[instrumental music]
Huh? So what do you think?
Casade Joey.
Huh? I decorated it myself.
- Get out. - No.
Wow, Joey, this is, uh..
- Art. - Art it is.
Look. Check this out. Is it a coffee table?
Is it a, a panther? There's no need to decide.
Hey, nice pillow.
So now, tell me, is this genuine Muppet skin?
Hey, excellent, excellent water-table thing.
Thanks, yeah, I love this, but you know what?
It makes me want to pee.
Yeah, well, me too. Yeah, I think that's the challenge.
Hey, how come, uh..
...Chandler didn't come?
Well, uh, it's 'cause he had a thing with the
with-with the thing.
Right. I got-I got it.
So why don't you show us the rest of your casa?
(all) 'Yeah.'
Uh, oh, oh, the best part! Come on!
Yeah?
Hey.
Nice toilet.
No, no, no. Behind it.
Oh, you have a phone in here?
That's right. I have a phone...in here.
- Joey, promise me something. - Yeah.
Never call me from that phone.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you ♪
♪ Life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day ♪
♪ Your week your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Oh.
Okay, here we go.
Honey, I'm sorry. They were all out of apple pie.
Someone just got the last piece.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
You are not gonna believe this.
I have just been discovered.
Now, wait a minute.
I claimed you in the name of France
four years ago.
[laughing]
Anyway, okay.
Now, promise you won't, like, freak out
and say how great this is until I'm done, okay?
- 'Okay.' - Okay.
Um, I just met this producer
of this, like, teeny record company
who said, ahem, that I have a very fresh, off-beat sound
and she wants to do a demo of "Smelly Cat."
- Oh, my God! - Oh, my God!
Okay, I told you not to do that yet.
Okay.
And she wants to do a video.
- Wow! - Phoebe!
I'm not done yet, okay?
God. Okay.
If that goes well, they may even want to make an album.
I'm done now.
- That's great! - Unbelievable!
Oh, God, Ross, okay, if you care about me at all
you'll get the pie out of the man's hood.
- Get the what? - There's a pie in the hood!
Pie in the hood. Go.
- What are you doing? - I'm sorry.
My pie was, was in your hood.
Now, I just have to get the coffee
out of that guy's pants and I'll be back in the hospital by 7:00.
Damn it, Ross, get your butt out of the bathroom!
(Ross) 'Calm down. I'm blow drying!'
Blow drying what? You have no hair!
What's going on?
Your boyfriend has been in there for over an hour.
I can't believe, it's like I'm living with him again!
He's here when I go to sleep, he's here when I wake up
he's here when I want to use the shower!
Ugh! I feel like I'm 16 all over again.
Well, you're not 16.
You're both adults now.
Get out, you doofus!
[sighs]
Or, you know, he's rubber and you're glue.
All yours.
I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.
[mimicking] I hope you cleaned your hair out of the drain.
Shut up!
[mimicking] Shut up.
- Cut it out! - Mi-mi-mi.
I've never wanted you more.
So what do you say, boys? Should I call him?
[slipper barks]
Well, you know what they say..
...ask your slippers a question.
You're going crazy.
[telephone rings]
- Hello? - 'Hey!'
Hey!
Listen, I'm-I'm sorry I didn't make it
over there today.
Oh, that's okay.
You, uh...you had a thing.
Yeah, well, I hear the place looks great.
Oh, forget about it.
I'm having a ball.
- How's the apartment doing? - Oh, hey, it's-it's terrific.
I mean, it's a regular space..
...fest.
Oh. Well, great.
Yeah, I just..
...you know, wanted to call and say hey.
Well, okay then.
[bell dings]
Was that the oven timer?
That's right, my friend!
'It's time for..'
(both) "Baywatch!"
Oh...can you believe they gave Stephanie skin cancer?
I still can't believe they promoted her to lieutenant!
Oh, you're just saying that 'cause you're in love
with Yasmine Bleeth.
Well, how could anyone not be in love
with Yasmine Bleeth?
Hey! Hey! They're running!
(Chandler) 'See, this is the brilliance of the show!'
I say always keep them running.
All the time, running.
'Run!'
Run! Run, Yasmine! Run like the wind!
But I thought you wanted to live by yourself.
I did. I thought it'd be great.
I figured I'd have, like, time alone with my thoughts
but, you know, it turns out
I don't have as many thoughts as you'd think.
Joey, why don't you talk to Chandler about moving back?
You really think he'd take me?
I mean, we had a pretty good talk last night
but when I moved out, I hurt him bad.
I promise you, he would definitely want you back.
I'm telling you there's no way he's moving back.
But we had one of the greatest talks
we ever had last night.
I mean, it was..
...it was like when we first started living together.
Look, I know you don't want to hear this right now, but..
...we've seen him in his new place, alright
and he's happy.
He's...he's decorated.
Look, Chandler, he has moved on, okay?
- You have to too. - But--
No, you're just gonna have to accept the fact
that you're just friends now, okay?
You're not... roommates anymore.
Okay, Phoebe. Ready to try one?
Okay. Ahem.
♪ Smelly cat ♪
♪ What are they feeding you ♪
♪ Smelly smelly smelly ♪ ♪ Smelly cat ♪
♪ Really bad smelling smelly cat ♪
Oh. Whoa! Oh, my God!
I mean, like, who was that?
They're your backup singers.
Behind you, hon.
Oh!
Oh, I thought they were just watching me.
You know, like-like at an aquarium, you know.
Alrighty.
- From the top. - Okay. Ahem.
♪ Smelly cat ♪
♪ What are they feeding you ♪
♪ Smelly smelly smelly ♪ ♪ Smelly cat ♪
♪ Really bad smelling smelly cat ♪
♪ It's not your fault ♪
Okay. Sorry.
I'm just, I'm just not getting
that everyone, um..
...gets how smelly this cat actually is.
I just think that maybe if we could talk about this
'cause I-I need to feel that you really care..
...about the cat.
Honey, we-we can talk about this.
It's just that it's costing $100 a minute to be in here.
Oh, okay. So, um, the cat stinks, but you love it.
Let's go.
No. There is no way he was a Velociraptor.
No, Tony. Look at the cranial ridge, okay?
If Dino was a Velociraptor
he would have eaten the Flintstones.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, were you taking a nap?
- I was. - Oh, I.. Oh, wait.
Tony, can you hold on? That's the other line.
Hello? Oh, yes, she's here.
But, uh, can she call you back?
Okay, thanks. Call Joanna. Hi.
- Did she leave a number? - Did you see me write one down?
I don't have her number, buttmunch!
Well, she'll call back. Don't be such a baby.
I'm not a baby. You're the baby.
Look, you want to get off my back.
You want to get out of my face.
Yeah, Ton.. Wait.
Hold on, Tony, hold on.
Hello?
Hi.
Yeah. No. She's right here.
Um, hold on.
Hi. Tony, can I call you back?
That's, uh... that's my sister's boyfriend.
Give me that.
Okay.
Hi, sweetie, listen, before I forget
did I leave my diaphragm at your place?
Hi, mom.
[instrumental music]
Hey!
So, uh...how's the palace?
You know, it's funny you should mention that
'cause I was thinking..
What's with the boxes?
Oh, uh...actually
I, uh, have some news.
Hey, Chan, is that Joey guy gonna come by
and pick up his moose hat or should I just toss it out?
Well, uh, why don't you ask him yourself?
Joey, this is my new roommate, Eddie.
Nice to meet you.
Likewise.
- Uh, I'll take that. - Oh.
That's, uh...what I came for.
So this is new.
- Where'd you two meet? - At the, uh, supermarket.
In the, uh, ethnic food section.
I helped him pick out a chorizo.
[laughing]
- Wow. - Oh, well, you know.
We got to talking, and, uh, he said
he needed a place and I had a spare room.
Oh. Heh. Now, it's a spare room?
Well, yeah, in that it's not being used
and I...have it to spare.
[laughing] Right.
Well, I, uh, got what I came for.
I'll, uh, I'll see you guys.
Hey, Joe?
When did you start using moose in your hair?
[laughing]
Is this guy great or what?
Yeah. Yeah, he is.
[instrumental music]
I can't believe he has a new roommate.
- Who is this guy? - Uh, Eddie something.
- He just met him. - It'll never last.
He's just a rebound roommate.
Hey!
- 'Hey!' - Oh, check it out!
Oh! Check it out.
It's "Smelly Cat," the video! Oh!
- Whoa! - Oh, my God!
Now, okay, I haven't seen it yet
so if you don't like it, well, so what?
None of you ever made a video.
Okay.
Get out of here, cat!
You stink!
- Whoa. Smokin'. - Phoebe.
- Oh, look at me! - 'Gorgeous.'
♪ Smelly cat ♪
♪ What are they feeding you ♪
♪ Smelly cat ♪
♪ It's not your fault ♪
♪ Smelly smelly smelly really bad smelling smelly cat ♪
♪ It's not your fault ♪
♪ Smelly cat Smelly cat ♪
- Oh, my God. - I know.
I sound amazing.
♪ They won't take you to the vet ♪
♪ You're obviously not their favorite pet ♪
♪ Smelly cat ♪
♪ It's not your fault Oh no ♪♪
I've-I've-I've never heard myself sing before.
I mean, except in my own head.
Oh! This is so cool.
Now, I can hear what you hear.
Pretty, uh, pretty different, huh?
Oh, I am sorry, but I am incredibly talented.
♪ Smelly cat ♪
♪ It's not your fault ♪♪
Hey, Joey. What's going on, man?
- Eddie. - Morning.
Morning.
I just, uh, came by to pick up my mail.
- Where's the mail? - Oh!
It's, uh, over there on the table.
You don't keep it over here on this table anymore?
No! Eddie likes to keep it over there.
Alright, here you go, my friend.
Eggs a la Eddie, huh?
Ooh, ooh.
Oh...oh.. That's great.
Huh.
What?
No. I just, uh, thought you liked your eggs
with the bread with the hole in the middle..
...a la me.
Well, I do, but, uh, Eddie makes them this way.
Well, they're pretty darn good.
Well, you guys..
...I'm out of here.
- See ya, pals. - See ya.
So how you two getting along?
Oh, I couldn't be happier.
Great. Well...I'm happy for you.
Alright, that's it!
He just comes in here, Mr. Johnny New Eggs
with his, his..
...his moving the mail, and his-his, "See ya, pals."
And now, there's no juice, there's no juice
for the people who need the juice and want the juice!
I need the juice!
There's another carton right over there.
Hey! This isn't about juice anymore, alright, man?
Alright. So what's it about?
Eggs.
Whose eggs do you like better? His or mine, huh?
Well, I like both eggs equally.
Oh, come on!
Nobody likes two different kinds of eggs equally.
You like one better than the other and I wanna know which!
What's the difference? Your eggs aren't here anymore, are they?
You took your eggs and you left!
Did you really expect me to never find new eggs?
I wanna watch "Entertainment Tonight!"
Tough noogies, we're watching "Predators Of The Serengeti."
- Would you guys stop? - It's my TV!
W.. Uh, quit it.
- Bite me! - Oh, my God!
Well, Monica keeps changing the channel.
Aw, that's great. Why don't you tell mommy on me?
Now, I'm mommy in this little play?
Alright, look, I refuse to get sucked
into this, like, weird little Geller dimension thing, okay?
So I'm gonna go and take a nice, long hot bubble bath
because you kids are driving me crazy!
Okay, what are we gonna do about this?
Well, I guess we could tape "Entertainment Tonight."
Not that! This! Us!
[shrieking] Oh, my God, Ross, you're, you're, it's jus..
- 'Ever sin...you been here.' - Ow. Ow. Okay.
- You're driving me.. Nightmare! - Mon, Mon.
You've gone ultrasonic again, alright?
I just can't stand you being here all the time.
Why? Why, why can't you stand me being here?
I don't, I, we're just, you know, we're just having fun.
Fun? Fun, you think this is fun?
Yeah, come on, I mean, I thought, you know, I thought
we were just fooling around like when, uh, when we were kids.
Ross, I hated you when we were kids.
You hated me when we were kids?
Yes, I hated you, I mean, I-I-I loved you
in a you're-my-brother- so-I-have-to kinda way
but, basically, yeah, I hated your guts!
- Why did you hate me? - Because you were mean to me.
And-and you, you teased me
and you always, always got your way.
And that wasn't fun for you?
Ta-ha!
I can't believe you hated me.
But now I love you.
And not just 'cause I have to.
- Really? - Yeah.
You're just gonna have to stop pissing me off.
[chuckles]
I can do that.
Then, I won't have to kill you.
So you wanna watch, uh, "Entertainment Tonight?"
Well, thanks.
Tonight, America's premiere sports magazine
'moves to primetime..'
- You know what? - What?
If you really wanna watch that Serengeti thing, we can.
Oh...okay.
- Hey. - Hey.
Listen, you are not going to believe this
but, huh, that is not me singing on the video.
(all) No!
- Yes! - Well, how did you find out?
Well, okay, the record company sent over this piece of paper
for me to sign saying that it's okay
for someone else to sing for me.
That was my first clue.
So what are you gonna do?
Well, I can't work with people who would do this.
- Sure. - I mean, this poor woman.
[scoffs] What woman?
The voice woman, you know, I mean
she has a great voice, but she doesn't have a video.
[clears throat] Okay, Pheebs, but what about you?
Well, I have a video. You have to pay attention.
No, this-this voice woman, she's so talented
but according to the producer people, they said
she doesn't have, like, the right look or something
you know, I mean, it's like
she's like, one of those animals at the pound
who, like, nobody wants 'cause they're not pretty enough
for, you know, like-like, some old dog
who's just kind of, like, stinky and..
[gasping] Oh, my God. She's smelly cat.
Oh, oh, that song has so many levels.
Hey, Eddie, you, uh, want to play some foosball?
No, thanks, man. I'm not, uh, I'm not really into sports.
Yeah, okay, alright.
[bell dings]
Doesn't matter. Time for "Baywatch."
[laughing] What?
You-you like that show?
You don't like that show?
Well, n-no, man, I mean, it's just a bunch of pretty people
running around on the beach, you know.
Well, that's the brilliance of it.
The pretty people..
...and the running.
You know, I'm gonna go read in my room for a little while.
Oh, well...okay, man.
[chuckling]
♪ Living alone ♪
♪ I think of all the friends I've known ♪
♪ But when I dial the telephone ♪
♪ Nobody's home ♪
♪ All by myself ♪
♪ Don't want to live ♪
♪ All by myself ♪
♪ Anymore ♪
♪ All by myself ♪♪
♪ Smelly cat smelly cat ♪
♪ What are they feeding you ♪
Everybody!
♪ Smelly cat ♪
♪ It's not your fault ♪
Monica!
♪ They won't take you to the vet ♪
Chandler!
♪ You're obviously not their favorite pet ♪
'Joey!'
♪ You may not be a bed of roses ♪
Rachel!
♪ You're no friend to those ♪
♪ With noses ♪♪
Ross, those are the only lines we have, sorry.
Okay, back to the chorus!