Hey.
'What you guys doing?'
Monica's making us watch "Old Yeller."
So why are you guys so upset?
It's "Old Yeller." It's a happy movie.
- What? - What are you talking about?
Come on.
Happy family gets a dog.
Frontier fun.
Yeah, but, Pheebs, what about the end?
Oh, buddy, when Yeller saves the family from the wolf
and everyone's happy?
- That's not the end. - Yuh-huh.
That's when my mother would shut off the TV
and say "The end."
What about the part where he has rabies?
He doesn't have rabies. He has babies.
That's what my mom said.
Uh, Phoebe, I don't think your mom
would want you to see what's about to happen.
Why? What's about to happen?
I've never seen this part before.
Hey, Travis, whatcha doing with that gun?
Oh, no.
No, no, Travis, put down the gun.
No, no, no, he's-he's your buddy.
He's your Yeller. No.
No, no. The end! The end!
[gunshot]
Okay, what kind of a sick doggie snuff film is this?
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week your month ♪
♪ Or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
Hey, have you guys eaten?
Because Richard and I just finished
and we've got leftovers.
Chicken and potatoes.
What am I wearing?
Actually, nothing but rubber gloves.
You know, one of these times, you're gonna really be naked
and we're not gonna come over.
Alright, I've got a leg, three breasts and a wing.
Well, how do you find clothes that fit?
Oh, hey, Monica, we got a question.
Alright, for the zillionth time
yes, I see other women in the shower at the gym
and, no, I don't look.
Oh, not that one.
We're tryin' to figure out
who to bring to the Knicks game tonight.
- We have an extra ticket. - Yeah, Ross can't go.
So it's between my friend Eric Prower
who has breath issues
and...Dan, with the poking.
"Did you see that play?"
"Do you want some more beer?"
"Is that Spike Lee?"
Okay.
Hey, why don't you ask Richard?
Okay. Hey, Richard.
If you had an extra ticket to the Knicks game..
'...and you had to choose between..'
...a friend who smelled and one who..
...bruises you
who would you pick?
Wow.
Well, being a huge Knicks fan myself
I think you should take someone
who's a huge Knicks fan.
Okay.
That's Eric.
Glad to be of help.
Matches.
I meant, why don't you take Richard to the game?
What?
I don't know..
Come on.
He keeps his fingers to himself
and he's always minty fresh.
I know, Richard's really nice and everything.
Uh, it's just that we don't know him really well
you know, and plus, he's, you know, old..
...er than some people..
...but, uh, younger than some buildings.
So what he's a little older. Big deal.
I mean, he's important to me.
You know, if you ask him, he might take you in his Jag.
How do we say yes now
and make it seem like we're not doing it
just to ride in the cool car?
Okay, this could be tough.
Okay, okay, okay.
Monica...we'll bring him
but only if he takes the Jaguar.
Ooh, you almost had it.
[sniffs]
No, no. You're fine.
You're fine.
- Hello. - Hi.
- Hey. - Hi, honey. Oh!
Oh, you guys are not gonna believe what happened.
- What? - What?
Okay, we were sitting over there playing on the floor
and he grabs the table and he pulls himself up.
He pulled himself up.
Standing man.
I'm sorry you guys missed it
but, I did tape it
so if you guys want to see it.
Uh, we know.
He already did it last week.
You can watch our tape if you want.
See? I can't believe this.
I missed, I missed the first time of everything.
I missed, what, the first time he rolled over
the first time he crawled.
What else did I miss? Has he spoken yet?
Is he driving? Does he have a favorite liqueur?
You know, actually, he's getting closer
on the talking thing.
He can't quite say "Mama" yet
but once he said "Yemen."
See..
I don't know. I-I'm so sick of missing stuff.
You know, I want him for more than-than a day.
I want him for a whole weekend.
No, listen, I mean, I feel like--
- That'll be fine. - That will be great.
Really? I mean, I had a whole speech prepared.
Oh, shoot. That would have been fun.
[baby cooing]
Oh, look, did..
Did you just see that? Did you see?
He just waved. He just waved!
He's never waved before!
You've never waved before!
Yes, he has.
Very good.
- Hey. - Hey, Pheebs.
What you got there?
Okay. "Love Story," "Brian's Song"
and "Terms Of Endearment."
Wow, all you need now is "The Killing Fields"
and some guacamole and you got yourself a par-tay.
Yeah, I talked to my grandma about the "Old Yeller" incident
and she told me that my mom used to not show us
the ends of sad movies
to shield us from the pain and sadness.
You know, before she killed herself.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Hi. - Hey, uh, where is he?
Where's Richard? Did you ditch him?
Yeah, after we stole his lunch money
and gave him a wedgie.
What's the matter with you?
He's parking the car.
So did you guys have fun?
- Your boyfriend is so cool. - Really?
Yeah, he let us drive his Jaguar.
Joey for 12 blocks, me for 15.
(Rachel) 'Wow.'
He must like you the best.
Oh, and what about that thing he did
when he tipped the guy who showed us to our seats?
You never even saw the money. It was like this.
"Hey, Chandler, thanks for showing us to our seats."
"You're welcome. Hey, Joey, thanks for parking the car."
No problem.
[chuckles]
- "Hey, Chandler--" - I think they get it.
Okay.
There's the man!
- Hey! - Hey, hey-hey.
Hey, you're getting better.
I'm gonna keep this, by the way.
'Okay.'
He kept my dollar.
(Monica) 'So, your first whole weekend without Ben.'
What are you guys gonna do?
Hmm, we're going down to Colonial Williamsburg.
Yeah, a woman I went to college with
just became the first female blacksmith down there.
Well, you know they're a little behind the times
in Colonial Williamsburg.
Okay, well, look, I better go before mommy starts weeping.
- Bye. - We love you.
"Bye, mommy. Bye, mommy."
- Bye. - 'Have a good time.'
Okay, Ben.
- Ross? - Yeah?
Look.
Joey, do you know we can see you from here?
How come Richard looks so much cooler
with one of these than me?
For starters, you may wanna light it
and lose the spatula.
You know what? I think it's cute.
You trying to be more like Richard.
Um, not like him, per se
just not unlike him.
Look, it's the artist formally known as Chandler.
I was just trying something here, you know?
So, Joey, why didn't you grow a moustache?
Oh, we flipped for it.
I got the cigar, he got the moustache.
You know, we figured if we both grew 'em
we'd look like dorks.
Yeah, you really side-stepped that land mine.
Hey, listen, we got to go.
I promised Richard we'd meet him downstairs.
- Oh. - Come on.
You're meeting Richard?
Yeah, we're going to a Ranger game.
Yeah, didn't he tell you?
Oh, he told me he was going out with the guys.
I just didn't know that you were the guys.
You hear that?
- We're "The guys." - We're "The guys."
With that moustache doesn't Chandler remind you
of Aunt Sylvia?
Thank you!
Hi. We're visiting.
Yay!
It's Ben and his...da-da.
Da-da.
- Can you say "Da-da?" - Oh.
Look, I'm gonna tell your mommies you said it
anyway, so you might as well try.
- No luck, huh? - No.
You know, a while ago, I got a "Seh" out of him
which I thought, you know might turn into
"Seh-condary caregiver," but..
Hey, would you, uh, would you hold him for a sec?
'Cause I-I got to take this off.
- Oh. Yeah. Sure. - There.
Okay.
What are you doing?
Uh, I'm holding Ben.
Yeah, well he's a baby, not a bomb.
Okay.
Well, just hold him like you'd hold a football.
This is how I would hold a football.
Okay, here, here. There we go.
Okay. I'm sorry.
I'm just not very good with babies.
I mean, I haven't been around them.
I mean, you know, since I was one.
That's alright. It's no big deal.
- Really? - Yeah, definitely.
I'm sure you'll feel totally different
when it's our baby.
- What? - What?
You th-think about stuff like that?
Uh...yeah.
I mean...actually, I kind of think
that we'll have-we'll have two babies.
Two, uh, two babies?
Yeah. You know, a boy and a girl.
Hopefully, the girl will come first
so Ben here won't feel too competitive, you know.
Um...th-then what's gonna happen?
Well, we won't want to raise kids in the city
so we'll probably move to, uh, Scarsdale.
- Scar...uh-huh. - Yeah.
That way, I figured, you know we'll be far enough
away from our parents that we don't have to see them
all the time but close enough that they can come over
and baby-sit whenever we want, and, yes, I know
the taxes are a little higher than, let's say, Nassau County
but the school system's supposedly great.
Wow.
Wow, that's great.
Great.
- Okay, wow, you know what? - Huh?
I'm off my break now
so, uh, um, here..
...you take this..
..and, um..
I am gonna go pour these very nice people some coffee.
Okay.
Oh, look at that. I don't have a pot.
I don't have a pot, well, hey..
...maybe I've got one at home...or in Scarsdale.
Hey, is that a door?
Rach?
- Hey. - Hey, Pheebs, what's happening?
Oh, okay, murder, cancer
soccer teams eating each other in the Andes.
So, you watched the movies, huh?
Uh-huh. What is happening to the world?
I mean...no, no, no.
'Cause ET Leaves and-and Rocky loses.
- Charlotte dies. - Charlotte who?
With the web. The spider.
She dies. She does. She has babies and dies.
It's like, you know
"Hey, welcome home from the hospital." Thud.
Alright, you wanna feel better?
- Yeah. - Okay.
Here. Watch this.
"It's A Wonderful Life."
Yes, I've heard of this.
So you can't lose. It's there in the title.
The wonderfulness is baked right in.
Please, I almost fell
for that with "Pride Of The Yankees."
I thought I was gonna see a film about Yankee pride
and then, boom, the guy gets Lou Gehrig's disease.
Uh, the guy was Lou Gehrig.
Didn't you kind of see it coming?
Phoebe, just watch that, I promise you
it'll restore all your faith in humanity.
Hey, big guy, game time.
Hey, be right there.
- There's a game? - Oh, yeah.
I just got my pick-up sticks
back from the shop.
Bring your nerves of steel.
It's the basketball play-offs.
Listen, um, honey, I appreciate this
but you don't have to keep hanging out with them for me.
I mean...they have each other.
Oh, no, honey, I mean...don't worry.
I like hanging out with those guys.
It's fun for me.
They're different than my other friends.
They don't start sentences with
"You know who just died shoveling snow?"
Alright, that's great.
- Then just go. - Okay.
Go Knicks!
Uh, it's the college play-offs.
Oh. Then...go Vassar!
Uh, they're not in it.
- Okay, then just go. - Okay.
Oh, why does this bother me so much?
I mean, I-I don't wanna be one of those people
who tells their boyfriend they want to spend
24 hours a day with them.
Sure.
It's just that he doesn't have that much free time.
You know, and I don't know.
- What do I do? - Does it matter?
You're ultimately just gonna die or get divorced
or have to blow your pet's head off.
- Ugh! - Me too.
Rachel, I got a question.
Richard made plans again with the guys.
Yeah, well, Ross just made plans for the whole century.
Hey, you know what, I'm gonna go to my room and read "Cosmo."
Maybe there's something helpful in there.
If not, at least maybe I can learn how to do
an at-home bikini wax with leftover Christmas candles.
Okay. What the hell happened back there?
I don't know. You tell me.
One minute, I'm holding Ben like a football.
The next thing I know I've got two kids
I'm living in Scarsdale complaining about the taxes.
Well, I'm sorry. I think about stuff.
You know, I mean, you're at work
you're assembling bones, your mind wanders.
Ross, you have planned out
the next 20 years of our lives.
We've been dating for six weeks.
Oh, come on. What, you never think about our future?
Yes, but I-I think about whose apartment
we're gonna sleep at tomorrow night
and where we're gonna have dinner next Saturday night.
I do not think about what our children's names are gonna be.
You know what our children's names are gonna be?
No. No.
I mean, you know, I-I read a book
and there was a girl named Emily
and I thought-I thought that might be good.
What was the book?
"The Big Book Of Children's Names."
Okay, Ross, Ross. Okay, listen.
- What we have is amazing. - Yeah.
But I do not want to have everything decided for me.
I spent my whole life like that.
I...that's what I had with Barry.
That was one of the reasons I left.
'I-I like not knowing right now.'
And I'm sorry if that scares you
but if you wanna be with me, you are gonna have
to deal with that.
- Okay, fine. - Thank you.
- We're not done. - I didn't know that.
Okay, then you're gonna have to understand that you're with
a guy who's not gonna stop planning his future
with you because he knows we're gonna end up together
and if that scares you, tough
'cause you're gonna have to deal with that.
- Fine. I will. - Good.
- 'Cause I love you. - Oh, yeah?
- 'Yeah.' - Well, I love you too.
Well, that's the first time we've said that.
- Yes, it is. - Well, I'm gonna kiss you.
Well, you better.
- Hey. - Hey.
Oh, thanks for the great movie tip.
- Yeah, did you like it? - Oh, yeah.
I don't know if I was happier
when, um, George Bailey destroyed the family business
or, um, Donna Reed cried
or when the mean pharmacist made his ear bleed.
Alright, I'll give you the ear thing
but don't you think the ending was pretty wonderful?
I didn't watch the ending. I was too depressed.
It just kept getting worse and worse.
It should have been called "It's a sucky life
"and just when you think it can't suck any more, it does."
Kick save and...denied.
But he gets it back..
...pass to the middle, lines it up
and...bam, yes!
Could that shot be any prettier?
Man, you are incredible.
Well, we had a table in college.
Oh, really? I didn't know they had foosball in the 1800s.
Nice mustache, by the way.
When puberty hits that thing's really gonna kick in.
Honey, uh, not to sound too Florence Henderson
but dinner's on the table.
Okay, just one more point.
(Monica) 'Score.'
- Now can we go? - Uh.
See, that's why we don't let her play.
Is everything alright?
Mm-hmm.
Uh-oh.
Oh, hey, listen. Don't be mad at him.
It's our fault, I'm sorry we've been hogging
so much of his time.
Yeah, he-he's just really great to hang out with.
- Well.. - No, no seriously.
Chandler and I were just talking about this.
He is so much cooler than our dads.
I mean, you know, our dads are okay and all
but Richard is just...ow, ow!
What are you kicking me for? Huh?
I'm trying to talk here.
Uh..
...you guys see me as a dad?
- Oh, yeah. - No.
No.
You're just-you're just clearly not familiar
with our young person's vernacular.
See, when we say "Dad," we mean "Buddy."
- 'We mean "Pal."' - Uh-huh. Yeah.
No, no, no seriously, Joey's my dad.
Monica's my dad.
I've even got some dads down at work.
That's fine.
Well, your other dad and I
are gonna go have a romantic evening
and I guess I'll just see you kids around.
Nighty-night.
- You're not a dad. - You're not a dad.
I can't believe you got us into trouble.
So, are you okay?
Yeah.
It's just, I feel like I'm about a hundred.
I thought I was just one of "The guys."
Come here.
I'll make you feel like one of "The guys."
You know, for a really cool guy
you suck at foosball.
What are you talking about? I was killing them.
Yeah, well, they suck too.
Okay, and then you take the poopy diaper
and you put it in the poopy diaper pail.
Okay, Ross, just so you know calling it a "Poopy diaper"
doesn't make this process any cuter.
[intercom buzzes]
- Hello. - 'It's us.'
Come on up.
I'm gonna get the rest of his stuff together.
Okay, we can do this now, can't we, Ben?
Yes, we can.
There. I did it.
Oh-ho. I did it.
Ooh!
Look at that.
Oh! It stays on and everything.
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm sorry.
What did you just say?
Did you just say "Hi?" Oh, my God.
Ross, Ross, Ben just said "Hi."
- Wha-what? - Ben just said "Hi."
What, the word "Hi?"
Yeah, no, my Uncle Hy.
Great. Great. And I missed that too.
- I miss everything. - Oh, I'm sorry.
I guess I just bring it out in him.
[knock on door]
Hello. Where is he?
- Yeah. - We missed you so much.
Come here, Ben.
Hi.
Guess what. Ben just said his first word.
- What did he say? - What did he say?
Something about "Hi."
Oh, that's so exciting.
Mommy's so proud of you.
Hi. Hi.
You know, actually, it's more like "Hi!"
- Hi. - Hi.
Okay, this could go on for a while.
You're right. We got a cab waiting downstairs.
Well, this was fun.
Uh, we should really do it again sometime, Ben.
What do you say? Okay.
So I've got him..
- Tuesday. - Tuesday, right.
- Okay, bye, you guys. - See you.
- Take care. - Bye, Ben.
(Ben) 'Bye.'
Did-did he just... did he just say "Bye?"
He said "Bye." He said "Bye" to me!
You said-he said "Bye" to me!
Yes, he did.
Suddenly I'm seeing him go off to college.
We got to go. We got that cab downstairs.
Okay. Alright, alright.
- Okay. - See you later.
- Alright - Bye.
(Ben) 'Bye.'
Bye!
(Ben) 'Bye.'
- Bye! - 'Bye.'
Bye!
Ahh..
♪ Ta ram tum tum ♪♪
Oh, wow. Look at this nice deep hole I've been digging.
Hey, Bert, isn't this a nice hole here? Hey.
Okay, Ben, this is the part
where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and can't find him.
Now...I've looked ahead on the tape
and he does find him again.
But, okay, before that happens
there's some pretty rough going for a while.
But I think we can handle it.
And there's just the alphabet
but we know that ends well.
So..
Okay, here we go.
Bert? Bert? Bert?
Hey, what happened to my friend Bert?
He was here just a moment ago.
'Oh, no, my old friend, Bert, is lost.'
Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
(Ben) 'Bye, Phoebe.'