Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal.
Not that big a deal? It's amazing, okay?
You just reach in there, there's one little maneuver
and bam, a bra, right out the sleeve.
Uh, right there, as far as I'm concerned
there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close.
- Am I right? - Oh, come on.
You guys can pee standing up.
We can? Okay, I'm trying that.
Uh, you know what blows my mind?
Women can see breasts anytime they want.
You just look down, and there they are.
How you get any work done is beyond me.
Oh, oh, okay, you know what I don't get?
The way guys can do so many mean things
and then not even care.
- Multiple orgasms. - There you go.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day ♪
♪ Your week your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to fall ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too ♪♪
So, Saturday night, the big night.
Date night, Saturday night.
Sa-tur-day night.
- No plans, huh? - Not a one.
Not even, say, breaking up with Janice?
Oh, right, right. Shut up.
Chandler, nobody likes breaking up with someone.
- 'You just gotta do it.' - No, I know.
But it's just so hard, you know?
I mean, you're sitting there with her.
She has no idea what's happening.
And then you finally get up the courage to do it
and there's that horrible awkward moment
when you've handed her the note and..
Uh, why do you have to break up with her?
Be a man. Just stop callin'.
You know, if-if you want, I'll do it with you.
Oh, thanks, but I think she'd feel like
we're ganging up on her.
No, I mean, you break up with Janice.
- And I'll break up with Tony. - 'Tony?'
- You're breaking up with Tony? - Yeah.
I know he's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore.
You know, I don't know if it's me or his hunger strike
or I don't know.
Does anybody want anything else?
Oh, yeah, last week, you had a wonderful nutty
chocolatey kind of a cakey pie thing that..
Nothing. Just-just.. I'm fine.
What's the matter? Why so scrunchy?
Oh, it's my father.
He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.
That guy, he burns me up.
Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home.
- Oh! - Ugh, it was horrible.
He called me young lady.
Ooh, I hate when my father calls me that.
Did he give you that whole
"You're not up to this thing" again?
Oh, yeah, yeah, actually I got
the extended disco version with three choruses
of "You'll never make it on your own."
♪ Uh-huh uh-huh ♪♪
Hi, Joey.
- Oh, my God. Angela. - Wow.
Being dumped by you obviously agrees with her.
- Are you gonna go over there? - No.
Yeah. No.
Okay, but not yet. I don't wanna seem too eager.
One Mississippi, two Mississippi
three Mississippi, that seems pretty cool.
Yeah.
Hey, Angela.
- Joey. - You look good.
That's 'cause I'm wearing a dress that accents my boobs.
You don't say.
So, uh, Rachel, what are you, uh, what are you doing tonight?
Oh, big glamour night, me and Monica at Launderama.
Oh! You, uh..
You wanna hear a freakish coincidence?
Guess who's doing laundry there too?
- Who? - Me.
Was that not clear?
Oh, hey, why don't, uh..
Why don't I just join you both there?
Don't you have a laundry room in your building?
Yes.
I do have a laundry room in my building.
Uh, uh, but there's a rat problem.
Apparently, uh, they're attracted
to the-the dryer sheets and you know, they're going in fine
but they're-they're coming out all-all..
...fluffy.
- Anyway, say seven-ish? - Sure.
Forget it, Joey. I'm with Bob now.
- Bob? - Mm-hmm.
- Who the hell's Bob? - Bob is great.
He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job.
You, you go on three auditions a month
and you call yourself an actor. But Bob--
Come on, we were great together.
And not just at the fun stuff, but like talking too.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, well, sorry, Joe. You said, "Let's just be friends."
- So guess what? - What?
- We're just friends. - Fine. Fine.
So, why don't the four of us go out
and have dinner together tonight?
- You know, as friends? - What four of us?
Well, you know, you and Bob, and me and my girlfriend, uh..
Uh, Monica.
Monica, I'm telling you this guy is perfect for you.
Forget it, not after your cousin
who could belch the alphabet.
Oh!
Come on. This guy's great.
His name's Bob. He's Angela's...brother.
He's smart, he's sophisticated, and he has a real job.
Me, I go on three auditions a month
and call myself an actor, but Bob is--
- Oh, God, help us. - What?
Ugly naked guy is laying kitchen tile.
- Eww! - Eww!
Uh, look, I'm asking a favor here.
You know, I'm thinking if I do this thing for her brother
maybe Angela will come back to me.
What's going on here? You-you go out with tons of girls.
I know, but..
Look, I made a huge mistake.
I never should have broke up with her.
Will you help me? Please?
Okay. Bye.
Well, Monica's not coming.
It's just gonna be me and Rachel.
[chuckling]
Well, hold on there, camper.
You sure you've thought this through?
It's laundry. The thinking through is pretty minimal.
See, it's just you and Rachel. Just the two of you?
- Yeah. - This is a date.
You're going on a date.
Na-uh.
Ya-huh.
So what are you saying here? Well, I should shave again?
Uh, pick up some wine? What?
Well, you, uh, may wanna rethink the dirty underwear.
Dir..
What, this is basically the first time she's gonna see
your underwear. Do you want it to be dirty?
No.
Oh, and, uh, the fabric softener.
Okay, okay, now, what is wrong with my Snuggles?
Well, I.. It-it, what?
It says I'm a sensitive, warm kind of guy.
You know, like a little fuzzy bear.
Alright, I can pick something else up on the way.
There you go.
Thank you. So what does this Bob guy look like?
Is he tall? Short?
Yep.
- Which? - Which what?
You've never met Bob, have you?
- No, but-- - Oh, my God.
Joey, for all we know, this guy could be horribly--
Hey, Joey.
Horribly attractive. I'll be shutting up now.
Where are they? Where are they?
Yep, this is nice. We never do anything.
- Just the two of us. - That's great.
Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies.
Ew! I don't wanna do that.
- Here we go. - Okay. Have a good break up.
- Hey, Janice. - Oh, my God.
I am so glad you called me.
I had the most supremely awful day.
Hey, that's not good.
Can I get an espresso and a latte over here, please?
Oh, we got the proofs back from that photo shoot.
You know, the one with the little vegetables.
Anyway, they pretty much sucked.
So, I blew off the rest of the afternoon.
I went shopping.
And I got you..
I'm looking. I'm looking.
I'm looking.
- I got you.. - What?
- What did you get me there?
I got you...these.
Bullwinkle socks. That's so sweet.
Well, I knew you had the Rockys and so I figured you know
you could wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle
or you could wear Rocky and Rocky, or you can mix and match.
Moose and squirrel. Whatever you want.
Well, I'm gonna get another espresso.
Uh, more latte?
No.
No, I'm-I'm still working on mine.
[laughing]
- That's it? - Yeah, it was really hard.
Oh, yeah, the hug looked pretty brutal.
Okay, you weren't there.
Coming through. Move, move.
Oh, excuse-excuse me.
I was kind of using that machine.
Yeah, well, now you're kind of not.
But I-I saved it. I put my basket on top.
Oh, I'm sorry. Is that your basket?
- Yes. Yeah. - It's really pretty.
Unfortunately, I don't see suds.
What?
No suds, no save, okay?
- What's going on? - Hi, um, nothing.
This horrible woman just took my machine.
Was your basket on top?
- Yeah, but there were no suds. - So?
Well, you know, no suds, no save.
No suds, no.. Excuse me.
Hold on a second.
This is my friend's machine.
Hey, hey, hey, her stuff wasn't in it.
Hey, hey, hey, that's not the rule and you know it.
Alright. Show's over.
Nothing to see here.
Okay. Let's do laundry.
- That was amazing. - Well..
I can't even send back soup.
Well, that's-that's because
you're such a sweet, gentle, uh..
Um, uh, do you, uh..
Do you.. Oh, hey, you must need detergent.
Oh!
- What's that? - "Uberweiss."
It's, uh, it's new. It's German.
It's extra tough.
Rach, do you, uh.. Are you gonna separate those?
Oh, God. Oh, am I being like a total laundry spaz?
I mean, am I supposed to use like one machine for shirts
and another machine for pants?
Have you, have you never done this before?
Well, not myself but I know other people that have.
Okay. You caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.
Uh, well, don't worry. I'll use the gentle cycle.
Okay, um..
Uh, basically, you wanna use one machine for all your whites.
- Whites. - Okay?
A whole other machine for-for your colors.
And-and a third for, uh, your, uh, uh, delicates
and that would be your bras and your underpanty things.
Okay, well, what about.. These are white cotton panties.
Would they go with whites or with delicates?
Uh, that-that.. That would be a judgment call.
He's so cute.
So, where did you guys grow up?
- Brooklyn Heights. - Cleveland.
Ha!
- How did that happen? - Oh, my God.
- What? - What's wrong?
I, uh, suddenly had the feeling I was...falling.
But I'm not.
So, you and Angela, huh?
Yep. Pretty much.
- You're a lucky man. - Yeah.
You know what I miss the most about her?
That cute, nibbly noise she makes when she eats.
Like a, like a happy, little squirrel or..
...or a weasel.
Huh. I, uh, I never really noticed.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Listen for it.
Monica. Monica is great.
Yeah. Yeah, she is.
But, uh, it's not gonna last.
She's too much for me in bed.
Sexually.
I've gotta tell you, Bob is terrific.
- Yeah, isn't he? - Oh!
It is so great to meet a guy who's smart and funny
and has an emotional age about like eight.
You know what else? He's unbelievable in bed.
Wow! My brother never even told me when he lost his virginity.
Huh, that's nice.
Hey, you can do this. It's just like pulling off a Band-Aid.
Okay? Just do it really fast, and then the wound is exposed.
Go, go.
[sighs]
Janice.
Hi, Janice.
Okay. Here we go. I don't think we should go out anymore.
Janice.
Alright.
Well.
Well, there you go.
Stop it, stop it, stop it.
[chuckles] Okay, I know this is gonna sound really stupid
but I feel, I feel that if I can do this..
You know, if I, if I can actually do my own laundry..
...there isn't anything I can't do.
That-that does not sound stupid to me.
Uh, no, it's like the.. Okay.
The first time I had to make dinner for myself
after Carol left me..
[buzzing]
I'm sorry, that's all the time we have.
Next on Ross.
Okay.
- Uh-oh. - What uh-oh?
Uh-oh..
Uh-oh, the laundry's done.
It's, uh, it's-it's a song.
The laundry song that we sing.
♪ Uh-oh the laundry's done ♪
♪ Uh-oh uh oh ♪
- Ross, what's the matter with-- - No, nothing, nothing.
♪ Lee lo the laundry's done ♪♪
- Ross, come on, show me. - Alright, alright, alright.
It's just that you left a-a red sock in
with all your whites, and now..
...everything's kind of pink.
- Oh, everything's pink? - Yeah.
Uh, except for the red sock, which is still red.
Ugh!
I'm sorry. Please, don't be upset.
It could happen to anyone, Rach.
Oh, but it didn't. It happened to me.
God, I'm gonna look like a big Marshmallow Peep.
What am I doing? What am I doing?
My father's right. I can't live on my own.
I can't even do laundry.
[chuckling]
Something went wrong with Underdog
and they couldn't get his head to inflate.
So anyway, um, h-his head is like
flopping down Broadway, right?
And I'm just thinking..
...how inappropriate this is.
Um, I've got something in my eye.
Joey, could we check it in the light, please?
- Oh, my God. - What?
Hello? Were we at the same table?
It's like cocktails in Appalachia.
- Come on, they're close. - Close?
She's got her tongue in his ear.
Oh, like you've never got a little rambunctious with Ross.
Eww. Joey, this is sick. It-it's disgusting.
It's-it's..
Not really true, is it?
Oh, well, who's to say what's true? I mean--
Oh, my God. What were you thinking?
Alright, look. I'm not proud of this, okay?
Well, maybe I am a little.
- Oh! - Ow!
- I'm out of here. - Wait, wait, wait, come on.
You like him. I want her.
He likes you.
- Really? - Yeah. Listen, if we can..
If we put our heads together between the two of us
we can break 'em up.
(Monica) I'm so sorry. I-I can't believe I did this.
I just couldn't stop laughing at your Norman Mailer story.
Uh, waiter, one more plate of chicken wings over here.
[drumming]
Here's the thing, Janice.
You know, I mean, it's like we're different.
You know, I'm like the bing, bing, bing.
You're like the boom, boom, boom.
- Ow! - Oh, my God!
- Ow! Ow! - I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
Ow, um, it's just my lens. It's my lens, um..
- Oh, God. - I'll be, I'll be right back.
I hit her in the eye. I hit her in the eye.
This is the worst break up in the history of the world.
Oh, my God.
Okay, how many of those have you had?
Oh, I don't know. A million.
Chandler, just.. Easy, easy.
Go to, go to your happy place.
♪ La la la la la.. ♪♪
- I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. - Okay, alright.
I'm not fine. Here she comes. She's coming.
Alright. Shh. Just wait here, okay?
Breathe. Phoo!
- How do you do that? - Uh, it's like a gift.
We should always, always break up together.
- Oh, I'd like that. - Okay.
(Ross) You got the clothes clean. Now, that's the important part.
Oh, I guess. Except everything looks like jammies now.
Whoa, I'm sorry.
Excuse me. We had this cart.
Yeah, well, I had a 24-inch waist.
You lose things. Now come on.
Get out of my way.
Oh, I'm sorry. You know, maybe I wasn't being clear.
- Uh, this was our cart. - Hey, hey, hey.
- There weren't clothes in it. - Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- Quit making up rules. - Let go.
- No, you.. - Come on, it's my cart.
[shouting indistinctly]
Alright, listen, Mitzi, if you want this cart
you're gonna have to take me with it.
Yes!
- Did you see that? - You were incredible.
Did you see that?
A brand-new woman, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you. Thank you. I could not have done this without you.
Okay, um, uh..
More clothes in the dryer? Oh, yes.
- Oh! - Oh!
- I'm fine. I'm fine. - Are you sure?
Yeah.
Oh, are you sure you're okay?
- Yeah. - Does it still hurt?
Yeah.
What a neat idea. All your clothes match.
I'm gonna do this.
Hi.
- Hey, how did it go? - Excellent.
We ripped that couple apart and kept the pieces for ourselves.
- What a beautiful story. - Yeah.
- Hey, I'm fine, by the way. - Oh, I'm sorry.
Hey, where's Chandler?
Oh, he needed some time to grieve.
(Chandler) I'm free! I'm free!
That ought to do it.