[instrumental music]
(Joey) 'O-okay, Ross.'
I-I realize that you didn't expect
to walk in and see that, but, uh..
- Let me explain, okay? - We weren't doing anything!
- Rach, he just saw us. - Shh.
Uh, but what you saw
th-that is the extent of it, okay? One kiss.
No, come on, that is a lie! We also kissed in Barbados.
Dude, chill!
'O-okay, we also kissed in Barbados'
but we didn't plan it, okay?
And the only reason that that happened
was-was because I saw you kissing Charlie.
Yeah, you started it!
I have got to chill.
Look, we-we probably should have talked
to you about this before it ever happened...but..
Oh, we feel so terrible about this, Ross.
Yeah. But it did happen.
So..
Ross?
Can we just close the door?
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week your month ♪
♪ Or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Ross, say something.
Anything.
So you two are..
(both) Yeah.
And have you had..
- No. No, no. - No. No.
But if I hadn't walked in here, would you..
Probably. No. No.
Ross, this is not how we wanted you to find out about this.
You have every right to go nuts.
I'm not going nuts. Do you see me going nuts?
No, but you know what I mean.
Hey, hey, hey..
If you two are happy
then I'm happy for you.
I'm fine.
- Really? - Absolutely.
[squeaking] I'm fine.
Totally fine.
I-I don't know why it's coming out
all loud and squeaky
'cause, really, I'm fine.
I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised
to-to see you guys kissing.
I mean, at first I was like..
[screams]
But now that I've had time to absorb it..
...loving this.
- Ross-- - It's all workin' out.
Me and Charlie. And you two.
- You know what we should do? - Calm ourselves?
No. We should all have dinner.
Yes, we'll do it tomorrow night. I'll cook!
Wow, uh..
Look, don't-don't you think
that would be a little weird?
Weird? What? What's weird? Huh?
The only thing weird would be if someone
didn't like Mexican food because I'm making fajitas!
[sighs]
I do like fajitas.
[instrumental music]
God, this adoption stuff is so overwhelming.
There's inter-country adoption, dependency adoption.
There's so many ways to go, and this is like
the biggest decision of our lives.
There's a hair in my coffee.
- Hey, guys. - Hey
Hey, have you seen Frank Jr.?
'Cause he's meeting me here with the triplets.
You know, it's funny, every time you say triplets
I immediately think of three hot, blond 19-year-olds.
That's sweet.
Drink your hair.
Hey, what's all this stuff?
Oh, they're brochures from different adoption agencies.
Ooh, babies! Oh, this one is so cute.
Get this one.
That's not really how it works.
- Oh, how does it work? - I don't know!
Well, if you're having a hard time
you should talk to my friends Bill and Colleen.
They adopted a kid. I'm sure they'd help you.
- 'Thanks, that would be great.' - Yeah.
Hey, honey, wouldn't that be great?
Ack!
Ack! Ack!
Alright, alright. Alright, remember what we talked about.
When we're in a public place, there are certain rules.
[children yelling]
That's not what we talked about!
- Hi, Frank. - Hi.
- Good to see you. - Good to see you too.
- 'Hi, Frank.' - Hi. Hi. Hey, how you doing?
Oh, my goodness, they've all gotten so big.
Which one is which again?
Oh, well, uh, uh
that's, uh, Frank Jr. Jr.
pulling the tampons out of the lady's purse.
And, uh, that's, uh, Chandler climbing on Chandler.
'And, uh, that's Leslie throwing bagels at him.'
"Willing to adopt triplets?"
No.
[instrumental music]
Uh, can I just say, I know we're doing this
for Ross, and that's cool.
But if it was up to me, this is not what
we'd be doing on our first date.
Well, what would we be doing?
I'd take you out for a romantic night.
Some champagne, fancy dinner
feel you up on the carriage ride home.
Feel me up?
In a carriage.
- Hey, Charlie! - Hi.
- Hi. Hey. - Hi.
So..
- Dreading this? - Oh, you bet.
(Charlie) 'Hmm.'
Hey, so did you, uh
bring a little something for Ross?
Actually, uh, it's some stuff
you left at my apartment.
Oh. Well, thanks.
And you know, you can just give me my stuff whenever you want.
Yeah, I didn't throw any of that out.
Ah, I thought I heard voices.
Hi, Charlie.
- Hey, Joey. - Oh..
And, uh, oh, you're gonna have to introduce me
to your new girlfriend.
[chuckling]
I-I'm just kidding. I know Rachel. I know..
Come. Please come in. Come in.
Okay. Uh, well, we brought you some wine.
Oh! Uh, that is so thoughtful.
She's a keeper.
Oh, and what did you bring me, huh?
- Uh, actually, that's-- - What?
Underwear, a toothbrush
and a Van Halen CD.
I can use all these things!
Gosh, Ross, you know, you seem a little, uh--
W-what? Fine? Because I am. Huh?
Aren't you? Aren't you? Aren't.. You see?
Who-who else is fine? Come on.
Okay, listen, hey, Ross
why don't you, uh, try to relax, okay?
- Maybe have a drink. - You know what?
That is a very good idea.
I'm gonna go make a pitcher of margaritas.
[snaps fingers]
[instrumental music]
Oh, God.
So adorable.
Look at them sleeping there like angels.
Yeah, I really cherish these moments
'cause, uh... before you know it
they're gonna be awake again.
Well, they may be a handful
but they're so cute.
- Yeah. - Oh, God.
Last time I babysat them
they did the funniest thing.
I haven't slept in four years.
That's a-that's a long time.
You just don't know how hard it is, Phoebe.
There's just so many of 'em.
You know, two I can handle.
Two's great. You just hold one in each hand.
But what do I do when the third one runs
at me with his bike helmet on?
I got no more hands to protect my area.
There's three of 'em, Phoebe. Three.
Yeah, I know, Frank, I counted them
when they were coming out of my area.
Sometimes, I-I think that, uh..
Oh, no, no, no, I can't say it.
It's too horrible. No.
Well, what?
No, no, I can't.
Oh, my God, Frank. Are you thinking of leaving?
Because I didn't have those triplets
so you could just run out on them.
Oh, no, I would never do that. No.
I just was thinking that, you know
maybe you could take one.
What?
You-you can't separate them! That's terrible! Which one?
[instrumental music]
Thank you so much for seeing us.
Phoebe has told us such great things about you guys.
Oh, please, we're happy to help.
We went through the same thing when we were adopting.
So, a lot of malfunctioning wee-wees and hoo-hoos
in this room, huh?
I mean, you have a lovely home.
Well, we appreciate anything you can tell us.
Well, actually, I think this might help.
'It's pretty much all the information you need.'
Oh, my God.
Everything is broken down into categories
and then cross-referenced.
And then color-coded to correspond
with the forms in the back.
Thank you.
I think I just had a tiny orgasm.
I know the process is frustrating
but it's so worth it.
Adopting Owen was the best thing that ever happened to us.
That's great. Can I see the book?
You want me to wash my hands first, don't you?
Please. It's just so pretty and white.
Bathroom is down the hall to your left.
I would have told him to do it too.
Can I adopt you?
- Hey, you must be Owen. - Yeah.
I'm Chandler.
- Hey, I was in the Scouts too. - You were?
Yeah. In fact, my father was a den mother.
- Huh? - You know how to use a compass?
- I have a badge in it. - You do?
- That's fantastic. - You want to see it?
I'd love to, but I gotta get back to talkin' to your parents.
They're telling us all about how they adopted you.
What?
I'm adopted?
I got nothin'.
[instrumental music]
Well, that first batch of margaritas was not so great
but this second batch is goo-o-od.
Well, maybe the next batch, we could all get some.
Oh, God, this is fun, isn't it?
You know, just the four of us.
Just hangin'.
Dude, are you okay?
And when are the fajitas gonna be ready?
I'm fine, okay? I'm great.
I'm just, I'm just proud of us.
You know, there's no weirdness, no tension.
No awareness.
Yeah, we make a great foursome.
We should do more stuff together. You know..
[gasps] Let's take a trip!
Okay, where do you think we-we-we can go?
[oven dings]
My fajitas!
Look, Charlie, I just want you to know
Ross is just having a little trouble
adjusting to the thought of Joey and me.
You know, he normally doesn't drink like this.
Oh, you know what, this is nothing.
My father is a raging alcoholic.
Oh, I'm sorry. Have I made this evening uncomfortable?
Fajitas! Be careful!
Very hot plate! Very hot!
Ross, you don't even have oven mitts on.
[laughs]
That is gonna hurt tomorrow.
[instrumental music]
Okay, well, this is crazy.
We can't seriously be talking about me
taking one of your kids, can we?
Oh, no, of course we're not.
- That's insane. - I know.
Alice would never go for it, right?
Well, I don't know. She's pretty tired too.
I think we could get her on board.
Well, just, you know, for argument's sake
you know, hypothetically
which one would you be willing to give up?
- Huh? - Frank Jr. Jr.?
Oh, you know, you'd be getting a really good one.
I mean, you know, he's really funny.
Like, the other day, he made up this joke.
Uh-huh.
What's green and says, "Hey, I'm a frog?"
A talking frog.
[laughing]
Oh, no, you can't have him. He's too funny.
Well, alright, that's fine.
What about, um, Leslie?
Oh, no, no, not Leslie, no.
She's, she's the only one that knows how to burp the alphabet.
Alright, so that leaves Chandler.
Oh, no, no, no, you can't have Chandler.
No, no, no. She's my little genius.
I got big hopes for her.
She's gonna be a doctor or a realtor.
Wow, Frank, I think we just ran out of kids.
Oh, I think you're right.
Oh, wow.
Phoebe, I don't think I can give one of them up.
I mean, you know, they drive me crazy
but they're my babies.
I'm sorry, Frank, I didn't realize things were so bad.
You know, I'll-I'll help out more.
I can, I can babysit any time you want.
You name the day and I'll be there.
- How about tomorrow? - Well, that's not good.
But, you know, I can move some stuff around
and I'll be there.
You and Alice just take the whole day together.
You'd do that for us?
Are you kidding? That's what sisters are for.
Oh, uh..
'Oh, look at them.'
I love you so much.
Oh, crap! Don't wake up. Don't wake up.
[instrumental music]
Where are Bill and Colleen?
They're in the kitchen getting us something to eat.
Can you believe how nice they are?
We have to leave.
Why? What did you do in the bathroom?
I didn't get to the bathroom.
I bumped into Owen on the way
and he didn't know he was adopted.
And there's a slight chance I may have told him.
Oh, my God. Where's my purse?
No, you know what, I can replace everything in there.
Get that binder and let's go.
Hey.
Some little snacks for everybody.
Oh, you don't have to eat the sour worms.
Those are for Owen.
I'll go get him in a second.
Uh, by the way, you should know
we haven't told him he's adopted yet.
But kids are so intuitive.
Don't you think on some level he already knows?
- I'm adopted? - See, intuitive.
What?
Where did you hear that?
He told me.
And he paid me $50 not to tell.
Which technically now you should give back.
You told him he's adopted?
I'm so sorry, but you should have
a sign out there or something.
Or at least whisper it to people
when they come in the door.
Owen doesn't know he's adopted.
And he also thinks Santa is real.
He isn't?
We have to get out of here, baby.
[instrumental music]
Everyone, I would like to make a toast
to Rachel and Joey.
Oh..
And...to love.
Ah, love.
L-O-V-E, love.
L is for life.
And what is life without love?
Oh, my God. Are we supposed to answer?
O...is for..
...oh, wow!
The V...is for this
very surprising turn of events
which I am still fine with, by the way.
E..
...is for how..
...extremely normal I find it..
...that you two..
...are together.
And that one day you might get married.
And have children of your own.
Dude, are you okay?
Totally.
Ross, you don't seem okay.
I'm sorry. It must be the pressure of entertaining.
I think everyone would feel better if we had some flan.
Wait, Ross.
Ross, I, um, I-I have to take off.
- No. - I'm sorry.
I have a really early class in the morning.
But this...has been lovely.
Wasn't it?
And-and you thought
it would be awkward with Joey
and that you never really liked Rachel.
You are on fire!
I'll call you in the morning, okay?
- Okay. - Alright.
God, Rachel, what Ross just said, that is just--
Oh, that's okay. Girls tend not to like me.
Fine.
Okay, I guess it's just flan for three.
Hey, hey, that rhymes.
You know what, Ross?
I think, uh, I think we're gonna take off too.
Oh, oh, of course.
God, I'm so stupid.
You guys are a couple now.
I mean, you probably just want to be alone.
No, no, it's just it's getting late--
Hey, hey, hey. It's fine.
It's totally fine. I've got plenty of margaritas.
It's all good.
[oven dings]
I don't even know what that's for.
You know what?
I think I'm gonna stay here
and make sure he's okay.
Yeah, that's probably a good idea.
Yeah. Just.. I'll see you in the morning.
- Uh-huh. - Alright.
Okay.
Yeah, you know, Joey, I, I don't think he's ever
gonna be okay with this.
- It doesn't look good, does it? - Mm-mm.
[instrumental music]
(Joey) Mornin'. Here you go.
Thanks.
Did you, did you stay here all night?
Yeah.
So you took off my pants and shoes?
No. No, no.
You actually did that when you were dancing
to the "Chicago" soundtrack.
Ahem, look, uh...Ross, about...about Rachel and I.
Listen, you don't have to worry about that, okay
because nothing's gonna happen.
What do you mean?
Well, she and I said from the beginning
that we weren't gonna do anything
unless you were okay with it.
And...clearly--
What are you talking about? I'm fine.
It's okay, Ross.
You know, I, I totally understand.
Of course, you're not fine.
You're..
You're Ross and Rachel.
Yeah, except we're not.
I mean, we haven't been a couple
in, like..
...six years.
[scoffs] My God, is that right?
Has it been that long?
That's what I hear, yeah.
This is crazy.
I mean, six years
and...because of me
you guys aren't gonna be together?
Can I ask you something?
Really, wh..
What is this thing with you and Rachel?
[chuckling] Come on, I mean, you know me.
[chuckles] You know..
Joey.
I'm crazy about her.
And she feels the same way?
I think so.
Well, then..
...maybe it's time we all moved on.
Yeah, but, Ross, I mean, you're not okay with it.
No, but..
...I want to be.
I mean, hey, I will be.
[sighs]
Besides, I'm-I'm with Charlie, right?
Oh, my God. I'm still with Charlie, aren't I?
I mean, she didn't see the dance, did she?
No, no, no.
No, that was, uh, that was just for me.
Hey, you, uh, you sure about this?
Yeah, I'm sure.
And...we're okay?
[chuckles]
[gasping]
[instrumental music]
- Hey, Pheebs. - Hey.
Um, we just want to give you a heads up.
Bill and Colleen hate us.
Owen didn't know he was adopted and Monica told him.
What?
Still, he had to find out sometime.
Yeah, but how would you like it if someone
told the triplets that you gave birth to them?
I'm gonna go tell Emma she was an accident.
[theme music]