Okay, these were unbelievably expensive
and I know he's gonna grow out of them
in, like, 20 minutes, but I couldn't resist!
[everyone exclaiming]
Oh, look at these. Oh.
Hey, Ben, just do it.
[crying]
Oh, my God. Ohh!
Okay, was that too much pressure for him?
[crying louder]
- Wow, is he hungry already? - I guess so.
You know, it's..
something funny about sneakers.
I'll be right back.
Uh...uh...uh.. I got to get one too.
Hey, what are you guys doing?
We're just hanging out by the spoons..
...and the ladle.
Look, will you guys grow up?
This is the most natural, beautiful thing in the world.
Yeah, we know, but there's a baby sucking on it.
This is my son having lunch, okay?
It's gonna happen a lot so you better get used to it.
If you have any problem with it
if you're uncomfortable, just ask questions.
Carol's fine with it.
Come on.
Carol?
I was just wondering if Joey
could ask you a question about breast-feeding.
Sure.
Uh..
Does it hurt?
Oh, it did at first, but not anymore.
Oh.
Chandler?
So, uh...how often can you do it?
As much as he needs.
Oh, oh, okay, I got one. I got one.
Uh...if he blows into one does the other one get bigger?
Get out. Get out.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ And it hasn't been your day ♪
♪ Your week, your month, or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to fall ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪
Rachel, do you have any muffins left?
Yeah, I forget which ones.
Oh, you're busy. That's okay. I'll get it.
- Oh, anyone else want one? - No, thanks.
Oh, you're losing your apron here. Let me get it.
Oh.
- There you go. - Thank you.
[sighs] What a bitch.
Oh, listen, you guys. I have this friend at Bloomingdale's
who's quitting tomorrow and he wants to abuse his discount.
So anyone who wants to come with me and take advantage of it?
I can't. I have to take my grandmother to the vet.
Okay. Um, I'll go with you.
Great.
Hi, honey.
Hey, sweetums.
And hello to the rest.
(all) 'Hi.'
Monica, what are you doing? You can't go shopping with her.
What about Rachel?
This is going to be a problem, isn't it?
Come on. You're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie?
It's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.
- But I just want to-- - Monica, she will kill you.
She will kill you like a dog in the street.
So, uh, Jules tells me
you guys are going shopping tomorrow?
Oh, yeah, um, it's actually not that big a deal. In fact--
Well, it's a big deal to me. This is great, Monica.
I really appreciate this.
You're welcome.
Woof! Woof!
[panting]
[imitating crash]
Bijan for men?
- Hey, Annabel. - Hey, Joey.
Did you hear about the new guy?
Who?
Nobody knows his name.
Me and the girls just call him the "Hombre Man."
[spurs jingling]
[as Clint Eastwood] Hombre?
What's he doing in my section?
I guess he doesn't know.
Well, he's gonna.
I'll see you a little later, okay?
Hey, how you doing?
Morning.
Listen, uh, I know you're new
but, uh, it's kind of understood that everything
from "Young Men's" to the escalator
is, uh, my territory.
Your territory, huh?
Yeah.
- Bijan for men? - No, thanks.
Hombre?
Yeah. Alright.
You were saying?
Phoebe, listen, you were with me
and we were shopping all day.
What?
We were shopping, and we had lunch.
Alright, what did I have?
You had a salad.
Oh, no wonder I don't feel full.
Hi, guys. What's up?
I went shopping with Monica all day
and I had a salad.
Good, Pheebs. What'd you buy?
Um, we went shopping for, um..
for, um..
for fur.
You went shopping for fur?
Yeah.
And then I realized that I'm against that
and, uh..
so then we bought some, um..
um..
boobs.
[laughing]
You bought boobs?
Bras!
We bought bras!
We bought bras.
Bijan for men?
Bijan for m..
Hey, Annabel.
Listen, I was wondering if maybe after work
you and I could go out and grab a cup of coffee.
Actually, I sort of have plans.
Oh.
You ready, Annabel?
You bet.
Maybe some other time.
Yeah.
Hey, it's not the first time I lost a girl
to a cowboy spraying cologne.
Bijan for men?
Bijan for men!
Okay, and this is Funny Clown.
Funny Clown is only for after his naps.
Not before his naps or he won't sleep.
Carol, we've been through this before. Okay?
'We have a good time.'
We laugh, we play.
It's like we're father and son.
Honey, relax. Ross is great with him.
Don't look so surprised.
I'm a lovely person.
Oh, this is so cute.
Oh, I got that for him.
"My mommies love me."
That's clever.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
Oh, hi, Jules..
Hi, Jew!
Uh-huh.
Okay, um, sure. That would be great.
See you then. Bye.
Did you just say, "Hi, Jew?"
Yes. Um, yes, I did.
That was my friend Eddie Moskowitz.
Yeah, he likes it.
Reaffirms his faith.
Ben, dinner!
Thanks, Aunt Pheebs. You didn't microwave that, did you?
Because it's breast milk
and you're not supposed to do that.
Duh, I think I know how to heat breast milk.
Okay.
What did you just do?
I licked my arm. What?
It-it-it's breast milk.
So?
Phoebe, that is juice squeezed from a person.
What is the big deal?
'No. Joey.'
Aah! What did you just do?
Okay, can people stop drinking the breast milk?
You won't even taste it?
No.
Not even if you just pretend that it's milk.
Not even if Carol's breast
had a picture of a missing child on it.
- Hey. - Hey.
- 'Where is everybody?' - They took Ben to the park.
Where have you been?
Just out.
Had some lunch, just me.
Little quality time with me.
Hey, thanks for your jacket.
Oh, it's no problem.
You can borrow it, by the way.
- Oh, here are your keys, hon. - 'Thank you.'
- Mon? - Hmm?
If, uh, you were at lunch alone, how come it cost you $53?
You know what probably happened?
Someone must have stolen my credit card.
And sort of just put the receipt back in your pocket?
Huh.
That is an excellent, excellent question.
That is excellent.
Monica, what's with you? Who did you have lunch with?
- Judy. - Who?
- Julie. - What?
Jody.
You were with Julie?
Look. When it started
I was just trying to be nice to her
because she was my brother's girlfriend.
And then, one thing led to another
and before I knew it, we were...shopping.
Oh!
Oh, my God.
Look. Honey, wait.
We only did it once.
It didn't mean anything to me.
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
- Really. - Sure.
Rachel, I was thinking of you the whole time.
Yeah, right.
Look. I'm sorry, alright?
I never meant for you to find out.
Oh, please!
Please! You wanted to get caught!
That is not true.
Oh, so you just sort of happened to leave it in here?
Did it ever occur to you that I might just be that stupid?
Okay, Monica, I just have to know one thing.
[sighs]
Did you go with her to Bloomingdale's?
Ohh!
Okay.
Okay, I just really, uh..
I just really need to not be with you right now.
Yeah, hi. Who's this?
Hi, Joanne. Is Rachel working?
It's Monica.
Yes, I know I did a horrible thing.
Joanne, it's not as simple as all that, okay?
No, I don't care what Steve thinks.
Hi, Steve.
[knock on door]
- Hey. - Hey.
'Hi.'
How did we do?
Oh, I tasted Ben's milk and Ross freaked out.
- I did not freak out. - Why'd you freak out?
Because it's breast milk.
It-it..
It's gross.
My breast milk is gross?
This should be fun.
No. No, Carol. There's nothing wrong with it.
I just don't think breast milk is for adults.
Of course, the packaging does appeal to grownups
and kids alike.
Ross, you're being silly. I've tried it. It's no big deal.
Come on, just taste it.
[phony laughing]
That would be "no."
- Come on. - Come on, try it.
Wha.. No.
It doesn't taste bad.
Yeah. It tastes kind of sweet.
Sort of like, uh..
Like what?
Cantaloupe juice.
Exactly.
You've tasted it.
You've-you've-you've tasted it?
Uh-huh.
Oh, you've tasted it.
You can keep saying it, but it won't stop being true.
Get me the bottle.
Get me the towel.
Howdy.
Get me a box of juice.
Well, they switched me over to Hombre.
Well, maybe it's because of the way you're dressed.
Or maybe it's because this guy's doing so good
they want to put more people on it.
You should see this guy, Chandler.
He goes through, like, two bottles a day now.
So what do you care?
You're an actor. This is your day job.
This isn't supposed to mean anything to you.
I know, but I was the best, you know?
I liked being the best.
I don't know. Maybe I should just get out of the game.
They need guys up in Housewares to serve cheese.
Alright, say you do that.
You know, sooner or later, somebody's gonna come along
that slices a better cheddar.
And then where are you gonna run?
- Yeah, I guess you're right. - You're damn right I'm right.
I say you show this guy what you're made of.
I say you stand your ground.
I say you show him that you are
the baddest Hombre West of the lingerie.
- I'm gonna do it. - Alright.
Now go see Miss Kitty
and she'll fix you up with a nice hooker.
I don't know what else to say.
Well, that works out good 'cause I'm not listening.
I feel terrible. I really do.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did my back hurt your knife?
Rachel..
...say that I'm friends with her.
We spend some time together.
- Is that so terrible? - Yes.
- It's that terrible? - Yes, Monica. You don't get it.
It's bad enough that she stole the guy
who might actually be the person that I am supposed to be with
but now..
she's actually..
but now she's actually stealing you.
Me?
What are you talking about?
Nobody could steal me from you.
I mean, just because I'm friends with her
doesn't make me any less friends with you.
I mean..
I mean, you're my..
We're..
[both crying]
Oh, I love you.
I love you too.
[crying]
You guys, um..
I know that this really doesn't have
anything to do with me
but, um...I love you guys too.
Oh, Phoebe, we love you too.
Oh, I really needed that.
Look, I know that you're in a place right now
where you really need to hate Julie's guts
but...she didn't do anything wrong.
I mean, she's just a girl who met a guy and now they go out.
And I really think that if you gave her a chance
you'd like her.
Will you just give that a chance?
For me?
I'd do anything for you. You know that.
I'd do anything for you!
I know.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Morning.
I said morning.
I heard you.
Alright, everybody. I'm opening the doors.
You boys ready?
Ready.
Yeah, I'm ready.
[instrumental music]
[yelling]
You idiot! You stupid cowboy!
You blinded me! I'm suing!
Oh, my God! Todd, what the hell did you do?
I'm sorry. I'm such a dufus.
I'm so sorry.
My God. What happened?
Ah, these new kids, they never last.
Sooner or later, they all...stop lasting.
Listen, uh, what do you say I buy you that cup of coffee now?
Sure.
- So.. - So..
I just thought the two of us should hang out for a bit.
I mean, you know, we've never really talked.
I guess you'd know that, being one of the two of us, right?
No, I know.
I probably shouldn't even tell you this
but I'm pretty much totally intimidated by you.
Really? Me?
Oh, my God. Are you kidding?
Ross is so crazy about you
and I really wanted you to like me
and I, uh..
It's probably me just being totally paranoid
but I kind of got the feeling
that maybe you don't.
Well..
you're not totally paranoid.
Oy.
Um..
Okay. Um..
Oh, God.
Um..
When you and Ross first started going out
it was really hard for me, um...for many reasons
of which I'm not going to bore you with now
but, um..
I just...I see how happy he is, you know
and how good you guys are together and, um..
Monica's always saying how nice you are
and God, I hate it when she's right.
- Thanks. - Yeah.
Hey, listen, would you like to go to a movie sometime
or something?
- Yeah. That would be great. - Yeah?
- I'd love it. - I'd love it too.
- Okay. - Okay.
Oh, shoot. I got to go.
- I'll talk to you later, okay? - Alright, Julie.
- Bye. - Bye.
What a manipulative bitch.
[sighs]
Not bad.
[theme music]