[instrumental music]
Hey, gorgeous. How's it going?
Dehydrated Japanese noodles under fluorescent lights.
Does it get better than this?
Question, you're not dating anybody, are you?
Because I met somebody who would be perfect for you.
Ah, you see, perfect might be a problem.
Had you said, co-dependent or self-destructive..
- Do you want a date, Saturday? - Yes, please.
Okay.
He is cute, he's funny, he's--
- He's a he? - Well, yeah.
Oh, God.
I just...I thought..
...you're not, so. Good, Shelly. Okay.
I'm just gonna go flush myself down the toilet now.
Okay. Bye-bye.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day ♪
♪ Your week your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to fall ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪
(Chandler) 'It's hard to enjoy cup of ramen noodles after that.'
I mean, is that ridiculous?
Can you believe she actually thought that?
Um..
...yeah.
Well, I mean, when I first met you, you know
I thought maybe.. Possibly you might be.
- You did? - Yeah, but then.
But then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party
talking to my breasts
so then I figured maybe not.
Huh, did uh...any of the rest of you guys think that
when you first met me?
- I did. - Yeah, I think so, yeah.
- Not me. - No, no, me neither.
Although, uh, you know, back in college, Susan Salidor did.
You're kidding.
- Did you tell her I wasn't? - No.
Well, it's just 'cause I kinda
wanted to go out with her too.
So I told her, actually
you were seeing Bernie Spellman
who also liked her, so..
Well, this is fascinating.
So, uh, what is it about me?
I don't know.
'cause you're smart, you're funny--
Ross is smart and funny. You ever think that about him?
Yeah! Right!
What is it?
[laughing]
Okay, I-I don't know.
You-you just...you have a quality.
- Yes, right. - Exactly.
Yeah, a quality.
Oh, oh, a quality, good.
Because I was worried you guys were gonna be
vague about this.
[telephone ringing]
Hello?
Oh, Rachel.
It's Paolo calling from Rome.
Oh, my God.
He's calling from Rome!
Buongiorno caro mio.
So he's calling from Rome.
I could do that.
Just gotta go to Rome.
Monica, your dad just beeped in
but can you make it quick 'cause I'm talking to Rome.
I'm talking to Rome.
Hey, dad, what's up?
Oh, God.
Ross, it's nana.
[instrumental music]
- Hey. - Oh, hi.
Oh, Ross.
- How you, Lillian? - Hey, dad.
So, uh..
...how's she doing?
The doctor says, it's a matter of hours.
How-how are you, mom?
Me? I'm fine, fine.
I'm glad you're here.
What's with your hair?
What?
What's different?
Nothing.
Oh, maybe that's it.
- Monica. - She's unbelievable!
- Her mother is-- - Okay, relax, relax.
Okay, we are going to be here for a while, it looks like.
Can we still have boyfriends
in your career to cover?
Oh, God.
[instrumental music]
The fuzzy little mints
at the bottom of her purse.
Oh!
Yeah, they were gross.
Oh! You know what I love?
- Her Sweet'n Lows-- - Oh.
How she was always stealing them from-from restaurants.
Not just restaurants
from our house.
Mrs. Geller?
[guitar music]
(Ross) 'She looks so small.'
I know.
At least she's with pop-pop
and Aunt Phyllis now.
Good-bye, nana.
Bye, nana.
[screams]
Ross!
Nurse.
What is going on?
You know how the nurse said that-that nana had-had passed?
Well, she's not quite.
- What? - She's not passed.
She's present.
She's back.
What's going on?
She may have died.
She may have died?
We're looking into it.
Uh-uh, I'll go see.
This almost never happens.
[monitor beeping]
[flatline]
Now she's passed.
[instrumental music]
I just have to know, okay?
Is it my hair?
Yes, Chandler, that's exactly what it is.
It's your hair.
Yeah, you have homosexual hair.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Hi. - Hi.
So, um, did she..
Twice.
- Twice? - Oh, that sucks.
You guys, okay?
I don't know. It's weird.
I know she's gone
but I just don't feel, uh..
Maybe that's 'cause she's not really gone.
No, no, she's gone.
We checked.
A lot.
No, no, I mean, maybe no one ever really goes.
You know, ever since my mom died
every now and then I get this feeling
that she's like right here, you know?
Oh, and Debbie
my best friend from junior high
got struck by lightning on a miniature golf course.
I always get this really strong Debbie vibe
whenever I use one of those little yellow pencils
'you know?'
- I miss her. - Oh, here, Pheebs.
- Want this? - Oh, thanks.
Sure, I just sharpened her this morning.
Now, see, I don't believe any of that.
I think when you're dead, you're dead.
You're gone. You're worm food.
So Chandler looks gay, huh?
You know, I don't know who this is
but it's not Debbie.
[instrumental music]
I thought it was gonna be a closed casket.
Well, that doesn't mean she can't look nice.
Oh.
Sweetie, you think you can get in there?
I don't see why not.
[Ross screams]
(Ross) 'Here's my retainer!'
[instrumental music]
I was just thinking
when my time comes--
- Dad! - Listen to me!
When my time comes..
...I want to be buried at sea.
You what?
I want to be buried at sea.
It looks like fun.
- Define fun. - Come on!
You'll make a day of it.
You'll get a boat, pack a lunch..
And then we throw your body in the water.
Gee, that does sound fun.
Everyone thinks they know me.
Everyone says, Jack Geller, so predictable.
Maybe after I'm gone, they'll say
Buried at sea, huh.
That's probably what they'll say.
I'd like that.
[instrumental music]
- Hey, gorgeous. - Hey.
Look, I'm sorry about yesterday, I, uh--
No, no, don't worry about it.
Believe me, apparently other people have made
the same mistake, so..
Oh! Okay!
Phew!
So, uh, what do you think it is about me?
I don't know, but you just have a..
- A quality. - A quality, right, great.
You know it's a shame because you and Lowell
would have made a great couple.
Lowell? Financial services, Lowell?
That's who you saw me with?
What? He's cute.
Well, yeah.
He's no Brian in payroll.
- Is Brian.. - No, I don't know.
Point is if you were going to set me up with someone
I'd like to think you'd set me up with somebody like him.
Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league.
Excuse me.
You don't think I could get a Brian?
Because I could get a Brian.
Believe you me.
I'm really not.
This one?
No.
I have shown you every dress we have.
Unless, you want your mother to spend eternity
in a lemon yellow pant suit
go with the Burgundy.
You know whatever we've picked she would have
told us it's the wrong one.
You're right, we'll go with the Burgundy.
Huh, a fine choice.
I'm coming out.
Wait! We need shoes.
Okay, um..
How about these?
Uh, that's really a day shoe.
And where she's going everyone else will be dressier.
Could we see something in a slimmer heal?
Okay, I have nothing in an evening shoe in the Burgundy.
I can show you something in a silver that may work?
No, it really should be Burgundy.
Mm, unless, we go with a different dress--
- Yes, that's perfect. - No, no, no, no, no.
Oh, watch this.
Wait. I may have something in the back.
[dramatic music]
Oh, my God.
Is everything alright, dear?
Yeah, yeah, just..
...just nana's stuff.
[instrumental music]
How we doing? You guys ready?
So, mom already called this morning
to remind me not to wear my hair up.
Did you know my ears were not my best feature?
Some days it's all I can think about.
Hi, I'm sorry I'm late.
I couldn't find my bearings.
Oh, you-you mean your earrings.
What did I say?
[Rachel clears throat]
- Are these the shoes? - Yes.
Paolo sent them from Italy.
What we.. We don't have shoes here?
Morning, are we ready to go?
Well, don't we look nice all dressed up.
It's stuff like that, isn't it?
[instrumental music]
[dramatic music]
(Monica) It was really a beautiful service.
It really was.
Oh, come here, sweetheart.
You know
I think it might be time for you to start using night cream.
- What? - Nothing, nothing.
Just your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Musburger.
Check it out.
Giants, Cowboys.
You're watching a football game at a funeral.
No, it's the pre-game.
I'm gonna watch it at the reception.
You're a frightening, frightening man.
Oh, no. My new Paolo shoes.
Oh, I hope they're not ruined.
God, what a great day.
What? Weather wise.
I know, yeah..
...the air, the trees.
Even though nana's gone there's-there's
something almost huh, I don't know, almost like..
- Ross. - Oh, Ross, are you alright?
- I'm fine, I'm fine. - Oh.
I'm just-just
having my worst fear realized.
[instrumental music]
Okay, don't worry, I'm just checking to see if the muscles
in spasm.
- Huh. - What? What is it?
You missed a belt loop.
- Oh, no, no, no. - Okay, it's in spasm.
Here, sweetie, here.
I took these when I had my golfing accident.
Thanks.
[instrumental music]
- Oh, go. - Sorry.
Hi, I'm Andrea.
I'm Dorothy's daughter.
Hi, I'm Chandler.
And I have no idea who Dorothy is.
(Phoebe) 'Well, look who's up.'
- Hey. - How do you feel?
I feel great.
I feel great, I feel...great.
Wow, those pills really worked, huh?
Yeah, not the first two but the second two, whoo.
I love you guys.
You guys are the greatest.
I love my sister.
I love Phoebe.
- Oh, so nice. - Hey.
Hey, Chandler.
- Hey. - I love you, man.
And listen man if you wanna be gay, be gay.
Doesn't matter to me, hmm.
You were right.
Rachel, Rachel, Rachel.
Oh.
I love you the most.
Oh, well, you know who I love the most?
No.
You.
Oh, you don't get it.
- Ah! - What do you got there?
Huh, just a, huh..
...hearing disability.
What's the score?
17-14, Giants.
Three minutes to go on the third.
Beautiful.
[instrumental music]
Pheebs..
...could you maybe hand me a cracker?
Okay.
Grandmother would have hated this.
Well, sure.
Well, with it being her funeral and all.
No, I'd be hearing about
Why I didn't get the honey glazed ham
or I didn't spend enough on flowers.
'And if I spent more she would be saying'
Why you wasting your money, I don't need flowers, I'm dead.
That sounds like nana.
Do you know what it's like to grow up
with someone who is critical
of every single thing you say.
I can imagine.
I'm telling you
it's a wonder your mother turned out to be the positive life
affirming person she is.
That is a wonder.
So tell me something, mom.
If you had to do it all over again
I mean if she was here
right now
would you tell her?
Tell her what?
How she drove you crazy.
Picking on every little detail like
your hair for example.
I'm not sure I know what you're getting at.
Do you think things would have been better
if you just told her the truth?
No.
I think something's are better left unsaid.
I think it's nice when people just get along.
Ha.
More wine, dear?
Oh, I think so.
Those earrings look really lovely on you.
Thank you.
Their yours.
Actually they were nana's.
(together) 'No!'
(together) Oh, my God.
Now, I'm depressed.
Even more than I was.
[instrumental music]
Hey, who's this little naked guy?
Ah, that little naked guy would be me.
- Oh! Look at the little thing. - Yes.
Yes, fine that is my penis.
Can we be grownups now?
- Who are those people? - Got me.
Oh, that's nana right there in the middle.
Wow!
Yeah, let's see.
"Me and the gang at Java Joes."
Wow, Monica you look just like your grandmother.
How old was she there?
- Let's see, "1939." - "39."
- Yeah, huh, 24, 25. - Yeah.
Huh.
It's like a fun game.
Ou, look, look, look, look, I got Monica naked.
- Let me see. - Let me see.
No, no, that would be me again.
I'm, huh, just trying something.
[instrumental music]
Hey, Lowell.
Oh, hey, Chandler.
So how's it going down there at financials services?
It's like Mardi Gras with other paper mache heads.
How about you?
Good, good, listen, um..
...I don't know what Shelly told you about me but..
...I'm not.
I know, that's what I told her.
- Really? - Yup.
So, you can tell?
Pretty much. Most of the time.
We have a kind of radar.
So you don't think I have a..
A quality?
Speaking from my people
I'd have to say, no.
By the way, your friend Brian from payroll
he is.
- He is? - Yup.
And way out of your league.
Out of my league. I could get a Brian.
If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian.
Hey, Brain.
[instrumental music]