You know, I'm thinking
about letting Emma have her first cookie.
Her first cookie?
She has cookies all the time.
I've never given her a cookie.
Have you?
No.
No. And for the record, I've also never given her
frosting from a can.
Hey, Rach, the adoption agency needs letters of recommendation
and we were wondering if you would write one for us.
Of course. I'd be honored.
- Thanks. - Thank you.
[clearing throat]
I think there's been an oversight.
Joe, we would have asked you.
We just thought you wouldn't be interested.
Yeah, it's just that we don't think of you
as really being so much with the words.
Wha-wha, hey, wai-hey, whoa, hey!
Clearly, we were wrong.
Look, I got a lot of nice stuff to say about you guys, okay?
And I know how much you want to have a baby
and I would love to help you get one.
You know what?
Then, Joey, we want you to do it.
(Joey) 'Thank you.'
Alright, let me see how I'm gonna start.
"Dear Baby Adoption Decider People.."
So excited about your letter.
Hey.
- Hey, Phoebe. - Hi.
Wow, don't you look nice?
Yes, I do.
Today's, uh, Mike and my one-year anniversary.
Oh, what's it the anniversary of?
Your first, uh, date, your first kiss
first time you had sex?
Yeah!
So, you must be going somewhere fancy to celebrate.
Uh-huh. Um, a Knicks game.
Uh..
Aren't you a little overdressed?
Hey, you know what? I've never had
a one-year anniversary before, so no matter where we go
I'm wearing something fancy-pants
and I'm gonna put on my finest jewelry
and we're gonna have sex in a public restroom.
You guys do that?
Chandler won't even have sex in our bathroom.
That's where people make number two.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week ♪
♪ Your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
- Hey. - Hey, hey.
Mmm.
[chuckling]
So, you know, I have a little time
if you, uh, if you want to..
Oh. Oh, I'd love to
but I really have to grade these papers.
Oh!
Fine. That's fine.
I'll just shower by myself.
"B, B, B, B, B."
[chuckling]
Uh, Ross, you gave a "B" to a Pottery Barn catalogue.
Well, it had some good ideas.
Take off your shirt.
[knocking on door] Damn it.
(Amy) 'Rachel? Open up! It's your sister.'
[knocking continues] 'I have to talk to you.'
Hi, Amy.
You're not Rachel.
Still sharp as a tack.
Um, Charlie, this is Rachel's sister, Amy,
Amy, this is Charlie.
- Hi, nice to meet you. - Hi.
And you are..
Ross.
I, uh, I grew up on your block.
We had Thanksgiving together last year?
I had a baby with your sister.
No..
Did I buy a falafel from you yesterday?
Yes, yes, you did.
[instrumental music]
Hi, Rachel. Here's your sister, Amy.
She thinks I need pec implants.
Amy? Hi!
Oh, you remember Joey?
Yeah. Hey, sure, "The Days Of Our Lives" guy.
That's right, yeah.
You are not good.
Always nice to meet a fan.
So, now, what are you doing here?
Well, I have huge news.
[Emma crying] Oh, sorry, hold on.
- Let me just check on the baby. - Wait, this is important.
Can't Ella wait?
Uh, her name is Emma.
Why did you change it? Ella was so much prettier.
What do I know? I just sell middle-eastern food from a cart.
Hey, your English is getting better.
- Oh, my God. - I know.
She may be the hottest girl I've ever hated.
What you.. What you working on?
Oh, Monica and Chandler's recommendation.
I want it to sound smart
but I don't know any big words, or anything, so..
Well, why don't you use your thesaurus?
What'd I just say?
Watch.
Here, you, uh, you highlight
the word you wanna change.
Go under tools
and the thesaurus generates, gives..
...gives a whole list of choices.
You can pick the word that sounds smartest.
Oh. Oh, my God, that's great.
I'm smart. No, no, I'm..
...brainy, bright, clever.
I love this thing!
Look out, ladies
Joey Tribbiani's got the whole package!
(Amy) God..
...so beautiful.
Oh, I know, isn't she?
No, I was talking about your bedding.
Oh.
Alright, what's your news, Amy?
Oh.
Well, I'm getting married.
Wha..
Oh, my God! To who?
This guy.
He has a killer apartment.
And?
And it's on 5th.
And the elevator opens up right into the living room.
No, what's he, what's he like?
Oh, he's okay.
Do you remember my old boyfriend, Mark?
Yeah.
It's his dad.
- Huh. Wow, so, he's got to be.. - Old? Yeah.
But he travels a lot, so he's hardly ever there.
Sweetie, I got to tell you
it sounds a little bit like you like the apartment
more than you like..
Myron.
Yeah, I told you he was old.
Oh. Sit down, sit down.
Oh, honey, you know
I once also almost married somebody that I didn't love.
- Do you remember Barry? - Remember him?
God, we used to make out all the time
after you went to sleep.
Yeah, sometimes just nodding is okay.
Um, but anyway, listen.
Not marrying Barry was the best decision
that I ever, ever made.
Honey, Amy, you-you deserve true love.
Your-your soul mate is out there somewhere
someone that is your age, that is smart
that is fun, and that-that you care about.
You're right. You're right.
- I'm-I'm gonna do it. - Okay.
I'm gonna marry Myron and keep looking for Mr. Right.
Okay.
Okay, let's keep talking.
[instrumental music]
Excuse me.
Our anniversary.
Excuse me. Anniversary.
Um, yeah.
Sir, could you, could you move your nachos?
They're in my seat.
It's my anniversary.
Here we are.
Can't believe it's been a whole year.
I know.
This has been the best year..
[crowd cheering]
This has been the best year of my life!
Me too!
I never thought I could love someone this much!
I feel the same way!
You're so generous and kind
and you're amazing in bed!
It's.. It's our anniversary.
(male announcer) 'Knick fans, please turn your attention'
'to the big screen on the scoreboard?'
'Someone has a special question to ask.'
[applause]
Oh, how lame.
Oh, it's so tacky and impersonal.
Really?
Oh, it's the worst way to propose.
Excuse me.
Hey, I finished my recommendation. Here.
Uh, I think you'll be very, very happy.
It was the longest I ever spent on a computer
without looking at porn.
I don't, uh, understand.
Some of the words a little too sophisticated for you?
It doesn't make any sense.
Why, of course it does. It's smart.
I used a thesaurus.
On every word?
Yup.
Alright, what was this sentence originally?
Oh, "They are warm, nice people with big hearts."
And that became, "They're humid
"prepossessing Homo sapiens..
...with full-sized aortic pumps."
Yeah, yeah, and hey, I really mean it, dude.
Hey, Joey, I don't think we can use this.
- Why not? - Well, because..
...you signed it "Baby Kangaroo" Tribbiani.
Honey, why don't you stop worrying
about sounding smart and just be yourself?
You know what? You don't need a thesaurus.
Just write from here, your full-sized aortic pump.
Amy, hi.
I took your advice.
I left Myron.
Oh, good for you!
I know.
I'm Erin Brockovich!
Yes, you are.
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
Oh, thank you.
So, can I stay with you?
But...Erin Brockovich had her own house.
Please?
Uh, look who's back.
Why do you have bags? Rach, why does she have bags?!
Well, I'm staying with you guys.
- What? - We're gonna be roomies!
Come on.
[instrumental music]
You slept out here?
Well, Amy kept kicking me in her sleep
yelling, "Myron, get off."
But, uh, we're getting rid of her, right?
Rach, please tell me we're getting rid of her.
- Joey, I can't do that. - Oh, come on!
Last night, I was finishing off a pizza
and she said, "A moment on the lips
forever on the hips."
I don't need that kinda talk in my house!
Well, Joey, look, I know that she's difficult
but I think it's really good that she's here.
'Cause we'll appreciate it more when she's gone? I, wh..
No, it's just, look, you know
when I first moved to this city, I was a lot like her.
I was spoiled, self-centered
and you guys really took care of me.
Yeah, Monica made us.
Well, whatever, I really appreciate it
'cause I don't think I would be the person that I am today
if it wasn't for you guys.
So, you know, I wanna help Amy
the way you guys helped me
and I know it's gonna take patience, but that's okay.
Good morning.
Yuck.
Amy, that what I was supposed to wear today.
That's why I hung it on the door.
Oh, sweetie, you can't pull this off.
Amy, you know what, I was thinking that, um
maybe now would be a good time for us to sit down
and, uh, you know, talk about your future.
Oh, I can't, honey.
I'm gonna go get my eyebrows shaped.
I am not happy.
Uh.
Sure you wanna eat that?
I'm curvy and I like it!
[instrumental music]
- Hi. - Hey.
I just I had the worst anniversary ever.
I doubt that. Tell her about us last year.
Oh, well, I bought Chandler a $500 watch
and he wrote me a rap song.
Seriously?
Word.
Well, mine was worse than that.
Well, what happened?
We were at the game and this guy proposed to his girlfriend
on the big screen thing.
- Oh, that is so tacky. - Well, that's what I said.
But it turns out Mike was planning on proposing to me
that same way last night.
Oh, my God. Mike was gonna propose?
- Phoebe, that's huge. - Well, do you wanna marry him?
Yeah, I really do, yes.
But after I dumped on the way he was gonna propose to me
I don't think he's ever gonna ask again.
I mean, I said no in Barbados, and now this.
She's right. If I were a guy and..
Did I just say, "If I were a guy?"
Maybe you don't need him to propose to you.
Maybe you could propose to him.
Oh, I don't know. I don't know.
Isn't that a little desperate?
I proposed to Chandler.
Alright, moving on.
Well, I don't think it was desperate.
- I think it was amazing. - Thank you.
Well, do you think I should propose?
I think it could be kinda great.
Absolutely. You'll love the feeling.
There's nothing like it.
Okay. Okay. So, how should I do it?
How about at a game on the big screen?
[gasping]
How about at a Foot Locker?
What? What, he obviously thinks
that's a nice way to be proposed to.
Plus, he'd never suspect it.
Yeah, that does make sense. Okay.
Now, would-would you two like that?
Sounds good to me.
But what would a guy think?
Uh, nana's on the phone.
Oh, that's interesting, since she died seven years ago.
She did?
Who got her condo in Boca?
Hello.
Oh. It's our nanny.
(Rachel) Hi.
Oh, God, I hope you feel better.
Okay, bye.
That's Molly, she's sick. Can you watch Emma today?
I can't. I have back-to-back classes.
Did Molly say what she had
because my throat's been hurting.
Menstrual cramps.
I don't think that's what this is.
Can any of you watch Emma?
- No, sorry. - No, sorry, sweetie.
No, I've got work, and then I'm proposing..
Oh, great. Shoot! What are we gonna do?
Well, I could do it.
- Well, actually-- - Can I talk to you for a sec?
Yeah.
Um, I do not want her babysitting our child.
- Why not? - Well, for one thing..
...she keeps calling her "Ella."
Ella's a nice name.
Fine, we'll call the next one Ella!
- What, the next one? - Okay, uh..
Um, I don't want her watching our baby.
Ross, I am trying to help her become a better person.
This is a huge breakthrough for her.
She just offered to do something
for another human being.
Look, look, I-I don't know.
Ross, I'm telling you, she's giving up
getting her eyebrows shaped to do this, alright?
Do you understand how important that is
in our world?
Um, listen, I.. I couldn't help but overhear
'cause I was trying to.
Listen, let me do this.
I-I really wanna help you guys out
and plus, Rachel's been so wonderful to me.
Absolutely.
Oh, great.
So, how much does it pay?
[instrumental music]
Hey, Joe. How's the second draft of the letter coming?
Great. I'm finished. In fact
I just dropped it off at the agency.
- You dropped it off? - Yeah.
Can we read it? Can you print out another copy?
No can do, amigo.
No, I didn't use a computer.
It felt more personal to handwrite it.
[groaning]
You handwrote it?
Yeah, and don't worry.
I didn't try to sound smart at all.
See you later.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
That letter is gonna go in our file.
We're never gonna get a kid.
No, we're gonna, we're gonna be one of those old couples
that collects orchids or-or has a lot of birds.
It's okay. It's okay. You know what?
I will just call the agency
and tell them to throw out the letter.
Okay, good.
Hello. This is Chandler Bing.
Somebody just dropped off a handwritten
recommendation letter and..
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Thank you. Goodbye.
Oh, we're screwed, aren't we?
You know what, just tell me on the way to the bird store.
- They loved it. - What?
They thought it was very smart of us
to have a child write the recommendation letter.
They thought Joey was a child?
She guessed eight, nine, based on his drawings.
(Amy) 'Hi.'
Hey, what'd you guys do today?
Ella wanted to go out
so we went shopping and got some sushi.
- That sounds like fun. - Yeah, not really.
Babies are dull.
Hey.
Hi. How's my girl?
I'm fine.
And...I got you a present for letting me stay with you.
- Ready? - Yes.
Ta-da!
You pierced her ears?
Doesn't it make her nose look smaller?
[shrieking]
[instrumental music]
You pierced her ears?
How could you do this without telling me?
Well, if I had told you, then it wouldn't have been
a surprise now, would it?
I think she looks cute.
But I am wrong.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, here comes Ross.
He is gonna flip out.
Why, did something happen to his falafel cart?
- Hey, guys. - Hi, Ross.
- Ross. - Hi, Emma.
Oh, why is she wearing her hat so low?
She can barely see.
I don't really want her to see you.
Why, why not?
Well, because there's so many terrible sights in this world.
Like war.
Or that thing in Joey's refrigerator, remember?
It was in a milk carton, but it looked like meat?
Come here. Come here.
There she is.
Hi.
What?
Nothing.
Hi.
Wh..
[gasping]
Please tell me those are clip-ons.
Oh, they're real.
Did she do this to her?
I told you we shouldn't have left Emma with her.
I know, I know, and you were right, Ross, okay?
You are so irresponsible!
I am never letting you babysit ever again!
Hey, you know, what, this kid needs me, okay?
She needs to have a cool, fun aunt.
- I'm a cool, fun aunt. - Okay.
Hey! Monica can be cool and fun
at organized, indoor projects.
I cannot believe this. All I wanted to do
was help you try to figure out what to do with your life
'and this is how you repay me?'
Well, I don't need you to help me
because I already know what I'm going to do with my life.
Oh, yeah? Since when?
Since today.
I am going to be a baby stylist.
What?
That's not a thing!
Well, it should be.
I'm gonna help babies learn how to accessorize
what colors to wear, what clothes are slimming.
Babies don't care if they're slim!
Enter Amy.
Amy, I...I just.. I just wanna..
What? What are you gonna do?
No more falafel for you!
[instrumental music]
[crowd cheering]
Oh, great game, huh?
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Why do you keep looking at the screen?
I'm not. I-I'm praying.
Please, let the Knicks win.
Thank you, Thor.
- Where are you going? - I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
Well, I think you should wait.
Why?
Well, if you don't, if you don't hold it in
you don't...you don't get all the nutrients.
(male announcer) 'Knicks fans, please turn your attention'
'to the big screen on the scoreboard.'
'Someone has a special question to ask.'
Mike Hannigan, will you marry me?
'Get a load of this.'
'She's proposing to him.'
'Guess we know who wears the pants in that family.'
Well, that's not very enlightened.
[crowd booing]
Hey! Hey!
Boo us? Boo you!
[instrumental music]
[telephone ringing]
Hello?
Yeah, this is Joey Tribbiani.
Oh, hi.
Well, I'm glad you liked my letter.
No, my mommy and daddy aren't home right now.
Okay, bye-bye.
She was nice.
Joey, get Amy's bags. She is moving out.
Whoo-hoo!
You're kicking me out?
You put holes in my baby's ears.
Yeah, well, at least now people will know she's a girl.
[gasping]
I can't believe I ever even tried to help you.
You are so beyond help.
You know what, ever since I got here
you have been nothing but negative.
Excuse me?
You didn't want me to marry the old guy
with the great apartment.
Then, I try to help your daughter
de-emphasize her flaws!
And suddenly I'm the bad guy?
Joey, where are those bags?
(Joey) 'She has a lot of crap!'
Oh.
You know what? When I moved in here
I thought, this is gonna be so great.
Just us sisters, back together again
like when we were kids, except without that stupid Jill.
Oh, who has gotten fat, by the way.
- Seriously? - Mm-hmm.
Mom said she gained, like, 15 pounds.
- Hips or thighs? - Ass and face.
Oh!
Oh, my God.
I thought she was on Atkins.
She was. Carbs found her.
See? This is what I wanted.
Two sisters talking about real stuff.
Oh, I can give you that.
- You can? - Yeah.
I kept trying to make you a better person
but you're, you're already a pretty perfect version
of what you are.
Thank you.
And you've gotta admit, Emma does look cute.
Did you just say "Emma?"
Oh, I'm sorry. Ella.
That woman at the game didn't know
what she was talking about, Mike.
Obviously, you have balls.
Well, please, let's just forget the whole thing.
I would love it. Consider it forgotten.
Thank you.
But just so you know
however and whenever you decide to propose
I promise I'll say yes.
Whether-whether, you know, it's at a basketball game
or in skywriting
or, you know, like some lame guy in a cheesy movie
who hides it in the cake.
It's in the cake, isn't it?
Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it?
What's the matter with me? Why do I keep ruining this?
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - No, it's my fault.
I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways
and all I wanna do is tell you that I love you
and that I-I wanna spend the rest of my life with you and..
I'm gonna do this now.
Oh, my God.
- Phoebe, I-- - Wait, oh, wait.
Oh, no.
- Ready? - Uh-huh.
Okay.
Phoebe, I love you.
There's no one else in the world
I would ask to marry me three times.
But I wanna take care of you..
...have babies with you..
...and grow old with you.
Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Yes.
I love you.
I love you more.
Not possible.
She's gonna be Mrs. No Balls.
[instrumental music]
So, how's the, uh, baby-styling business going?
Not that great.
It's...it's almost as if people
don't wanna hear that their babies are ugly.
That's shocking.
Uh, there's Ross.
Hey, Ross.
Hello! Ross!
[scoffing] He's rude.