[instrumental music]
Oh, the way you crushed Mike at Ping-Pong
was such a turn-on.
You wanna..?
You know, I-I'd love to, but I'm a little tired.
I'll put a pillowcase over my head.
You're on.
- Hey. - What's up?
Well, okay, Mike's taking a shower
which, by the way, there's no law against.
And, um, then we're gonna grab some food.
[thudding] So, if you want..
- 'Finally we have..' - Is that Ross?
Yeah, you can hear everything through these stupid walls.
(Ross) '...I just wanted to kiss you..'
Sounds like he's with someone.
He could be alone, this morning I heard him do push-ups
and then talk to his triceps.
Wait a minute, I think Phoebe's right.
Yeah, I hear someone else in there with him.
[moans]
Oh.
Dr. Geller.
God, you're amazing.
I didn't even have to ask you to call me that.
Oh, my God. That's Charlie.
She's cheating on Joey with Ross.
Oh, that tart, floozy, giant.
I'm not sure about this.
Yeah, y-you're right, this is none of our business.
No, I'm not sure that was the best way to hear everything.
Someone get me a glass.
No, I'm not gonna do this, okay?
I'm not gonna eavesdrop on my friend.
(Rachel) 'Oh, I love Barbados.'
Oh, I can't believe I'm kissing you.
I'm kissing Rachel!
I know. I'm her.
Rachel and Joey. It's Rachel and Joey!
- What? - Get over here!
- 'Ah.' - Whoa.
Oh, my God. I love how thin these walls are!
Thank you.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week your month ♪
♪ Or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ When the rain starts to pour ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ Like I've been there before ♪
♪ I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Hey, you know, before you said
that nothing could happen between us.
What changed?
Well, I only said that because of Ross.
You know, then I saw him kissing Charlie--
What? Ross and Charlie?
Wow, she's really making her way through the group, huh?
Eh, who am I to talk?
I can't believe this.
Rachel and Joey?
How about the dinosaur twins in the other room?
No one is manning that wall.
I'm on it.
Anything?
I think I hear curtains closing.
We've got shoes being kicked off over here.
Bedsprings, unmistakable.
You do realize that's your brother?
Not until you said it. Somebody switch!
Wow. Wait a minute.
Ross and Charlie, Joey and Rachel, Phoebe and Mike.
We're the only people leaving
with the same person we came with.
That's not true, I came with Monica
and I'm leaving with Weird Al.
Okay, I've had it with the hair jokes.
Tomorrow morning, before we leave, I'm going to the salon.
Okay, Buckwheat.
You-you gotta hear this. It's great.
It's like, it's like free porn.
Wa..
Ah.. Is everything okay?
Yeah, it's just I-I don't think I can do this.
Oh, is it because of what might be on the bedspread
'cause I saw that news report too with the infrared--
No, no.
No, uh..
Look, I-I need to talk to Joey.
I mean, you guys just broke up.
Before anything more happens between us
I need to know he's okay with it.
I, uh, I completely understand.
Alright, I'm gonna go find him.
I just need a, need a second before I can, you know.
Grandma, grandma, grandma..
- Okay, I'll see you later. - Okay.
[door closes] That's the door. He's gone.
And she's turning on the TV..
...and watching..
"...Miss Congeniality."
Honey, if you know it through a wall
you know it too well.
Hey, what are you guys doing?
Oh, we're just.. We're sad to go.
So we're just saying goodbye to the hotel.
I love you.
Paradise Hotel Golf Resort and Spa.
Yep, we had a great time. Thank you.
Bye.
Okay. Um, hey, have you guys seen Joey anywhere?
He's probably in his room with his current girlfriend Charlie.
That's the situation as we know it.
Well, if you see him, could you please tell him
I'm lookin' for him?
- You got it. - Thanks.
Thank you.
Other wall, people, other wall.
[knock on door] 'Rach, you there?'
Oh, my God. That's Ross. What are we gonna do?
Okay, just be calm, just be calm.
For all he knows we're just, we're just hangin' out together.
Alright, so just be nonchalant.
That's not nonchalant.
- I have no idea what it means. - Oh!
Okay, just hide.
[knock on door] 'Rach?'
Coming.
Try under the bed, try under the bed.
There's no room under the bed.
(Ross) 'Is everything okay?'
Yeah.
- Hey. - Hi.
Do you know where Joey is?
I really don't.
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Yeah, sure.
I don't believe this.
- Have you guys been-- - 'Shh.'
This is the listening side of the wall.
And then she told me that she and Joey had broken up
and that part of the reason was that she had feelings for me.
Uh-huh, right. Yeah.
And you know I've wanted to ask Charlie out
since the day I met her.
Oh, I know, I know. It's been really hard for you.
Anyway, one thing led to another, and..
Before you know it, we were kissing.
I mean, how-how angry do you think Joey's gonna be?
That is hard to say, Ross.
That is hard to say.
You know, I gotta go find him. He's got to be here someplace.
You would think.
Joey?
(Joey) 'Is he gone?'
How are you doing this?
- Psst. - Huh! Wha..
Hey. What are you.. What is this?
Have you guys been listening this entire time?
(in unison) Yeah.
Now, wh-what is this?
What is this? Well, let's see, We kissed for ten minutes.
And now we're talking to our friends about it
so I guess this is sixth grade.
No, no. Have you thought about how complicated this could get?
- What about Ross? - Look, he's with Charlie now.
Yeah, but he wants to talk to you
before anything really happens with her.
And as his friend, I mean, don't you think
he deserves the same from you?
You're a pain in my ass, Geller.
Alright, look, you guys, look, we appreciate all the advice
but this is between Joey and me and I think we can handle it.
Okay, we'll go back in there, but will you do one thing for us
the people that care about you?
- Sure. - Enunciate.
Get out.
Are they right?
Probably, yeah.
I mean, maybe we should..
...hold off until we talk to Ross.
Yeah. Yeah. It can wait.
We don't have to do anything tonight.
Yeah, I-I think that'd be best.
So, so I'm gonna.. I'm gonna take off.
- Although.. - I like although.
I mean, you know..
Ross and I haven't dated in like..
...six years.
Six years?
Wow. That's almost as long as high school.
Plus, you know, he is with Charlie now.
Absolutely.
He's not thinkin' about you.
No.
I'm thinkin' about you.
Yeah.
Let's forget about Ross.
It's forgotten.
- What's wrong? - Nothing.
(as Joey) Seriously, what is it?
Nothing. It's really.. it's nothing.
Come here, come here.
(as Joey) What's wrong?
Sorry, I just, um..
I can't seem to get Ross out of my head.
Well, maybe I can help.
(as Rachel) Ah, your lips are so soft.
Do that again.
Yeah, we-we-we need to talk to Ross.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
[instrumental music]
- Hey. - Hey.
- You guys ready to go? - Not quite.
Monica's still at the salon
and I'm just finishing packing.
Dude, you're not taking your Bible?
You're not supposed to take that.
Besides, it's a New Testament. What are you gonna do with it?
Learn about Jesus.
- Hey. - So, did you talk to Joey?
Uh, no, no. I couldn't find him.
Uh, I'm just gonna talk to him on the plane.
Okay. Sounds like a good idea.
Dr. Geller.
Stop it.
Ph.D.
You're filthy.
Hey, have you guys seen Monica?
Uh, actually, I think she went to the salon.
Oh, yeah. Oh, she went to the salon, alright.
Check it out!
Whose day just got better?
Chandler!
Hey! Ah!
- What do you think? - I think..
I think, I can see your scalp.
Don't you just love it?
Y-yeah, yeah.
Y-you got shellfish in your head.
It's, uh.. It's something.
You go, girlfriend!
You've never said that in your life, have you?
- Not once. - I thought so.
Oh, and listen to this.
What do you know? It's a treat for the eyes and the ears.
[instrumental music]
Ooh!
Wow, it's, uh, kinda weird
that I'm sitting next to Charlie after we broke up.
Yeah, it's almost as if Air Barbados
doesn't care about your social life.
Hey, look, does someone mind switching
and sittin' with Charlie?
Oh, I mean, I..
Dude, I spent the whole conference with Charlie.
- I understand. - No, I'll do it.
Wish I could switch with someone.
I really don't wanna sit with Allen Iverson over there.
Um, you know, once we're in the air
and the captain turns off the seat belt sign
you feel free to roam about my cabin.
And you should be careful when checking your overhead bins..
...'cause items may shift during the--
Aw, you're not good at this.
Hey, you don't have to go home tonight, do you?
No, I think I could come over. It's Saturday, right?
- Oh.. - What?
Um, I-I can't do anything tonight.
- Why not? - I have a date.
You have a.. You have a date?
- With who? - Oh, it's..
My girlfriend.
You have, you have a girlfriend?
Yeah.
Well, when you and I broke up
I started seeing someone.
Well, for how long?
- Three months. - Three months?
Okay.
This is probably none of my business
but how long do you think you're gonna keep seeing her?
I'll tell her that it's over tonight at dinner.
- I-I promise. - Oh, okay, good. You do that.
And then when you get home
maybe there'll be a special delivery package
waiting for you.
Maybe I'll sign for it..
...tear it open.
Pull out the packing material--
You know what? We're gonna have sex.
Let's just leave it there.
[instrumental music]
Alright, I'm gonna go talk to Joey.
I think this is the right time.
He's always in a good mood after
the flight attendant says duty-free.
Okay. Good luck.
Ross is coming over.
I think, now would be a really good time
to talk to him.
Well, I guess so. I'm just, really nervous.
Okay, well, keep in mind that by the time you're done
they'll probably be serving dinner.
Ooh.
Still nervous?
I'm gonna get the lasagna.
- Hey, Rach? - Yeah?
Do you mind if I sit here for a sec?
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, sure!
Yeah.
[sighs]
- Hey. - Hey.
So, I, um.. I kinda need to talk to you about Charlie.
Yeah?
Okay, last night, after you guys broke up..
So sorry to hear about that, by the way.
Well, Charlie and I were talking, and..
Well..
You kissed?
What?
Wha-wha-what would give you that idea?
- I saw you. - Yeah, we kissed.
But...nothing else, nothing else happened, okay?
Ross, Ross..
- It's okay. - What?
It's okay.
You know what? I totally understand, alright?
You guys make way more sense
than her and I ever did, you know, and..
I want you to be happy.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
- Now, I have something-- - I am speechless.
I mean, the fact that you would put
my happiness first like that?
I mean, you-you..
You're an incredible friend, you know that?
- Well, look, before you go-- - No, I-I mean it.
I mean, you are so..
You're so loyal, man, and-and selfless
and...generous.
I am those things, yeah.
You know, I've known Chandler longer
so I always think of him as my best friend.
But now..
I'm may have to rethink some stuff.
Oh, dude!
Hey, if there is ever anything I can do for you..
I can't think of anything.
- 'Thanks.' - Yeah.
- So, hi. - Hi.
So, you, uh, so, you talked to Joey?
Oh, yeah. We had a really good talk.
- Oh, that's great. - Yeah.
Oh, so, everything's okay?
Oh, no, it's great. It's great.
He's an amazing guy.
Ah, well, obviously, I think so too.
Well, I-I am so excited about this.
Really?
Excited?
Are you kidding?
I have had some very dirty dreams about this.
Excuse me.
- You didn't tell him, did you? - I couldn't.
He was saying all these really nice things about me.
I didn't want him to get mad and take them all back.
- I'm gonna edge out Chandler. - Oh, God!
Alright, fine. You know what, Joey?
Forget it, when we go back to New York
I will tell him.
Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that.
[laughing]
[instrumental music]
[phone ringing]
Hi, Mike's place.
- Hey, it's Mike. - Ooh, that was fast.
Oh, no, she's not here yet.
You know, I think I'm just gonna take off
and break up with her over the phone.
No, you can't do that.
Oh, come on, Mike, strap on a pair.
Why don't you just tell her that we got back together?
You know, women appreciate honesty.
We also appreciate a gentle spanking once in a while
just FYI.
One more thing.
There might be a picture
of Precious on my coffee table.
Her name's Precious?
Is she a purebred, or did you pick her up at the pound?
'Anyway, I just wanted to give you a heads up.'
Okay, oh, and you know, if she gets upset
just scratch her tummy and give her a liver snap.
[knock at door]
Hi, I'm Precious. Who are you?
I'm-I'm Phoebe.
Phoebe?
Mike's ex-girlfriend Phoebe?
The love of his life?
That Phoebe?
Enchantee.
[instrumental music]
Oh, I can't wait for everyone at work to see these.
Ow!
You go back to work tomorrow night, right?
So, if you want people to see them then by definition
you're not having them taken out
say at that break of dawn?
Well, if I had them taken out
then I wouldn't be able to do this.
Ah, ah!
You like that, right?
[humming "Ride of the Valkyries"]
What are you singing?
It's "Bolero" from Ten.
It's "Ride of the Valkyries" from "Apocalypse Now."
See, here's the thing
the cornrows were really a solution
to your frizzy hair problem, and now that we're home
you don't have that problem anymore.
So if you think about it, I hate them.
What? You said you liked them.
Did I? Let's refresh.
I believe what I said was that I could see your scalp.
Well, fine, so you don't like them.
Everybody else does.
Again, let's journey back.
As I recall, what Rachel said
was, she had never noticed the shape of your skull before.
And Joey..
Well, Joey didn't realize there was anything different.
Well, you know what, I don't care.
I like it like this a-a-and I'm gonna keep it.
And you're just jealous because your hair can't do this.
Ow!
Get yourself in the tooth?
And the eye.
[knock on door]
[gasps]
- Hi. - Hi. There she is. Hi, Emma.
Oh, my God, I missed you.
Oh, Emma, I missed you so much.
Hi. Did you have a good time with Grandma Green, huh?
Did she give you a bottle of antidepressants again
to use as a rattle?
That was one time, Ross
and they were only, like, five milligrams.
Ooh, hey, Emma, Daddy has some presents for you.
Okay, okay, I want you to wait right here.
Come here, sweetie.
Ross, um, actually there's something that, uh
I really need to talk to you about.
Okay, shoot.
Okay.
Um, alright, here's the deal.
[gasps] Oh, no!
- What, what is it? - Oh, major shampoo explosion.
Uh, look, Ross, this really isn't easy.
Oh, it's all over everything!
Why? Why me?
Because you took 300 bottles of shampoo?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You were saying?
Well, yeah, okay, look. It's about me and--
Oh, not another one!
Oh, my.. Oh, and this moisturizer.
It's even harder to clean!
Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?
Wow.
Well, clearly this is not a good time.
Uh, you think?
[instrumental music]
Okay, bye.
Alright, so Mike's on his way over.
See, you thought you guys were meeting here
and he thought you were meeting at the restaurant, so, you know
doesn't really matter who's right or wrong.
The point is.. I'm gonna take off.
Wait, no, I'm not letting you leave
until you tell me what's goin' on here.
I mean, are you guys getting back together or something?
Alright.
Susie.. Can I call you Susie?
My name is Precious.
I can't say that.
Um, Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you.
Mike and I are back together
and, um, unfortunately that effectively ends
your relationship with him
and he's very sorry about that
and wishes you the best of luck in all your endeavors.
I just can't believe this.
Why?
- Well, I don't.. - Why would he do this?
I mean, what's wrong with me?
Nothing, there's nothing wrong with you.
I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do now?
Damn it, woman, pull yourself together.
Have some pride, for the love of God!
[sobbing]
Okay, not a fan of the tough love.
I just can't believe
that Mike didn't give me any warning.
But he didn't really know, you know?
He wasn't planning on coming to Barbados
and proposing to me.
He proposed to you?
This is the worst birthday ever.
Look...Precious.
Mike's not worth this.
You're an attractive, intelligent woman
and let's face it, Mike's kind of a wang.
And he proposed to me while he was still seeing you.
He was gonna break up with you on your birthday?
And, I don't like to kiss and tell
but he cheated on you a lot this weekend.
Oh, my God, you know, maybe you're right.
Maybe I don't need him.
I deserve to be treated with respect.
Screw you, Mike.
You're a coward and a bastard
and I hope you rot in hell.
You're welcome.
[instrumental music]
Honey, you've been in there for a long time.
Is everything okay?
(Monica) 'Not really.'
I have a problem.
Really?
What happened?
Well, I was dancing around and singing "No Woman No Cry"
and, uh...I got stuck.
You can't move at all?
Oh, I can move.
If I untangle you, will you please get rid of the cornrows?
I guess so.
Some of these look a little frayed.
Yeah, I tried to gnaw myself free.
[instrumental music]
- Hey. - Hi.
So, did you, uh, did you tell Ross?
Well, I tried, but then he had
a shampoo related emergency.
[sighs] So I guess now it's your turn again.
No, no, no.
I think, it's better if you tell him, you know?
And it's easier for a woman.
That way, you know, if he gets mad
all you have to do is go
I didn't mean it.
I'm-I'm so sorry.
Yeah, 'cause that's what we do.
Alright, alright, okay. Um, how about this.
How about this, tomorrow..
Mm-hmm.
Tomorrow we'll both go and we'll tell him together.
Okay, that sounds fair.
That just means though, once again--
I know, I know. But that's okay.
I mean, we can control ourselves.
- We're not animals. - No.
Of course, we can wait.
Alright, so I guess that means goodnight then.
Yep. Goodnight.
Goodnight.
- Seriously, goodnight. - Stop saying goodnight.
Okay.
I'm so sorry.
[instrumental music]
Look what I found in the drawer.
And you said I'd never wear this.
Now that I untangled you
how about you do a little something for me?
Sure. What do you have in mind?
I think you know.
Really? I don't really feel like it.
This is what I want to do.
Okay.
I just don't get why you like it so much.
She's an FBI agent posing as a beauty contestant.
[theme music]