasp one of the linen strips by its easy-grab tab
"and pull it off in one quick pain-free motion."
Okay.
[screaming] Ow!
Is it not pain-free?
No! It was painful!
Oh, my God, they should call it painzeen
now with a little wax.
Huh. Well, the girls in the satin nighties
on the commercial don't seem to think it's that bad.
That's because their nerves are probably deadened
from being so stupid.
But, hey, you know, if you don't believe me
please, be my guest.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Oh, my God!
Now, aren't you glad we didn't start
with the bikini strips?
Chloe, hi.
Is this about me taking your watch?
- You took my watch? - I'm sorry. I do that.
Just, you keep it. Listen, did you tell anyone about us?
Oh, no.
I feel, that it really isn't anybody's business, you know?
Exactly, so you didn't-you didn't
mention anything to Isaac, right?
Oh, well, I tell Isaac everything.
You say, of course you do.
Isaac-I..
Hi, Isaac. Isaac, hi.
Thinking, you know, we haven't actually met.
You dog.
Yes, I suppose I am a dog
but, Isaac, see, I-I happen to have a girlfriend.
Oh, right, that Rachel chick from the coffee place.
Yeah, that's the one, listen..
...I don't wanna hurt her.
Oh, hey, man, I know.
Doesn't matter how much we love 'em.
Monogamy is too cruel a rule.
Yeah, listen..
...can you keep this information to yourself?
Oh, no problem, dude, you know, we got to look out
for each other. We're the same, you and me.
Actually...no, we're not.
Yeah, we are.
No...we're not.
Yeah, we are.
No, we're not.
- Okay, we're not. - Alright.
But we are.
Fine, I just need to know that
you're not gonna tell your sister.
I can promise not to tell her again.
- Jasmine? - Uh-huh.
We met at Phoebe's birthday party.
I'm-I'm Ross Geller.
You did a bad thing.
- Yes, I did. - Very bad.
- Very, very bad.
I'm agreeing with you.
Did you? Listen, did you happen to tell Phoebe yet?
No.
Okay, Jasmine, please..
...please don't.
I love my girlfriend very much
and I want more than anything
to just work it out with her, okay?
[sighing] Alright.
Thank you. Thank you.
But you should probably talk to my roommate
because I told him, and he knows Phoebe, too.
Who's your roommate?
Gunther.
Gunther. Please tell me
you didn't say anything to Rachel
about me and the girl from the copy place.
I'm sorry.
Was I not supposed to?
[both screaming]
(Phoebe) 'We're alright.'
- It's okay, it's okay. - We're alright.
We were just waxing our legs.
Off?
For your information, this happens to be a pain
like no man will ever experience.
Yeah, well, I don't think you can make that statement
unless you've been kicked in an area that God only meant
to be treated nicely.
Yeah, I-I think women just have a lower threshold
for pain than men, that's all.
I mean, come on. It's just a little wax.
Oh, yeah? Come here.
Oh, that's mature.
Okay, fine, so, now what? I just pull it off?
- Uh-huh. - That's right.
[whimpering]
Come on, Rachel. Come on, talk to me, please.
'You know, I can't even look at you, right now.'
What?
Nothing. Nothing.
Rachel said everything was okay.
What are they talking about?
- Rachel-- - Just get away from me.
It was a mistake. I made a mistake, okay?
"A mistake?"
What were you trying to put it in.
Her purse?
Where? Where did he put it?
Ross, you had sex with another woman.
- Oh. - Oh, my God.
Oh, I knew, something had to be wrong
because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.
Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight and he got drunk--
[gasping] You guys knew about this and you didn't tell us?
He had sex and we get hit on our heads.
You know what, I want you to leave. Get out of here.
- No! No! - Just get out. Now!
I know, I wanna stay. I want to talk about this.
Okay. Alright.
How was she?
Uh-oh.
- What? - Was she good?
Don't answer that.
Come on, Ross. You said, you wanted to talk about it.
Let's talk about it! How was she?
She was..
- Awful. - She was not good.
- Horrible. - Not good.
Nothing compared to you.
She.. She was different.
- Oh. - Uh-oh.
Good. Different?
Nobody likes change, I..
- You just stop.. - What?
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Sh-should we do something?
Yeah. Never cheat on Rachel.
I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry.
I was-I was disgusted with myself
and this-this morning, I was so, I was-I was so upset
and then I got your message, I was so happy
and all I wanted was to get her out
of my apartment as fast as poss--
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
What time did your little friend leave?
Uh.
Oh, my gosh. She was there.
She was still there?
She was in there when I was in there?
Oh! Just get out!
Listen, oh, hey, hey, the important thing is
she meant, she meant nothing to me.
And yet she was worth jeopardizing our relationship?
Look, I didn't think there was a relationship to jeopardize.
I thought that we were broken up.
We were on a break.
That, for all I knew, could last forever.
That, to me, is a break up.
You think you're gonna get of this on a technicality?
Look, I'm not trying to get out of anything, okay.
I thought our relationship was dead.
Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the wake.
You know what? I don't think we should listen to this anymore.
Wait, what are you doing?
We can't go out there.
Why not? I'm hungry.
Because they'll know we've been listening.
God! And to have to hear about it from Gunther!
Come on, like I wanted him to tell you?
I ran all over the place trying to make sure
that didn't happen.
Oh, that is so sweet.
I think I'm falling in love with you all over again.
You know what? I think we can go out there.
I mean, they have more important things to worry about.
Yeah, we'll be fine.
Look, Rachel, I wanted to tell you.
I thought I should, I did and then
Chandler and Joey convinced me not to.
Wax the door shut. We're never leaving, ever.
Hi. It's Phoebe.
Listen, someone's gonna have to take my 9 o'clock
with Mr. Rehak 'cause it's like
9:15 now, and I'm not there.
Don't you realize none of this would ever have happened
if I didn't think at that same moment
you were having sex with Mark?
Alright.
Let's say I had slept with Mark.
Would you have been able to forgive me?
Yes, I would.
You'd be okay if you knew that Mark had kissed me
and been naked with me and made love to me?
Yes.
If you knew that our hot, sweaty, writhing bodies--
La la la!
Okay, okay, yeah, it..
I would've been devastated but..
...I would still want to be with you..
...because it's, I mean, it's you.
(all in unison) Aww.
What?
Come on, Rach, tell me what you're thinking.
I'm thinking..
...I'm gonna order a pizza.
Order a pizza, like..
...I forgive you?
Oh, man. Pizza?
I like pizza.
Put olives on the pizza.
We could eat the wax. It's organic.
Oh, great, food with hair on it.
No, not the used wax.
Because that would be crazy?
Hey, could I-could I get in on that
'cause I'm kind of hungry myself.
Fine.
Hi. Yes, I'd like to order a large pizza.
[whispering] No anchovies.
With, uh, extra anchovies.
It's okay, I'll just pick them off.
Yeah, and could you please chop some up
and just put it right there in the sauce?
You can have the last piece if you want.
Well, I should think so. You slept with someone.
They're gonna get through this, aren't they?
Yeah. Come on, it's Ross and Rachel.
They've got to.
What if they don't?
You think I need a new walk?
What?
Well, you know, I've been walking the same way
since high school.
You know, how some guys they walk into a room
and everybody takes notice?
I think I need a take-notice walk.
Are you actually saying these words?
What, now, you're not even talking to me?
Look, Rachel, I'm-I'm sorry. Okay?
I'm sorry. I was out of my mind.
I thought I'd lost you. I didn't know what to do.
Come on, come on, how insane must I have been
to do something like this? Huh?
I-I don't cheat. Right, I..
That's not me. I'm not Joey.
Whoa!
Yeah, okay.
Hey, it's three in the morning.
They don't know that I've come home yet.
You notice how neither one of them are wondering
where I am.
Yeah, you know, people could be so self-involved.
You know what? You know what?
I'm not-I'm not the one that wanted
that-that break, okay.
You're the one that bailed on us.
You're the one that-that ran the moment things
got just a little rough.
- That's.. - That's what?
That is neither here nor there.
Okay, well, here we are, now we're in a tough spot again.
What do you wanna do? How do you wanna handle it?
Huh? Do you wanna fight for us or do you want to bail?
Look, I..
...I did a terrible, stupid, stupid thing, okay
and I'm sorry, I wish I could take it back, but I can't.
'I just can't see us throwing away something we know'
is so damn good.
Rachel, I love you so much.
No, Ross. Don't!
You can't just kiss me
and think you're gonna make it all go away, okay.
It doesn't work that way. It doesn't just make it better.
- Okay? - Okay, okay.
I think you should go.
What?
I really think you need to go now.
Okay, okay.
This morning you said there was nothing so big
that we couldn't work past it together.
What the hell did I know?
Look, there's got to be a way we can work past this, okay?
I can't imagine-I can't imagine
my life without you, you know, without..
Without these arms...
[sniffling]
And your face and your heart.
Your good heart, Rach, and..
No.
I can't. You're a totally different person to me now.
I used to think of you as somebody that would never..
...ever, hurt me. Ever.
God, and now I just can't stop picturing you with her.
I can't, it doesn't matter what you say
or what you do, Ross.
It's just changed everything.
Forever.
[Ross crying]
[stammering]
This can't be it. I mean..
[sighing]
Then, how come it is?
They've been quiet for a long time.
Maybe she killed him.
Let's go.
Is that your new walk?
[whispering] No, I really have to pee.
[theme music]