[instrumental music]
Mmm. Mm.
Mmm. This cake is amazing. Mmm.
- My God! Get a room. - Mmm.
I would get a room with this cake.
I think I could show this cake a good time.
If you had to, what would you give up? Food or sex?
Sex.
- Seriously, answer faster. - Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
No, when she said sex I wasn't thinking about sex with you.
It's like a giant hug.
Ross, how about you? Which would you give up? Sex or food?
- Food. - Okay.
How about, um, sex or dinosaurs?
Oh, my God! It's like "Sophie's Choice."
Oh, God. What about you, Joe?
What would you give up? Sex or food?
Uhh, ooh, uh.
I don't know. It's too hard.
No, you gotta pick one.
[sighs] Uh...food.
No, sex. Food. Sex. Food. Se..
I don't know. Oh, God, I want both.
I want.. I want girls on bread.
[theme music]
♪ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ♪
♪ Your job's a joke you're broke ♪
♪ Your love life's DOA ♪
♪ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ♪
♪ When it hasn't been your day your week ♪
♪ Your month or even your year ♪
♪ But I'll be there for you ♪
♪ 'Cause you're there for me too-o-o ♪♪
[instrumental music]
Okay, you've got to see these latest pictures of Emma.
[gasps] Oh, how cute.
Oh, she looks just like a little doll.
Oh, no, no. That is a doll.
Oh, thank God. 'Cause that thing's really creepy.
Yeah.
Look, there's Chandler.
Oh, who's the blonde? She's pretty.
[gasps] He's having an affair.
He is not having an affair.
You know I'm always right about these things.
No, you're not.
Last week you thought Ross
was trying to kill you.
Well, I'm sorry, but it's hard to believe
that anyone would tell a story that dull just to tell it.
I swear there's something going on with them.
Look. Oh, he's getting into the car with her.
Oh, that doesn't mean anything.
Oh, yeah? Well, let's see. Huh?
- Okay, duck down. - Oh.
- Hello. - 'Oh, hi, Chandler.
'It's Phoebe, um, I-I know that Monica is working today'
so I was wondering if you wanted to come
to the movies with me and Rachel.
Oh, uh...I have to work, too.
Yeah, I'm stuck here at the office all day.
Uh, w-well, it's a shame that you'll-that you'll
miss the movie 'cause we were gonna see
you know either, um, "Liar Liar" or
um..."Betrayal."
Or "An Affair To Remember."
Those are all really old.
Okay, then maybe it'll be, um..
"Dude, Where's My Car?"
- What? - They're in a car.
Okay, well, alright, talk to you later. Okay, bye.
- Geez. - Okay, quick.
We gotta find a cab and follow them.
Oh, yeah, okay, let me just grab
my night-vision goggles and my stun gun.
I got 'em.
[instrumental music]
- Hey. - Hey.
Hey, sweetie.
Hey, you smell like perfume and cigarettes.
I was in the car with Nancy all day.
Nancy doesn't smoke.
Well, at least the perfume's not mine.
Be thankful for that.
[sighs] So? What did you think of the house?
It's perfect. It's everything we've been looking for.
Isn't it? And what about the, the amazing wainscoting?
And the crown molding and the dormer windows in the attic?
And the wiggle worms and the zip zorps?
What were the things you said?
Don't you love the huge yard?
And the fireplace in the bedroom.
And Nancy said that it's really underpriced
because the guy lost his job and has to move in with his parents.
This is bringing out a lovely color in you.
So...do you think we should get it?
I don't know. What do you think?
- I think we should. - I do, too.
- This is huge. - I know.
How bad do you wanna smoke right now?
I don't know what you mean ...giant talking cigarette.
Oh, by the way, Phoebe called just as I was getting
into Nancy's car, so if she asks you, I was at work all day.
Gotcha. When do we tell them about this?
[sighs] We don't. Not until it's a hundred percent.
I mean, why upset everybody over nothing?
Okay. Right.
Oh, my God. That is gonna be so hard.
I know, good luck with it.
I just can't see Chandler cheating.
I'm telling you guys, we followed them out
to a house in Westchester.
They went in for like 45 minutes
and then they came out lookin' pretty happy.
- Chandler? - 'Mm-hmm.'
Forty-five minutes?
Well, something's not right.
I just can't believe he would do this to Monica.
I know, and-and with the baby coming.
- So, should we tell her? - 'I don't know.'
Phoebe, if-if one of us saw Mike with another woman
would you want us to tell you?
Why, who'd you see him with?
No one, I'm just saying, if we--
Tell me what you know!
[shrieking] Ow. No one. Nothing.
It's-it's.. Mike's a great guy.
It was hypothetical.
Alright. He is a good guy.
You're right. He wouldn't cheat.
Believe me, if I did see him with someone there's no way I--
Who did you see him with?
[shrieking]
[instrumental music]
[whirring]
Oh, look at her. So happy.
If only there were a smaller one to clean this one.
Hey, is, uh, is-is Chandler here?
No, he's picking up dinner. Why, what's up?
Well..
Look, whatever happens, we're here for you
and we love you.
Alright.
We think Chandler might be having an affair.
What?
Phoebe and I saw Chandler
with a blonde woman today outside on the street
and then we followed them to a house in Westchester.
They went in together. I'm so sorry.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, that's awful.
What did you think of the house?
What?
Monica, you-you understand what we're saying, right?
Yeah. Sure.
And I'm devastated, obviously.
Did you think the neighborhood was homey?
Hey.
You son of a bitch.
Is it me or have the greetings gone downhill around here?
Phoebe and Rachel saw you with Nancy today
and, um, they think you're having an affair.
- Uh, who's Nancy? - What's goin' on?
Uh...okay.
[sighs] Alright, guys, you better sit down.
This is.. This is pretty big.
Yeah.
[sighs] I'm not having an affair.
Nancy...is our realtor.
I knew he couldn't be with a woman for 45 minutes.
I knew it. I knew it.
Why.. W-why do you have a realtor?
Um, she's been showing us houses outside of the city.
- What? - Are you serious?
When we found out that we were gonna get this baby
Chandler and I started talking
and we decided that we didn't wanna
raise a kid in the city.
So you're.. So you're gonna move?
Oh, my God.
Shouldn't we all vote on stuff like this?
What is wrong with raising a kid in the city?
I'm doing it. Ross is doing it.
Sarah Jessica Parker is doing it.
And that's great for you guys
but we want a lawn and a swing set.
And a street where our kids can ride their bikes
and maybe an ice cream truck can go by.
So you wanna buy a house in the '50s.
(Phoebe) 'Have you thought about what you're giving up?'
You can't move out of the city.
What if.. What if you want Chinese food at 5:00 AM?
Or a fake Rolex that breaks as soon as it rains?
Or an Asian hooker sent right to your door?
You know what? If you wanna look for a house, that's okay.
No, no, it's not. Don't listen to him.
- I'm gonna thump you. - It..
It's okay, because they have to get it out of their system.
Okay? But, you're gonna realize.
This is the only place you wanna be.
Actually..
...we already found a house we love.
What?
And about an hour ago, we made an offer.
Bet you wish I was havin' an affair now, huh?
[instrumental music]
- You put an offer on a house? - It's so sweet.
It really is, it has this big yard that leads down
to this stream, and then there's these old maple trees.
Oh, again with the nature! What are you, beavers?
Look, I know this is really hard, and we're really sorry.
Is-is this because I come over here without knockin'
and-and eat your food?
Because I can stop doin' that.
I.. I really, really think I can.
You know that's not the reason, Joe.
(Monica) 'I think if you saw it, you'd understand.'
I mean, you guys were there. It's-it's beautiful, isn't it?
- Yeah, it is. - What the hell are you doin'?
Well...it is, alright?
When we were out there today, all I keep thinking was
"I can't believe Chandler is screwin' this woman
but man, this would be a nice place to live!"
Yeah, but so is this.
Yeah, I mean, if you move there, you have to leave here.
I mean, how can you leave this place?
[instrumental music]
Come on, daddy, listen to me!
It's like all of my life, everyone has always told me
"You're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe, you're a shoe!"
And then today I just stopped and I said
"What if I don't wanna be a shoe?
What if I wanna be a-a purse?"
You know, or-or-or a hat?
No, I don't want you to buy me a hat.
I'm saying that I am a ha.. It's a metaphor, daddy.
You can see where he'd have trouble.
Well, maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
Well, I guess we've established she's staying here with Monica.
- Your money's mine, Green. - Your fly is open, Geller.
Guys, do you know what I just realized?
Joker is poker with a J.
Coincidence?
Hey, that's Jo-incidence with a C.
Eww, look.
Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles.
(together) Ew!
- Oh. - Ow.
That had to hurt.
(together) Aww.
Hey, it's your Thanksgiving, too, you know?
Instead of watchin' football, you could help.
(together) We know.
Uh, Rachel, you wanna put
the marshmallows in concentric circles.
No, Mon, you wanna put them in concentric circles.
I want to do this.
Every year.
[grunting]
[Phoebe gasps]
(Joey) It's stuck!
Well, easy.. Step.
- How did it get on? - I put it on to scare Chandler.
Oh, my God!
Monica's gonna totally freak out!
Plus, it smells really bad in here.
Yeah, of course it smells bad.
You have your head inside a turkey's ass.
[door opens] Ooh, oh! Monica. Oh!
Hey, did you get the turkey ba..
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Who is that? - It's Joey!
I got it, how about if we win
they have to get rid of the rooster?
Ooh, that's interesting.
If you win, we give up the bird.
[gasps]
But if we win..
...we get your apartment.
Ooh hoo-hoo-hoo.
- Deal! - What?
What was Monica's nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?
- Big Fat Goalie. - Correct.
Rachel claims this is her favorite movie.
- "Dangerous Liaisons." - 'Correct.'
Her actual favorite movie is?
- "Weekend At Bernie's." - 'Correct.'
Monica categorizes her towels. How many categories are there?
- Okay, Everyday Use. - Fancy.
- Guest. - Fancy Guest.
- Two seconds. - Ah! Eleven?
[beeps]
Eleven, unbelievable.
- Eleven is correct. - Yes!
Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?
- Fourteen? - No, 19.
Thanks, man.
Joey had an imaginary childhood friend.
- His name was? - Maurice.
- Correct. His profession was.. - Oh, a space cowboy!
(Ross) 'Correct.'
What is Chandler Bing's job?
Uh..
Ohh.. Oh, gosh.
Ten seconds. You need this, or you lose the game.
- Oh! - It's, um..
It has something to do with transponding..
Oh-oh. Oh, he's a transpons.. Transponster!
That's not even a word!
- Oh! - No, I-I...
- Oh, my.. - No-o!
[chuckles]
You know what? You are mean boys who are just being mean.
Hey, don't get mad at us.
No one forced you to raise the stakes.
- That is not true. - She did. She forced me.
Hey, we'd still be living here
if you hadn't gotten the question wrong.
Well, it was a stupid, unfair question.
Don't blame the questions.
Would you all stop yelling in our apartment?
You are ruining Moving Day for us.
Chandler!
Chandler, I saw what you were doin' through the window!
I saw what you were doin' to my sister.
Now, get out here!
Well, listen, we had a good run.
You know, what was it? Four-five months?
I mean, that's more than most people have in a lifetime.
So goodbye, take care. Buh-bye, then.
Hey, Ross. What's up, bro?
What..
...the hell are you doing?
Hey, what's-what's going on?
Well, I think.. I think..
...Ross knows about me and Monica.
[whispering] Dude, he's right there..
I thought you were my best friend.
This is my sister!
My best friend and my sister, I-I cannot believe this.
Look, we're not just messing around.
I love her.
Okay? I'm in love with her.
I am so sorry that you had to find out this way.
I'm sorry but it-it's true. I-I love him, too.
My best friend and my sister.
I cannot believe this!
Well, this is the last box of your clothes.
I'm just gonna label it, "What were you thinking?"
Uhh, it's so funny, 'cause I was just
gonna go across the hall and write that on Chandler.
Okay, you guys, I don't mean to make things worse, but um..
...I don't wanna live with Rachel anymore.
- What? - What?
'You're just so mean to each other.'
And I don't wanna end up like that with Rachel.
I still like you.
Well, Phoebe, that's fine, because I'm not moving.
Whoa, whoa, whoa Phoebe, you gotta take her.
You know, I-I know I said some really bad stuff about her
but you know, Rachel does have some good qualities
that-that make her a good roommate.
She gets tons of catalogs.
And, um, she'll fold down the pages
of the things that she thinks that I'd like.
- What else? - Well..
When I take a shower, she leaves me little notes on the mirror.
Yeah, I do. I-I do do that.
That's nice.
I like having things to read in the bathroom.
When I fall asleep on the couch after reading.
She covers me over with a blanket.
Well, you know, I don..
I don't want you to be cold.
And..
...when I told her that I was gonna be moving in with Chandler
she was really supportive.
You were so great.
You made it so easy.
[sobbing] And now, you have to leave.
And I have to live with a boy!
[door opens]
Hey.
- She really left. - Yeah, I know.
- Thank you. - No problem, roomie.
Thanks.
- Can I ask you a question? - Sure.
What the hell is that dog doing here?
- Little toast here. - Mm-hmm.
I know this isn't exactly the kind of Thanksgiving
that all of you planned, but for me
this has been really great, you know.
I think because, it didn't involve divorce
or projectile vomiting.
Anyway, I was just thinkin', I mean, if you'd gone to Vail
or if you guys had been with your family
or if you didn't have..
...syphilis and stuff..
...we wouldn't be all together, you know.
So, I guess what I'm tryin' to say is that I'm very thankful
that all of your Thanksgivings sucked.
- That's so sweet. - So sweet.
- Really. - Thank you.
Hmm, and, hey, here's to a lousy Christmas.
- And a crappy New Year. - Hear, hear!
- Hear, hear. - Hear, hear.
[instrumental music]
You can't move. You just.. You just can't.
Rachel's right. This is where you guys belong.
Yeah, you guy.. You don't wanna live in Westchester.
That's like the worst of the Chesters.
You know, sometimes when I'm alone in my apartment
I look over here, and you guys are just having dinner
or watching TV or something but..
It makes me feel better.
'And now when I look over, who-who am I gonna see?'
The Gottliebs? The-the Yangs?
They don't make me feel so good.
Yeah, so-so don't move, okay?
Just stay here, and...maybe close your blinds at night.
Hey.
[telephone ringing]
[sighs]
Hello?
It's Nancy. They responded to our offer.
And?
Yeah..
Okay, thanks.
[beeps]
They passed.
They said they wouldn't go a penny under the asking price.
- We can't afford that. - I know.
Well, there you go.
(Joey) 'I'm really sorry, you guys.'
Yeah, I'm sorry, too.
I'm even more sorry that-that phone call didn't come before
I told you about lookin' through the window.
Yeah, well, we're gonna let you be alone.
- You gonna be okay? - Yeah, we'll be okay.
I love you guys.
Hey, you know, I'm really sorry I wasn't more supportive before.
Oh, it's okay. We understand.
Yeah, and-and about this Nancy..
...if you're not sleepin' with her, should I?
I know there'll be other houses, but I just..
- I love that one so much. - Yeah.
Well, it's a good thing we got it then.
- What? - We got the house.
Oh, my God!
I just didn't want to tell you in front of them.
Oh, my God! We got it? We got the house?
- We're gettin' the house! - Oh!
(Chandler) Hmm!
- We're gettin' a house. - And a baby!
We're growing up.
We sure are.
- So, who's gonna tell them? - Not it!
Not it. Damn it!
[instrumental music]
And Rachel, this is yours.
[squeals] What! What are these for?
You'll see.
- Alright. Everybody open them. - Okay.
[gasps] Oh, wow, this is so beautiful!
Oh, these are the ones I was looking at in the store.
- I know. - I love this.
A meatball sub!
Thanks!
Seriously, you guys. What's going on?
Wha-what are these for?
Well, I didn't know how to tell you before, but..
...we got the house.
Enjoy!
What did they say?
[theme music]